Sheriff Joe gears up for tough re-election battle, reveals secret weapon

by Santino J. Rivera on September 14, 2012 in El Now, Pocho Ñews Service

(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Arizona’s toughest sheriff, Joe Arpaio, might soon be known as Arizona’s fiercest sheriff. Arpaio is gearing up for what he expects will be the toughest of his five re-election campaigns and he is pulling out all the stops this time by revealing his alter ego, “KoKo.”

No stranger to controversy, Arpaio is facing a determined effort from immigration rights activists and the Justice Department to push him out of office but says that “KoKo” will give him the edge this time in fending off his enemies.

A ruling in a lawsuit that alleges his department violated the civil rights of Latinos is expected any day now but Arpaio says that he will weather the storm with “swag and style” the likes of which Maricopa County has never witnessed.

“I get hundreds of people coming up to me and telling me how pretty my eyes are and asking me how I keep my figure. I think it’s time to let the cat out of the bag [laughs]. I’m tired of trying to keep the lid on this thing. KoKo is ready to win this dang election and then we’re gonna arrest some illegals and show them my new line of fuchsia fierce underwear,” Arpaio said.

In recent TV ads, Arpaio can be seen dancing to RuPaul’s Supermodel (You Better Work) and sashaying across the screen with a chorus line of half-dressed illegals. He says at the end of the ad that illegal immigration may not be “pretty” but that he is.

Despite the bizarre campaign twist, Arpaio, who retains a massive $4.2 million campaign treasury, remains the favorite in the November election. In an exclusive Pocho interview, he was defiant and confident as always, and said that voters who think Sheriff KoKo will be softer on crime than Sheriff Joe are mistaken.

“Not at all. Look, I’m still the same person, just prettier. This is America, OK? If I want to feel pretty while locking up these people, that’s my right as an American citizen. I’ve been at this a long time and I do my best work like this. All my best deputies know about KoKo. If voters are fickle about my beauty then I would invite them to look at my opponent’s nails. They’re atrocious!” Arapio told PNS.

Many expect Arpaio to win in November, despite his birther controversy or his agency’s failure to investigate a series of sex crimes. But no one is sure how much of the public will see of Sheriff KoKo now that the feathered boa is out of the bag.

Santino J. Rivera is an indie Publisher/Author @ Broken Sword Publications

Images via Dragulator.com

POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT.  DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.

{ 3 comments }

Frank September 14, 2012 at 7:46 PM

Hahaa…Santino, I didn’t read the fine print. I thought Lalo wrote it. Man, that’s some vicious stuff…hahha…that old devil deserves all the caca we can pile on him!

wetbackjuan September 15, 2012 at 9:57 AM

santculo has wet dreams of his dad in drag….

Redneck Jane September 15, 2012 at 1:16 PM

I have wet dreams of your mom in drag…

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