Pocho Ñews Service

Twitter War! Iron Sheik says Jose Canseco ‘Worst Mexican of All Time’

by S.J. Rivera May 15, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from DIXIE) Though the competition was stiffer than Ronald Reagan’s corpse, retired MLB douchebag and Twitter hack Jose Canseco has been declared the Worst Mexican of All Time by ex-professional wrestler The Iron Sheik. Canseco has the “raisin balls” and is an embarrassment to all of Mexico, The Sheik told PNS. The contest [...]

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Hollywood Spaniards, Puerto Ricans plan ‘ultimate’ Chicano film

by CISCO YBERRA May 15, 2012 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Following the warm reception to the upcoming César Chávez biopic, producers in Hollywood have mounted an international effort to produce the “most extensive Chicano film in history.” The production not only features an all-star cast from the United States and Latin America but also includes both factual and fictitious events in Chicano [...]

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Starbucks test-markets nopal, chile-flavored drinks in East Los Angeles

by Barney Asada May 14, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from BOYLE HEIGHTS) Starbucks Coffee starts test-marketing their new nopal, chile and mole-flavored coffee drinks exclusively in this East Los Angeles enclave today. Staying true to their gentrified roots, Starbucks based the new varieties on past-the-expiration-date flavors from more upscale stores  – adding chemical food coloring for “eye appeal.”

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Around Our Town: Where to go, what to do on Mother’s Day

by CHALE KNICKERBOCKER, SOCIETY EDITOR May 12, 2012 Cultura
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BRUNCH: Nothing makes for a mellow mom like the All You Can Drink Micheladas Mother’s Day Brunch at stylish Bar Racho at the Ritchie Valens Hilton on East Olmos Boulevard. Executive Jefe Gustaco Naranjero once again promises his extensive buffet featuring a soft and hard taco station, the always-popular Holy Habanero salsa challenge and the [...]

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Fired undocumented gardener sorry he ‘peed on Romney’s petunias’

by JERRY RIVERS May 11, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from BEVERLY HILLS) Inspired by Mitt Romney’s apology for assaulting a long-haired commie prep school classmate, one of the undocumented gardeners Romney hired and then fired in 1996 has issued his own apology. Berto Lopez, now working as a freelance arborist in Beverly Hills, regrets he once peed on the then-governor’s prized petunias. “I [...]

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Blonde Mexican dissident seeks asylum in Chinese restaurant

by JUAN POCHO DE LEON May 9, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from GUADALAJARA) Blonde Mexican dissident Pablo Rubio holed up in a Chinese restaurant here after eluding taunting neighbors who say he can’t be Mexican since he is fair-haired and light-skinned. Rubio was spirited away from his home in a car trunk at noon yesterday by friends who convinced suspicious local gang members the getaway [...]

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Lost tribe of Frenchmen discovered living in cave near Puebla, MX

by Victor Payan May 5, 2012 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from PUEBLA, MEXICO) Mexican researchers are baffled by the discovery of a lost tribe of Frenchmen living in an artfully-decorated cave in the foothills of Mt. Popocatépetl in the state of Puebla.  The Frenchmen, found by a group of hikers, are believed to be descended from a military patrol that went missing in 1862, during the [...]

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Cartel street battle in Puebla, MX ends in rout of French gang invaders

by EDUARDO BURRO May 4, 2012 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from PUEBLA, MEXICO) Federales are cleaning up the streets of this southeastern city after a three-day battle between area gangsters and a French gang left 83 locals and 462 gabachos dead. The  Marseilles gang (“La Eme”) — sent to collect a drug debt allegedly owed by the Puebla-based Ignacio Zaragosa clika (the “Zetas”) — [...]

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MEChA changes name to one members can pronounce

by Moctezuma Cortés May 3, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON D.C.) The board of the historic student organization MEChA voted Wednesday to change the group’s name to something easier for its members to pronounce. MEChA was born during the Chicano Civil Rights Movement, and its name — Movimiento Estudiantil Chicano de Aztlán — was an artifact of its 1960s’ genesis. But [...]

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Will Selena’s comeback tour feature a holographic JLo?

by Verdana Bold May 1, 2012 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Selena’s old band is hitting the road this summer with a holographic version of the murdered superstar and Jennifer Lopez wants the part. JLo played Selena Quintanilla-Pérez in a 1997 biopic about the singer. “We tried to tell her a hologram was not an actual person and that playing a hologram was [...]

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