Especial Correspondents


American children of immigrants are all the same when it comes to dealing with Thanksgiving.

Y digamos: “Amén​​.”

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It’s brutal out there, pochos — it’s cut or be cut to save $20 on an iPhone 6 — and that’s why we’ve compiled the Pocho Ocho best ways to survive Black Friday:

8. In the event store security confiscates your Mace®, pick up some Aqua Net™ on Aisle 3.

7. Shoppers who carry their own rolls of yellow “crime scene” warning tape can easily discourage other shoppers from entering the Home Entertainment Department.

6. Successful shoppers are well-equipped shoppers. Must-have items include snacks, a gas mask, body armor where available and a small knife (plus a newspaper to hide the knife.) Experienced shoppers only: Weaponized chanclas.
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Happy_Thankskiming_FullPOCHO’s Especial Correspondents were spread out across the United Estates yesterday and sent in these reports about their familias’ Thanksgiving. Some names were changed to avoid desmadre. [Mas…]

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obamaspeech(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) Families here are thanking President Barack Obama as they sit down to their Thanksgiving meals today.

Undocumented immigrant Mario Garza, who plans to pay his fines and “get in the back of the line,” is overjoyed with the White House plans to help fix “our broken immigration system.”

“No pues está a toda madre lo que hizo el presidente Obama, y que poca madre tienen los pinches republicanos que no tienen ni corazon ni huevos para cumplir con la raza trabajadora,” he told PNS. (Translation: Garza backs presidential action but has doubts about the Republican Party’s appeal to future Latino voters.) [Mas…]

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See this painting that is supposed to depict the first Thanksgiving? It’s wrong wrong wrong. What really went on at that epic feast so long ago? We’ve got eight little-known factoids right here:

8. The frozen string beans in the casserole were past their sell-by date

7. Pilgrim Zephaniah Winslow = silent but deadly

6. Squanto’s succotash was really takeout from Dave & Busters [Mas…]

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thistallPresident Barack Obama will defy Republican haters tonight and reveal “executive actions” to “fix the broken immigration system.”

Our sources at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue have shared a copy of the 5 PM EST speech and we can now reveal the Pocho Ocho top immigration reforms you’ll hear in the President’s address to the Nation:

8. If Central American child refugees can pat their heads and rub their tummies at the same time, they can cut in line.

7. Families of DREAMers are OK to stay if they mow the lawn.

6. Badges, stinking or otherwise, no longer needed. [Mas…]

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daveandbusterstweetThe Twitterverse exploded with charges of racism yesterday following pork-pushing restauranteurs Dave & Buster’s #TacoTuesday Tweet fail. (Photo of Tweet, since deleted from the company’s timeline.)

Even pimp-my-product professional journal AdWeek was pained by the chain’s gigantic boner:

And your massive brand Twitter fail of the day goes to … Dave & Buster’s! [Mas…]

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iamsoy640Hey you Latinos – do you know your place in cyberspace?

Forget .COM, .ORG, and .NET and move on up to the new .SOY Top Level Domain, “the place for Latinos online,” brought to you by domain registrar Google, Inc. (screencap above).

What? The Goog explains:

.SOY is the domain name for Latino identity and expression on the web. .SOY can be anything you want it to be. It’s your place on the web for your voice, your business, or your bold new idea. Claim your name and join the .SOY community today.

You didn’t sign up yet? You better hurry because cool names in this Internet ghetto are going fast. We think these are the Pocho Ocho Coolest .SOY internet domains, but they already could be claimed, so click and learn:

8. KIKKOMAN.SOY

7. YODA.SOY

6. BOY.SOY

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iJuan, smartphone app for day labor, scores $3,500,000 investment

by BUSINESS GWIRE PRESS RELEASE November 6, 2014 El Now
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(NOVEMBER 5, 2014, GUANAJUATO, MEXICO) iJuanCo, creator of iJuan, the first smartphone app to directly match day laborers and potential bosses, has secured a $3.5 million dollar investment from venture capital fund XS Dinero, iJuanCo company president Grito Del Toro announced here today. Day laborers using the app will be able to register their schedules, skill […]

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Not just team mascots! America’s hated on NDNs for years (toons)

by K. TONTO November 3, 2014 Cartoons
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It started long before sportsball team names and mascots. America’s been hatin’ on NDNs ever since they were “discovered” in 1492. Indian Country Today Media Network’s Christina Rose reports:

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Our heritage and culture are not your Halloween costume

by Enrique C. Ochoa and Gilda L. Ochoa October 28, 2014 Cultura
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A school in our neighborhood recently held a “Dress as Your Heritage Day.” For one Friday, students were encouraged to wear items representing their backgrounds, and some did. Students walked around campus in a combination of family heirlooms and seemingly exaggerated symbols to reflect their racial/ethnic groups. The rationale underlying this day was cultural celebration, […]

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Bidi bidi bom bom: ‘What ARE you?’ she asked

by DANNY HERRERA October 23, 2014 Cultura
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“What ARE you?” the Indian woman behind the counter asked. I was at a Dunkin’ Donuts in New York City grabbing coffee. After handing me my change, the Indian woman wanted to know where I was from. This happens often — whether I’m at a restaurant, an adult video store or a funeral. Inevitably someone […]

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The best part of waking up? Chiapas in your cup! (photo)

by MOSCA MEXICAN October 23, 2014 Cultura
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Even in Bel Air, they know wassup.

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Pocho Ocho top new Spanish phrases learned by Nigel the Parrot

by Especial Correspondents October 15, 2014 El Now
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When he flew away from his British owner in Torrance, CA four years ago, Nigel talked with an English accent. When he returned last week, the talented African gray parrot spoke Spanish. Here are the Pocho Ocho top phrases Nigel the Parrot picked up on his Raza Vacation: 8. No más “Nigel.” Mi nombre es […]

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New Mexico petroglyphs: Headlines from the past (photos)

by RUSSELL CONTRERAS October 13, 2014 Cultura
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There’s lots to see in Placitas, a small New Mexico community north of Albuquerque between the Sandia and Santa Ana Pueblos. If you take a stroll through the foothills, chances are you’ll spot ancient petroglyphs amid the hoof prints of wild horses. And that’s what I found on a jog Sunday near my home. On […]

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Bienvenidos a McAllen, Texas! Hablamos Spanglish (photo)

by Especial Correspondents October 10, 2014 Cultura
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At the Trenton Crossing Shopping Center in McAllen, TX, they espeak Spanglish.

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Day laborers sing ‘Ese Gúey No Paga’ (That dude doesn’t pay)

by L. SCROOGE October 9, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Day laborers sing ‘Ese Gúey No Paga’ (That dude doesn’t pay)

Not only is getting the work really fracking hard – you have to hang outside Home Depot and chase contractors’ trucks – but lots of times day laborers work all day and then get ripped off for their pay. This cumbia music video from Los Jornaleros del Norte (The Day Laborers of the North) and the National […]

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Latino Field Studies: Understanding ‘Emotional Loudness’ (video)

by Margarita Mead October 8, 2014 Cultura
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This second Latino Field Study anthropology video examines a culturally-distinctive mannerism many Anglos find confusing – what the researchers refer to as Emotional Loudness. PREVIOUSLY ON LATINO FIELD STUDIES:

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San Berdoo man chants, sees blue UFO fly into a doorway in the sky

by K. B. NIKTO October 2, 2014 El Now
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There’s no name attached to Case Number 60066 in the Mutual UFO Network database. It’s an anonymous report submitted about an strange incident two weeks ago — Monday night, September 22 — and it follows two other unusual occurrences in San Bernardino County, east of Los Angeles:

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Pocho Ocho diseases that are way more dangerous than Ebola

by Especial Correspondents October 1, 2014 El Now
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Americans are worried about the chances of a future epidemic now that the nation’s first Ebola patient is being treated in a Dallas hospital. But is there really anything to be scared about? After all, there are Pocho Ocho diseases that are way more dangerous than Ebola: 8. Nobolas 7. Tres bolas 6. Cebolla

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Letter to straight guys from a Latina vagina: I’m too sexy for my chonies

by LATINA VAGINA September 29, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Letter to straight guys from a Latina vagina: I’m too sexy for my chonies

Dear Straight Dudes: Why, hello there, I’m a Latina vagina and I have a message for heterosexual guys. Now I know what you’re going to ask me: “How well-groomed am I?” No seas cochino! That’s none of your business, that’s personal. But I am here to, uh, talk business because I’m tired of all of […]

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Instant karma is alive and well in Brazil, San Berdoo (video)

by CRASH CARGO September 26, 2014 Cultura
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“Instant karma’s gonna get you,” John Lennon sang. This is true in both Brazil and San Bernardino County.

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Mexico’s Olympic Curling Team needs your help (video)

by Especial Correspondents September 24, 2014 Cultura
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The Mexican Curling Team that will be going for gold at the Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang 2018 is training hard. Your modest cash contribution can help these brave young vatos as they go to SWEEP THE GOLD! How did they get started with this less-than-mainstream sport? Consuela, of course:

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Feds make Sheriff Joe return military gear; he has Plan B

by Especial Correspondents September 19, 2014 Pocho Ñews Service
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(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) Racist Sheriff Joe Arpaio claims the Federal Government’s decision to reclaim “surplus” military gear (like tanks [photo] and M16 rifles) transferred to his department is no big deal since he has already procured new weapons to replace the full-auto rifles Uncle Sam wants back. “Hell no! We don’t need tanks and M16s for these illegals,” […]

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