Yes, they actually went there. Look for a new dessert this season at Chase Field in Phoenix as the National League Arizona Diamondbacks present the “Churro Dog.” Thankfully, no dogs were harmed in the making of this gut-busting, grand-standing heart-stopping dessert.
The Churro Dog is a warm cinnamon churro sitting inside a Long John chocolate-glazed donut, which is then topped with frozen yogurt, caramel and chocolate sauces. Its estimated calorie count is 1,117.
But the Churro Dog concept wasn’t a random bark in the dark of night, no sir. Many ideas were thrown around the marketing infield, barking up the wrong tree, before the Churro Dog got the front office excited enough to get to third base. And you know what? Here they are — the Diamondback’s Pocho Ocho Top Rejected Dessert Concepts before the Churro Dog:
8. Candy Bra: Lets face it, dude, the gift wasn’t really for your girl — it was for your own enjoyment. If eating chalky conversation hearts is what turns you on, you might as well just give her one. Plus, you could have thrown it on her body when she was naked. Now you just wasted $14.95 instead of Brachs conversation hearts which are 99 cents.
7. Humidifer: Don’t buy shit just because it’s on sale, unless he or she has severe allergies. Do not let yourself look like a mouth breather.
6. Electric Blanket: I know, I know, I actually got this as a gift on Valentine’s Day. He explained that because he had a Jeep I should take it along when we go out. Shortly after the relationship ended, the blanket ended as well when my niece spilled her Dora the Explorer juice box all over it. [Mas…]
Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has reintroduced legislation to take away federal benefits from same-sex married couples. But this troglodyte’s penedjitis is too advanced to stop at one stupid and hateful idea.
That’s right, there’s more — Ted Cruz’s Pocho Ocho Top Legislative Priorities for 2015:
8. Federal guidelines on subsidized school lunches for poor children shall encourage incorporation of nutritious roadkill meat, especially racoon. Now yer ‘coon is a touch on the greasy side, not sweet like ‘possum, but if you cook ‘em up right, mmmmmmm, racoon!
7. Women banned from buying condoms because it curtails a Man’s Right to Reproduce.
6. Solar energy outlawed because it sucks the light right out of the Sun. [Mas…]
Citing the burden of compliance with “big government,” Senator Thom Tills (R-North Carolina)(photo) would let restaurants “opt out” of regulations requiring employees to wash their hands before returning to work.
This isn’t the only rule Tills would eliminate, and he isn’t the only Republican with this opinion. These are the Pocho Ocho top rules the GOP thinks we should ignore:
Johnny Depp couldn’t just cop to being a day late to the Japanese press conference. No, this wannabe Tonto had to blame his tardy-ass rudeness on an attack by a cruel and vicious Mexican — El Chupacabra(video, above). And the interpreter and the reporters are all like jajaja WTF but in Japanese. Johnny Depp ≠ Bill Murray in Japan, apparently.
But El Deppo wasn’t the first to blame his own bads on this famous Mexican monster. Here are the Pocho Ocho top things people blame on El Chupacabra:
8. The chupacabra ate my homework … AND MY DOG!
7. Sorry for the mess. A chupacabra went through my dirty clothes hamper and left all my chonies in piles on the floor.
6. But Your Honor! I was just estanding on the corner minding my own business when El Chupacabra ran by and handed me that iPhone 6! [Mas…]
The Atlantic analyzed the stats and guess what!? Some professions in the United Estates are positively teeming with white people — jobs like veterinarian, espeech sangwich pathologist and meelrye (chart excerpt, above).
Hurm, we said, perhaps we can fabricate a similar list of America’s brownest jobs.
“So let it be written, so let it be done!” said Pharoah, another white dude. And we did. Here’s our list of America’s Pocho Ocho Top Brownest Jobs:
8. Piñata Fluffer
7. Chief Cleavage Officer for Spanish Language TV Network News Division
6. Tia Guadalupe Gutierrez Santa Maria de Los Angeles y Zacatecas [Mas…]
Washington insiders all know tonight’s State of the Union address — like every one before — will bring a few surprises. We asked around town, and our peeps say these are the top eight to watch for: 8. First use of the Booger-Cam™ captures candid live video of bored Republicans 7. Warmup act Oprah Winfrey to Congress: “You get a drone…and you get a […]
Some Twitter users are just unclear on the concept, especially when it comes to the appropriate use of the #JeSuisCharlie hashtag, the most popular ever (“heat map,” above). The viral slogan — coined after the massacre at Paris satire magazine Charlie Hebdo — affirms support of free expression. French-deficient? “Je suis Charlie” means “I am […]
Kids these days know they have options and they want to make smart choices — and not only kids in the United Estates. These are the Pocho Ocho top questions wannabe gangsters ask before joining a Mexican cartel: 8. Will beheading be on the final exam? 7. Soy vegetariano — is heart-eating mandatory? 6. Do I need to […]
The GOP-controlled Senate and 114th Congress got to work Tuesday (photo, above) and the Republicans were quick to announce their plans for America. Here are their Pocho Ocho top policy priorities: 8. No tax cut left behind 7. Read my lips: No new Mexis 6. All about the race
Today is Three Kings Day, Dia de Los Reyes Magos, AKA Epiphany, the day when Los Tres Reyes dropped by the manger to gift up the original Anchor Baby, El Baby Jesus. Check out the Pocho Ocho Craziest Things we found in the Rosca de Reyes here at the POCHO world headquarters: 8. Rosca’s Chicken and […]
We asked the POCHO posse to share their New Year’s Resolutions for 2015. After the responses came in, we picked the best answers, and then carefully removed all the information that could personally identify the authors because El Cucuy. And so we present Los Pochodores’ Pocho Ocho Top New Year Revolutions: 8. Update my Nahuatl […]
Looking for that special gift for your successful Muppy friend who already has everything in the Brookstone catalog? POCHO scoured the interwebs for the Pocho Ocho best Christmas presents for Mexican yuppies. Check our list:
It’s brutal out there, pochos — it’s cut or be cut to save $20 on an iPhone 6 — and that’s why we’ve compiled the Pocho Ocho best ways to survive Black Friday: 8. In the event store security confiscates your Mace®, pick up some Aqua Net™ on Aisle 3. 7. Shoppers who carry their own […]
Dear pochos thinking of boycotting Thanksgiving as a symbol of American imperialism: Check out these indigenous and ingenious options for a holiday dinner. We promise they won’t remind people of genocide. Why settle for a Turducken, for example, when you can enjoy these delicacies featured in Native Holiday Treats from Indigenous Mexico by Rick Bayless. 8. Burrlenguaj: California […]
See this painting that is supposed to depict the first Thanksgiving? It’s wrong wrong wrong. What really went on at that epic feast so long ago? We’ve got eight little-known factoids right here: 8. The frozen string beans in the casserole were past their sell-by date 7. Pilgrim Zephaniah Winslow = silent but deadly 6. […]
President Barack Obama will defy Republican haters tonight and reveal “executive actions” to “fix the broken immigration system.” Our sources at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue have shared a copy of the 5 PM EST speech and we can now reveal the Pocho Ocho top immigration reforms you’ll hear in the President’s address to the Nation: 8. […]
The Twitterverse exploded with charges of racism yesterday following pork-pushing restauranteurs Dave & Buster’s #TacoTuesday Tweet fail. (Photo of Tweet, since deleted from the company’s timeline.) Even pimp-my-product professional journal AdWeek was pained by the chain’s gigantic boner: And your massive brand Twitter fail of the day goes to … Dave & Buster’s!
Hey you Latinos – do you know your place in cyberspace? Forget .COM, .ORG, and .NET and move on up to the new .SOY Top Level Domain, “the place for Latinos online,” brought to you by domain registrar Google, Inc. (screencap above). What? The Goog explains: .SOY is the domain name for Latino identity and expression […]
Halloween costumes get better and better every year, and it’s hard to pick the best one. But we’re professionals, so we made up a fake most popular list to highlight the top outfits that feathered our serpent, if you know what we mean. Here are the Pocho Ocho most popular Latin@ Halloween costumes of 2014: […]
When he flew away from his British owner in Torrance, CA four years ago, Nigel talked with an English accent. When he returned last week, the talented African gray parrot spoke Spanish. Here are the Pocho Ocho top phrases Nigel the Parrot picked up on his Raza Vacation: 8. No más “Nigel.” Mi nombre es […]
Americans are worried about the chances of a future Ebola epidemic. But is there really anything to be scared about? After all, there are Pocho Ocho diseases that are way more dangerous than Ebola: 8. Nobolas 7. Tres bolas 6. Cebolla