The Hectors© are named for POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz’ cousin Hector (photo), who is excellent at ruining family gatherings, especially when he has downed his third 12-pack. He hasn’t seen a film since Blood In, Blood Out.
And the Hector© goes to:
- Best Actor in a Tragedy: Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX), for pretending to care about ordinary Americans, and then throwing hissy-fit filibusters to keep them from getting affordable health care.
- Best Special Effects: Governor Jan Brewja (R-AZ) for an impassioned speech as she vetoed an obviously unconstitutional anti-gay bill while still hating on immigrants, Mexican-American studies, affordable health care and a woman’s right to chose.
- Most Ignorant: Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) for somehow forgetting that rich-ass conservative Cuban-Americans aren’t what’s for dinner anymore.
- Best Screenplay Stolen from Another Screenplay: Senator Rand Paul (R-VA) for stealing speeches, website content and stale ideas from a wide variety of right-wing hacks.
- Best Wardrobe Re-Design: George Zimmerman, for his re-branding of the hoodie as criminal attire.
- Best Editing: Fox News, for advancements in fact-shading and science misinterpretation.
- Best Achievement in Making an Animal Speak: Sheriff Joe Arpaio (Maricopa County, AZ). This is his third award in this category.
- Best Actress in a Leading Role: Eva Longoria in Devious Maids, for pretending that a gaudy and sexist series about sexy Mexican maids is progressive or benefits actual maids in any way, shape or form.
- Best Tonto: Michael Peña, for not knowing who Cesar Chavez was prior to taking the role. (Sorry, Johnny Depp. Maybe next time.)
- Best Mexican: Rick Bayless, who time and again proves that he is the most Mexican man on the planet or the universe. Runner up: Ben Affleck.
- Best Cable News Show Without Any Mexis on It: All Of Them.
You can blame Santino J. Rivera and Comic Saenz for wasting their considerable talents on this. Art by Lalo Alcaraz.