(PNS reporting from PENILE COUNTY, ARIZONA) Brand-new gay GOP Sheriff Paul Babeu has called for a big nasty probe of himself and his ex-boyfriend, now identified as Jose Orozco, an undocumented immigrant from Mexico.
The camera-loving anti-immigrant Sheriff — who just recently resigned from the Romney campaign — insisted on full and willing cooperation with any probe, no matter how wide and far-reaching.
“I am willing to accept any probe, the deeper the better,” said Babeu. “I will bend over backward to let the long arm of the law perform its fullest investigation.”
Among the items Babeu’s letter invited authorities to investigate are allegations that he:
- Forced his lover to legally change his name to “Jose” from the less Mexican-sounding “Baldemar”
- Went on patrol in a breakaway uniform and pulled over day laborers as Officer Hotbody
- Routinely rounded up suspects matching the description of a biker, cowboy, Indian chief, construction worker and sailor
- Spent thousands of tax dollars on a surveillance program called “Operation Brokeback”
- Instituted a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy for undocumented immigrants
- Stopped motorists at Colossal Cave Rd. near Tucson and asked “do you come here often?”
- Subjected detainees to a controversial interrogation technique known as “water sporting”
Additionally, Babeu’s letter asks authorities to investigate his former lover for the following crimes:
- Posing as a Mexican, even though Orozco may be Honduran, in violation of the Babeu Mexican Fetish Act of 2010.
- The grand theft of a priceless autographed “Madonna: The Immaculate Collection” CD
- Refusing his right to remain silent
- Breaking Babeu’s heart
Confusingly, Babeu’s letter also outlines a three-point Emotional Border Defense Plan for his ex-lover, which includes:
- Recover his Bob Mackie Border Patrol Barbie collection and any remaining, unpublished photos not meant for public consumption, including but not limited “those two weeks in Thailand”
- Extending the GAYDAR Border Fence to include “full surveillance” of anyone attempting to cross the border into his ex-boyfriend’s home, and
- Prosecute Jose for forsaking his trust and love, and violating the terms of his “am nasty.
Pocha Peña contributed to this story.