Elise Roedenbeck

cucahhmsadbloguera(PNS reporting from BROOKLYN) Hispanic Heritage Month is over, and without the corporate-approved celebration as a focus, local members of the Hispanic/Latino community here aren’t really sure how they can go on being local members of the local Hispanic/Latino community here.

“What now?” lamented Brooklyn native and prolific bloguera Marielena Gutierrez (photo, right.)

“Should I tell people to call me Mary Ellen for the remaining 11 months of the year? It’s not like they ever pronounce it right anyway,” she wrote on her PobrePickle blog. [Mas…]

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heritagecalendarsadconsuela(PNS reporting from BROOKLYN) Hispanic Heritage Month is over and without the corporate-approved celebration as a focus, members of the local Hispanic/Latino community aren’t really sure how they can go on being members of the local Hispanic/Latino community.

“Where do I go from here?” lamented Brooklyn native and prolific bloguera Marielena Gutierrez (photo, right.)

“Should I tell people to call me Mary Ellen for the remaining 11 months of the year? It’s not like they ever pronounce it right anyway,” she wrote on her PobrePickle blog. [Mas…]


Happy Tax Day, pochos! This week on MiJA I discuss the near conclusion of back-room negotiations on immigration “reform” and delve deep into the heart of the Internets to discover Barbies of the World. You think Mexican Barbie is bad — Peruvian Barbie comes with an anchor baby (and she’s not the worst of them!) [Mas…]


This week on MiJA, AP drops the term “illegal” and I drop some phat moves while paying tribute to the late Roger Ebert. Don’t forget, Tuesday April 9 is Equal Pay Day. Pocha power activate!


This week on MiJA, I get into the Easter spirit while Google pisses a bunch of people off. Also, I don my pink rubber gloves and prove that you’re never too young for senior moments.

Happy Easter!

I was at a party the other night when a group of women asked me how long I’ve been with my boyfriend. Oh boy.

I told them six years and braced myself for the onslaught of “WHY AREN’T YOU MARRIED! HE NEEDS TO GIVE YOU A RING! BLABLABLABLA” and so on and so forth.

As a woman who consciously chooses not to get married, I’m constantly dealing with this sort of thing. People just don’t understand why.

Is my boyfriend a commitment-phobe? Are we swingers? Are we not serious? Never are we thought of as a happy stable couple content to just enjoy each other’s company.

No, something must be wrong with us. [Mas…]


This week on MiJA I’m on the road to nowhere (Ohio) and frolicking among the Children of the Corn. Feliz Pascua everybody! I need a drink.

I remember being 16. I was stupid…but not that stupid.

I keep thinking about the Steubenville rape case and I can’t get the phrase “What the fuck is wrong with you people?” out of my head.

People aren’t sure who to blame, whether it’s a larger problem that encompasses the parents, the football culture, the entire town. You can chalk it up and say, “Oh they’re just young teens being stupid,” but the truth is, by the time you are 17 you are grown-ass-up enough to know right from wrong. [Mas…]

Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘MiJA Weekly’ breaks the ñews 03.18.13 (video)

by Elise Roedenbeck March 18, 2013 El Now
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Happy belated St. Paddy’s Day, pochos! Hope you’re not too hung over. This week on MiJA, Godzilla does not make an appearance at CPAC, I offer the new pope some sound advice, and hot Brazilian guys mess with my mind! Also, I wear glasses to look esmart. Leave me some questions below. Previously on MiJA […]

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Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘MiJA Weekly’ breaks the ñews 03.11.13 (video)

by Elise Roedenbeck March 11, 2013 El Now
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Happy Woman’s History Month! This week, I say farewell to Hugo Chavez and goodbye to sleep (no thanks to daylight savings.) Also, have no fear, the immigration party bus is here! Don’t forget to leave your comments below, or lick butter. Previously on MiJA Weekly….  

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Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘MiJA Weekly’ breaks the ñews 03.04.13 (video)

by Elise Roedenbeck March 4, 2013 El Now
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Hey there, Pochos! This week on MiJA I totally don’t pole dance, Obama isn’t a dork, and the Gang of Eight don’t mix well with vinegar. Also, Kim Jung Un has one black friend. Don’t make me unleash my powers of brujería! Leave your comments and questions below. Previously on MiJA Weekly….

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PNS*Hot*Flash: White House plans new Civil Rights push

by Elise Roedenbeck February 27, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) President Barack Obama will mark the final day of Black History Month by proposing new civil rights legislation, PNS has learned. Obama will announce the No, White Girl, You Cannot Touch My Hair Act in a speech in Oklahoma City on Thursday. RELATED: Video: What is it like to be […]

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Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘Mija Weekly’ breaks the ñews 02.25.13 (video)

by Elise Roedenbeck February 25, 2013 El Now
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This week on Mija: so much crying! I explain the sequester with a stick of butter and discuss Marco Rubio’s visit to Israel. Plus, a bunch of dead sea animals wash ashore mi tierra, Peru and I wear a sweater! Make sure to leave your questions and comments below.

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Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘Mija Weekly’ breaks the ñews 02.18.13 (video)

by Elise Roedenbeck February 18, 2013 El Now
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Happy Presidents Day from Mija Weekly! This week: the State of the Union is doomed! Also, I say adios to el Popa and hello to some ruby red slippers. Last, don’t forget it’s Lent (avoid pork chops and cruise ships.)

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Ñewsweek: Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘Mija Weekly’ 02.11.13 (video)

by Elise Roedenbeck February 11, 2013 El Now
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It’s Valentine’s Day on Mija Weekly! Fall in love with drones, skimpy outfits, and learn the true meaning of Valentine’s Day. Try not to go into a diabetic coma.

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Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘Mija Weekly’ breaks the ñews 02.04.13 (video)

by Elise Roedenbeck February 4, 2013 El Now
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This week on Mija Weekly I discuss immigration and la ganga de ocho, Obama’s love of skeet, and I celebrate Black History Month Peruvian style — all while battling the flu! Don’t forget to leave me your comments below; I promise I’m not contagious. PREVIOUSLY ON MIJA WEEKLY…

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New study: Racists are less likely to understand satire

by Elise Roedenbeck January 28, 2013 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from DIXIE) In a groundbreaking study just released by Atlanta’s Center for Brain Development Place, scientists have found that the more racist an individual is the less likely he or she is to comprehend satire. In the controversial study, published in Totally Not Made Up Magazine last week, participants were asked to read […]

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Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘Mija Weekly’ breaks the ñews 1/28 (video)

by Elise Roedenbeck January 28, 2013 El Now
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In the second installment of Mija Weekly ñews wrap I discuss lip-synching, immigration, my chusma hair dresser and I answer questions from you pochos. Also I don’t drop the F-bomb. Thank you to everyone who watched last week! Don’t forget to leave me your comments below. RELATED: Previously on Mija Weekly…

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Local woman tired of having personal relationship with bodega owner

by Elise Roedenbeck January 7, 2013 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from DA BRONX) Area resident Paloma Campos is fed up with the “familiarity” at her local bodega. Campos, a molecular biologist, complained to friends last week about the exhausting personal relationship she’s expected to maintain with bodega owner Victor Martinez (photo, right.) “Why can’t I just buy a can of soda without discussing […]

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Last known bottle of Jean Naté is returned to original gifter

by Elise Roedenbeck December 26, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from NEWARK) After 19 years of being regifted, the last known bottle of Jean Naté After Bath Splash has been returned to its original gifter here, PNS has learned. Josefina de la Placa, a registered nurse, purchased the bottle in 1983 at the Rexall on Lafayette Avenue in Hawthorne as a Christmas gift […]

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Hypochondriac uncle discovers amazing Internet cure — cactus juice

by Elise Roedenbeck December 18, 2012 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDITA) Arturo Marengo has discovered the secret to youth, longevity, perfect health and fitness, again. After spending last Wednesday on WebonMD trying to diagnose the dull ache in his left index finger, Marengo stumbled across an ad for Nopalea Cactus Juice and Health Supplement. Though in his mid 30s, Marengo, a […]

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I could have been an astrophysicist, except I’m a Latina

by Elise Roedenbeck December 11, 2012 Cultura
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Back in October, Florida created a new set of educational policies which permits/expects blacks and Latinos to test lower on standardized tests than whites or Asian students.  Since they’re expected to test lower,  Florida thereby eliminates the  embarassing “achievement gap” and the white education bureaucrats can “stand their ground.” While we’re at it, why don’t we […]

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Pocho Ocho things Senator John McCain still needs to know

by Elise Roedenbeck November 30, 2012 El Now
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In the wake of the Benghazi attacks, Sen. John McCain still has “many many” unanswered questions. Even after a private meeting with U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice and acting CIA Director Michael Morell, McCain’s thirst for knowledge remains unquenched. Here are the pocho ocho things he still needs to know: 8. Where is this Ben Ghazi […]

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Woman reunited with beloved childhood llama – llama indifferent

by Elise Roedenbeck November 30, 2012 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from PERU) Rosalin Llosa learned the hard way that absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder. On a recent trip to her birthplace of Arequipa, Peru, Rosalin was reunited with her beloved childhood llama, Pepita. Though Rosalin raised the orphaned llama from infancy, the animal remained aloof to her presence. “I thought she’d get […]

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