(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Selena Gomez plans to sue the National Security Agency for photographing her naked and publishing the photos on the Internets last week, according to a statement just released by her attorney.
“Ms. Gomez was minding her own business, just watching some YouTube videos while she got dressed for a Hollywood function,” Century City lawyer Nigel Zucker told reporters at a press conference here Tuesday morning.
“The NSA illegally hacked the camera on her Dell Latitude E7240 thin and light UltraBook running Windows 8.1 and took several unauthorized videos and photos of her au naturel. If that’s what they mean by Intel Inside, we won’t have any part of it!”
“Ms. Gomez is a victim here and we intend to use the law to bring the responsible parties to justice,” the attorney told the media at a hastily-called Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel briefing. “She didn’t even know these photos existed until they showed up online! Thanks for nothing, Obama!”
(PNS reporting from MIAMI) Gerardo Lamas, the official spokesman for all Hispanics in the United States, resigned Thursday night.
“This is a bullshit job and I’ll never be able to please anybody,” he told PNS in a late-night phone call. “I mean, I’ve been at this for a while, and let me tell you, it hasn’t gotten any easier. Que effin’ lastima, right? I’m throwing up my hands!”
“The truth is it’s ridiculous to expect one person to be able to speak for millions from diverse backgrounds, geopolitical situations, economic castes and region-specific cultures,” he said. “Rachel Maddow calls, Fox News calls, Esteban Colberto calls, and even your guy Al Madrigal from The Daily Show calls. Thank God for Caller ID!” [Mas…]
(PNS reporting from MASSACHUSETTS) A burrito is not a sandwich, you idiots, according to a court decision announced here last week.
Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Locke made the ruling as he threw out a lawsuit brought by a Panera restaurant seeking to stop White City Shopping Center in Shrewbsury from leasing space to a franchisee of the Qdoba Mexican Grill chain.
Panera’s lease prevents the center from renting space to a (competing) sandwich shop.
From the Associated Press:
[The judge] cited Webster’s Dictionary as well as testimony from a chef and a former high-ranking federal agriculture official in ruling that Qdoba’s burritos and other offerings are not sandwiches. [Mas…]
(PNS reporting from IRVINE, CA) Roland Vega, 33, formerly known as “Rolando,” has come to an important moment in his life: He’s transitioned from a “Chicano” to a “Hispanic.”
The decision to change the way he self-identifies came as somewhat of a shock to his family and his homeboys, but not necessarily to Vega’s former Hispanic fraternity brothers.
He made the announcement on Facebook Sunday night.
“You know, Roli — er, I mean, Roland — was always the most radical Chicano in the fraternity, but c’mon man, he was studying accounting. I kinda always knew he was going to end up a Hispanic,” said Ed Taboada, Vega’s college roommate. [Mas…]
(PNS reporting from ANCHORAGE, AK) Some they call him Joe, some they call him Doh! but one group of Alaska voters is 100% behind Joe Miller, the Tea Party-affiliated candidate who is seeking a United States Senate nomination.
“His campaign mailer (click on photo to enlarge) convinced us that Miller will do a great job keeping the thriving Latino community of Alaska in check,” read a press release issued Thursday by Cecilia Jones, the president of National Organization for Minorities, Advertisements, Media Exposure and Symbolism. “And that especially goes for your drug-dealing border-crossing tat-wearing illegal alien Democrat voters!” [Mas…]
(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Chuy’s Choo Repair on Ashland has been fixing heels, stretching boots and giving new soles to tired oxfords since 1956, but owner Eddie Calderon doesn’t know how long he can keep his shop open.
Calderon (photo, right), whose father opened the business when he returned to Chicago after the Korean War, says he can’t keep up with cheap imported shoes flooding the country.
“Look at the pinches chanclas on sale at the Dollar Store!” Calderon told PNS as we toured the neighborhood (photo, top.) “If people can buy new Chinese chanclas for 60 cents at the stupid Dollar Store, why would they want to get them repaired if a strap breaks? It’s not worth it!” [Mas…]
(PNS reporting from EDINBURG, TX) Eddie’s Raspas, the sunny yellow shack out on Sprague, used to be the place to be on a scorching Valley afternoon.
“People would come from all around and say, ‘Eddie, which of your five delicious flavors shall I have today?’” Eddie Cardenas recalled fondly. “It was great.”
Until six weeks ago, that is, when an electric-blue trailer moved in across the street.
Cardenas said that newcomer Chuy’s Famous Raspas is stealing his business, and shaming the shaved ice industry as a whole.
“It’s trashy,” he said, speaking over the pop music coming from the nearby trailer. “You give people so many flavor options, they feel paralyzed! Now I’m hearing whispers about burritos and Frito pies? It’s war, I’m telling you. [Mas…]
This Reuters news video spotlights the luxury transportation the brown-skinned, drug-smuggling, disease-spreading, job-stealing illegal invaders use to travel across Mexico to infect our God-given homeland, all part of the Kenyan Muslim Obummer socialist plot to destroy America.
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