Pocho Ñews Service

Lost tribe of Frenchies discovered living in cave near Puebla, MX

by Victor Payan May 3, 2013 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from MEXICO) Mexican researchers are baffled by the discovery of a lost tribe of Frenchmen living in an artfully-decorated cave in the foothills of Mt. Popocatépetl in the state of Puebla. The Frenchmen, found by a group of hikers, are believed to be descended from a military patrol that went missing in 1862, during the French [...]

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Stone Oak woman claims family spat was due to ‘pura envidia’

by María Purísima May 2, 2013 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) The recent loud family dispute at her home here was due to “pura envidia” on the part of her husband’s people, according to Adelia Lázaro. “They are just envidiosos because we have worked hard to have this mock-Tudor home in Stone Oak closer to the north side than them,” the [...]

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Cartel street battle in Mexico ends in rout of French gang invaders

by EDUARDO BURRO May 2, 2013 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from MEXICO) Federales are cleaning up the streets of this southeastern city after a three-day battle between area gangsters and a French gang left 83 locals and 462 gabachos dead. The  Marseilles gang (“La Eme”) — sent to collect a drug debt allegedly owed by the Puebla-based Ignacio Zaragosa clika (the “Zetas”) — was [...]

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Corn tortilla achieves enlightenment on unattended Texas comal

by EresNerd May 1, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from Edinburg, TX) A corn tortilla was released from its physical shell and achieved enlightenment last night when it was inadvertently consumed by fire during Gil Trejo’s dinner preparations. The University of South Texas assistant professor of Latin American literature was heating the traditional Mexican flat bread to accompany leftover frijoles con queso [...]

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Breaking: Mexican troops say French use poison gas in Puebla

by EDUARDO BURRO May 1, 2013 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) French invaders fighting indigenous militias in the state of Puebla are using poison gas, according to situation reports circulating here in the capital. If the reports can be substantiated, it marks a dangerous escalation in the hostilities, and would mean Napoleon III’s troops have “crossed a red line” set by [...]

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Breaking: Beloved Mexican singer Juan Gabriel comes out

by HOWARD QOTZEL April 30, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) Inspired by NBA basketball star Jason Collins’ recent revelation that he’s gay, beloved Mexican singing star Juan Gabriel will make a special announcement tomorrow, PNS has learned. An exclusive interview with Balones magazine will feature this stunning quote from Gabriel:

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Latino filmmaker claims Zach Braff stole his Kickstarter funding

by Lalo Alcaraz April 29, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Actor and film director Zach Braff has raised $2 million in three days to fund a follow-up to his 2004 film, Garden State. Over 30,000 Kickstarter backers pledged $2.1-plus million to Braff’s Wish I Was Here, with 25 days left in the campaign. Not everyone is pleased with the results of [...]

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Reese Witherspoon goes chola, defends her man from pig cops

by María Purísima April 26, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from ATLANTA) Reese Witherspoon trotted out her East L.A. roots over the weekend after her husband was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol. “Who do you think you are?” Reese demanded during the traffic stop. “You can’t treat my man like that! Do you know who I am? If you don’t [...]

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CDC health warning: Small pipi syndrome hits middle-aged men

by MARIA PURISIMA AND ERESNERD April 24, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) The Centers for Disease Control is warning of an emerging epidemic hitting middle-aged men who have just begun to go bald and gain weight. Medical experts are terming the new outbreak “small pipi syndrome” and the list of symptoms is alarming: The sudden urge to buy a Corvette, or for poorer [...]

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Oxnard man says ‘Hand of God’ saved family from salsa poisoning

by Comic Saenz April 24, 2013 Doomsday Countdown
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(PNS reporting from OXNARD, CA) Sam Fuentes is certain he and his kids would be dead today if God hadn’t intervened. “The Lord Almighty — with a strong hand and an outstretched arm — saved us from the Grim Reaper, that’s for sure!” the Del Norte businessman and father of two told PNS. “That salsa coulda [...]

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