Especial Correspondents

《低头人生》

Posted by 李金雄 on Sunday, April 19, 2015

The video is from China — the message is universal.

{ 0 comments }


LiveLeak’s Jeffrey Barber has some serious warnings for you guys so listen up, K?

The pulsating you can see on this desk are YOYO NIOPION. These are extraterrestrial termites. They voraciously consumer not only wood, but everything. I mean EVERYTHING! but stone. They eat glass, steel, aluminum, plastic, wood, but most of all, they like, lithium. They thrive on lithium.

The two places that lithium is big in our reality are batteries, and in our brains. The YOYO NIOPION eat both of these things.

Scary, right? You don’t know the half of it! [Mas…]

{ 0 comments }

billofrightsI
No law can say you can’t pray the way you want to, or make you pray if you don’t want to, or take your tax and give it to a guy who’ll use it to pray or preach on God, and no law can say you can’t say what you want to say, or print what you want to print, if you have a press; and no law can say that you can’t hang with your friends, or who you want to hang with, so long as you’re cool, and you can
ask The Man to give back your stuff if he took it, or fix what he broke, and that’s cool too.

II [Mas…]

{ 0 comments }

fdahuevosTechnically, the word I should have used above, in the headline, is “Manipulates.” As in, “Safely Manipulate Your Balls When You Celebrate!”

That’s what the Federal Drug Administration advises this season, anyway. (Screen capture, above.)

But I’m a writer who has spent a lifetime in both advertising and journalism, and I know the value of good clickbait when I have it in my hands.

Er… Line of sight. Sorry, I’m distracted by the FDA advising me to fondle one’s nether regions for Easter. [Mas…]

{ 0 comments }

cruzcandleHail, Senator, full of crap. Special art thou among pendejos.

Photo via imgur.

{ 0 comments }

gunshistoryThere’s a new gun shop open in Manhattan where you don’t have to just settle for a newbie, inexperienced lethal weapon. The guns on sale here have a history! [Mas…]

make-it-a-combo-meal-wendy [Mas…]

churrodogYes, they actually went there. Look for a new dessert this season at Chase Field in Phoenix as the National League Arizona Diamondbacks present the “Churro Dog.” Thankfully, no dogs were harmed in the making of this gut-busting, grand-standing heart-stopping dessert.

WTF is a Churro Dog, exactly? ESPN has the story:

The Churro Dog is a warm cinnamon churro sitting inside a Long John chocolate-glazed donut, which is then topped with frozen yogurt, caramel and chocolate sauces. Its estimated calorie count is 1,117.

But the Churro Dog concept wasn’t a random bark in the dark of night, no sir. Many ideas were thrown around the marketing infield, barking up the wrong tree, before the Churro Dog got the front office excited enough to get to third base. And you know what? Here they are — the Diamondback’s Pocho Ocho Top Rejected Dessert Concepts before the Churro Dog:

8. Willie Relleno

7. Negrito Refrito

6. Pink Cotton Candy Taco [Mas…]

Gay couple vs door-to-door missionary in ‘Knock Knock’ (video)

by AL YUNID February 27, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Gay couple vs door-to-door missionary in ‘Knock Knock’  (video)

Knock Knock. All the Christian missionary at the front door wants to know is if they have a few minutes to talk about “Our Lord and Savior.” Knock Knock.  But no one ever expects the lesbian inquisition. Video by German Torres. [NSFW language.]

[Mas…]

POCHO Poetry Corner: Chicano Love and Barrio Streets

by FRANK SOLIS February 27, 2015 El Now
Thumbnail image for POCHO Poetry Corner: Chicano Love and Barrio Streets

A rose grows among the cracked sidewalks, of the tear stained barrio streets, where happiness is a luxury and can easily be lost forever. While deep in their thoughts a young Chicano couple are falling in love. A painting of the Virgin looks down upon streets which are so far from heaven, yet not so […]

[Mas…]

Disneyland preps new WE ❤️ MEASLES marketing push

by PEDO MAUS February 23, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Disneyland preps new WE ❤️ MEASLES marketing push

(PNS reporting from ANAHEIM) Disneyland’s new WE ❤️ MEASLES marketing campaign intends to “pro-actively go where the customers are” by turning “lemons into lemonade,” PNS has learned.

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho top reasons not to watch the Oscars

by Especial Correspondents February 20, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Pocho Ocho top reasons not to watch the Oscars

Lot of pochos we know are insisting they won’t watch Sunday’s telecast of the Academy Awards. The big reason, of course, is Hollywood’s apparent inability to find roles for Latin@s other than maid or gangster (see infographic below). But that’s not all! Here are the Pocho Ocho Top reasons they’re boycotting the Oscars: 8. Reading […]

[Mas…]

Watch: Presidents Day? Thanks, Obama :-(

by Especial Correspondents February 16, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Watch: Presidents Day? Thanks, Obama :-(

[Mas…]

Activists’ Pocho Ocho top pickup lines for Valentine’s Day

by Especial Correspondents February 13, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Activists’ Pocho Ocho top pickup lines for Valentine’s Day

Love is in the air for Valentine’s Day, along with cries for immigration reform, economic fairness and equal justice. Is there a way for the politically active pocha or pocho to get lucky AND make the world a better place? Yes, there is, in our list of the Pocho Ocho top activist pickup lines you […]

[Mas…]

Texas Senator Ted Cruz’ Pocho Ocho top legislative proposals

by Especial Correspondents February 12, 2015 El Now
Thumbnail image for Texas Senator Ted Cruz’ Pocho Ocho top legislative proposals

Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has reintroduced legislation to take away federal benefits from same-sex married couples. But this troglodyte’s penedjitis is too advanced to stop at one stupid and hateful idea. That’s right, there’s more — Ted Cruz’s Pocho Ocho Top Legislative Priorities for 2015: 8. Federal guidelines on subsidized school lunches for poor children […]

[Mas…]

Black History Video: Gay pioneer Freddy ‘Fruit-Loop’ Jenkins (NSFW)

by GAYLORD P. HARNWELL February 11, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Black History Video: Gay pioneer Freddy ‘Fruit-Loop’ Jenkins (NSFW)

Today’s Black History Month salute goes to Freddy “Fruit-Loop” Jenkins, the passionate trailblazer who broke out of the closet in the early 1900s as the country’s first openly-gay African-American man. Mohammed King reports. [NSFW adult language maybe.]

[Mas…]

A Day in the Life: Santa Apolonia taco truck, New Haven, CT (video)

by MOSCA MEXICAN February 2, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for A Day in the Life: Santa Apolonia taco truck, New Haven, CT (video)

La Vida Del Taco starts as the Santa Apolonia truck pulls up to its usual spot in New Haven, Connecticut and the work day begins. You can get tacos de lengua and cabeza here, not just pollo and carnitas. Watch as the truck is turned from a vehicle into an assembly line as the cooks […]

[Mas…]

What are America’s Pocho Ocho Top Brownest Jobs?

by Especial Correspondents January 27, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for What are America’s Pocho Ocho Top Brownest Jobs?

The Atlantic analyzed the stats and guess what!? Some professions in the United Estates are positively teeming with white people — jobs like veterinarian, espeech sangwich pathologist and meelrye (chart excerpt, above). Hurm, we said, perhaps we can fabricate a similar list of America’s brownest jobs. “So let it be written, so let it be […]

[Mas…]

What are you doing? What am I doing? Be careful out there!

by Kat Avila January 23, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for What are you doing? What am I  doing? Be careful out there!

“What are you doing?” I asked the teenage boy who was gleefully tagging a repainted space at Santiago Park in Santa Ana. Alarmed, he jumped down the small ledge to look up at the bridge where I was standing. Others emerged from beneath the bridge to see where the stranger’s voice was coming from. There […]

[Mas…]

Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union

by Especial Correspondents January 20, 2015 El Now
Thumbnail image for Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union

Washington insiders all know tonight’s State of the Union address — like every one before — will bring a few surprises. We asked around town, and our peeps say these are the top eight to watch for: 8. First use of the Booger-Cam™ captures candid live video of bored Republicans 7. Warmup act Oprah Winfrey to Congress: “You get a drone…and you get a […]

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho worst Twitter #JeSuisCharlie hashtag fails

by Especial Correspondents January 15, 2015 Cultura

Some Twitter users are just unclear on the concept, especially when it comes to the appropriate use of the #JeSuisCharlie hashtag, the most popular ever (“heat map,” above). The viral slogan — coined after the massacre at Paris satire magazine Charlie Hebdo — affirms support of free expression. French-deficient? “Je suis Charlie” means “I am […]

[Mas…]

Photos: Los Angeles No Pants Subway Ride 2015

by HABLO PICASSO January 13, 2015 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Photos: Los Angeles No Pants Subway Ride 2015

Photographer Dan “The Steel Shark” Cooke braved the chilly 60° L.A. weather Sunday to take his pants off and ride the subway. He brought some friends.

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho top questions asked before joining a Mexican cartel

by PROFESSOR EQUIS January 12, 2015 El Now
Thumbnail image for Pocho Ocho top questions asked before joining a Mexican cartel

Kids these days know they have options and they want to make smart choices — and not only kids in the United Estates. These are the Pocho Ocho top questions wannabe gangsters ask before joining a Mexican cartel: 8. Will beheading be on the final exam? 7. Soy vegetariano — is heart-eating mandatory? 6. Do I need to […]

[Mas…]

New GOP-controlled Congress’ Pocho Ocho top policy priorities

by Especial Correspondents January 7, 2015 El Now
Thumbnail image for New GOP-controlled Congress’ Pocho Ocho top policy priorities

The GOP-controlled Senate and 114th Congress got to work Tuesday (photo, above) and the Republicans were quick to announce their plans for America. Here are their Pocho Ocho top policy priorities: 8. No tax cut left behind 7. Read my lips: No new Mexis 6. All about the race

[Mas…]