Especial Correspondents

arpaiotank(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) Racist Sheriff Joe Arpaio claims the Federal Government’s decision to reclaim “surplus” military gear (like tanks [photo] and M16 rifles) transferred to his department is no big deal since he has already procured new weapons to replace the full-auto rifles Uncle Sam wants back.

“Hell no! We don’t need tanks and M16s for these illegals,” the Maricopa County, Arizona lawman told reporters Wednesday. “We’re getting ethnically-appropriate personnel compliance effectuators from local manufacturers. I am told these things give Mexicans the FEAR!” [Mas…]

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happygarcetti¡Feliz Hispanic Heritage Month! – Alcalde Eric Garcetti

Manhole cover image via Buzzfeed.

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jesseborregoHispanics across the United Estates are giddy with excitement as they prepare to observe Hispanic Heritage Month 2014, which starts Monday.

But with so much excitement, it’s easy to forget the fundamentals of this Federally-established fiesta.

¡Mira! A checklist! Here are the Pocho Ocho ways to prepare for Hispanic Heritage Month:

8. Reset your calendar so months begin on 15th

7. Purchase and enjoy all 57 bean varieties from Hispanic comida conglomerate Goya

6. Grow a luxurious mustache — you too, mujeres!  [Mas…]

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tequiladrinksI stare at my third tumbler full of tequila,

looking at it like I did the other two,

with reverence at this golden,

earth-bound ambrosia,

aged a year or more in old whiskey barrels… [Mas…]

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qdoba640(PNS reporting from MASSACHUSETTS) A burrito is not a sandwich, you idiots, according to a court decision announced here last week.

Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Locke made the ruling as he threw out a lawsuit brought by a Panera restaurant seeking to stop White City Shopping Center in Shrewbsury from leasing space to a franchisee of the Qdoba Mexican Grill chain.

Panera’s lease prevents the center from renting space to a (competing) sandwich shop.

From the Associated Press:

[The judge] cited Webster’s Dictionary as well as testimony from a chef and a former high-ranking federal agriculture official in ruling that Qdoba’s burritos and other offerings are not sandwiches. [Mas…]

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Since POCHO is in Southern California we have a responsibility to mock Frisco aka “The City” as much as possible. Here’s a classic video that lets typical “Baghdad by the Bay” citizens do it themselves. And believe you me, it’s no day at the beach! ;-) [NSFW adult language.]

cagovYour California Department of Motor Vehicles has standards, you know, and not every request for a personalized/vanity license plate can be accommodated, even though they still hope you’ll like them on Facebook. It’s not personal, dude, no hard feelings. K?

“Welcome to the Department of Motor Vehicles’ office of vanity plates,” SFGate.com esplains, “where three full-time state employees review some 90,000 applications for personalized license plates each year and, citing poor taste, turn down thousands.”

Here’s our list of the Pocho Ocho rudest vanity plate requests declined by the DMV: [Mas…]

As the Illegal Mexicans and Muslims Invade (a poem)

by KEN July 29, 2014 El Now
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AN ILLEGAL POEM By Illegal Immigrants I cross river, Poor and broke, Take bus, See employment folk. Nice man Treat me good in there, Say I need Go see Welfare.

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Walk the walk! Here’s how to help those refugee kids

by Lalo Alcaraz and Javier Cabral July 16, 2014 El Now
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What’s way more powerful than all of the ignorance coming out of #MurrietaHateCityUSA? The power of a philanthropic pocho! And better yet, the power of a whole lot of philanthropic pochos and pochas. Watch, that’ll show them!

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Hate Letter of the Day: Dear Lala, you racist hypocrite

by Mexi-Hipocritas July 16, 2014 Cultura
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Mexicans and Anglo Americans are exactly alike. You are just as racist Mejicanoh, oh wait, I mean, Chicano… Meixcan American… I forget, you don’t consider yourselves Mexican… or do you. You MeCHA Aztlanersss get me all confused. Or wait, you don’t consider yourselves Latino but rather.. MESSICAN! ANYWAYS… so, as I was saying, you share […]

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Pocho Ocho top Spanglish text message abbreviations

by Especial Correspondents July 14, 2014 Cultura
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An Australian company has compiled the Top 100 get message abbreviations they use in Oz (photo) and we realized the list from way way overseas totally leaves out the abbreviations we pochos use. Here are the Pocho Ocho most popular Spanglish text message abbreviations: 8. FTP: Fuck That Puto 7. ADM: Ay Dios Mio 6. […]

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Pocho Ocho top reasons for Brazil vs Alemania futbol FAIL

by Especial Correspondents July 10, 2014 El Now
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Tuesday’s disastrous Brazil-Germany FIFA2014 World Cup futbol match, which ended in Germany whipping the host country 7-1, has saddened the nation (photo.) And on Wednesday, Brazil’s soccer fans were struggling to understand what exactly went wrong. We analyzed press and social media reactions and translated from the Portuguese to bring you their Pocho Ocho top […]

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White Boy ChIcano (a poem)

by MICHAEL MONTENEGRO July 8, 2014 Cultura
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White Boy Chicano It’s an identity crisis My parents are Mexican migrants, who stay busy all the time Spanish is my first language, then almost losing it because of time My TV only showed Mexicans involved in crime The stereotypes didn’t represent me My school peers didn’t believe me I wasn’t Mexican or White Being […]

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Watch: In Brazil, one fútbol fan floats some social criticism

by Especial Correspondents July 2, 2014 Cultura
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How’s your Portuguese? The LiveLeak uploader says this high-tech balsero is yelling “Why do we need hospitals, roads, schools and public security if we have the World Cup? Give [me] my beer to enjoy this shit!”

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Area futbol fans celebrate El Tri’s 3-1 victory over Croatia (photo)

by Especial Correspondents June 25, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from HUNTINGTON PARK, CALIFAS) Hundreds of local athletic supporters — fans of the Mexican World Cup futbol team — celebrated El Tri’s 3-1 victory over Croatia Monday afternoon (photo, above). The celebration was mostly peaceful and Huntington Park police said only four fans were arrested — three for disorderly conduct and one for […]

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Is Spanish-language TV futbol play-by-play racist? (audio)

by Especial Correspondents June 23, 2014 Audio
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When American Latinos watch Spanish-langugage FIFA broadcasts from Brazil, some are shocked by the casual use of words like “greña” and “moreno” that would be considered offensive in the U.S. This report from Public Radio International explores the controversy: PREVIOUSLY ON SPANISH TV:

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Dear gringa who wants to defend the Mexican food in New Jork

by TIA LENCHA June 19, 2014 Cultura
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I read jur article ^^^^ on the google about the Los Angeles Mexican food is not better than the New Jork food but different. Tia Lencha’s chonies are in a bunch. Is that how ju say? Ju don know what ju are talking about. These are the reasons gwhy: In jur articulo, ju spend mos […]

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USMNT scores against Ghana, Times Square reacts [video]

by Especial Correspondents June 16, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting From NEW YORK CITY) The Jumbotron in Times Square in New Jack City flashes news of a   g o o o o a l   by USMNT forward Herculez Gomez in World Cup competition against Ghana and Manhattan passersby react as only New Yorkers can.

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What is it? Multicolored UFO/OVNI buzzes beach in Chile (video)

by ROD ESTERLING June 16, 2014 Doomsday Countdown
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A colorful OVNI/UFO buzzed the beachfront promenade in the northern Chilean city of La Serena and was recorded by a group of young people late last month. OpenMindsTV reports: The video was recorded at the La Serena beachfront promenade La Avenida del Mar, a location popular with tourists. As Chilean news site El Observatodo describes, […]

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Everyone wins a World Cup of Everything Else (infographics)

by ALBERTO SOLAPIEDRA June 12, 2014 Cartoons
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If there were a World Cup for the Highest Percentage of Middle-Aged Unmarried Women Between 45 and 49, Brazil would win! ¡Ole! In the World Cup for the Futbol Team with the Most Twitter Followers, the winner is Selección Mexicana, @miseleccionmx on the Tuiter:

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Brazil sex workers learn English to prep for World Cup (NSFW video)

by MY LLORONA June 10, 2014 Cultura
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The Association of Prostitutes of Minas Gerais is teaching English to sex workers to help them deal with foreign customers. The state will host a match between Costa Rica and England and expects horny hordes of visiting futbol fans. Monday’s class, run by Igor Fuchs, was the last before today’s formal start of the games […]

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Breaking Ñews: Map shows common Asian languages by state

by Especial Correspondents June 5, 2014 Cartoons
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(PNS reporting from NORMAL, ILL) Demographers at Pocho Asian American Policy Institute (PAAPI) here have just released a new map detailing the most common Asian languages spoken in the U.S., broken out on a state by state basis, in English and Spanish. [Click on image to enlarge.]

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Do it right or don’t do it at all! How to throw a pie in the face

by N. ESE June 4, 2014 Cultura
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The act of throwing a pie in someone’s face is not a mission to be undertaken lightly, and it’s a mission we certainly do not recommend, advocate nor encourage, according to our attorneys. A poorly thought-out pieing plan can backfire, leaving the pie thrower to deal with unintended consequences (see video, above.) Helpful, illustrated hypertext pie […]

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