Especial Correspondents

See this painting that is supposed to depict the first Thanksgiving? It’s wrong wrong wrong. What really went on at that epic feast so long ago? We’ve got eight little-known factoids right here:

8. The frozen string beans in the casserole were past their sell-by date

7. Pilgrim Zephaniah Winslow = silent but deadly

6. Squanto’s succotash was really takeout from Dave & Busters [Mas…]

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thistallPresident Barack Obama will defy Republican haters tonight and reveal “executive actions” to “fix the broken immigration system.”

Our sources at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue have shared a copy of the 5 PM EST speech and we can now reveal the Pocho Ocho top immigration reforms you’ll hear in the President’s address to the Nation:

8. If Central American child refugees can pat their heads and rub their tummies at the same time, they can cut in line.

7. Families of DREAMers are OK to stay if they mow the lawn.

6. Badges, stinking or otherwise, no longer needed. [Mas…]

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daveandbusterstweetThe Twitterverse exploded with charges of racism yesterday following pork-pushing restauranteurs Dave & Buster’s #TacoTuesday Tweet fail. (Photo of Tweet, since deleted from the company’s timeline.)

Even pimp-my-product professional journal AdWeek was pained by the chain’s gigantic boner:

And your massive brand Twitter fail of the day goes to … Dave & Buster’s! [Mas…]

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iamsoy640Hey you Latinos – do you know your place in cyberspace?

Forget .COM, .ORG, and .NET and move on up to the new .SOY Top Level Domain, “the place for Latinos online,” brought to you by domain registrar Google, Inc. (screencap above).

What? The Goog explains:

.SOY is the domain name for Latino identity and expression on the web. .SOY can be anything you want it to be. It’s your place on the web for your voice, your business, or your bold new idea. Claim your name and join the .SOY community today.

You didn’t sign up yet? You better hurry because cool names in this Internet ghetto are going fast. We think these are the Pocho Ocho Coolest .SOY internet domains, but they already could be claimed, so click and learn:

8. KIKKOMAN.SOY

7. YODA.SOY

6. BOY.SOY

[Mas…]

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ijuan(NOVEMBER 5, 2014, GUANAJUATO, MEXICO) iJuanCo, creator of iJuan, the first smartphone app to directly match day laborers and potential bosses, has secured a $3.5 million dollar investment from venture capital fund XS Dinero, iJuanCo company president Grito Del Toro announced here today.

Day laborers using the app will be able to register their schedules, skill set and service areas via iJuan, saving potential employers the hassle of cruising to Home Depot to hire workers while lessening the need for trabajeros to chase patrons’ trokas around the parking lot.

“We aim to disrupt the day labor market,” Del Toro said. “We’re turning wetbacks into techbacks!”

[Mas…]

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whitesboroIt started long before sportsball team names and mascots. America’s been hatin’ on NDNs ever since they were “discovered” in 1492.

Indian Country Today Media Network’s Christina Rose reports: [Mas…]

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muertosmakeupA school in our neighborhood recently held a “Dress as Your Heritage Day.”

For one Friday, students were encouraged to wear items representing their backgrounds, and some did. Students walked around campus in a combination of family heirlooms and seemingly exaggerated symbols to reflect their racial/ethnic groups.

The rationale underlying this day was cultural celebration, and families and students were representing their own heritages in ways that they wanted. On the face of it, this seemed like good ole’ fashion fun where dressing up breaks the routine of school and students show-off their family backgrounds. [Mas…]

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bidibom“What ARE you?” the Indian woman behind the counter asked.

I was at a Dunkin’ Donuts in New York City grabbing coffee. After handing me my change, the Indian woman wanted to know where I was from.

This happens often — whether I’m at a restaurant, an adult video store or a funeral. Inevitably someone will ask, “What are you?”

They ask in a way as if I look like the Elephant Man.

And then I realize that their question is one about my cultural identity. [Mas…]

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The best part of waking up? Chiapas in your cup! (photo)

by MOSCA MEXICAN October 23, 2014 Cultura
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Even in Bel Air, they know wassup.

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho top new Spanish phrases learned by Nigel the Parrot

by Especial Correspondents October 15, 2014 El Now
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When he flew away from his British owner in Torrance, CA four years ago, Nigel talked with an English accent. When he returned last week, the talented African gray parrot spoke Spanish. Here are the Pocho Ocho top phrases Nigel the Parrot picked up on his Raza Vacation: 8. No más “Nigel.” Mi nombre es […]

[Mas…]

New Mexico petroglyphs: Headlines from the past (photos)

by RUSSELL CONTRERAS October 13, 2014 Cultura
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There’s lots to see in Placitas, a small New Mexico community north of Albuquerque between the Sandia and Santa Ana Pueblos. If you take a stroll through the foothills, chances are you’ll spot ancient petroglyphs amid the hoof prints of wild horses. And that’s what I found on a jog Sunday near my home. On […]

[Mas…]

Bienvenidos a McAllen, Texas! Hablamos Spanglish (photo)

by Especial Correspondents October 10, 2014 Cultura
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At the Trenton Crossing Shopping Center in McAllen, TX, they espeak Spanglish.

[Mas…]

Day laborers sing ‘Ese Gúey No Paga’ (That dude doesn’t pay)

by L. SCROOGE October 9, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Day laborers sing ‘Ese Gúey No Paga’ (That dude doesn’t pay)

Not only is getting the work really fracking hard – you have to hang outside Home Depot and chase contractors’ trucks – but lots of times day laborers work all day and then get ripped off for their pay. This cumbia music video from Los Jornaleros del Norte (The Day Laborers of the North) and the National […]

[Mas…]

Latino Field Studies: Understanding ‘Emotional Loudness’ (video)

by Margarita Mead October 8, 2014 Cultura
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This second Latino Field Study anthropology video examines a culturally-distinctive mannerism many Anglos find confusing – what the researchers refer to as Emotional Loudness. PREVIOUSLY ON LATINO FIELD STUDIES:

[Mas…]

San Berdoo man chants, sees blue UFO fly into a doorway in the sky

by K. B. NIKTO October 2, 2014 El Now
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There’s no name attached to Case Number 60066 in the Mutual UFO Network database. It’s an anonymous report submitted about an strange incident two weeks ago — Monday night, September 22 — and it follows two other unusual occurrences in San Bernardino County, east of Los Angeles:

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho diseases that are way more dangerous than Ebola

by Especial Correspondents October 1, 2014 El Now
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Americans are worried about the chances of a future epidemic now that the nation’s first Ebola patient is being treated in a Dallas hospital. But is there really anything to be scared about? After all, there are Pocho Ocho diseases that are way more dangerous than Ebola: 8. Nobolas 7. Tres bolas 6. Cebolla

[Mas…]

Letter to straight guys from a Latina vagina: I’m too sexy for my chonies

by LATINA VAGINA September 29, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Letter to straight guys from a Latina vagina: I’m too sexy for my chonies

Dear Straight Dudes: Why, hello there, I’m a Latina vagina and I have a message for heterosexual guys. Now I know what you’re going to ask me: “How well-groomed am I?” No seas cochino! That’s none of your business, that’s personal. But I am here to, uh, talk business because I’m tired of all of […]

[Mas…]

Instant karma is alive and well in Brazil, San Berdoo (video)

by CRASH CARGO September 26, 2014 Cultura
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“Instant karma’s gonna get you,” John Lennon sang. This is true in both Brazil and San Bernardino County.

[Mas…]

Mexico’s Olympic Curling Team needs your help (video)

by Especial Correspondents September 24, 2014 Cultura
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The Mexican Curling Team that will be going for gold at the Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang 2018 is training hard. Your modest cash contribution can help these brave young vatos as they go to SWEEP THE GOLD! How did they get started with this less-than-mainstream sport? Consuela, of course:

[Mas…]

Feds make Sheriff Joe return military gear; he has Plan B

by Especial Correspondents September 19, 2014 Pocho Ñews Service
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(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) Racist Sheriff Joe Arpaio claims the Federal Government’s decision to reclaim “surplus” military gear (like tanks [photo] and M16 rifles) transferred to his department is no big deal since he has already procured new weapons to replace the full-auto rifles Uncle Sam wants back. “Hell no! We don’t need tanks and M16s for these illegals,” […]

[Mas…]

Mayor Eric Garcetti: Happy Hispanic Heritage Month, LA! (photo)

by Especial Correspondents September 16, 2014 Cultura
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¡Feliz Hispanic Heritage Month! – Alcalde Eric Garcetti Manhole cover image via Buzzfeed.

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Pocho Ocho ways to get ready for Hispanic Heritage Month 2014

by Especial Correspondents September 12, 2014 Cultura
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Hispanics across the United Estates are giddy with excitement as they prepare to observe Hispanic Heritage Month 2014, which starts Monday. But with so much excitement, it’s easy to forget the fundamentals of this Federally-established fiesta. ¡Mira! A checklist! Here are the Pocho Ocho ways to prepare for Hispanic Heritage Month: 8. Reset your calendar […]

[Mas…]

José-Ariel Cuevas: Sweet Lady Añejo (poem)

by José-Ariel Cuevas September 8, 2014 Cultura
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I stare at my third tumbler full of tequila, looking at it like I did the other two, with reverence at this golden, earth-bound ambrosia, aged a year or more in old whiskey barrels…

[Mas…]

A burrito is not a sandwich, Massachusetts judge rules

by Especial Correspondents August 29, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from MASSACHUSETTS) A burrito is not a sandwich, you idiots, according to a court decision announced here last week. Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Locke made the ruling as he threw out a lawsuit brought by a Panera restaurant seeking to stop White City Shopping Center in Shrewbsury from leasing space to a franchisee […]

[Mas…]