Especial Correspondents

moransAN ILLEGAL POEM
By Illegal Immigrants

I cross river,
Poor and broke,
Take bus,
See employment folk.

Nice man
Treat me good in there,
Say I need
Go see Welfare. [Mas…]

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laloontheborderWhat’s way more powerful than all of the ignorance coming out of #MurrietaHateCityUSA? The power of a philanthropic pocho! And better yet, the power of a whole lot of philanthropic pochos and pochas. Watch, that’ll show them! [Mas…]

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weirdalMexicans and Anglo Americans are exactly alike. You are just as racist Mejicanoh, oh wait, I mean, Chicano… Meixcan American… I forget, you don’t consider yourselves Mexican… or do you. You MeCHA Aztlanersss get me all confused. Or wait, you don’t consider yourselves Latino but rather.. MESSICAN!

ANYWAYS… so, as I was saying, you share the same RACIST views, in fact, you’re no different than right wing Caucasian Americans, whom at least are upfront about their racism and xenophobia, you’re more aligned with Liberal Democrats whom subversively are racist. [Mas…]

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topabbreviations2An Australian company has compiled the Top 100 get message abbreviations they use in Oz (photo) and we realized the list from way way overseas totally leaves out the abbreviations we pochos use.

Here are the Pocho Ocho most popular Spanglish text message abbreviations:

8. FTP: Fuck That Puto

7. ADM: Ay Dios Mio

6. NMG: No Mames Guey [Mas…]

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brazilsadTuesday’s disastrous Brazil-Germany FIFA2014 World Cup futbol match, which ended in Germany whipping the host country 7-1, has saddened the nation (photo.) And on Wednesday, Brazil’s soccer fans were struggling to understand what exactly went wrong.

We analyzed press and social media reactions and translated from the Portuguese to bring you their Pocho Ocho top reasons for Brazil’s FAIL:

8. Blame it on the bossa nova, with its magic spell.

7. All those pesky Hitler clones on the Brazil team let Germany win.

6. Alemania? We thought we were playing Ally McBeal! [Mas…]

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whiteboychicanoWhite Boy Chicano

It’s an identity crisis

My parents are Mexican migrants, who stay busy all the time

Spanish is my first language, then almost losing it because of time

My TV only showed Mexicans involved in crime

The stereotypes didn’t represent me

My school peers didn’t believe me

I wasn’t Mexican or White

Being a gringo and Mehican left me asking,

Who am I? Where do I belong to?

Pinche White Boy [Mas…]

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How’s your Portuguese? The LiveLeak uploader says this high-tech balsero is yelling “Why do we need hospitals, roads, schools and public security if we have the World Cup? Give [me] my beer to enjoy this shit!”

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mexicosoccer(PNS reporting from HUNTINGTON PARK, CALIFAS) Hundreds of local athletic supporters — fans of the Mexican World Cup futbol team — celebrated El Tri’s 3-1 victory over Croatia Monday afternoon (photo, above). The celebration was mostly peaceful and Huntington Park police said only four fans were arrested — three for disorderly conduct and one for leaning like a cholo in the wrong direction.

POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.

 

Is Spanish-language TV futbol play-by-play racist? (audio)

by Especial Correspondents June 23, 2014 Audio
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When American Latinos watch Spanish-langugage FIFA broadcasts from Brazil, some are shocked by the casual use of words like “greña” and “moreno” that would be considered offensive in the U.S. This report from Public Radio International explores the controversy: PREVIOUSLY ON SPANISH TV:

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Dear gringa who wants to defend the Mexican food in New Jork

by TIA LENCHA June 19, 2014 Cultura
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I read jur article ^^^^ on the google about the Los Angeles Mexican food is not better than the New Jork food but different. Tia Lencha’s chonies are in a bunch. Is that how ju say? Ju don know what ju are talking about. These are the reasons gwhy: In jur articulo, ju spend mos […]

[Mas…]

USMNT scores against Ghana, Times Square reacts [video]

by Especial Correspondents June 16, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting From NEW YORK CITY) The Jumbotron in Times Square in New Jack City flashes news of a   g o o o o a l   by USMNT forward Herculez Gomez in World Cup competition against Ghana and Manhattan passersby react as only New Yorkers can.

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What is it? Multicolored UFO/OVNI buzzes beach in Chile (video)

by ROD ESTERLING June 16, 2014 Doomsday Countdown
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A colorful OVNI/UFO buzzed the beachfront promenade in the northern Chilean city of La Serena and was recorded by a group of young people late last month. OpenMindsTV reports: The video was recorded at the La Serena beachfront promenade La Avenida del Mar, a location popular with tourists. As Chilean news site El Observatodo describes, […]

[Mas…]

Everyone wins a World Cup of Everything Else (infographics)

by ALBERTO SOLAPIEDRA June 12, 2014 Cartoons
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If there were a World Cup for the Highest Percentage of Middle-Aged Unmarried Women Between 45 and 49, Brazil would win! ¡Ole! In the World Cup for the Futbol Team with the Most Twitter Followers, the winner is Selección Mexicana, @miseleccionmx on the Tuiter:

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Brazil sex workers learn English to prep for World Cup (NSFW video)

by MY LLORONA June 10, 2014 Cultura
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The Association of Prostitutes of Minas Gerais is teaching English to sex workers to help them deal with foreign customers. The state will host a match between Costa Rica and England and expects horny hordes of visiting futbol fans. Monday’s class, run by Igor Fuchs, was the last before today’s formal start of the games […]

[Mas…]

Breaking Ñews: Map shows common Asian languages by state

by Especial Correspondents June 5, 2014 Cartoons
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(PNS reporting from NORMAL, ILL) Demographers at Pocho Asian American Policy Institute (PAAPI) here have just released a new map detailing the most common Asian languages spoken in the U.S., broken out on a state by state basis, in English and Spanish. [Click on image to enlarge.]

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Do it right or don’t do it at all! How to throw a pie in the face

by N. ESE June 4, 2014 Cultura
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The act of throwing a pie in someone’s face is not a mission to be undertaken lightly, and it’s a mission we certainly do not recommend, advocate nor encourage, according to our attorneys. A poorly thought-out pieing plan can backfire, leaving the pie thrower to deal with unintended consequences (see video, above.) Helpful, illustrated hypertext pie […]

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TGIF POCHO Personals: Nathan, 21, is looking for love (photo)

by Especial Correspondents May 30, 2014 Cultura
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Love in the hood? He’s only 41 miles away and comes equipped with sombrero, maracas and is a big fan of soft-shell tacos. TGIF from all the Pochodores and good luck.

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Memorial Day: 19-year-old World War I Tejano hero swam until he died

by TIO SAM May 23, 2014 Cultura
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He was only 19 when he died in 1918, a kid who would become America’s first Latino Medal of Honor Recipient. His posthumous Medal of Honor for heroism came in 1919, but his acknowledgement as a Latino had to wait until 1989. Wikipedia explains: David Bennes Barkley was born March 31, 1899 in Laredo in […]

[Mas…]

Christina Angelina paints massive mural in Downtown L.A. (video)

by HABLO PICASSO May 20, 2014 Cartoons
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Venice, California artist Christina Angelina and friends recently painted a massive mural on an apartment building wall in downtown Los Angeles. Here’s how they did it. PREVIOUSLY ON STREET ART:

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Pocho Ocho upworthy Latino quotes Chipotle should have used

by Especial Correspondents May 19, 2014 Cultura
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As POCHO amigo Gustavo Arellano noted Friday, Chipotle Mexican Grill pulled a boner when it decided to put short stories from ten famous authors on its cups and bags but couldn’t find one Latino with words worthy enough to wrap its burritos. There’s now a Facebook book group organizing around this issue and the Pochodores have been brainstorming inspirational […]

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Did movie monster-maker H.R. Giger make El Chupacabra?

by ROD ESTERLING May 16, 2014 Cultura
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The death this week of artist H.R. Giger — best known for the fantastic creatures he created for films like Alien and Species — has unleashed some fascinating speculation about his role in shaping other people’s realities. Did his creations inspire the descriptions of face-to-face enounters with El Chupacabra? Prior to 1995, chupacbras were typically […]

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Pocho Ocho weirdest things found in Columbus’ Santa Maria shipwreck

by Especial Correspondents May 14, 2014 El Now
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The wreck of slave-trader and hopelessly-lost “explorer” Christopher Columbus’ Santa Maria flagship has been found off the coast of Haiti, according to reports. The ship’s five-century-old cannon was looted but archaeologists are excited by eight unusual items they were able to retrieve from the ship, the Pocho Ocho weirdest items found on the Santa Maria: […]

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Why Rep. Joe Garcia (D-Miami) picked his ear wax, ate it on TV (video)

by Especial Correspondents May 13, 2014 El Now

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) A close look at a recent C-SPAN video reveals that Florida Democratic Congressman Joe Garcia, Jr. picked his ear wax and ate it on live TV, a Cuban folkloric ritual rarely seen outside Miami’s Cuban-American community. “La Ceremonia de la Cera del Oído can be traced to a curandero who lived […]

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UFO/OVNI buzzes Fajardo, PR on Cinco de Mayo (video)

by ROD ESTERLING May 13, 2014 El Now
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A security camera in Fajardo, PR (eastern tip of the island) has captured an OVNI/UFO zipping up, up and away, exactly as an eyewitness reported to PuertoRicoUFOs.com:

[Mas…]