Pocho Ocho

ebolaAmericans are worried about the chances of a future epidemic now the nation’s first Ebola patient is being treated in a Dallas hospital.

But is there really anything to be scared about? After all, there are Pocho Ocho diseases that are way more dangerous than Ebola:

8. Nobolas

7. Tres bolas

6. Cebolla [Mas…]

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jesseborregoHispanics across the United Estates are giddy with excitement as they prepare to observe Hispanic Heritage Month 2014, which starts Monday.

But with so much excitement, it’s easy to forget the fundamentals of this Federally-established fiesta.

¡Mira! A checklist! Here are the Pocho Ocho ways to prepare for Hispanic Heritage Month:

8. Reset your calendar so months begin on 15th

7. Purchase and enjoy all 57 bean varieties from Hispanic comida conglomerate Goya

6. Grow a luxurious mustache — you too, mujeres!  [Mas…]

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aztectricksterIn these troubled times, God[ess] knows, we could use some help from indigenous, culturally-appropriate deities.

Here are the Pocho Ocho top Aztec gods we could sure use today:

8. Chingilipochtli, god of payback

7. Guautemoc, god of amazement and wonder

6. Spocktezuma, god of living long and prospering tambien [Mas…]

cagovYour California Department of Motor Vehicles has standards, you know, and not every request for a personalized/vanity license plate can be accommodated, even though they still hope you’ll like them on Facebook. It’s not personal, dude, no hard feelings. K?

“Welcome to the Department of Motor Vehicles’ office of vanity plates,” SFGate.com esplains, “where three full-time state employees review some 90,000 applications for personalized license plates each year and, citing poor taste, turn down thousands.”

Here’s our list of the Pocho Ocho rudest vanity plate requests declined by the DMV: [Mas…]

topabbreviations2An Australian company has compiled the Top 100 get message abbreviations they use in Oz (photo) and we realized the list from way way overseas totally leaves out the abbreviations we pochos use.

Here are the Pocho Ocho most popular Spanglish text message abbreviations:

8. FTP: Fuck That Puto

7. ADM: Ay Dios Mio

6. NMG: No Mames Guey [Mas…]

brazilsadTuesday’s disastrous Brazil-Germany FIFA2014 World Cup futbol match, which ended in Germany whipping the host country 7-1, has saddened the nation (photo.) And on Wednesday, Brazil’s soccer fans were struggling to understand what exactly went wrong.

We analyzed press and social media reactions and translated from the Portuguese to bring you their Pocho Ocho top reasons for Brazil’s FAIL:

8. Blame it on the bossa nova, with its magic spell.

7. All those pesky Hitler clones on the Brazil team let Germany win.

6. Alemania? We thought we were playing Ally McBeal! [Mas…]

fireworksbigUsed to be you could always celebrate the Fourth of July along the border in the most patriotic way: by detonating illegal Mexican fireworks.

Here are some of our favorite dangerous Mexican fireworks from when men were men, and fireworks were weapons grade bundles o’ fun!

8. Guadalajara Guarheads
7. Tijuana TNT
6. La La La La La Bomba [Mas…]

chipotlebabyAs POCHO amigo Gustavo Arellano noted Friday, Chipotle Mexican Grill pulled a boner when it decided to put short stories from ten famous authors on its cups and bags but couldn’t find one Latino with words worthy enough to wrap its burritos.

There’s now a Facebook book group organizing around this issue and the Pochodores have been brainstorming inspirational packaging ideas as well.

First off all, short stories? Srsly? TL;DR, amiright?

Here are the Pocho Ocho more upworthy Latino quotes Chipotle should have used:

8. There’s a reason you separate the military and the police. One fights the enemies of the state, the other serves and protects the people. When the military becomes both, then the enemies of the state tend to become the people. (Commander William Adama.)

7. Repression….Recession. It’s all the same thing, man. (Cheech Marin.)

6. In a way, all of us has an El Guapo to face some day. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous guy who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be the actual El Guapo. (Lucky Day.) [Mas…]

Pocho Ocho weirdest things found in Columbus’ Santa Maria shipwreck

by Especial Correspondents May 14, 2014 El Now
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The wreck of slave-trader and hopelessly-lost “explorer” Christopher Columbus’ Santa Maria flagship has been found off the coast of Haiti, according to reports. The ship’s five-century-old cannon was looted but archaeologists are excited by eight unusual items they were able to retrieve from the ship, the Pocho Ocho weirdest items found on the Santa Maria: […]

[Mas…]

Losing your religion on the Internets and Pocho Ocho other things

by Especial Correspondents April 23, 2014 Cultura
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The more you use the Internets, the more likely you are to lose your religion, according to a new study. NPR explains: America is less religious than ever before. The number of Americans who reported no religious affiliation has been growing rapidly, doubling since 1990. That kind of rapid change matches another societal trend — […]

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Pocho Ocho reasons why Latinos are Hollywood’s best customers

by Especial Correspondents April 8, 2014 El Now
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U.S. Latinos went to the movies in 2013 way more often than other ethnic groups, according to the Motion Picture Association of America. Latinos are 17% of the population but account for 32% of moviegoers who went to more than one movie a month. Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons why Latinos are Hollywood’s best […]

[Mas…]

Sen. Ted Cruz hates avocados (allegedly) and Pocho Ocho other things

by Comic Saenz March 21, 2014 El Now
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Tea Partier Ted Cruz, the Canadian United States Senator (R-TX), hates avocados, the fruit of a tree native to Mexico and Central America, classified in the flowering plant family Lauraceae along with cinnamon, camphor and bay laurel. We just learned from a blog post that this Canuckian “public servant” allegedly confessed his shameful prejudice in […]

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho items on Jan Brewer’s bucket list

by Especial Correspondents March 13, 2014 El Now
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Arizona Governor Jan Brewer won’t run again, she announced Wednesday, but said her retirement as governor won’t put an end to her dreams. “A mule is an animal with long funny ears,” she told an audience at a school in Glendale, AZ,  “she kicks up at anything she hears. Her back is brawny and her […]

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho most annoying selfies

by María Purísima & Nancy Marie Arteaga February 23, 2014 El Now
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Selfies are fun, but we all hate them anyway. It’s hard to understand, but we wanted to compile a list so we were all on the same page. 8. The “It’s that time of the month” selfie featuring sanitary napkins or tampons, either used or not, and/or a sad face. 7. The “I’m in the bathroom […]

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho top activist pickup lines for Valentine’s Day

by Especial Correspondents February 13, 2014 Cultura
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Love is in the air for Valentine’s Day, along with cries for immigration reform, economic fairness and equal justice. Is there a way for the politically active pocha or pocho to get lucky AND make the world a better place? Yes, there is! Check out our list of the Pocho Ocho top activist pickup lines […]

[Mas…]

Expect these Pocho Ocho ‘surprises’ in the State of the Union

by Especial Correspondents January 28, 2014 El Now
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White House insiders indicate the President’s State of the Union address tonight will have a few surprises for the Congressional and TV audiences. Here are the top eight: 8. The NSA will intercept Republicans’ text messages to each other and display them on the JumboTron in real time 7. President Obama will be sporting snazzy […]

[Mas…]

Obama’s List: Pocho Ocho things more dangerous than alchohol

by Comic Saenz January 22, 2014 El Now
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Former stoner Barack Obama doesn’t think marijuana “is more dangerous than alcohol,” according to The New Yorker: “As has been well documented, I smoked pot as a kid, and I view it as a bad habit and a vice, not very different from the cigarettes that I smoked as a young person up through a […]

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Survey says? Pocho Ocho top Chipster New Year’s Resolutions

by Especial Correspondents January 15, 2014 Cultura
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To be a Chipster (Chicano + Hipster) is not a destination, but a journey, and seekers must never rest. These are the Pocho Ocho Chipster New Year’s Resolutions our readers shared with us: 8. Despite the Indio heritage that gives me a sparse Fu Manchu facial hair configuration, I resolve to grow a Chente-strength bigote […]

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Pocho Ocho reasons Sen. Ted Cruz is still a Canadian citizen

by Comic Saenz January 6, 2014 El Now
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Despite promises, 2013 Pendejo of the Year Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) has not relinquished his Canadian citizenship. Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons why:

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho worst Christmas presents

by Especial Correspondents December 17, 2013 Cultura
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The latest Hey Vato! video prompted a little soul searching by the Pochodores. What are Pocho Ocho worst presents you could get or give this Christmas? 8. A used shank 7. Threefried beans 6. Governor Jan Brewja Doll

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho signs you grew up in a Mexican family/household

by Especial Correspondents December 5, 2013 Cultura
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Here is a listicle partially inspired by a mas longer listicle on BuzzFeed, because they are the listicle professionals, tu sabes. ¡Mira! The Pocho Ocho signs you grew up in a Mexican household/family: 8. Virgen de Guadalupe veladoras. 7. Your first introduction to dramatic acting was a telenovela. 6. You always wondered why gringos celebrated […]

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho secrets of the first Thanksgiving feast

by Comic Saenz November 28, 2013 Cultura
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See this painting that is supposed to depict the first Thanksgiving? It’s wrong wrong wrong. What really went on at that epic feast so long ago? We’ve got eight things right here: 8. The frozen string beans in the casserole were past their sell-by date 7. Pilgrim Zephaniah Winslow = silent but deadly 6. Squanto’s […]

[Mas…]

New from Rick Bayless: Pocho Ocho Thanksgiving dinner ideas

by Victor Payan November 26, 2013 Cultura
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As a guide to Pochos thinking of boycotting Thanksgiving as a symbol of American imperialism, we offer several more indigenous AND ingenious options for a healthy and tasty holiday dinner that does not remind people of genocide. Why settle for a Turducken, when you can have these savory dishes compiled from the new cookbook: Native […]

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Pocho Ocho ‘things educated Chicanos like’

by Comic Saenz November 7, 2013 Cultura
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We found this blog called Stuff Educated Chicanos Like | Information on those kids from Aztlan and it’s like it was conceived and written about us here at Pocho, but no. The blog started in 2008 and hasn’t been updated since 2011, but it still makes us LOL. (We stole just eight headlines from the […]

[Mas…]