Pocho Ñews Service

Drug cartel shoot-out recycling means big business for one border town

by EDUARDO BURRO April 26, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from BAJA NALGAS) The narcotraficante shoot-outs in this border town typically take 30 or 40 seconds. A discerning listener might notice — amid the screams, the pop-pop-pop of semiautomatic pistol fire and the distinctive rat-a-tat-tat of submachineguns — the jingle-jangle-jingle of spent brass cartridges hitting the street. When the smoke clears, survivors, if [...]

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Colombia hails Secret Service bust: We’re not just for drogas anymore!

by EDUARDO BURRO April 17, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from CARTAGENA) Top officials of Colombia’s Ministry of Tourism are high on happiness after the weekend recall of U.S. Secret Service officers caught in a prostitution scandal. “Hookers? We love it,” Assistant Minister Rogerio Flauta said Monday. “It shows the world we have more to offer than drugs, guns and murder. Sex is always [...]

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Mexican garden statues get up, stand up and go on tour (photos)

by MIRA MIRA ANDAJUAL April 16, 2012 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from the HATE STATE OF ARIZONA) The “Sleeping Mexican” statues of Tucson we featured last week snooze no more. Buoyed by the online support they received after POCHO publicized their plight, these hombres woke up, stood up, dressed up and went on tour across Los United Estates to tell their story. From their [...]

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Spring cholo fashion tips from Le Smoké light up Montebello

by Oscar Barajas April 10, 2012 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Fresh cholo fashion tips brought style and fabulous funké decadence to the Montebello Town Center over the Easter weekend at fashion magistrate Le Smoké’s semiannual Eastsider Estilo Eshow, Low Rider Expo and Petting Zoo. Le Smoké is celebrated for his ground-shaking declaration in 2006 that burgundy was the new red [...]

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Ex-cyber-cop: Stop border infiltration by Internet-powered ‘netbacks’

by S.J. Rivera April 10, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from CYBERESPACE) They slip across the border at night, invisible, hidden in the multitude of American web surfers, bringing with them accented characters, exclamation points turned on their heads and foreign ideas like “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Mexican and Mexican-adjacent Internet users called “netbacks” are sucking up American bandwidth and adding so-called [...]

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The California Mission lost to history: Santa Zipporah de la Culpa

by David Kipen April 3, 2012 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) As Passover approaches, we commemorate a little-known chapter in local history: the story of California’s only Jewish mission, Santa Zipporah de la Culpa. Founded on Passover 1799 by a youthful colony of Spanish Jews fleeing the persecution of their parents, at its height the mission comprised a thriving community of several [...]

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GOP seeks Hispanic vote, taps Seagal for ‘You’re Busted, Beaner!’

by S.J. Rivera April 2, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Republicans scared to death worried about the GOP’s ridiculously awful poor standing with Hispanic non-Mexican-American voters have launched an election-year scramble to put a better spin on their party’s immigration problem. Their solution? A TV reality show starring Hollywood flunkie and all-around jackass, Steven Seagal. Seagal leads the list of C-level [...]

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National organization revokes Zimmerman’s Latino credentials

by Trey Buchet March 30, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) The Latino Alliance of Chicanos, Hispanics, Andeans, Nuyoricans, Central and Latin Americans (LACHANCLA) issued a statement today revoking the Latino credentials of alleged Trayvon Martin killer George Zimmerman. “The so-called Mr. Zimmerman’s behavior is totally un-Latino, and we have no choice but to revoke his Latinidad,” said LACHANCLA spokesman Shawn [...]

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Local man ‘sick and tired of shit breaking down and falling apart’

by BRONTE SOROS March 30, 2012 El Now
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(PNS reporting from ROUTE 66) Area resident Bobby Figueroa is “so totally sick and tired” of the effects of the Second Law of Thermodynamics that he plans to fight the entropy, friends report. People close to the situation say Figueroa began complaining about the universal tendency of elements in a closed system to flow to [...]

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Around Our Town: Ñews from the Neighborhood

by cHALE KNICKERBOCKER, SOCIETY EDITOR March 23, 2012 Cultura
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Basketball: The undefeated Pocho High Fighting Santos meet the Chupacabras of Don Fernando Valley High for the state hoops semifinals next week in Rancho Cucamonga. Booster Club president Cal Ifas wants to remind fans the vuvuzelas have arrived and you can pick up your order at his auto upholstery shop weekdays and Saturdays. Califas Tuck [...]

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