Pocho Ñews Service

hispanicguy(PNS reporting from IRVINE, CA) Roland Vega, 33, formerly known as “Rolando,” has come to an important moment in his life: He’s transitioned from a “Chicano” to a “Hispanic.”

The decision to change the way he self-identifies came as somewhat of a shock to his family and his homeboys, but not necessarily to Vega’s former Hispanic fraternity brothers.

He made the announcement on Facebook Sunday night.

“You know, Roli — er, I mean, Roland — was always the most radical Chicano in the fraternity, but c’mon man, he was studying accounting. I kinda always knew he was going to end up a Hispanic,” said Ed Taboada, Vega’s college roommate. [Mas…]

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joemillerracistmailer (PNS reporting from ANCHORAGE, AK) Some they call him Joe, some they call him Doh! but one group of Alaska voters is 100% behind Joe Miller, the Tea Party-affiliated candidate who is seeking a United States Senate nomination.

“His campaign mailer (click on photo to enlarge) convinced us that Miller will do a great job keeping the thriving Latino community of Alaska in check,” read a press release issued Thursday by Cecilia Jones, the president of National Organization for Minorities, Advertisements, Media Exposure and Symbolism. “And that especially goes for your drug-dealing border-crossing tat-wearing illegal alien Democrat voters!” [Mas…]

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chanclaszapatero(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Chuy’s Choo Repair on Ashland has been fixing heels, stretching boots and giving new soles to tired oxfords since 1956, but owner Eddie Calderon doesn’t know how long he can keep his shop open.

Calderon (photo, right), whose father opened the business when he returned to Chicago after the Korean War, says he can’t keep up with cheap imported shoes flooding the country.

“Look at the pinches chanclas on sale at the Dollar Store!” Calderon told PNS as we toured the neighborhood (photo, top.) “If people can buy new Chinese chanclas for 60 cents at the stupid Dollar Store, why would they want to get them repaired if a strap breaks? It’s not worth it!” [Mas…]

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raspawar (PNS reporting from EDINBURG, TX) Eddie’s Raspas, the sunny yellow shack out on Sprague, used to be the place to be on a scorching Valley afternoon.

“People would come from all around and say, ‘Eddie, which of your five delicious flavors shall I have today?’” Eddie Cardenas recalled fondly. “It was great.”

Until six weeks ago, that is, when an electric-blue trailer moved in across the street.

Cardenas said that newcomer Chuy’s Famous Raspas is stealing his business, and shaming the shaved ice industry as a whole.

“It’s trashy,” he said, speaking over the pop music coming from the nearby trailer. “You give people so many flavor options, they feel paralyzed! Now I’m hearing whispers about burritos and Frito pies? It’s war, I’m telling you. [Mas…]


This Reuters news video spotlights the luxury transportation the brown-skinned, drug-smuggling, disease-spreading, job-stealing illegal invaders use to travel across Mexico to infect our God-given homeland, all part of the Kenyan Muslim Obummer socialist plot to destroy America.

POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.

 

FIREWORKS: Mission Pocho Viejo American Legion Post 536 once again presents their Annual Fireworks Extravagonzo Friday at sunset. This year the pyrotechnics come from Zamboni Bros., new to California, with their presentation Hella Hockey Holiday – a tribute to the Estanley Cup World Champions, Los Reyes de Los Angeles.

Moms: bring your blankets and sit the kids on the grass at Sotomayor Stadium. Dads: Do NOT bring your own fireworks.

INK AND DRINK: Two businesses in the El Rancho Pocho Downtown Historical District are getting together for a patriotic combo deal that’s hard to beat. Get any flag or patriotic tat at Inky Dinky’s House of Pain on Porciuncula Place Friday through Sunday and Inky will slide you a $10 pre-paid bar tab for the Loco Lounge next door. And guys, if you like thick chicks, you’ll love new tattoo artist Salma’s Fernando Botero-inspired portraits of your true hyna, right over your heart. [Mas…]

missing(PNS reporting from MONTREAL) A Los Angeles man who had not been heard from since he fled to Canada in 1970 to avoid the Vietnam War draft has been found in Montreal, according to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

When Albert “Sleepy” Dominguez missed the 1970 Chicano Moratorium in Los Angeles, noone knew he had quietly slipped out of the country the night before to go underground and avoid conscription to Vietnam.

Dominguez, then 19 years old, went so underground that neither family, friends nor the U.S. government could locate him to inform him that he was never, in fact, drafted. [Mas…]

mexicosoccer(PNS reporting from HUNTINGTON PARK, CALIFAS) Hundreds of local athletic supporters — fans of the Mexican World Cup futbol team — celebrated El Tri’s 3-1 victory over Croatia Monday afternoon (photo, above). The celebration was mostly peaceful and Huntington Park police said only four fans were arrested — three for disorderly conduct and one for leaning like a cholo in the wrong direction.

POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.

 

MexiCanada: Montreal mayor fights poutine burritos – ‘pou-tos’

by Malcolm Mex June 23, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from MONTREAL, QUEBEC) Authorities here are scrambling to halt the spread of a Mexicanized version of poutine, Canada’s beloved national dish of French fries covered with gravy and cheese. The increasingly-popular poutine burrito, known as a “pou-to” or “poutito” (photo, above) has already swept through Montreal, and officials fear “pou-tos” will cross the Quebec provincial […]

[Mas…]

USMNT scores against Ghana, Times Square reacts [video]

by Especial Correspondents June 16, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting From NEW YORK CITY) The Jumbotron in Times Square in New Jack City flashes news of a   g o o o o a l   by USMNT forward Herculez Gomez in World Cup competition against Ghana and Manhattan passersby react as only New Yorkers can.

[Mas…]

Around Our Town: Where to go, what to do on Father’s Day

by CHALE KNICKERBOCKER, SOCIETY EDITOR June 13, 2014 Cultura
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Father and Son Chile-Eating Contest: Quién es más macho? The East Pocho Optimists Club once again sets up shop at Fernando Valenzuela Field for their annual chile-eating contest, which pits father-son teams against each other to see who can ascend the Picante Podium of Pain. The winning team wins even more chile! Sunday, noon. Bronche: […]

[Mas…]

Texas Governor Perry ‘outraged’ at deportation center photos

by Malcolm Mex June 10, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) Texas Governor Rick Perry was “outraged” after seeing leaked photos of crowded child detainees at the U.S. Border Patrol Detention center in Brownsville, PNS has learned. “The kind of sloppy detention seen in those photos is a clear waste of space as well as taxpayer dollars,” Perry said in an email sent […]

[Mas…]

Taco Bell plans poetry-grilled ‘Verso-Quesarito-Burrito’

by Santino J. Rivera June 6, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Cheesy burrito fans and hashtag activists, your prayers have been answered! Taco Bell will debut a new menu item Monday – the Verso-Quesarito-Burrito, a burrito wrapped in a quesadilla with Mexican poetry written on the tortilla. The VQB is a ground “beef” burrito with rice, chipotle sauce and reduced-fat sour cream […]

[Mas…]

Breaking Ñews: Map shows common Asian languages by state

by Especial Correspondents June 5, 2014 Cartoons
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(PNS reporting from NORMAL, ILL) Demographers at Pocho Asian American Policy Institute (PAAPI) here have just released a new map detailing the most common Asian languages spoken in the U.S., broken out on a state by state basis, in English and Spanish. [Click on image to enlarge.]

[Mas…]

Back from the dead and running for Congress, it’s Cesar Chavez!

by Santino J. Rivera June 3, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from TUCSON) Cesar Chavez — noted American farm worker, labor leader and civil rights activist — is back from the dead and running for the congressional seat being vacated by retiring Rep. Ed Pastor (D-AZ). “I will do just about anything to win in Arizona’s heavily Hispanic 7th Congressional District,” Chavez said in […]

[Mas…]

Subcommandante Marcos retires, will work on restaurant

by Santino J. Rivera May 29, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from CHIAPAS, MX) Subcommandante Marcos, leader of the Zapatista rebels (EZLN) in southern Mexico, has announced that he is leaving the group’s leadership. He said he no longer spoke on behalf of EZLN but will instead focus on his restaurant empire in Chicago.

[Mas…]

Why Rep. Joe Garcia (D-Miami) picked his ear wax, ate it on TV (video)

by Especial Correspondents May 13, 2014 El Now

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) A close look at a recent C-SPAN video reveals that Florida Democratic Congressman Joe Garcia, Jr. picked his ear wax and ate it on live TV, a Cuban folkloric ritual rarely seen outside Miami’s Cuban-American community. “La Ceremonia de la Cera del Oído can be traced to a curandero who lived […]

[Mas…]

Did Puerto Rican lawyers cause rise in bed-fall fatalities?

by Comic Saenz May 12, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from CAMBRIDGE, MASS) Did you know that the more lawyers there are in Puerto Rico, the more people die from falling out of their beds? That’s the startling statistical relationship discovered by the prestigious Harvard Law-school-based Spurious Correlations Institute, one of many recently revealed on their website.

[Mas…]

POCHO Asks America: How did you celebrate Cinco de Mayo?

by Especial Correspondents May 6, 2014 Cultura
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POCHO sent reporters to bars and parties, barbecues and parades all across the United Estates to find out how Americans were celebrating Cinco de Mayo. Here’s what they said: CLYDE WORKMAN, DETROIT: I’m squeezing limes into my 40′s TAD BROGET, PRINCETON: Naturally, one had one’s valet bring a snifter of proper reposado PANAMA RED, DENVER: […]

[Mas…]

Tribe of lost French people found living in cave near Puebla, MX

by Victor Payan May 5, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from MEXICO) Mexican researchers are baffled by the discovery of a lost tribe of Frenchmen living in an artfully-decorated cave in the foothills of Mt. Popocatépetl in the state of Puebla. The Frenchmen, found by a group of hikers, are believed to be descended from a military patrol that went missing in 1862, during the French […]

[Mas…]

Shock confession! Local man doesn’t care what Cinco de Mayo is about

by María Purísima May 5, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Ruben Covarrubias astounded family and friends here Sunday night when he admitted that the meaning of Cinco de Mayo didn’t concern him and he’d always thought “May 5 was Mexican Independence Day, so like so what?!” “I don’t care what it’s about,” he told everyone within earshot of the backyard […]

[Mas…]

Cartel street fight in Puebla, MX crushes French gang invaders

by EDUARDO BURRO May 4, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from PUEBLA, MX) Federales have finished cleaning up the streets of this southeastern city after a three-day battle between area gangsters and a French gang left 83 locals and 462 gabachos dead, PNS has learned. The  Marseilles gang (“La Eme”) — sent to collect a drug debt allegedly owed by the Puebla-based Ignacio Zaragosa clika […]

[Mas…]

Breaking: Old school papers reveal racist kid Donald Sterling

by SHANDAFODA GOYIM April 30, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Disgraced L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling, born Donald Tokowitz in Boyle Heights, started off his career in racism early, according to a note uncovered late Tuesday night by the Historical East Latino Los Angeles (HELLA) research project.

[Mas…]

Stars to record ‘You Are An ^%$#’ for Donald Sterling [photos,video]

by Especial Correspondents April 28, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Stars from television, music and sports are set to gather in the old A&M sound stages (now the Henson Studios) on La Brea Avenue here today to record a rebuke to Donald Sterling, racist owner of the Los Angeles Clippers. Galvanized by community organizer Emiliano Zapata Shabazz-Jones, who wears the mantle of slain […]

[Mas…]