Victor Payan

Screen Shot 2014-02-18 at 8.10.28 AM(PNS reporting from MARICOPA COUNTY) In a breaking development on a story first reported by POCHO in 2012, packs of wild Chihuahuas have taken over and are terrorizing a small town in Maricopa County, AZ.

The roving bands of pint-sized pooches have residents mortified, primarily because locals are afraid of anything remotely Mexican. Officials agree that the dogs’ bark is worse than their bite, however, there is one factor that has locals up in arms about this mini “ruff-conquista.”

[Mas…]

{ 2 comments }

Screen Shot 2014-02-18 at 6.27.09 AM(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Texas is the state with the worst R&B in the nation, according to a new study by the University of Texas at Austin.  The Lone Star state, which has a earned a reputation as the home of blues legends such as Robert Johnson, Albert Collins and Stevie Ray Vaughan, has experienced a mass exodus of R&B talent, seeking fame and fortune in such states as Florida, California and Michigan.

“We are experiencing the worst R&B drought since 1974, when R&B was redefined to exclude the blues,” says UT researcher Austin Heepy. “Today, R&B stands for Ridiculously & Bad.”

[Mas…]

{ 0 comments }

blondie llamaNew Wave band Blondie was known for their dance-friendly blend of disco, punk, funk and rap.  Few fans know, however, that the American band became a sensation in Bolivia in 1980, when they released Llama Me, a companion Spanish-language version of their radio hit Call Me.

To this day, Blondie are national heroes in Bolivia, and Llama Me is a staple drinking song during the country’s annual Alacitas festival of abundance. It is also the national anthem for Bolivian gigolos.

Check out the video: [Mas…]

{ 0 comments }

cheechandchongsuperbowl(PNS reporting from NEW YORK) The National Football League confirmed widespread rumors this morning that legendary comedy team Cheech and Chong will be performing during Sunday’s Super Bowl Halftime Show.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell told potheads who had been holding their breath that they could now exhale. Their counterculture comedy heroes WILL perform at the game, a championship match that features teams from the two states, Colorado and Washington, that legalized recreational marijuana use this year.

“The grass won’t only be on the field this Sunday,” he said. [Mas…]

{ 2 comments }

chrischristiewhack(PNS reporting from TRENTON) Sources close to New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie say the embattled state “boss” may invoke special powers to “whack” disgraced New Jersey Port Authority official David Wildstein over the George Washington Bridge scandal.

Calls to Christie’s lawyers at the offices of Bada, Bing & Bada-Boehm confirm that “causing one to be humiliated” is sufficient to trigger termination of a staffer. [Mas…]

{ 0 comments }

Not so long ago
And not very far
Lived a jolly young man
With a lowrider car

His name it was Felix
Navidad was his name
And he was known round the world
So great was his fame

He was just a man
Just like you or like me
He couldn’t fly through the air
Or walk on the sea

But his heart it was big
And his soul knew no cages
And wherever he went
He brought gifts for children of all ages

He didn’t have elves
Way up at the North Pole
But he knew lots of Hopi
Maya, Navaho and Huichol [Mas…]

{ 0 comments }

José Cuauhtémoc ‘Bill’ Melendez: ‘A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving’ (video)

by Victor Payan November 28, 2013 Cartoons
Thumbnail image for José Cuauhtémoc ‘Bill’ Melendez: ‘A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving’ (video)

While folks in pocholandia fall hotly on both sides of the Thanksgiving debate, one thing is agreed upon: Charlie Brown holiday specials rock! What many people don’t know, however, is that animator Bill Melendez, producer of the classic Peanuts animated specials, (including A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving) was born in Hermosillo, Mexico, and his real name […]

[Mas…]

New from Rick Bayless: Pocho Ocho Thanksgiving dinner ideas

by Victor Payan November 26, 2013 Cultura
Thumbnail image for New from Rick Bayless: Pocho Ocho Thanksgiving dinner ideas

As a guide to Pochos thinking of boycotting Thanksgiving as a symbol of American imperialism, we offer several more indigenous AND ingenious options for a healthy and tasty holiday dinner that does not remind people of genocide. Why settle for a Turducken, when you can have these savory dishes compiled from the new cookbook: Native […]

[Mas…]

Breaking Ñews : Bimbo intros Twinkie-like ‘Blonde Bimbo’

by Victor Payan November 25, 2013 El Now
Thumbnail image for Breaking Ñews : Bimbo intros Twinkie-like ‘Blonde Bimbo’

(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) On the heels of Mexican baking behemoth Grupo Bimbo’s announcement that they changed the name of their controversial snack cake Bimbo Negrito to the less offenive Bimbo Nito, the company has revealed a new Twinkie-like snack cake for the U.S. market called the Blonde Bombo. The Blonde Bimbo will be available […]

[Mas…]

Nissan picks a winner with new Moco minicar

by Victor Payan November 18, 2013 El Now
Thumbnail image for Nissan picks a winner with new Moco minicar

(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) In a surprise move, the prestigious Guanajuato Auto Show has picked the new Nissan Moco as the 2014 Car of the Year. The Moco, which has dominated the Pakistani market for three years, was flicked across the Pacific this year to compete with other minicars such as the Ford Fresa […]

[Mas…]

‘Chihuahua Country Safari’ launches Kickstarter campaign

by Victor Payan November 15, 2013 El Now
Thumbnail image for ‘Chihuahua Country Safari’ launches Kickstarter campaign

(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Local breakfast taco deliveryman Ron Garcia is just $5,980 away from realizing his dream of starting the nation’s first wild Chihuahua sanctuary. The sanctuary, dubbed Chihuahua Country Safari, has a Kickstarter campaign that Garcia hopes will raise the much needed $6,000 to turn his backyard into a haven for the […]

[Mas…]

Breaking: U.S. braces for social media #TMITuesday

by Victor Payan October 7, 2013 El Now
Thumbnail image for Breaking: U.S. braces for social media #TMITuesday

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) With their employer, the United States government, crippled by a shutdown, bored furloughed federal workers here plan to make tomorrow “TMI Tuesday.” The social media campaign, which carries the slogan Brace Yourself Before You Face Yourself, has Washington insiders shaking, fearing a sleazy slew of photographs from GOP fundraisers, Dick […]

[Mas…]

Taco Bell serving ‘soylent gringo’? GMO corn causes concern

by Victor Payan August 20, 2013 El Now
Thumbnail image for Taco Bell serving ‘soylent gringo’? GMO corn causes concern

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) A new Food and Drug Administration study has detected a questionable strain of genetically-engineered corn in taco shells produced for Taco Bell. “It could cause digestive problems, cramping, spasms, allergic reactions and even night blindness,” Colonel Ben Enoso of the FDA’s Genetic Corn Division told a press conference Monday. “Unfortunately, […]

[Mas…]

Vicente Fernandez responds to racist tirade against Latino singers

by Victor Payan July 19, 2013 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Vicente Fernandez responds to racist tirade against Latino singers

After the second tirade against a US-born Latino singing patriotic anthems, it’s time to say this: Racist Americans, you are officially cut off. Hand over the keys. Drink some coffee and sober up. Call a cab. Take a hike. I don’t care. Just get off the road. In the meantime, here’s a lesson on what […]

[Mas…]

‘They maid me do it,’ says Latina juror in Zimmerman case

by Victor Payan July 17, 2013 El Now
Thumbnail image for ‘They maid me do it,’ says Latina juror in Zimmerman case

(PNS reporting from FLORIDA) In the latest shocking development in the George Zimmerman trial, Juror B29, the only person of color on the jury, is claiming she was coerced by the five Anglo female jurors into delivering a “Not Guilty” verdict. Juror B29 (photo), a Latina woman, says the other jurors threatened to deport her and […]

[Mas…]

Heavy-Ass Ñews: U.S. is losing ‘War on Weight’ to Mexico

by Victor Payan July 12, 2013 El Now
Thumbnail image for Heavy-Ass Ñews: U.S. is losing ‘War on Weight’ to Mexico

(PNS reporting from MEXICO) In news that sent copious ripples across the border belt, a study released this week reports that Mexico has surpassed the U.S. as the fattest country in the world. The revelation infuriated Republican leaders, who saw it as another sign that America is losing its leadership edge in the international arena. “First […]

[Mas…]

Dave Alvin (ex-Blaster): ‘Hey, baby, it’s the 4th of July!’ (music video)

by Victor Payan July 4, 2013 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Dave Alvin (ex-Blaster): ‘Hey, baby, it’s the 4th of July!’ (music video)

Here’s to all the lovelorn working stiffs and Mexican kids shooting fireworks below. Hey, baby, it’s the 4th of July!  Keep your fingers and barbecue eyebrows safe! [Downey homeboy Dave Alvin]

[Mas…]

POCHO’s musical shout out to TX Sen. Wendy Davis (videos)

by Victor Payan June 28, 2013 El Now
Thumbnail image for POCHO’s musical shout out to TX Sen. Wendy Davis (videos)

POCHO celebrates Texas Sen. Wendy Davis for her heroic filibuster to stop the draconian “Mourning After Bill.” Here’s a vintage video from The Association that says what thousands of Pochas all over Texas are feeling. OMG! Is that a young Sen. Davis in this video? Who knew? (Everyone?) Viva Wendy or Windy, whatever! Breaking! Straight […]

[Mas…]