Dear Abuelita

Dear Abuelita: Cholo scars, snoring horrors, mota bars

by Dear Abuelita June 20, 2012 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Dear Abuelita: Cholo scars, snoring horrors, mota bars

Yo, Abeuelita, sup? In my wayward youth I was a gangbanger and have the bullet wounds, knife scars and tats to prove it. But those days are over and I’m now a legally-employed husband and dad with two kids. The shorties are getting big enough to where they will soon begin to ask me questions [...]

[Mas…]

Dear Abuelita: Maybe I’m doing it wrong, Chican@, burning bras

by Dear Abuelita June 13, 2012 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Dear Abuelita: Maybe I’m doing it wrong, Chican@, burning bras

Dear Abuelita: I’ll give to you straight. I’m newly-married and confused. My wife won’t give me oral sex and she refuses to let me do her. She says it is sinful. We were both virgins when we were married so it didn’t come up before, but it’s making things difficult in the bedroom. She won’t [...]

[Mas…]

Dear Abuelita: Love cab for fatty, pee-pee pequeño, pochas in jorts

by Dear Abuelita June 6, 2012 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Dear Abuelita: Love cab for fatty, pee-pee pequeño, pochas in jorts

Dear Abuelita: Why do Mexicans/pochas always wear cutoff jeans to the playa? It bothers me that we have some of the most beautiful women in our raza that they are not proud of their beauty. Signed, El Pocho Dear Beach Bothered Bingo, So, according to you, Mexicans (pochas) need to walk around the beach with [...]

[Mas…]

Dear Abuelita: Look it up, paranoid guy and K-Y® Brand Jelly

by Dear Abuelita May 30, 2012 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Dear Abuelita: Look it up, paranoid guy and K-Y® Brand Jelly

Dear Abuelita, In elementary school they used to make us sing a song “Over the river and through the woods to Grandmother’s house to we go. The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh through the white and drifted snow!” Huh? Both my abuelas died before I was born so I never met them [...]

[Mas…]

Dear Abuelita: Obama or Romney? Flour or corn? Quinceaneras?

by Dear Abuelita May 23, 2012 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Dear Abuelita: Obama or Romney? Flour or corn? Quinceaneras?

Dear Abuelita, What are you drinking? Is that “Chocolate Abuelita?” It looks different. Anyway…I heard that Mitt Romney really likes Hispanics. Do you think I should vote for him or should I vote for my Negrito again? At least I know that he supports the Dream Act. Aayy! Abuelita, please ease my worries. Signed, Aye [...]

[Mas…]

Dear Abuelita: Prisoner’s dilemma, flashback to the Summer of Love

by Dear Abuelita May 16, 2012 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Dear Abuelita: Prisoner’s dilemma, flashback to the Summer of Love

Dear Abuelita, OK so I went to this internet dating site and filled out this long questionnaire about my inner feelings and wants and desires and what are my values and what is important to me and all that and still I get no replies from the chicas I email. I will be out in [...]

[Mas…]

Dear Abuelita: Foreskin and seven years ago, I’ve got man boobs

by Dear Abuelita May 9, 2012 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Dear Abuelita: Foreskin and seven years ago, I’ve got man boobs

Dear Abuelita, I have still my cuero (foreskin) and I was wondering if I get circumcised will I feel better when I am inside a choncho or will I be wasting my ficha. Signed, Extra Carne Dear Extra Carne Carnal, Some people dislike extra carnita on their flauta but a little foreskin can be fun [...]

[Mas…]

Dear Abuelita: Gay for a day, my 34C boobs, a career in modeling

by Dear Abuelita May 2, 2012 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Dear Abuelita: Gay for a day, my 34C boobs, a career in modeling

Dear Abuelita, I wear a 34C bra. My boyfriend is always scoping out girls with bigger boobs. Should I get implants? Titi Caca Dear Titi Caca, Here’s what you need to do: Tell your boyfriend to look in the mirror the next time he wants to see a big boob then dump the pendejo. As [...]

[Mas…]

Dear Abuelita: No Baby Daddy in sight and I’m running out of eggs

by Dear Abuelita April 25, 2012 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Dear Abuelita: No Baby Daddy in sight and I’m running out of eggs

Dear Abuelita, I’m a responsible woman closing in on 40 and I want a baby. Currently, there are no Baby Daddy prospects in sight and I don’t think I can wait much longer for one. Should I have a little mocoso on my own and if I do, will any man ever be interested in [...]

[Mas…]

Dear Abuelita: Does my extensive toy frog collection scare off men?

by Dear Abuelita April 18, 2012 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Dear Abuelita: Does my extensive toy frog collection scare off men?

Dear Abuelita, For the last 20 years of my 30, I’ve been collecting toy frogs. My apartment is so full of frogs there is barely a place to sit down. I’ve never had a long-term boyfriend because I can never invite them over for fear they will freak out. How can I find a man [...]

[Mas…]

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →