Lucida Grandé

@MexicanMitt TV ad: ‘The Most Mexican Man In The World’

by Chale Knickerbocker February 9, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from an undisclosed Goat Ranch in Chihuahua) Mexican Mitt Romney’s headquarters here today released their first television commercial, a tribute to the “most Mexican man in the world.” This ad shows why @MexicanMitt is the leader of the Juan Percent. He doesn’t always make TV commercials, but when he does, they’re pinche funny. Stay [...]

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Are Castro and Chavez planning KomradPad tablet and CheOS?

by Lucida Grandé February 2, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from EL OTRO LADO) Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez and Cuba’s Fidel Castro are developing their own communist tablet computer, the KomradPad, and  a custom commie operating system tentatively dubbed CheOS, according to industry sources. Initial apps are said to include a Zynga-style game called Collective Farmville, a first-person shooter named Comrade In Arms: Road [...]

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BREAKING: Cain backs Gingrich, releases campaign poster

by Lucida Grandé January 28, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) In an apparent play for the VP nod, former gangster pizza mogul and serial groper Herman Cain has endorsed former Freaker of the Spouse Newt Gingrich in his bid for the Republican presidential nomination. Enthusiastic Cain aides leaked this prototype of their dream ticket campaign poster. Earlier this week, the [...]

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Shocking study links global warming and Latino immigration

by Lucida Grandé January 27, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) The warmer the U.S. gets, the more Latinos live here. That’s the controversial conclusion of a scientific study released Thursday by the Demographic Climatology Trend Institute at Maricopa County Community College. “We don’t know if the warmer weather makes El Norte a more comfortable place to live for Mexicans used to [...]

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PETA: Mexican quinoa vs chia cartel wars hurt Fido, Fluffy

by Lucida Grandé January 20, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) Skyrocketing demand for “perfect foods” has fueled a war between the rival QuinoaTraficante and ChiaTraficante agricultural cartels as they fight for market dominance – and Fido and Fluffy are the latest “collateral damage.” Texas People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) say recent attacks on Mexican chia seed production — apparently at the [...]

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Secret New Hampshire: They lie about origins, talk funny and hate God

by Lucida Grandé January 10, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from NEW ENGLAND) New Hampshire is the small Yanqui state where Republicans vote today in a primary election. When tonight’s results come in, remember where they’re coming from – a jurisdiction where people live a lie, talk in a dialect devoid in rhoticity and don’t go to church like other Americans! These are [...]

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