Pocho Ocho

barackonDespite the his many significant accomplishments and chingon new proposals, we were disappointed by what President Obama didn’t say at Tuesday night’s State of the Union address.

Here are the Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s SOTU gave us a sad:

8. Still no federal funding for Flying Trocas research.

7. Didn’t announce plan to make Ted Cruz first U.S. ambassador to Cuba.

6. No tax cuts for tamale entrepreneurs, thus no Pedro Herrera III in the audience to give a shout out to. [Mas…]

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obamabackWashington insiders all know tonight’s State of the Union address — like every one before — will bring a few surprises.

We asked around town, and our peeps say these are the top eight to watch for:

8. First use of the Booger-Cam™ captures candid live video of bored Republicans

7. Warmup act Oprah Winfrey to Congress: “You get a drone…and you get a drone. Everybody gets a drone!”

6. Obama cruises to the Capitol in a clean 1953 Packard limousine, a gift from the people of Cuba [Mas…]

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hashtagheatmapSome Twitter users are just unclear on the concept, especially when it comes to the appropriate use of the #JeSuisCharlie hashtag, the most popular ever (“heat map,” above). The viral slogan — coined after the massacre at Paris satire magazine Charlie Hebdo — affirms support of free expression.

French-deficient? “Je suis Charlie” means “I am Charlie.”

The Pochodores combed the Internets for these Pocho Ocho top Twitter #JeSuisCharlie hashtag fails:

8.
vadertweet [Mas…]

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narcobandKids these days know they have options and they want to make smart choices — and not only kids in the United Estates.

These are the Pocho Ocho top questions wannabe gangsters ask before joining a Mexican cartel:

8. Will beheading be on the final exam?

7. Soy vegetariano — is heart-eating mandatory?

6. Do I need to supply my own botas picudas? [Mas…]

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kkkwashingtonThe GOP-controlled Senate and 114th Congress got to work Tuesday (photo, above) and the Republicans were quick to announce their plans for America.

Here are their Pocho Ocho top policy priorities:

8. No tax cut left behind

7. Read my lips: No new Mexis

6. All about the race [Mas…]

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Rosca-de-reyes-mexToday is Three Kings Day, Dia de Los Reyes Magos, AKA Epiphany, the day when Los Tres Reyes dropped by the manger to gift up the original Anchor Baby, El Baby Jesus.

Check out the Pocho Ocho Craziest Things we found in the Rosca de Reyes here at the POCHO world headquarters:

8. Rosca’s Chicken and Waffles

7. One long black hair

6. Hot new Kanye West musical discovery “Paul McCarthy” [Mas…]

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resolutionWe asked the POCHO posse to share their New Year’s Resolutions for 2015. After the responses came in, we picked the best answers, and then carefully removed all the information that could personally identify the authors because El Cucuy.

And so we present Los Pochodores’ Pocho Ocho Top New Year Revolutions:

8. Update my Nahuatl name to reflect my aspirations.

7. Get in shape for the Grito Contest at Charro Days.

6. Start a frijoles community garden for my locavore needs. [Mas…]

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reaganchesterfieldsLooking for that special gift for your successful Muppy friend who already has everything in the Brookstone catalog?

POCHO scoured the interwebs for the Pocho Ocho best Christmas presents for Mexican yuppies. Check our list: [Mas…]

Pocho Ocho top tips for surviving Black Friday

by Especial Correspondents November 28, 2014 Cultura
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It’s brutal out there, pochos — it’s cut or be cut to save $20 on an iPhone 6 — and that’s why we’ve compiled the Pocho Ocho best ways to survive Black Friday: 8. In the event store security confiscates your Mace®, pick up some Aqua Net™ on Aisle 3. 7. Shoppers who carry their own […]

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New from Rick Bayless: Pocho Ocho tastiest T-day dinner ideas

by Victor Payan November 26, 2014 Cultura
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Dear pochos thinking of boycotting Thanksgiving as a symbol of American imperialism: Check out these indigenous and ingenious options for a holiday dinner. We promise they won’t remind people of genocide. Why settle for a Turducken, for example, when you can enjoy these delicacies featured in Native Holiday Treats from Indigenous Mexico by Rick Bayless. 8. Burrlenguaj:  California […]

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Pocho Ocho little-known factoids about the first Thanksgiving

by Especial Correspondents November 21, 2014 Cultura
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See this painting that is supposed to depict the first Thanksgiving? It’s wrong wrong wrong. What really went on at that epic feast so long ago? We’ve got eight little-known factoids right here: 8. The frozen string beans in the casserole were past their sell-by date 7. Pilgrim Zephaniah Winslow = silent but deadly 6. […]

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Pocho Ocho top immigration actions Obama will reveal tonight

by Especial Correspondents November 20, 2014 El Now
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President Barack Obama will defy Republican haters tonight and reveal “executive actions” to “fix the broken immigration system.” Our sources at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue have shared a copy of the 5 PM EST speech and we can now reveal the Pocho Ocho top immigration reforms you’ll hear in the President’s address to the Nation: 8. […]

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Pocho Ocho top Tweets Dave & Buster’s planned to send next

by Especial Correspondents November 19, 2014 El Now
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The Twitterverse exploded with charges of racism yesterday following pork-pushing restauranteurs Dave & Buster’s #TacoTuesday Tweet fail. (Photo of Tweet, since deleted from the company’s timeline.) Even pimp-my-product professional journal AdWeek was pained by the chain’s gigantic boner: And your massive brand Twitter fail of the day goes to … Dave & Buster’s!

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Pocho Ocho coolest addresses at new ‘.SOY’ Top Level Domain

by Especial Correspondents November 11, 2014 El Now
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Hey you Latinos – do you know your place in cyberspace? Forget .COM, .ORG, and .NET and move on up to the new .SOY Top Level Domain, “the place for Latinos online,” brought to you by domain registrar Google, Inc. (screencap above). What? The Goog explains: .SOY is the domain name for Latino identity and expression […]

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Pocho Ocho most popular Latin@ Halloween costumes of 2014

by Victor Payan November 4, 2014 Cultura
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Halloween costumes get better and better every year, and it’s hard to pick the best one. But we’re professionals, so we made up a fake most popular list to highlight the top outfits that feathered our serpent, if you know what we mean. Here are the Pocho Ocho most popular Latin@ Halloween costumes of 2014: […]

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Pocho Ocho top new Spanish phrases learned by Nigel the Parrot

by Especial Correspondents October 15, 2014 El Now
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When he flew away from his British owner in Torrance, CA four years ago, Nigel talked with an English accent. When he returned last week, the talented African gray parrot spoke Spanish. Here are the Pocho Ocho top phrases Nigel the Parrot picked up on his Raza Vacation: 8. No más “Nigel.” Mi nombre es […]

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Pocho Ocho diseases that are way more dangerous than Ebola

by Especial Correspondents October 1, 2014 El Now
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Americans are worried about the chances of a future epidemic now that the nation’s first Ebola patient is being treated in a Dallas hospital. But is there really anything to be scared about? After all, there are Pocho Ocho diseases that are way more dangerous than Ebola: 8. Nobolas 7. Tres bolas 6. Cebolla

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Pocho Ocho ways to get ready for Hispanic Heritage Month 2014

by Especial Correspondents September 12, 2014 Cultura
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Hispanics across the United Estates are giddy with excitement as they prepare to observe Hispanic Heritage Month 2014, which starts Monday. But with so much excitement, it’s easy to forget the fundamentals of this Federally-established fiesta. ¡Mira! A checklist! Here are the Pocho Ocho ways to prepare for Hispanic Heritage Month: 8. Reset your calendar […]

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Pocho Ocho top Aztec deities we could sure use today

by Malcolm Mex August 22, 2014 Cultura
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In these troubled times, God[ess] knows, we could use some help from indigenous, culturally-appropriate deities. Here are the Pocho Ocho top Aztec gods we could sure use today: 8. Chingilipochtli, god of payback 7. Guautemoc, god of amazement and wonder 6. Spocktezuma, god of living long and prospering tambien

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Pocho Ocho rudest vanity license plates refused by the DMV

by Especial Correspondents August 5, 2014 Cartoons
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Your California Department of Motor Vehicles has standards, you know, and not every request for a personalized/vanity license plate can be accommodated, even though they still hope you’ll like them on Facebook. It’s not personal, dude, no hard feelings. K? “Welcome to the Department of Motor Vehicles’ office of vanity plates,” SFGate.com esplains, “where three […]

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Pocho Ocho top Spanglish text message abbreviations

by Especial Correspondents July 14, 2014 Cultura
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An Australian company has compiled the Top 100 get message abbreviations they use in Oz (photo) and we realized the list from way way overseas totally leaves out the abbreviations we pochos use. Here are the Pocho Ocho most popular Spanglish text message abbreviations: 8. FTP: Fuck That Puto 7. ADM: Ay Dios Mio 6. […]

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Pocho Ocho top reasons for Brazil vs Alemania futbol FAIL

by Especial Correspondents July 10, 2014 El Now
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Tuesday’s disastrous Brazil-Germany FIFA2014 World Cup futbol match, which ended in Germany whipping the host country 7-1, has saddened the nation (photo.) And on Wednesday, Brazil’s soccer fans were struggling to understand what exactly went wrong. We analyzed press and social media reactions and translated from the Portuguese to bring you their Pocho Ocho top […]

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For July 4, try these Pocho Ocho favorite Mexican fireworks

by Lalo Alcaraz July 3, 2014 Cultura
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Used to be you could always celebrate the Fourth of July along the border in the most patriotic way: by detonating illegal Mexican fireworks. Here are some of our favorite dangerous Mexican fireworks from when men were men, and fireworks were weapons grade bundles o’ fun! 8. Guadalajara Guarheads 7. Tijuana TNT 6. La La La […]

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Pocho Ocho upworthy Latino quotes Chipotle should have used

by Especial Correspondents May 19, 2014 Cultura
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As POCHO amigo Gustavo Arellano noted Friday, Chipotle Mexican Grill pulled a boner when it decided to put short stories from ten famous authors on its cups and bags but couldn’t find one Latino with words worthy enough to wrap its burritos. There’s now a Facebook book group organizing around this issue and the Pochodores have been brainstorming inspirational […]

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