(PNS reporting from LOS ANGELES)  Outgoing Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villariagosa has a proposal for incoming mayor Eric Garcetti: Be my wingman.

Villariagosa has been contemplating life after being LA’s mayor — and it’s not looking good. Reviewing his taste for power and dating attractive women who would be out of his shorty league if he weren’t powerful, Villariagosa told PNS he’s worried.

“Seriously bro, do you know how easy it was to get laid when I was bringing the ladies home to the Los Angeles Mayor’s mansion in Hancock Park?” he asked PNS. “Without the title and the house, I’m like, just another short Mexican guy in LA, you know?”

Villariagosa said he would by no means want to upstage the new mayor, but perhaps the two could become bros.

“Maybe the new mayor could be my wingman, you know? Or, maybe I could just stay in the mayor’s mansion and we could be roommates?”

PNS hasn’t seen it yet, but chances are Villaraigosa is going to be checking Craigslist for available Hancock Park rooms soon.

POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO, INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.

Check it out: One frantic minute of punk-cumbia La Cucaracha (marijuana que fumar) by Piñata Protest. They are from San Antonio, TX, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) A bruised, battered and patched-up Immigration Bill cleared a major hurdle Tuesday as a bipartisan 13-5 vote kicked Bill out of the Judiciary Committee and onto the Senate floor.

POCHO caught up with Bill in his dressing room after the committee vote and got him to agree to a short, on-the-record interview:

POCHO: You sleazed past the tricky gay partner trap, you sucked up to the high tech lobby, you bribed the security-is-our-business government contractors and now you’re one step closer to becoming a law. So how does it feel?

IMMIGRATION BILL: What do you want me to say? I’m just a Bill, I’m just a Bill and I’m sitting here on Capitol Hill.

POCHO: How do you get the strength to maintain day after day? What’s your secret?

IMMIGRATION BILL: I have good genes, I guess.  On my father’s side, I’m related to Buffalo Bill. Or maybe a Buffalo Soldier. Mom was always very mysterious about that.

POCHO: What’s next for Immigration Bill?

IMMIGRATION BILL: No Disneyland for me, that’s damn sure. I have a lot of bullshit to deal with here in the Senate and if I can escape alive I have to start all over in the House of Representatives with the committees and the amendments, etc.

POCHO: Any predictions?

IMMIGRATION BILL: Oh, no, Mr. Bill!

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo, Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court. Don’t ask us, we just work here.

In Mexico, Grupo Bimbo’s Negrito brand chocolate candy bars are delicious AND good for your hair! All sales final. Hoodie not included.

• RELATED: Hamburguesas never looked so good! Salma Hayek for BurgerBoy (video)

What did we ever do before the Google? Where did a poor pre-Googlite go to find out the big answers and the meaning of Life, the Universe and Everything? Actually, we could Google that. But why even hypothesize? Google has the answers we want today and knows the questions we want to ask even before we ask them:

• So why DO Mexicans stare? Because you’re a hot guera. Doh!
• Well then why do they eat beans? Because if you know how to cook them properly they are a delicious, nutritious low-cost protein.
• So why do the Mexicans come to the U.S.? For a better life for themselves and their families, just like your ancestors. By the way, would your ancestors get in today?
• OK, then, wassup with the Mexican jumping beans? Icky moth larva inside doesn’t like the warm.
• Mexicans look like Asians — why? Bering Strait blah blah blah. Funny, you don’t look Mexican!
• Can you explain the Smiths/Morrissey thing? Morrissey estole our hearts. Happy Birthday Moz (tomorrow)!
• Why do Mexicans say “fool”? Only to you, fool. They say it only to you.

POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz not only draws and writes stuff but he has admitted to occasional episodes of skanking, and, yes, even moshing. In this video for the Amoeba Music chain, openly-Latino Alcaraz talks about his love for classic ska, vintage mambo and soul music.

They’re confused, the poor marketeers. They try so hard to sell fish esticks and bleach and PETA to “Hispanics,” but they are low and slow on the learning curve.

Nearly Half of Second-Gen Hispanics Feel Like Ads Don’t Target Them, laments the tradezine Adweek.

You mean pochos with limited/zero Spanish aren’t picking up trendy brand tips watching telenovelas on Spanish-language TV? And nobody reading this story really cares all that much about Juanes’ aftershave? What’s an earnest marketeer to do?

Los Pochodores are here to help with the Pocho Ocho best ways to reach out to that elusive “Hispanic” market:

8. Work a mustache into your ad. Hispanics love bigotes!
7. Always feature a woman in a tight dress with huge boobs — just like Mom! Family values!
6. Whenever possible say “abuela.”
5. Make sure to over-exaggerate the pronunciation of Spanish words.
4. You can appeal to Hispanics’ working class roots by reminding them that they make great janitors and gardeners.
3. Two words: bright colors.
2. Winning campaigns maximize the use of keywords

• spicy
• hot
• passionate
• tradition

And the numero uno best way to market to Hispanics is…

Mariachi music (Cubans love that stuff, amirightpeople?)

• RELATED: First Lady on healthy food for Chicano kids: Eat like Puerto Ricans

Infographic via Adweek.

• RELATED: An Open Letter to the Denver Public Library Commission