(PNS reporting from McALLEN, TX) Police departments throughout the Rio Grande Valley delivered pink slips en masse this week following news that Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán had been captured by Mexican authorities in the resort town of Mazatlan.
“It’s kind of a mixed bag for us,” Hidalgo County Sheriff Lupe Treviño said. “On the one hand, illegal drugs are now utterly and completely vanquished from our streets. On the other, (Hidalgo County) Commissioners Court has already cut our budget for next year by 90 percent.”
Treviño, who was reached while fishing in the Gulf of Mexico, responded to Guzmán’s capture like many of his counterparts at all levels of law enforcement nationwide: by quietly folding his office’s entire narcotics unit and slashing the rest of the criminal investigations division from a staff of hundreds down to five full-time deputies. [Mas…]
(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) During his morning coffee break, local accountant, Lawrence “Lencho” Flores, completed a survey that appeared on his Facebook timeline called, What Selena Character are You? According to sources, Flores was deeply disappointed with the result of Yolanda Saldivar as his character.
According to the quiz, Flores is Yolanda Saldivar who “when you feel slighted, watch out!” [Mas…]
(PNS reporting from MARICOPA COUNTY) In a breaking development on a story first reported by pocho.com in 2012, packs of wild Chihuahuas have taken over and are terrorizing a small town in Maricopa County, AZ.
The roving bands of pint-sized pooches have residents mortified, primarily because locals are afraid of anything remotely Mexican. Officials agree that the dogs’ bark is worse than their bite, however, there is one factor that has locals up in arms about this mini “ruff-conquista.”
(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) “This is muy badass,” says Kinke La Muerte, generously-paid celebrity endorser and front man for the infamous gothic conjunto band Los Cucuys de la Cueva. “Now both mis hynas get caramel kisses with one clique!”
La Muerte (photo, right) and other bigamists across Aztlan are celebrating this Valentine’s Day with a new service that delivers fresh flores and sabroso sweets to wives in both Mexico and the U.S.
Tejano startup DosMujeresUnCabron.com (800-555-OTRA) offers a variety of pre-packaged and custom gift offerings for the two (or more) women in a man’s love life.
The “Perra y Princesa” combo offers naughty and nice gifts for both your Mexican mujer and the cute nena you married en el Norte, while the “Dos Viejas” package ensures no favoritism in gifting by sending identical gifts with a bilingual love note to wives on both sides of the border. [Mas…]