Victor Payan

hategene(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) They think they’ve finally figured it out: A single gene — passed from father to son — is responsible for the hateful words and actions perpetrated by white males.

A 20-year-long Northwestern University study on male aggression, released this morning, backs their conclusion.

The report, Male Pattern Whiteness: Genesis or Genetics, details a genetic relationship between male whiteness and the wave of white-originated violence sweeping the country, like mass shootings, killer cops and senseless foreign wars. [Mas…]

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losabbasIt is a little known fact that 1970s supergroup ABBA became heroes to blonde Latinos throughout the Americas when the Spanish-language versions of the group’s singles Chiquitita, Fernando, Mama Mia and Dancing Queen failed to identify the band as Swedish.  For years, Latin Americans treasured what they thought was the first Argentine band to hit it big.

To this day, older fans still wear their faded Se ABBA Español t-shirts and fair-haired fresas in Mexico City think that ABBA’s Frida Lyngstad painted surreal portraits of monkeys and Diego Rivera in her spare time. [Mas…]

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Tijuana was a welcoming destination for Jewish refugees who fled Europe, Asia and the Mideast looking for a better life. This is one family’s story, and a POCHO Rosh HaShanah (New Year) tradition because shanah sorta rhymes with Tijuana. The Jewish year 5775 begins at sundown Wednesday, September 24; we wish all who celebrate a happy, healthy, peaceful, loving, prosperous and sweet New Year.

OY! DON’T RUN AWAY SO FAST! HOW ABOUT SOME NICE KOSHER NACHOS AKA TOTOPOS DE GRIBEÑES CON GUACAMOLE?

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For generations, Americans have revered The Star-Spangled Banner as their National Anthem, singing it at baseball games, karaoke nights and Fourth of July celebrations around the country.

It may come as a surprise, however, that the song’s author, Francis Scott Key, was actually a Mexican immigrant named Francisco Scott Quiñones and that the song was written to his friend and fellow immigrant Jose Canusi after witnessing the storied defense of Ft. McHenry on Sept. 16, 1814.

According to records in the National Archives, the original manuscript (image, below)  begins with the words: “Jose, can you see by the dawn’s early light?”

Long a source of pride in the Mexican-American community, the subject of Francis Scott Key’s true identity is taboo in academia and historical re-enactment circles.

“The National Anthem’s Mexican roots are America’s best-kept secret,” says UCLA Musicologist T. Gray Del Norte. ”And it makes perfect sense if you consider that the Statue of Liberty is French and the U.S. Constitution is based on the Iroquois Confederacy.” [Mas…]


Roots rock singer/guitar slinger and East Los homie (Downey) Dave Alvin sings a classic ode to America, folky roots, broken hearts, independence and Mexican kids shooting fireworks. Hey, baby, it’s the Fourth of July!

(PNS reporting from MEXICO) Mexican researchers are baffled by the discovery of a lost tribe of Frenchmen living in an artfully-decorated cave in the foothills of Mt. Popocatépetl in the state of Puebla.

The Frenchmen, found by a group of hikers, are believed to be descended from a military patrol that went missing in 1862, during the French occupation of Mexico.

The cave was discovered when the hikers followed the distinct smell of espresso to its entrance.  Upon entering, they found the walls painted with scenes of picnics and absinthe drinkers and the floors littered with empty bottles of the hallucinatory liqueur.

Through the process of cabron-dating, which involves reading the label on the bottle, it was confirmed the absinthe was from the Napoleonic Era. [Mas…]

maythe4thbewithyou2Xapi Star Guars Day!


El Baile del Coñejito (The Bunny Rabbit Dance) from Los Agresivos de la Sierra is a Happy Easter shoutout from Zacatecas to Honduras, El Salvador, Guatemala, Mexico and the EEUU of A!

Wild Chihuahuas terrorize Arizona town

by Victor Payan February 18, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from MARICOPA COUNTY) In a breaking development on a story first reported by POCHO in 2012, packs of wild Chihuahuas have taken over and are terrorizing a small town in Maricopa County, AZ. The roving bands of pint-sized pooches have residents mortified, primarily because locals are afraid of anything remotely Mexican. Officials agree […]

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Video: Texas leads nation in bad R&B/hot Latinas

by Dru Ron Ron February 18, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Texas is the state with the worst R&B in the nation, according to a new study by the University of Texas at Austin.  The Lone Star state, which has a earned a reputation as the home of blues legends such as Robert Johnson, Albert Collins and Stevie Ray Vaughan, has […]

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Blondie’s Spanish-language ‘Llama Me’ was a big hit in Bolivia (video)

by Victor Payan February 6, 2014 Cultura
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New Wave band Blondie was known for their dance-friendly blend of disco, punk, funk and rap.  Few fans know, however, that the American band became a sensation in Bolivia in 1980, when they released Llama Me, a companion Spanish-language version of their radio hit Call Me. To this day, Blondie are national heroes in Bolivia, […]

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Breaking: Cheech and Chong join Super ‘Bowl’ halftime show

by Victor Payan January 31, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from NEW YORK) The National Football League confirmed widespread rumors this morning that legendary comedy team Cheech and Chong will be performing during Sunday’s Super Bowl Halftime Show. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell told potheads who had been holding their breath that they could now exhale. Their counterculture comedy heroes WILL perform at the […]

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Christie may use power to ‘whack’ Wildstein re bridge scandal

by Victor Payan January 10, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from TRENTON) Sources close to New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie say the embattled state “boss” may invoke special powers to “whack” disgraced New Jersey Port Authority official David Wildstein over the George Washington Bridge scandal. Calls to Christie’s lawyers at the offices of Bada, Bing & Bada-Boehm confirm that “causing one to be […]

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Poetry for Christmas: The Amazing Story of Felix Navidad

by Victor Payan December 24, 2013 Cultura
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Not so long ago And not very far Lived a jolly young man With a lowrider car His name it was Felix Navidad was his name And he was known round the world So great was his fame He was just a man Just like you or like me He couldn’t fly through the air […]

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José Cuauhtémoc ‘Bill’ Melendez: ‘A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving’ (video)

by Victor Payan November 28, 2013 Cartoons
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While folks in pocholandia fall hotly on both sides of the Thanksgiving debate, one thing is agreed upon: Charlie Brown holiday specials rock! What many people don’t know, however, is that animator Bill Melendez, producer of the classic Peanuts animated specials, (including A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving) was born in Hermosillo, Mexico, and his real name […]

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New from Rick Bayless: Pocho Ocho Thanksgiving dinner ideas

by Victor Payan November 26, 2013 Cultura
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As a guide to Pochos thinking of boycotting Thanksgiving as a symbol of American imperialism, we offer several more indigenous AND ingenious options for a healthy and tasty holiday dinner that does not remind people of genocide. Why settle for a Turducken, when you can have these savory dishes compiled from the new cookbook: Native […]

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Breaking Ñews : Bimbo intros Twinkie-like ‘Blonde Bimbo’

by Victor Payan November 25, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) On the heels of Mexican baking behemoth Grupo Bimbo’s announcement that they changed the name of their controversial snack cake Bimbo Negrito to the less offenive Bimbo Nito, the company has revealed a new Twinkie-like snack cake for the U.S. market called the Blonde Bombo. The Blonde Bimbo will be available […]

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Nissan picks a winner with new Moco minicar

by Victor Payan November 18, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) In a surprise move, the prestigious Guanajuato Auto Show has picked the new Nissan Moco as the 2014 Car of the Year. The Moco, which has dominated the Pakistani market for three years, was flicked across the Pacific this year to compete with other minicars such as the Ford Fresa […]

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‘Chihuahua Country Safari’ launches Kickstarter campaign

by Victor Payan November 15, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Local breakfast taco deliveryman Ron Garcia is just $5,980 away from realizing his dream of starting the nation’s first wild Chihuahua sanctuary. The sanctuary, dubbed Chihuahua Country Safari, has a Kickstarter campaign that Garcia hopes will raise the much needed $6,000 to turn his backyard into a haven for the […]

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Breaking: U.S. braces for social media #TMITuesday

by Victor Payan October 7, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) With their employer, the United States government, crippled by a shutdown, bored furloughed federal workers here plan to make tomorrow “TMI Tuesday.” The social media campaign, which carries the slogan Brace Yourself Before You Face Yourself, has Washington insiders shaking, fearing a sleazy slew of photographs from GOP fundraisers, Dick […]

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Taco Bell serving ‘soylent gringo’? GMO corn causes concern

by Victor Payan August 20, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) A new Food and Drug Administration study has detected a questionable strain of genetically-engineered corn in taco shells produced for Taco Bell. “It could cause digestive problems, cramping, spasms, allergic reactions and even night blindness,” Colonel Ben Enoso of the FDA’s Genetic Corn Division told a press conference Monday. “Unfortunately, […]

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Vicente Fernandez responds to racist tirade against Latino singers

by Victor Payan July 19, 2013 Cultura
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After the second tirade against a US-born Latino singing patriotic anthems, it’s time to say this: Racist Americans, you are officially cut off. Hand over the keys. Drink some coffee and sober up. Call a cab. Take a hike. I don’t care. Just get off the road. In the meantime, here’s a lesson on what […]

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‘They maid me do it,’ says Latina juror in Zimmerman case

by Victor Payan July 17, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from FLORIDA) In the latest shocking development in the George Zimmerman trial, Juror B29, the only person of color on the jury, is claiming she was coerced by the five Anglo female jurors into delivering a “Not Guilty” verdict. Juror B29 (photo), a Latina woman, says the other jurors threatened to deport her and […]

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Heavy-Ass Ñews: U.S. is losing ‘War on Weight’ to Mexico

by Victor Payan July 12, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from MEXICO) In news that sent copious ripples across the border belt, a study released this week reports that Mexico has surpassed the U.S. as the fattest country in the world. The revelation infuriated Republican leaders, who saw it as another sign that America is losing its leadership edge in the international arena. “First […]

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