(PNS reporting from NEW YORK) The National Football League confirmed widespread rumors this morning that legendary comedy team Cheech and Chong will be performing during Sunday’s Super Bowl Halftime Show.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell told potheads who had been holding their breath that they could now exhale. Their counterculture comedy heroes WILL perform at the game, a championship match that features teams from the two states, Colorado and Washington, that legalized recreational marijuana use this year.
“The grass won’t only be on the field this Sunday,” he said.
Known as the “Grandfathers of Ganja,” Cheech and Chong are expected to perform classic skits such as Dave’s Not Here, Ralph and Herbie, Let’s Make a Dope Deal and a new piece called Obama’s Bomba, in memory of President Obama’s dope smokin’ high school “Choom Gang” and their dealer, who was killed by his gay lover after passing gas in his face.
Dubbed the Super “Bowl” by many, Sunday’s game between the Seattle Seahawks and Denver Broncos is seen by many as a sign from God, rewarding the legalization of marijuana, which is also known as reefer, dope, grass, mary jane, pakalolo, smoke, pot, kush, flowers, doobage, skunk, chronic, weed, hash, herb, Maui Wowie, wacky tobaccky and Squintin’ Clinton.
Marijuana activist Sharon Mimota says the Super “Bowl” brings positive visibility to a plant that often gets a bad rap, mostly for being associated with bad rappers.
“Studies show that crime actually goes down when people smoke marijuana,” Mimota coughed.
NFL Chairman Goodell said previously scheduled performers Bruno Mars and The Red Hot Chili Peppers will still be performing and will now treat the public to rocking renditions of Cheech and Chong hits such as Earache My Eye, Up in Smoke, Born in East LA (original video, below), Basketball Jones and Paranoid Pothead. Spliff-smoking Canuck Justin Bieber is also rumored to be parachuting in to sing the Tommy Chong classic I was Framed.
Grocery stores are already reporting shortages of burritos, Twinkies, Doritos, Takis, chicharrones, Pop Tarts, Hot Pockets and frozen pizza as munchie-afflicted stoners get ready to hunker down in front of the TV and not move for six hours.
Asked if the game’s expected 114 million viewers will be alert enough to watch the Super Bowl without getting distracted, Goodell replied, “It’s all good, man.”
POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO, INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.