Pocho Ñews Service

U.S. Supreme Court votes 5-4 to change that thing, irregardless

by Pocho Ñews Service January 16, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) The United States Supreme Court has voted 5-4 to change that appeal thing some lower courts were dealing with earlier (you know, back and forth and shit?) no matter que chingados the people think. POCHO will share more details as the situation develops here in Our Nation’s Capital.

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MADDEF rates 2013 a ‘Mestizo Year’ for Chihuahuas in media, online

by Comic Saenz January 14, 2014 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from BEVERLY HILLS) 2013 was a “Mestizo Year” for Chihuahuas in the media, according to the Mexican American Dog Defense and Education Fund’s (MADDEF) annual It’s A Dog’s Life report released here Monday. The study carefully tallies and grades Chihuahua representations in pop culture (TV, radio, Internets, books, newspapers, magazines, videos, pop music, […]

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New tablet, mobile apps and wearable tech products star at CES 2014

by Especial Correspondents January 13, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from LAS VEGAS) Exciting new tablet/mobile apps and wearable tech were the stars at Friday’s Cholo Electronics Show (CES) here. Generating the most buzz was the free Chologram™ app from Firme Junior Systems of Oakland. The Instagram wannabe showed off software with patented La Vida Loca Lifestyle image effects, including the one-click application […]

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Christie may use power to ‘whack’ Wildstein re bridge scandal

by Victor Payan January 10, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from TRENTON) Sources close to New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie say the embattled state “boss” may invoke special powers to “whack” disgraced New Jersey Port Authority official David Wildstein over the George Washington Bridge scandal. Calls to Christie’s lawyers at the offices of Bada, Bing & Bada-Boehm confirm that “causing one to be […]

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American Paletero Association calls Polar Vortex ‘a hoax’

by Especial Correspondents January 8, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from LOS ANGELES) The “so-called Polar Vortex is a hoax” according to a statement just released here by the American Paletero Association (APA.) “It’s always paleta weather,” the statement said. “Listen to APA: It’s never too cold for ICE.” “Also,” APA warned, “don’t eat the yellow raspa.” Paletero by Ramiro Gomez. POCHO ÑEWS […]

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New Year Ñews: Local man says Obama stole his American Dream

by Comic Saenz January 1, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from EL PASO) Jason Morales finally figured out why his “get up and go” got up and went, he told friends at Hoopy Frood’s on New Year’s Eve, and all clues point to President Barack Obama. “President Afrika Hussein Bambata is the worst president in this country’s history,” he announced to the teeming […]

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You won’t believe these celebrity New Year’s Resolutions on Twitter!

by Lucida Grandé December 31, 2013 Cultura
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Texas Sen. Ted Cruz

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MEX A&E suspends ‘Guac Dynasty’ jefe after hate Tweet

by Especial Correspondents December 22, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) Felipe Roberto, star of the reality show Guac Dynasty, which follows the Roberto clan of rude and crude avocado wranglers through their struggle with weeds, bugs and family dysfunction, has been suspended by the Mexican Arte y Entretenimiento TV network (MEX A&E) after his hateful Tweet about Americans went viral, […]

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Advanced Mexican leaf blower powers new Pentagon/Google robot

by EDUARDO BURRO December 16, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) State-of-the-art leaf blower technology developed in Mexico’s Silicon Barrio is at the heart the Pentagon’s latest robot warrior, PNS has learned. The PopoPotencia leaf blower engine powers the WildCat, a Boston Dynamics combat robot (video) built for the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA).

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Area man scores 12 cases of Sriracha, hopes to Get Rich Quick (videos)

by REYNALDO TRUMP December 13, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from CULVER CITY, CA) Westside entrepreneur Pico E. Sepulveda tries not to count his pollos before they hatch, but he will admit to being stoked about the profit potential of the 12 cases of Huy Fung Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce he purchased at Smart & Final Iris here Thursday morning. “Now that the […]

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Cuban Reds say Raul Castro-Obama handshake betrayed Revolution

by Comic Saenz December 11, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from HAVANA) El Presidente Comrade Raul Castro’s handshake with imperialist war criminal Barack Obama at the Nelson Mandela memorial service in South Africa was a slap in the face of the workers of the world and a betrayal of Cuba’s Communist Revolution, an old school Communist Bay of Pigs veteran charged Tuesday. “That […]

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Religious figures to Guadalupe: You’re a ‘miraculous appearance hog’

by María Purísima December 11, 2013 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) Leading Catholic personalities gathered here this week to address a simmering controversy in the official Divine Advent & Manifestation Union (DAMU): members claim that La Virgen de Guadalupe (photo, center) is a publicity hog when it comes to miraculous appearances. “Can’t the Son of God just miraculously appear on a slice of […]

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‘Gooble Gobble’ for newbie at Frick’s Thanksgiving (video)

by CALLE D. CINEMA December 2, 2013 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Miss Cleopatra, a first-time guest at the Frick Family’s Thanksgiving dinner, was welcomed with the traditional chant of “Gooble, gobble!” Thursday. “We accept her! One of us,” family members at the Evanston estate chanted as they shared a champagne toast from a gigantic goblet.

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Breaking Ñews : Bimbo intros Twinkie-like ‘Blonde Bimbo’

by Victor Payan November 25, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) On the heels of Mexican baking behemoth Grupo Bimbo’s announcement that they changed the name of their controversial snack cake Bimbo Negrito to the less offenive Bimbo Nito, the company has revealed a new Twinkie-like snack cake for the U.S. market called the Blonde Bombo. The Blonde Bimbo will be available […]

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Area couple survives loud radio station promo van at grocery store

by EresNerd November 21, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from EDINBURG, TX)  They just about went deaf, but Alcario and Isela Garza braved a radio station’s sonic assault and managed to safely enter the Rancho Sinaloa grocery store here yesterday. The Garzas — who had just left their yoga class — entered the relatively-quiet food market after surviving 150 decibels of banda […]

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Frida Kahlo finally comes to senses, sees cosmetologist (photos)

by HABLO PICASSO November 18, 2013 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from MEXICO, DF) Dead Mexican feminist artist and icon Frida Kahlo has finally come to her senses and visited a cosmetologist here to clean up her act. The old Frida, with monobrow and bigote, is on the left; new shiny, happy Frida on the right: Here are the same photos but bigger so […]

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Nissan picks a winner with new Moco minicar

by Victor Payan November 18, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) In a surprise move, the prestigious Guanajuato Auto Show has picked the new Nissan Moco as the 2014 Car of the Year. The Moco, which has dominated the Pakistani market for three years, was flicked across the Pacific this year to compete with other minicars such as the Ford Fresa […]

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‘Chihuahua Country Safari’ launches Kickstarter campaign

by Victor Payan November 15, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Local breakfast taco deliveryman Ron Garcia is just $5,980 away from realizing his dream of starting the nation’s first wild Chihuahua sanctuary. The sanctuary, dubbed Chihuahua Country Safari, has a Kickstarter campaign that Garcia hopes will raise the much needed $6,000 to turn his backyard into a haven for the […]

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