During my seemingly eternal quest for love, I’ve been accused more than once of being “racist” for mostly dating Latinos.
Part of this is totally my fault and the result of my whining and chiflazón. There’s a misunderstanding about what motivates me and other people like me, who are interested primarily in dating other Latinos.
First and foremost, let me say that I have dated mostly pochos like me, but I’ve also dated Cubans, white men, and Asian men, finally coming to the conclusion that all men on this planet are idiots when they are in their 20s. Some of my complaints, which other Latinas share, include: They want to get married too soon, or they’re divorced with kids young, they’re too short, as you become more educated there are less Latinos around you, they’re scared of educated/professional women. The list goes on.
The reaction I get is, “Why do you have to date only Latinos? You should date a white guy.” Well, I have and what bothers me about the tone of the question is that it always tries to put me on the defensive.
I have good reasons to date Latinos!
- A big part of who I am as a cultural being is a pocha. I’ve dated men from Mexico and it’s just not the same as being pocho, there’s so much cultural connotation and experience wrapped up into being, as they say, ni de allá ni de acá, that it’s hard to share that with someone who’s never been exposed to it (or isn’t interested in being exposed to it.)
- Part of that is language. When I tell someone they are being chiflado, I want them to understand! If I have to explain to them repeatedly every single time I use a pocho word what it means, it defeats the purpose of using those words in the first place.
- What about food? I have a pretty Mexican repertoire when it comes to food, but also the way I decorate my home, the way I expect my family life to function, the way relationships function (my grandfather called my güelita “gordis,” something that would be super offensive in English) and lots more. I don’t think wanting to continue the way of life in which I was born and raised is legitimately racist, but I know that none of these explanations will suffice to convince some people of that. Ultimately, I’m totally fine with that.
I also know many couples who come from different cultures that manage to make life work. So what if someone doesn’t understand the concept of “a la tiznada,” as long as we speak the language of respect and love, right?
– Sara Inés Calderón (Twitter @SaraChicaD_
Gracias to NewsTaco for this story.
Photograph of NO GRINGOS sign courtesy John Schoolcraft.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
The idea for anyone to be offended for someone having a racial preference in who they date is absurd. It only becomes racist if one states you can only date a certain race.
This topic actually reminds me of the racist term, White Sharks, to describe white woman who date black men. It is quite neat to note that those who actually date outside of their race are also subject to criticism. I guess people just like to hate.
thx thomas!
Love is hard to find in this world today so when you find it, who cares what color, size, sex, creed they are. As a pocha who married a white boy, I agree there are challenges to living with someone from a different culture but there are also so many positives those differences can bring to a relationship to help balance it all out.
JR said <>
Like for example… a TV network might make a sitcom about it.
I’m gonna vote that you are not a racist. My blog post would have been “Am I a wannabe just because I want to date Latino guys?”. I’m white and I’ve been fluent in Spanish for more than half my life, lived in other countries. I was married to a Spaniard and have dated non-Latinos/Hispanics but now I have a Mexican boyfriend who has live in the US for 2/3 of his life. It doesn’t have to do with some weird fetish (I’ve been asked…) It has to do with what you say about being able to go back and forth between two languages and two cultures. Getting the double speak, the jokes, etc. not having to explain myself. Monolingual and monocultural people are boring. Plus, my values align better with cultures that appreciate family and good food and treat community as more important than the individual. My Mexi-man says the same. His mom would have liked for him to marry a little paisa from the rancho but he prefers culture bridging with me.
im the same way lol but im not into lating guys at all.i like white guys with their blue eyes and blond hair so beutiful.my friend tells me what if you saw a latin guy and he had blue eyes and blond hair and i told her no because i also like someones culpter not their looks and she called me a racist playing around lol.german guys <3 <3 <3