Especial Correspondents


Knock Knock. All the Christian missionary at the front door wants to know is if they have a few minutes to talk about “Our Lord and Savior.” Knock Knock.  But no one ever expects the lesbian inquisition. Video by German Torres. [NSFW language.]

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thecholafiedviergin
A rose grows among the cracked sidewalks, of
the tear stained barrio streets, where happiness
is a luxury and can easily be lost forever. While
deep in their thoughts a young Chicano couple
are falling in love.

A painting of the Virgin looks down upon streets
which are so far from heaven, yet not so far away,
from hell. Young men strut like roosters, each
wanting to rule for the day, while their women
willingly look to sell their soul for the poison
which temporarily takes the pain away. [Mas…]

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disneyjenny(PNS reporting from ANAHEIM) Disneyland’s new WE ❤️ MEASLES marketing campaign intends to “pro-actively go where the customers are” by turning “lemons into lemonade,” PNS has learned. [Mas…]

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fusionlatinosLot of pochos we know are insisting they won’t watch Sunday’s telecast of the Academy Awards. The big reason, of course, is Hollywood’s apparent inability to find roles for Latin@s other than maid or gangster (see infographic below).

But that’s not all! Here are the Pocho Ocho Top reasons they’re boycotting the Oscars:

8. Reading chingon first edition of The Iliad instead.

7. Machete don’t sext.

6. Six-hour MEChA meeting starts at the same time. [Mas…]

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larazatshirtLove is in the air for Valentine’s Day, along with cries for immigration reform, economic fairness and equal justice.

Is there a way for the politically active pocha or pocho to get lucky AND make the world a better place?

Yes, there is, in our list of the Pocho Ocho top activist pickup lines you can use this Valentine’s Day:

8. What do we want? A quiet romantic dinner for two! When do we want it? Friday night — what do you think — 8-ish?

7. What’s a nice girl like you doing in a MEChA like this?

6. Is that a GMO-free organic sustainably-raised earth-friendly heirloom local family farm non-corporate elote in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? [Mas…]

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tedcruzdonkeyhoteySenator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has reintroduced legislation to take away federal benefits from same-sex married couples. But this troglodyte’s penedjitis is too advanced to stop at one stupid and hateful idea.

That’s right, there’s more — Ted Cruz’s Pocho Ocho Top Legislative Priorities for 2015:

8. Federal guidelines on subsidized school lunches for poor children shall encourage incorporation of nutritious roadkill meat, especially racoon. Now yer ‘coon is a touch on the greasy side, not sweet like ‘possum, but if you cook ‘em up right, mmmmmmm, racoon!

7. Women banned from buying condoms because it curtails a Man’s Right to Reproduce.

6. Solar energy outlawed because it sucks the light right out of the Sun. [Mas…]

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Today’s Black History Month salute goes to Freddy “Fruit-Loop” Jenkins, the passionate trailblazer who broke out of the closet in the early 1900s as the country’s first openly-gay African-American man. Mohammed King reports. [NSFW adult language maybe.]

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A Day in the Life: Santa Apolonia taco truck, New Haven, CT (video)

by MOSCA MEXICAN February 2, 2015 Cultura
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La Vida Del Taco starts as the Santa Apolonia truck pulls up to its usual spot in New Haven, Connecticut and the work day begins. You can get tacos de lengua and cabeza here, not just pollo and carnitas. Watch as the truck is turned from a vehicle into an assembly line as the cooks […]

[Mas…]

What are America’s Pocho Ocho Top Brownest Jobs?

by Especial Correspondents January 27, 2015 Cultura
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The Atlantic analyzed the stats and guess what!? Some professions in the United Estates are positively teeming with white people — jobs like veterinarian, espeech sangwich pathologist and meelrye (chart excerpt, above). Hurm, we said, perhaps we can fabricate a similar list of America’s brownest jobs. “So let it be written, so let it be […]

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What are you doing? What am I doing? Be careful out there!

by Kat Avila January 23, 2015 Cultura
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“What are you doing?” I asked the teenage boy who was gleefully tagging a repainted space at Santiago Park in Santa Ana. Alarmed, he jumped down the small ledge to look up at the bridge where I was standing. Others emerged from beneath the bridge to see where the stranger’s voice was coming from. There […]

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Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union

by Especial Correspondents January 20, 2015 El Now
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Washington insiders all know tonight’s State of the Union address — like every one before — will bring a few surprises. We asked around town, and our peeps say these are the top eight to watch for: 8. First use of the Booger-Cam™ captures candid live video of bored Republicans 7. Warmup act Oprah Winfrey to Congress: “You get a drone…and you get a […]

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Pocho Ocho worst Twitter #JeSuisCharlie hashtag fails

by Especial Correspondents January 15, 2015 Cultura

Some Twitter users are just unclear on the concept, especially when it comes to the appropriate use of the #JeSuisCharlie hashtag, the most popular ever (“heat map,” above). The viral slogan — coined after the massacre at Paris satire magazine Charlie Hebdo — affirms support of free expression. French-deficient? “Je suis Charlie” means “I am […]

[Mas…]

Photos: Los Angeles No Pants Subway Ride 2015

by HABLO PICASSO January 13, 2015 Cultura
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Photographer Dan “The Steel Shark” Cooke braved the chilly 60° L.A. weather Sunday to take his pants off and ride the subway. He brought some friends.

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho top questions asked before joining a Mexican cartel

by PROFESSOR EQUIS January 12, 2015 El Now
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Kids these days know they have options and they want to make smart choices — and not only kids in the United Estates. These are the Pocho Ocho top questions wannabe gangsters ask before joining a Mexican cartel: 8. Will beheading be on the final exam? 7. Soy vegetariano — is heart-eating mandatory? 6. Do I need to […]

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New GOP-controlled Congress’ Pocho Ocho top policy priorities

by Especial Correspondents January 7, 2015 El Now
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The GOP-controlled Senate and 114th Congress got to work Tuesday (photo, above) and the Republicans were quick to announce their plans for America. Here are their Pocho Ocho top policy priorities: 8. No tax cut left behind 7. Read my lips: No new Mexis 6. All about the race

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The Pocho Ocho craziest cosas we found in the Rosca de Reyes

by Especial Correspondents January 6, 2015 Cultura
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Today is Three Kings Day, Dia de Los Reyes Magos, AKA Epiphany, the day when Los Tres Reyes dropped by the manger to gift up the original Anchor Baby, El Baby Jesus. Check out the Pocho Ocho Craziest Things we found in the Rosca de Reyes here at the POCHO world headquarters: 8. Rosca’s Chicken and […]

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Los Pochodores: Our Pocho Ocho Top New Year’s Resolutions

by Especial Correspondents December 31, 2014 Cultura
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We asked the POCHO posse to share their New Year’s Resolutions for 2015. After the responses came in, we picked the best answers, and then carefully removed all the information that could personally identify the authors because El Cucuy. And so we present Los Pochodores’ Pocho Ocho Top New Year Revolutions: 8. Update my Nahuatl […]

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho best Christmas presents for Mexican yuppies (Muppies)

by PROFESSOR EQUIS December 23, 2014 Cultura
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Looking for that special gift for your successful Muppy friend who already has everything in the Brookstone catalog? POCHO scoured the interwebs for the Pocho Ocho best Christmas presents for Mexican yuppies. Check our list:

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Accusations, controversy doom first Spanglish grammar conference

by Especial Correspondents December 15, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA) Factional fighting among Spanglish speakers, academics, and Raza activists doomed the first Spanglish grammar conference, held here Sunday. “The idea was to create some foundational principles and ground rules for our people’s language,” co-organizer Lourdes Cervantes-Borges of the Professional Organization of Chican@s Oppressed by Society (POCHOS) told PNS. “We […]

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Has your Baby Jesus lost his head? The doctor is in! (audio)

by Especial Correspondents December 5, 2014 Audio
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In the Plaza Mexico shopping center in the working class Los Angeles suburb of Lynwood, a specialty store advertises “Vestimos y Reparamos Niños Dioses.” The dresser and doctor, Cuban-American Concepcion “Connie” Rivero, told her story to KPCC’s Adolfo Guzman-Lopez:

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Prosecutor says ‘spirit of Porfirio Diaz’ guided Ferguson grand jury

by PROFESSOR EQUIS December 1, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from FERGUSON, MO) St. Louis County Prosecutor Robert P. McCulloch credits the ghost of notorious 19th Century Mexican dictator Porfirio Diaz with the legal theory that there was insufficient evidence to prosecute killer cop Darren Wilson. In an interview with PNS Sunday, McCulloch said the ghost of Diaz visited him in a dream […]

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The Fung Brothers hope you had a ‘Happy Asian Thanksgiving’ (video)

by WONG GUEY November 28, 2014 Cultura
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American children of immigrants are all the same when it comes to dealing with Thanksgiving. Y digamos: “Amén​​.”

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Pocho Ocho top tips for surviving Black Friday

by Especial Correspondents November 28, 2014 Cultura
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It’s brutal out there, pochos — it’s cut or be cut to save $20 on an iPhone 6 — and that’s why we’ve compiled the Pocho Ocho best ways to survive Black Friday: 8. In the event store security confiscates your Mace®, pick up some Aqua Net™ on Aisle 3. 7. Shoppers who carry their own […]

[Mas…]