El Now

Mitt Romney: I’m proud to announce my new bank, JP Mormon

by GOV. WILLARD MITT ROMNEY May 16, 2012 El Now
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Barack Hussein Obama’s biggest donors and best crony capitalist friends at JP Morgan Chase recently lost over two billion dollars in risky trades. Instead of wailing about this so-called “Wall Street reform” nonsense, I have decided to open my own bank and mega Wall Street trading firm: JP Mormon. At JP Mormon, we promise to [...]

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Twitter War! Iron Sheik says Jose Canseco ‘Worst Mexican of All Time’

by S.J. Rivera May 15, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from DIXIE) Though the competition was stiffer than Ronald Reagan’s corpse, retired MLB douchebag and Twitter hack Jose Canseco has been declared the Worst Mexican of All Time by ex-professional wrestler The Iron Sheik. Canseco has the “raisin balls” and is an embarrassment to all of Mexico, The Sheik told PNS. The contest [...]

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Starbucks test-markets nopal, chile-flavored drinks in East Los Angeles

by Barney Asada May 14, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from BOYLE HEIGHTS) Starbucks Coffee starts test-marketing their new nopal, chile and mole-flavored coffee drinks exclusively in this East Los Angeles enclave today. Staying true to their gentrified roots, Starbucks based the new varieties on past-the-expiration-date flavors from more upscale stores  – adding chemical food coloring for “eye appeal.”

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Ñewsweek: Chanclas, foreskins, gay political football, meaning of life

by Comic Saenz May 13, 2012 El Now
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“If the chancla flies, your mom is wise,” noted defense attorney Juan E. Cocran told the court, and we’ve got video to prove it. The epic flying chanclas video topped the list of big estories on POCHO this week, but only just squeezed out the Mexclusive guest editorial by GOP nominee wannabe Mexican Mitt Romney, [...]

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Fired undocumented gardener sorry he ‘peed on Romney’s petunias’

by JERRY RIVERS May 11, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from BEVERLY HILLS) Inspired by Mitt Romney’s apology for assaulting a long-haired commie prep school classmate, one of the undocumented gardeners Romney hired and then fired in 1996 has issued his own apology. Berto Lopez, now working as a freelance arborist in Beverly Hills, regrets he once peed on the then-governor’s prized petunias. “I [...]

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President Obama backs gay marriage

by Lalo Alcaraz May 10, 2012 Cartoons
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Mexican Mitt Romney: Obama is spiking the gay football

by MEXICAN MITT ROMNEY May 10, 2012 El Now
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AJUA!! I am Mexican Mitt Romney, and I am here to clear the record on the GAY MARRIAGE. Contrary to reports by ABC News and Perez Hilton about Barack Obama being the first president to approve of same-sex marriage, I invented it, and now Barack Obama is hogging all the credit! If you ask me, [...]

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Blonde Mexican dissident seeks asylum in Chinese restaurant

by JUAN POCHO DE LEON May 9, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from GUADALAJARA) Blonde Mexican dissident Pablo Rubio holed up in a Chinese restaurant here after eluding taunting neighbors who say he can’t be Mexican since he is fair-haired and light-skinned. Rubio was spirited away from his home in a car trunk at noon yesterday by friends who convinced suspicious local gang members the getaway [...]

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Attention, North Carolina voters:

by Mack Reed May 9, 2012 Cartoons
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Where is the youth enthusiasm for Obama 2012? (Daily Show video)

by Andalé Mono May 8, 2012 El Now
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These darn kids today with their hoodies and Google Goggles and personal jetpacks — are they as excited about this year’s presidential election as they were in 2008? The Daily Show’s Senior Latino Correspondent Al Madrigal went to Virginia Commonwealth University to investigate.

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