(PNS reporting from CYBERESPACE) They slip across the border at night, invisible, hidden in the multitude of American web surfers, bringing with them accented characters, exclamation points turned on their heads and foreign ideas like “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Mexican and Mexican-adjacent Internet users called “netbacks” are sucking up American bandwidth and adding so-called “salsa” to American websites — and right-wing forces want them stopped.
Legislators fear that Los United Estates’ virtual gated community will be overrun with pocho-friendly websites and Mexican spam (much spicier!), and a former White House adviser is pushing for a bill to solve the problem.
George W. Bush’s guru for cyber security Richard A. Clarke says the answer to protecting America’s virtual borders is simple: establish a Firewall Border Patrol.
Clarke is supporting a bill titled MIGRA (Mexican Internet Gringo Act), which would allow the government to set up migra firewall checkpoints to monitor and harass the trillions of data bytes being beamed in and out of the domestic personal computers for any hint of pochismo. If any “illegal bytes” were discovered they would be deported from that computer and sent back to virtual Mexico.
Clarke says the Department of Homeland Security should be putting boots on the ground as well as on the Net and is highly critical of the Obama administration’s lax efforts to secure the virtual border firewall:
That Kenyan Muslim socialist is letting brown-skinned hordes from south of virtual border take over America’s red, white and blue Internet.
“The White House is dropping the ball here and our firewalls are getting breached at a record pace. Taco-bending sites are everywhere these days – from websites about banned books to parodies about Presidential candidates, they are seeping across our virtual borders. Customs already looks online for child pornography crossing our virtual borders – they should also be monitoring for these netbacks sneaking across as well,” Clarke said.
Clarke insists that Obama could easily take care of the problem himself, without having to deal with a bickering Congress, but says that the President refuses to do anything because he finds some of the websites humorous and informative, particularly ones that poke fun at his Republican rivals.
“If Congress will not act to protect Americans from illegal Mexican cyber threats, President Obama must,” said Clarke.
Arizona’s douchiest sheriff, Joe Arpaio, has expressed interest in directing the virtual migra and says that he would make sure that no illegal bits of information make it across America’s virtual borders and if they did he would make them wear virtual pink underwear.
S. J. Rivera is an Indie Publisher/Author and Smartass @ Broken Sword Publications
Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo, Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court. Don’t ask us, we just work here.