Pocho Ocho


The more you use the Internets, the more likely you are to lose your religion, according to a new study.

NPR explains:

America is less religious than ever before. The number of Americans who reported no religious affiliation has been growing rapidly, doubling since 1990. That kind of rapid change matches another societal trend — growth in Internet use. The percentage of Americans who say they used the Internet went from nearly zero in 1990 to 87 percent this year.

Now, a detailed data analysis finds the two trends aren’t just related, but that wider Internet use may actually be leading us to lose our religion. [Mas…]

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notorillasU.S. Latinos went to the movies in 2013 way more often than other ethnic groups, according to the Motion Picture Association of America. Latinos are 17% of the population but account for 32% of moviegoers who went to more than one movie a month.

Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons why Latinos are Hollywood’s best customers:

8. Air conditioning

7. You can sneak in your own meal

6. Fewer crying kids than at a birthday party [Mas…]

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tedcruzbydonkeyhoteyTea Partier Ted Cruz, the Canadian United States Senator (R-TX), hates avocados, the fruit of a tree native to Mexico and Central America, classified in the flowering plant family Lauraceae along with cinnamon, camphor and bay laurel.

We just learned from a blog post that this Canuckian “public servant” allegedly confessed his shameful prejudice in an interview last October, but sometime since then, the original evidence mysteriously disappeared.

(Crack Malaysian detectives are investigating the disappearance.)

Of course, this Grand Old Pendejo official has many other skeletors in his closet — the Pocho Ocho Other Things Sen. Ted Cruz Hates Besides Avocados:

8. LIFE cereal.

7. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

6. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire [Mas…]

justbrewerbigArizona Governor Jan Brewer won’t run again, she announced Wednesday, but said her retirement as governor won’t put an end to her dreams.

“A mule is an animal with long funny ears,” she told an audience at a school in Glendale, AZ,  “she kicks up at anything she hears. Her back is brawny and her brain is weak, she’s just plain stupid with a stubborn streak. So when I walk out of this school, I’ll still remain a stupid mule.”

There are Pocho Ocho items on her bucket list, Brewja said:

8. Realize her dream of starting a clothing optional retreat with Sheriff Joe Arpaio

7. Spend more time with her coven

6. Convince George Lucas to cast her as Evil Yoda in the next Star Wars movie [Mas…]

thumbSelfies are fun, but we all hate them anyway. It’s hard to understand, but we wanted to compile a list so we were all on the same page.

8. The “It’s that time of the month” selfie featuring sanitary napkins or tampons, either used or not, and/or a sad face.

7. The “I’m in the bathroom but I swear I didn’t just take a shit” selfie featuring a peace sign, your face, the bathroom mirror and the toilet you just used in the background.

6. The “Look I have friends, I swear” selfie with a group of people you never talk about or reference, but refer to as “besties,” “bros,” or “homies” every few months in the selfies you take together. [Mas…]

lovetshirtLove is in the air for Valentine’s Day, along with cries for immigration reform, economic fairness and equal justice.

Is there a way for the politically active pocha or pocho to get lucky AND make the world a better place?

Yes, there is! Check out our list of the Pocho Ocho top activist pickup lines you can use this Valentine’s Day:

8. What do we want? A quiet romantic dinner for two! When do we want it? Friday night — what do you think — 8-ish?

7. What’s a nice girl like you doing in a MEChA like this?

6. Is that a GMO-free organic sustainably-raised earth-friendly heirloom local family farm non-corporate elote in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? [Mas…]

Expect these Pocho Ocho ‘surprises’ in the State of the Union

by Especial Correspondents January 28, 2014 El Now
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White House insiders indicate the President’s State of the Union address tonight will have a few surprises for the Congressional and TV audiences. Here are the top eight: 8. The NSA will intercept Republicans’ text messages to each other and display them on the JumboTron in real time 7. President Obama will be sporting snazzy […]

[Mas…]

Obama’s List: Pocho Ocho things more dangerous than alchohol

by Comic Saenz January 22, 2014 El Now
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Former stoner Barack Obama doesn’t think marijuana “is more dangerous than alcohol,” according to The New Yorker: “As has been well documented, I smoked pot as a kid, and I view it as a bad habit and a vice, not very different from the cigarettes that I smoked as a young person up through a […]

[Mas…]

Survey says? Pocho Ocho top Chipster New Year’s Resolutions

by Especial Correspondents January 15, 2014 Cultura
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To be a Chipster (Chicano + Hipster) is not a destination, but a journey, and seekers must never rest. These are the Pocho Ocho Chipster New Year’s Resolutions our readers shared with us: 8. Despite the Indio heritage that gives me a sparse Fu Manchu facial hair configuration, I resolve to grow a Chente-strength bigote […]

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho reasons Sen. Ted Cruz is still a Canadian citizen

by Comic Saenz January 6, 2014 El Now
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Despite promises, 2013 Pendejo of the Year Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) has not relinquished his Canadian citizenship. Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons why:

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho worst Christmas presents

by Especial Correspondents December 17, 2013 Cultura
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The latest Hey Vato! video prompted a little soul searching by the Pochodores. What are Pocho Ocho worst presents you could get or give this Christmas? 8. A used shank 7. Threefried beans 6. Governor Jan Brewja Doll

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho signs you grew up in a Mexican family/household

by Especial Correspondents December 5, 2013 Cultura
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Here is a listicle partially inspired by a mas longer listicle on BuzzFeed, because they are the listicle professionals, tu sabes. ¡Mira! The Pocho Ocho signs you grew up in a Mexican household/family: 8. Virgen de Guadalupe veladoras. 7. Your first introduction to dramatic acting was a telenovela. 6. You always wondered why gringos celebrated […]

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho secrets of the first Thanksgiving feast

by Comic Saenz November 28, 2013 Cultura
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See this painting that is supposed to depict the first Thanksgiving? It’s wrong wrong wrong. What really went on at that epic feast so long ago? We’ve got eight things right here: 8. The frozen string beans in the casserole were past their sell-by date 7. Pilgrim Zephaniah Winslow = silent but deadly 6. Squanto’s […]

[Mas…]

New from Rick Bayless: Pocho Ocho Thanksgiving dinner ideas

by Victor Payan November 26, 2013 Cultura
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As a guide to Pochos thinking of boycotting Thanksgiving as a symbol of American imperialism, we offer several more indigenous AND ingenious options for a healthy and tasty holiday dinner that does not remind people of genocide. Why settle for a Turducken, when you can have these savory dishes compiled from the new cookbook: Native […]

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho ‘things educated Chicanos like’

by Comic Saenz November 7, 2013 Cultura
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We found this blog called Stuff Educated Chicanos Like | Information on those kids from Aztlan and it’s like it was conceived and written about us here at Pocho, but no. The blog started in 2008 and hasn’t been updated since 2011, but it still makes us LOL. (We stole just eight headlines from the […]

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho other things Christopher Columbus totally got wrong

by Especial Correspondents October 13, 2013 Cultura
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Aside from not sailing to “India,” Christopher Columbus got many other things wrong: 8. He forgot the extra pair of chonies his abuela packed for him. 7. He named all of his ships after cholas, but forgot La Sad Girl. 6. He didn’t stop to ask for directions.

[Mas…]

Careful, ladies: Driving ‘rolls up the pelvis’ and Pocho Ocho other things

by SHEIKH YERBOUTI September 30, 2013 El Now
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Driving is bad for your lady parts, according to Saudi Sheikh Saleh bin Saad al-Luhaydan, a “judicial and psychological consultant to the Gulf Psychological Association.” Al Arabiya reports: Driving ‘could have a reverse physiological impact. Physiological science and functional medicine studied this side [and found] that it automatically affects ovaries and rolls up the pelvis. […]

[Mas…]

Pocho Ocho ways to prepare for Hispanic Heritage Month

by Pocho Ñews Service September 4, 2013 Cultura
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Hispanics across the United Estates are giddy with excitement as they prepare to observe Hispanic Heritage Month 2013, which starts in 10 days. But with so much excitement, it’s easy to forget the fundamentals of this Federally-established fiesta. ¡Mira! A checklist! Here are the Pocho Ocho ways to prepare for Hispanic Heritage Month: 8. Reset […]

[Mas…]