(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Selena Gomez plans to sue the National Security Agency for photographing her naked and publishing the photos on the Internets last week, according to a statement just released by her attorney.
“Ms. Gomez was minding her own business, just watching some YouTube videos while she got dressed for a Hollywood function,” Century City lawyer Nigel Zucker told reporters at a press conference here Tuesday morning.
“The NSA illegally hacked the camera on her Dell Latitude E7240 thin and light UltraBook running Windows 8.1 and took several unauthorized videos and photos of her au naturel. If that’s what they mean by Intel Inside, we won’t have any part of it!”
“Ms. Gomez is a victim here and we intend to use the law to bring the responsible parties to justice,” the attorney told the media at a hastily-called Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel briefing. “She didn’t even know these photos existed until they showed up online! Thanks for nothing, Obama!”
(PNS reporting from MIAMI) Gerardo Lamas, the official spokesman for all Hispanics in the United States, resigned Thursday night.
“This is a bullshit job and I’ll never be able to please anybody,” he told PNS in a late-night phone call. “I mean, I’ve been at this for a while, and let me tell you, it hasn’t gotten any easier. Que effin’ lastima, right? I’m throwing up my hands!”
“The truth is it’s ridiculous to expect one person to be able to speak for millions from diverse backgrounds, geopolitical situations, economic castes and region-specific cultures,” he said. “Rachel Maddow calls, Fox News calls, Esteban Colberto calls, and even your guy Al Madrigal from The Daily Show calls. Thank God for Caller ID!” [Mas…]
(PNS reporting from IRVINE, CA) Roland Vega, 33, formerly known as “Rolando,” has come to an important moment in his life: He’s transitioned from a “Chicano” to a “Hispanic.”
The decision to change the way he self-identifies came as somewhat of a shock to his family and his homeboys, but not necessarily to Vega’s former Hispanic fraternity brothers.
He made the announcement on Facebook Sunday night.
“You know, Roli — er, I mean, Roland — was always the most radical Chicano in the fraternity, but c’mon man, he was studying accounting. I kinda always knew he was going to end up a Hispanic,” said Ed Taboada, Vega’s college roommate. [Mas…]
(PNS reporting from ANCHORAGE, AK) Some they call him Joe, some they call him Doh! but one group of Alaska voters is 100% behind Joe Miller, the Tea Party-affiliated candidate who is seeking a United States Senate nomination.
“His campaign mailer (click on photo to enlarge) convinced us that Miller will do a great job keeping the thriving Latino community of Alaska in check,” read a press release issued Thursday by Cecilia Jones, the president of National Organization for Minorities, Advertisements, Media Exposure and Symbolism. “And that especially goes for your drug-dealing border-crossing tat-wearing illegal alien Democrat voters!” [Mas…]
Actually, they call this flatbread “roti” or “chapati” in Pakistan and India but they’re all tortillas to me. Note: Totally tubular comal!
BIG LIST O’ FLATBREADS OF THE WORLD: [Mas…]
Almost no science fiction and fantasy movies feature protagonists of color — not to mention women of color — but thankfully we have Zoe Saldaña! Check out this study and awful infographic from Lee & Low Books: