Pocho Ñews Service

obamamov(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) While Republicans and FOX News have been quick to attack President Barack Obama’s anti-Ebola strategy, they didn’t hear this behind-the-scenes recording of the President’s remarks to health workers Wednesday. An un-named aide leaked this recording to POCHO this morning. [NSFW adult language.]

 

POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.

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(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Sandra Ceballos made a shocking discovery Friday night when she was out with her girlfriends.

The standards she’d been using to find a good husband were, as her friend Jenny put it, “appallingly low.”

Ceballos, whose family is from Mexico, was raised to believe that if a man is not too much of a drunk, works hard, and doesn’t beat you, he’s “good husband material.” [Mas…]

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cucahhmsadbloguera(PNS reporting from BROOKLYN) Hispanic Heritage Month is over, and without the corporate-approved celebration as a focus, local members of the Hispanic/Latino community here aren’t really sure how they can go on being local members of the local Hispanic/Latino community here.

“What now?” lamented Brooklyn native and prolific bloguera Marielena Gutierrez (photo, right.)

“Should I tell people to call me Mary Ellen for the remaining 11 months of the year? It’s not like they ever pronounce it right anyway,” she wrote on her PobrePickle blog. [Mas…]

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hategene(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) They think they’ve finally figured it out: A single gene — passed from father to son — is responsible for the hateful words and actions perpetrated by white males.

A 20-year-long Northwestern University study on male aggression, released this morning, backs their conclusion.

The report, Male Pattern Whiteness: Genesis or Genetics, details a genetic relationship between male whiteness and the wave of white-originated violence sweeping the country, like mass shootings, killer cops and senseless foreign wars. [Mas…]

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hongkongdemo(PNS reporting from FRESNO) The 16 Cal State Fresno MEChA students who flew to Hong Kong to join the student protest — but were quickly kicked out of the demonstration — returned home late Sunday night.

The students were ejected from Occupy Central after Hong Kong student organizers discovered that the Movimiento Estudiantil Chican@ de Aztlán backed the Chinese Communist government. As the only Reds participating in the protests, their calls for “revolution” differed significantly from the protestors’ demands. [Mas…]

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losabbasIt is a little known fact that 1970s supergroup ABBA became heroes to blonde Latinos throughout the Americas when the Spanish-language versions of the group’s singles Chiquitita, Fernando, Mama Mia and Dancing Queen failed to identify the band as Swedish.  For years, Latin Americans treasured what they thought was the first Argentine band to hit it big.

To this day, older fans still wear their faded Se ABBA Español t-shirts and fair-haired fresas in Mexico City think that ABBA’s Frida Lyngstad painted surreal portraits of monkeys and Diego Rivera in her spare time. [Mas…]

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cheperfumeche-nike(PNS reporting from HAVANA) Hey, kids! Now you can smell like dead Commies Che Guevara and/or Hugo Chavez with these two new scents from Cuba’s Labiofarm labs. (That’s “labio” not “labia,” you freaks.)

The just-announced perfume products could be a big source of hard currency for Venezuela‘s flagging economy, which Chavez poisoned and current Commandante Maduro is now kicking in the cojones.

The Hugo Chavez deal, insiders told PNS, was inspired by the Cuban regime’s multi-million-dollar revenue stream from the Che image licensing deal Comarade Fidel made with Nike (photo.) [Mas…]

jesuskendoll(PNS reporting from ANAHEIM) Movie executives here are scrambling to respond to the fury over just-announced Christian religious figures re-imagined as Barbie dolls.

The Kens and Barbies are slated to promote the Mattel-Disney movie Crucifiction that “rebrands” the Passion of Jesus. The film is set for Xmas release.

The Disney reps — now on the defensive — have a heavy cross to bear. [Mas…]

Feds make Sheriff Joe return military gear; he has Plan B

by Especial Correspondents September 19, 2014 Pocho Ñews Service
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(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) Racist Sheriff Joe Arpaio claims the Federal Government’s decision to reclaim “surplus” military gear (like tanks [photo] and M16 rifles) transferred to his department is no big deal since he has already procured new weapons to replace the full-auto rifles Uncle Sam wants back. “Hell no! We don’t need tanks and M16s for these illegals,” […]

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Breaking: Selena Gomez to sue NSA over nude photos

by María Purísima September 9, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Selena Gomez plans to sue the National Security Agency for photographing her naked and publishing the photos on the Internets last week, according to a statement just released by her attorney. “Ms. Gomez was minding her own business, just watching some YouTube videos while she got dressed for a Hollywood function,” […]

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Official spokesman for U.S. Hispanics quits: ‘It’s a bullshit job!’

by María Purísima September 5, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from MIAMI) Gerardo Lamas, the official spokesman for all Hispanics in the United States, resigned Thursday night. “This is a bullshit job and I’ll never be able to please anybody,” he told PNS in a late-night phone call. “I mean, I’ve been at this for a while, and let me tell you, it hasn’t […]

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A burrito is not a sandwich, Massachusetts judge rules

by Especial Correspondents August 29, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from MASSACHUSETTS) A burrito is not a sandwich, you idiots, according to a court decision announced here last week. Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Locke made the ruling as he threw out a lawsuit brought by a Panera restaurant seeking to stop White City Shopping Center in Shrewbsury from leasing space to a franchisee […]

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Chicano decides to start calling himself ‘Hispanic’

by María Purísima August 19, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from IRVINE, CA) Roland Vega, 33, formerly known as “Rolando,” has come to an important moment in his life: He’s transitioned from a “Chicano” to a “Hispanic.” The decision to change the way he self-identifies came as somewhat of a shock to his family and his homeboys, but not necessarily to Vega’s former […]

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Alaskans praise candidate who will save us from illegals with tats

by María Purísima August 15, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from ANCHORAGE, AK) Some they call him Joe, some they call him Doh! but one group of Alaska voters is 100% behind Joe Miller, the Tea Party-affiliated candidate who is seeking a United States Senate nomination. “His campaign mailer (click on photo to enlarge) convinced us that Miller will do a great job […]

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Cheap Chinese chanclas choke Chuy’s Choo Repair

by Comic Saenz July 25, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Chuy’s Choo Repair on Ashland has been fixing heels, stretching boots and giving new soles to tired oxfords since 1956, but owner Eddie Calderon doesn’t know how long he can keep his shop open. Calderon (photo, right), whose father opened the business when he returned to Chicago after the Korean War, […]

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Cold war chills Rio Grande Valley town as raspa rebellion heats up

by THE VALLEY LEMON July 18, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from EDINBURG, TX) Eddie’s Raspas, the sunny yellow shack out on Sprague, used to be the place to be on a scorching Valley afternoon. “People would come from all around and say, ‘Eddie, which of your five delicious flavors shall I have today?’” Eddie Cardenas recalled fondly. “It was great.” Until six weeks […]

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Illegals ride luxury limos to invade our country (video)

by Comic Saenz July 16, 2014 El Now
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This Reuters news video spotlights the luxury transportation the brown-skinned, drug-smuggling, disease-spreading, job-stealing illegal invaders use to travel across Mexico to infect our God-given homeland, all part of the Kenyan Muslim Obummer socialist plot to destroy America. POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON […]

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Around Our Town: Where to go, what to do for July 4th weekend

by CHALE KNICKERBOCKER, SOCIETY EDITOR July 3, 2014 Cultura
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FIREWORKS: Mission Pocho Viejo American Legion Post 536 once again presents their Annual Fireworks Extravagonzo Friday at sunset. This year the pyrotechnics come from Zamboni Bros., new to California, with their presentation Hella Hockey Holiday – a tribute to the Estanley Cup World Champions, Los Reyes de Los Angeles. Moms: bring your blankets and sit the […]

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Chicano anti-war activist found in Canada after 44 years

by Malcolm Mex July 1, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from MONTREAL) A Los Angeles man who had not been heard from since he fled to Canada in 1970 to avoid the Vietnam War draft has been found in Montreal, according to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. When Albert “Sleepy” Dominguez missed the 1970 Chicano Moratorium in Los Angeles, noone knew he had […]

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Area futbol fans celebrate El Tri’s 3-1 victory over Croatia (photo)

by Especial Correspondents June 25, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from HUNTINGTON PARK, CALIFAS) Hundreds of local athletic supporters — fans of the Mexican World Cup futbol team — celebrated El Tri’s 3-1 victory over Croatia Monday afternoon (photo, above). The celebration was mostly peaceful and Huntington Park police said only four fans were arrested — three for disorderly conduct and one for […]

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MexiCanada: Montreal mayor fights poutine burritos – ‘pou-tos’

by Malcolm Mex June 23, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from MONTREAL, QUEBEC) Authorities here are scrambling to halt the spread of a Mexicanized version of poutine, Canada’s beloved national dish of French fries covered with gravy and cheese. The increasingly-popular poutine burrito, known as a “pou-to” or “poutito” (photo, above) has already swept through Montreal, and officials fear “pou-tos” will cross the Quebec provincial […]

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USMNT scores against Ghana, Times Square reacts [video]

by Especial Correspondents June 16, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting From NEW YORK CITY) The Jumbotron in Times Square in New Jack City flashes news of a   g o o o o a l   by USMNT forward Herculez Gomez in World Cup competition against Ghana and Manhattan passersby react as only New Yorkers can.

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Around Our Town: Where to go, what to do on Father’s Day

by CHALE KNICKERBOCKER, SOCIETY EDITOR June 13, 2014 Cultura
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Father and Son Chile-Eating Contest: Quién es más macho? The East Pocho Optimists Club once again sets up shop at Fernando Valenzuela Field for their annual chile-eating contest, which pits father-son teams against each other to see who can ascend the Picante Podium of Pain. The winning team wins even more chile! Sunday, noon. Bronche: […]

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Texas Governor Perry ‘outraged’ at deportation center photos

by Malcolm Mex June 10, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) Texas Governor Rick Perry was “outraged” after seeing leaked photos of crowded child detainees at the U.S. Border Patrol Detention center in Brownsville, PNS has learned. “The kind of sloppy detention seen in those photos is a clear waste of space as well as taxpayer dollars,” Perry said in an email sent […]

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