Especial Correspondents

whitejobsfThe Atlantic analyzed the stats and guess what!? Some professions in the United Estates are positively teeming with white people — jobs like veterinarian, espeech sangwich pathologist and meelrye (chart excerpt, above).

Hurm, we said, perhaps we can fabricate a similar list of America’s brownest jobs.

“So let it be written, so let it be done!” said Pharoah, another white dude. And we did. Here’s our list of America’s Pocho Ocho Top Brownest Jobs:

8. Piñata Fluffer

7. Chief Cleavage Officer for Spanish Language TV Network News Division

6. Tia Guadalupe Gutierrez Santa Maria de Los Angeles y Zacatecas [Mas…]

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sanclementetags“What are you doing?” I asked the teenage boy who was gleefully tagging a repainted space at Santiago Park in Santa Ana. Alarmed, he jumped down the small ledge to look up at the bridge where I was standing.

Others emerged from beneath the bridge to see where the stranger’s voice was coming from. There were probably five or ten of them altogether.

They looked so fresh-faced, ranging in age from perhaps 15 to the early 20s. A young adult with shoulder-length crimped hair appeared to be a leader. He wore a wide grin on his face.

A wave of sadness and great disappointment washed over me. These kids belonged in a boy band, or on a soccer team, or part of a visionary group that would put a person on Mars. Instead they were misusing their talents and potential to deface public property. [Mas…]

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obamabackWashington insiders all know tonight’s State of the Union address — like every one before — will bring a few surprises.

We asked around town, and our peeps say these are the top eight to watch for:

8. First use of the Booger-Cam™ captures candid live video of bored Republicans

7. Warmup act Oprah Winfrey to Congress: “You get a drone…and you get a drone. Everybody gets a drone!”

6. Obama cruises to the Capitol in a clean 1953 Packard limousine, a gift from the people of Cuba [Mas…]

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hashtagheatmapSome Twitter users are just unclear on the concept, especially when it comes to the appropriate use of the #JeSuisCharlie hashtag, the most popular ever (“heat map,” above). The viral slogan — coined after the massacre at Paris satire magazine Charlie Hebdo — affirms support of free expression.

French-deficient? “Je suis Charlie” means “I am Charlie.”

The Pochodores combed the Internets for these Pocho Ocho top Twitter #JeSuisCharlie hashtag fails:

8.
vadertweet [Mas…]

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pantsintroPhotographer Dan “The Steel Shark” Cooke braved the chilly 60° L.A. weather Sunday to take his pants off and ride the subway. He brought some friends. [Mas…]

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narcobandKids these days know they have options and they want to make smart choices — and not only kids in the United Estates.

These are the Pocho Ocho top questions wannabe gangsters ask before joining a Mexican cartel:

8. Will beheading be on the final exam?

7. Soy vegetariano — is heart-eating mandatory?

6. Do I need to supply my own botas picudas? [Mas…]

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kkkwashingtonThe GOP-controlled Senate and 114th Congress got to work Tuesday (photo, above) and the Republicans were quick to announce their plans for America.

Here are their Pocho Ocho top policy priorities:

8. No tax cut left behind

7. Read my lips: No new Mexis

6. All about the race [Mas…]

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Rosca-de-reyes-mexToday is Three Kings Day, Dia de Los Reyes Magos, AKA Epiphany, the day when Los Tres Reyes dropped by the manger to gift up the original Anchor Baby, El Baby Jesus.

Check out the Pocho Ocho Craziest Things we found in the Rosca de Reyes here at the POCHO world headquarters:

8. Rosca’s Chicken and Waffles

7. One long black hair

6. Hot new Kanye West musical discovery “Paul McCarthy” [Mas…]

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Los Pochodores: Our Pocho Ocho Top New Year’s Resolutions

by Especial Correspondents December 31, 2014 Cultura
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We asked the POCHO posse to share their New Year’s Resolutions for 2015. After the responses came in, we picked the best answers, and then carefully removed all the information that could personally identify the authors because El Cucuy. And so we present Los Pochodores’ Pocho Ocho Top New Year Revolutions: 8. Update my Nahuatl […]

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho best Christmas presents for Mexican yuppies (Muppies)

by PROFESSOR EQUIS December 23, 2014 Cultura
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Looking for that special gift for your successful Muppy friend who already has everything in the Brookstone catalog? POCHO scoured the interwebs for the Pocho Ocho best Christmas presents for Mexican yuppies. Check our list:

[Mas…]

Accusations, controversy doom first Spanglish grammar conference

by Especial Correspondents December 15, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA) Factional fighting among Spanglish speakers, academics, and Raza activists doomed the first Spanglish grammar conference, held here Sunday. “The idea was to create some foundational principles and ground rules for our people’s language,” co-organizer Lourdes Cervantes-Borges of the Professional Organization of Chican@s Oppressed by Society (POCHOS) told PNS. “We […]

[Mas…]

Has your Baby Jesus lost his head? The doctor is in! (audio)

by Especial Correspondents December 5, 2014 Audio
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In the Plaza Mexico shopping center in the working class Los Angeles suburb of Lynwood, a specialty store advertises “Vestimos y Reparamos Niños Dioses.” The dresser and doctor, Cuban-American Concepcion “Connie” Rivero, told her story to KPCC’s Adolfo Guzman-Lopez:

[Mas…]

Prosecutor says ‘spirit of Porfirio Diaz’ guided Ferguson grand jury

by PROFESSOR EQUIS December 1, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from FERGUSON, MO) St. Louis County Prosecutor Robert P. McCulloch credits the ghost of notorious 19th Century Mexican dictator Porfirio Diaz with the legal theory that there was insufficient evidence to prosecute killer cop Darren Wilson. In an interview with PNS Sunday, McCulloch said the ghost of Diaz visited him in a dream […]

[Mas…]

The Fung Brothers hope you had a ‘Happy Asian Thanksgiving’ (video)

by WONG GUEY November 28, 2014 Cultura
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American children of immigrants are all the same when it comes to dealing with Thanksgiving. Y digamos: “Amén​​.”

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho top tips for surviving Black Friday

by Especial Correspondents November 28, 2014 Cultura
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It’s brutal out there, pochos — it’s cut or be cut to save $20 on an iPhone 6 — and that’s why we’ve compiled the Pocho Ocho best ways to survive Black Friday: 8. In the event store security confiscates your Mace®, pick up some Aqua Net™ on Aisle 3. 7. Shoppers who carry their own […]

[Mas…]

POCHO Field Reports: The Real Turkeys of Thanksgiving

by Especial Correspondents November 28, 2014 Cultura
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POCHO’s Especial Correspondents were spread out across the United Estates yesterday and sent in these reports about their familias’ Thanksgiving. Some names were changed to avoid desmadre.

[Mas…]

On Thanksgiving, Texans thank Obama for immigration action

by Professor Equis November 27, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) Families here are thanking President Barack Obama as they sit down to their Thanksgiving meals today. Undocumented immigrant Mario Garza, who plans to pay his fines and “get in the back of the line,” is overjoyed with the White House plans to help fix “our broken immigration system.” “No pues está […]

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho little-known factoids about the first Thanksgiving

by Especial Correspondents November 21, 2014 Cultura
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See this painting that is supposed to depict the first Thanksgiving? It’s wrong wrong wrong. What really went on at that epic feast so long ago? We’ve got eight little-known factoids right here: 8. The frozen string beans in the casserole were past their sell-by date 7. Pilgrim Zephaniah Winslow = silent but deadly 6. […]

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho top immigration actions Obama will reveal tonight

by Especial Correspondents November 20, 2014 El Now
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President Barack Obama will defy Republican haters tonight and reveal “executive actions” to “fix the broken immigration system.” Our sources at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue have shared a copy of the 5 PM EST speech and we can now reveal the Pocho Ocho top immigration reforms you’ll hear in the President’s address to the Nation: 8. […]

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho top Tweets Dave & Buster’s planned to send next

by Especial Correspondents November 19, 2014 El Now
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The Twitterverse exploded with charges of racism yesterday following pork-pushing restauranteurs Dave & Buster’s #TacoTuesday Tweet fail. (Photo of Tweet, since deleted from the company’s timeline.) Even pimp-my-product professional journal AdWeek was pained by the chain’s gigantic boner: And your massive brand Twitter fail of the day goes to … Dave & Buster’s!

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho coolest addresses at new ‘.SOY’ Top Level Domain

by Especial Correspondents November 11, 2014 El Now
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Hey you Latinos – do you know your place in cyberspace? Forget .COM, .ORG, and .NET and move on up to the new .SOY Top Level Domain, “the place for Latinos online,” brought to you by domain registrar Google, Inc. (screencap above). What? The Goog explains: .SOY is the domain name for Latino identity and expression […]

[Mas…]

iJuan, smartphone app for day labor, scores $3,500,000 investment

by BUSINESS GWIRE PRESS RELEASE November 6, 2014 El Now
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(NOVEMBER 5, 2014, GUANAJUATO, MEXICO) iJuanCo, creator of iJuan, the first smartphone app to directly match day laborers and potential bosses, has secured a $3.5 million dollar investment from venture capital fund XS Dinero, iJuanCo company president Grito Del Toro announced here today. Day laborers using the app will be able to register their schedules, skill […]

[Mas…]

Not just team mascots! America’s hated on NDNs for years (toons)

by K. TONTO November 3, 2014 Cartoons
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It started long before sportsball team names and mascots. America’s been hatin’ on NDNs ever since they were “discovered” in 1492. Indian Country Today Media Network’s Christina Rose reports:

[Mas…]

Our heritage and culture are not your Halloween costume

by Enrique C. Ochoa and Gilda L. Ochoa October 28, 2014 Cultura
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A school in our neighborhood recently held a “Dress as Your Heritage Day.” For one Friday, students were encouraged to wear items representing their backgrounds, and some did. Students walked around campus in a combination of family heirlooms and seemingly exaggerated symbols to reflect their racial/ethnic groups. The rationale underlying this day was cultural celebration, […]

[Mas…]