Doomsday Countdown

Food News: Flying burger copter delivers lunch in England (video)

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It’s not bogus like the taco copter or merely a proof of concept like the flying burrito bomber. It’s not a product that hasn’t shipped yet, like the 3D tortilla printer. The flying hamburger copter is here; actually it’s over there, in London. As a matter of fact, if you’re in London now, order a burger to go with everything on it to be delivered to the POCHO office. When they ask for money, tell ’em Wimpy sent you.

Are UFO/OVNIs flying into the Popocatepetl volcano AGAIN? (video)

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That Popocatepetl OVNI/UFO that wasn’t really there last time is back again, captured over the weekend by the 24/7 PopoCam. This time, the “optical illusion” — or whatever they end up calling it — heads from outer espace PAST the smoldering crater and then hangs a U-TURN before diving into the volcano.

PREVIOUSLY ON EL POPO UFO/OVNI WATCH:

Mas…Are UFO/OVNIs flying into the Popocatepetl volcano AGAIN? (video)

Obama visits Oklahoma to inspect damage caused by weather machine

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(PNS reporting from OKLAHOMA) Standing by a pile of debris that once was an elementary school, President Barack Obama on Sunday called the destruction caused last week’s tornado “fairly devastating” and vowed to seek additional funding to increase the catastrophic power of his weather control program.

Obama’s E-5 category tornado killed two dozen people, ripped a 17-mile-long corridor of destruction through the suburb of Oklahoma City, flattening entire blocks of homes, two schools and a hospital.

“This is nothing. Obviously we can do better,” the president said, standing on a block where lumber, bricks and concrete that used to be houses and businesses lined the side of the street. Items that survived the disaster – a blender, a pink baby carriage – stood in stark contrast to most of the wreckage.

Mas…Obama visits Oklahoma to inspect damage caused by weather machine

Fried axolotl, you’re the juan, you make dinner full of yum (photos)

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Wikipedia: The [totally cute] axolotl, or Mexican salamander (Ambystoma mexicanum) is a neotenic salamander, closely related to the tiger salamander.

Larvae of this species fail to undergo metamorphosis, so the adults remain aquatic and gilled.

It is also called ajolote [ɑːhɒˈlɔte] (which is also a common name for different types of salamander).

The species originates from numerous lakes, such as Lake Xochimilco underlying Mexico City.

Axolotls are used extensively in scientific research due to their ability to regenerate limbs.

They are also totally delicious when deep-fried in Osaka, Japan:

Mas…Fried axolotl, you’re the juan, you make dinner full of yum (photos)

Breaking: Ancient Mayan pyramid foreclosed on, demolished

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(PNS reporting from BELIZE CITY) The Nohmul complex, an ancient Mayan pyramid in the north of this Central American country, was recently bulldozed by a local contractor who used the crushed rock to “fill” a road. Nohmul was utilized as a ceremonial center 2,300 years ago.

After public outcry from archaeologists, local authorities said they would investigate the demolition.

Belize real estate attorney Alejandro Bolsa de Duchez defended the destruction:

Mas…Breaking: Ancient Mayan pyramid foreclosed on, demolished

Call me ‘Mr. Balls’ — I’m Brazil’s testicular cancer mascot (photos)

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“Really big testicles.” Where have we heard that lately? Oh, yes the songified stylings of Cleveland’s Charles Ramsey, describing his neighbor the alleged kidnapper. But have we SEEN really big testicles? No, we have not, until the Internet angels brought us these photos of Senhor Testiculo, who is the mascot of the AAPEC Brazilian cancer society.

We have some more photos below and then a link to the photo gallery at the society. There’s also a special link to a news story about a guy who just had surgery to deal with his 134-pound scrotum. No photos of that, though. That would be gross.

Mas…Call me ‘Mr. Balls’ — I’m Brazil’s testicular cancer mascot (photos)

LOLS: Siri talks to Google Voice who talks to Siri who talks to… (video)

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A student at Pratt in New York set up a text-to-speech-to-text loop and the results are amazing and funny. We’ll let Michael Silber explain:

PROCESS

  1. I recorded the audio of Siri reading a selection of text.
  2. I placed a call to myself and played the Siri audio recording into my Google Voice voicemail.
  3. I instructed Siri to read the new Google Voice transcription, including any errors, and recorded a new audio clip.
  4. I placed a call to myself and played the new Siri audio recording back into my Google Voice voicemail.

— I repeated these steps for 50 iterations.

Mas…LOLS: Siri talks to Google Voice who talks to Siri who talks to… (video)

Oxnard man says ‘Hand of God’ saved family from salsa poisoning

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Jar of Herdez Salsa Casera(PNS reporting from OXNARD, CA) Sam Fuentes is certain he and his kids would be dead today if God hadn’t intervened.

“The Lord Almighty — with a strong hand and an outstretched arm — saved us from the Grim Reaper, that’s for sure!” the Del Norte businessman and father of two told PNS. “That salsa coulda killed us, but it didn’t.”

Fuentes called the POCHO ñewsroom tipline (408-POCHO-28) to share his story.

The brush with death by salsa, his voicemail said, began Sunday morning after church when he began preparing pot roast for his children Selena, 9, and Chente, 11, who were “his” over the weekend per terms of the custody agreement with his ex-wife Evangelina.

“I got the recipe right off the Internets from the Herdez gente. I trust Herdez Salsa Casera. I have toda confianza, just like the label says. It’s Mexico’s favorite and my mom always swore by it,” Fuentes said:

Mas…Oxnard man says ‘Hand of God’ saved family from salsa poisoning

Don’t mess w/ Texas! ‘ThumbSnatchers from the Moon Cocoon’ (video)

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Guns don’t kill people, opposable thumbs that pull triggers on guns kill people. And that’s why our Alien Overlords have returned to end our evil ways — by ending our evil thumbs. But the invading Thumb Snatchers from the Moon Cocoon (stupid lunar Daleks with green blood) didn’t reckon on Texas Sheriff Huckiss. The law in Texas doesn’t give much slack to illegal aliens.

Did chupacabras kill 42 sheep on Honduras congressman’s farm?

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Farmworkers showing up at Honduras Congressman Valentin Suárez’ farm near Comayagua last week “found dozens of dead sheep with injuries to their necks. Others had bled to death. Nearly 42 animals were lifeless and another 10 injured,” according to the Inexplicata blog, translating a report from Honduras’ La Prensa:

The cost of each animal is between 1000 and 1,500 lempiras [$50-75]…. Suarez said that the farm’s staff will keep a nocturnal watch in the hopes of finding any clue that may clarify the situation.

Mas…Did chupacabras kill 42 sheep on Honduras congressman’s farm?

LAPD finds Christopher Dorner wallet at Russian meteor crash site

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(PNS reporting from LOS ANGELES) Fugitive ex-cop Christopher Dorner’s wallet was found at the Russian meteor crash site, according to an LAPD statement issued here today.

Although the Los Angeles Police Department does not have an explanation for how the charred wallet ended up on the meteor, observers note the theory supports the “Magic Wallet” theory the LAPD is using to explain how Dorner’s wallet and ID were simultaneously found on a boat in San Diego, at the San Ysidro border and intact in the ashes of the burned out cabin at Big Bear.

Mas…LAPD finds Christopher Dorner wallet at Russian meteor crash site

PNS*Hot*Flash: Yucatán prays for Russia after meteor

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(PNS reporting from MEXICO) This just in: The Yucatán Peninsula is sending thoughts and prayers to the people of the Ural Mountains of Russia impacted by today’s meteorite. “Sixty-six million years ago, one of those pinche asteroids hit me and killed my dinosaurs,” Yucatan told reporters at a hastily-called press conference.  “I am still upset about it.” The Yucatán Peninsula is planning a concert with Juanes and Pitbull to raise funds for the Russian people.

Mas…PNS*Hot*Flash: Yucatán prays for Russia after meteor

Say goodbye to 2012, ‘The Year of the Chancla’ in Mayan Calendar

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Overlooked in the Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday frenzy: December 21 was also the end of the Year of the Chancla, one of nine named years in the Mayan calendar. Here are the pocho ocho other next named years:

2013: Year of the Nopal
2014: Year of the Pendleton
2015: Year of the Nalgas
2016: Year of the Chonies

Mas…Say goodbye to 2012, ‘The Year of the Chancla’ in Mayan Calendar

Breaking: Venezuelan astronomer reveals Mayan Apocalypse schedule

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Email from astronomer and Venezuelan native Ricardo Salamé Páez details today’s schedule for the Mayan Apocalypse:

HORARIO DEL FIN DEL MUNDO para los Habla Hispana

06:30 – Apertura del Fin
07:00 – Lluvia de meteoritos
08:30 – Llegada del primer tsunami
10:00 – Bienvenida de los ovnis
10:30 – flashmob baile de ovnis al estilo de Gangnam
… 11:36 – Comienzo de la Destrucción (sub.)
12:00 – Eclipse y la alineación de todos los planetas del sistema solar
12:00-14:00 – ALMUERZO

Mas…Breaking: Venezuelan astronomer reveals Mayan Apocalypse schedule

Around Our Town: Where to go, what to do for the Mayan Apocalypse

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Rancho Pocho and surrounding communities will be alive with excitement tonight as everyone awaits the End of the World As We Know It at midnight local time. Don’t stay at home — party hardy or die Mayan!

Here’s what’s going on around town:

• FOR THE GENTS: In the Rancho Pocho Downtown Historic District, Club Rico for Gentlemen is offering no cover admission to a special presentation by the North Pole Dancers, the chillest elvettes to ever stuff a thong. Dressed as Santa? All lap dances are 50% off!  Prices good until midnight, of course.

• FOR THE LADIES: Don’t be fat at the end of the world — burn fat at the Grand Opening of the new Spin ‘N’ Thin Spa located where the Gun ‘N’ Run sporting goods store used to be on Miramar in Pocho Hills. Burn, baby, burn with “all you can spin” classes at two-for-one prices. Bring your BFF and spin till you barf at one low price. It’s never too spin to be thin! Special available until midnight.

Mas…Around Our Town: Where to go, what to do for the Mayan Apocalypse

China busts Mayan Apocalypse rumor spreaders, ex-USSR in panic mode

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Denial is not only a river in Egypt but also an official policy of the Chinese Communist Party as the police state’s police arrested dozens for trying to warn the captive population about the Mayan Apocalypse Friday. [Be sure to synchronize your chronometers for The End of the World As We Know It with the OFFICIAL POCHO MAYAN DOOMSDAY countdown clock in the right column of this page.]

These brave “counter-revolutionaries” and “enemies of the people” are behind bars because they dared to tell to truth to billions of clueless Chinos.

Mas…China busts Mayan Apocalypse rumor spreaders, ex-USSR in panic mode

Spanish-speaking ‘holobot’ greets you at Long Beach Airport (video)

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Apocalyptic manifestations are occurring at accelerating rates and spreading all across the country as we approach The End of the World as We Know it on December 21. [SYNCHRONIZE YOUR DEVICES WITH POCHO’S MAYAN APOCALYPSE DOOMSDAY COUNTDOWN CLOCK IN THE RIGHT COLUMN.]

Close to our headquarters in Rancho Pocho, CA, municipal officials just installed a Spanish-speaking hottie robot-like being to offer greets to peeps at Long Beach Airport.

Mas…Spanish-speaking ‘holobot’ greets you at Long Beach Airport (video)

Argentine OVNI investigator warns of spacetime rifts on Route #5

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If you’re planning on driving National Route No. 5 in Argentina’s pampas region — especially between Santa Rosa and Catrilo — be extra careful. There are rifts in the spacetime continuum there, so-called “zonas de pérdida temporal.”  Drivers may be subject to “missing time.”

That’s the warning recently issued by Agentinean Oscar “Quique” Mario, founder of the Centro de Estudios OVNI (CEUFO.)

From the Inexplicata blog:

…People driving along National Route No. 5, specifically the segment between the localities of Lonquimay and Anguil, and who may have sensed time anomalies, should please report it immediately to CEUFO, as we have received reports of three cases at different times and days within the past month.”

Mas…Argentine OVNI investigator warns of spacetime rifts on Route #5

Mayan weed bombs scar U.S. field, Trekkies prepare for Apocalypse

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Every day brings us closer to the End of the World as We Know It on December 21 (synchronize your chronometers with our MAYAN APOCALYPSE DOOMSDAY COUNTDOWN CLOCK in the right column.)

All over the Internets, extremely concerned Trekkies are banding together to wear “expendable red” jerseys on The Last Day, so they can “die as Mr. Gene Rodenberry intended.”

And policia stationed near San Luis, AZ found a freshly-plowed field on the American side of the Colorado River scarred by craters and dotted with payloads of Mayan Marijuana apparently shot by cannabis cannoneers using a pneumatic cannon.

Pneumatic cannon? Federales found an empty industrial-sized CO2 canister, presumably propellant, in their hood.

Mas…Mayan weed bombs scar U.S. field, Trekkies prepare for Apocalypse