(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Shocking allegations that Florida Lieutenant Governor and Mitt Romney supporter Jennifer Carroll had a torrid lesbian affair with a Latina staffer has political wonks declaring the 2012 Romney campaign the “Gayest Presidential Campaign Ever.*”
The Carroll controversy comes on the heels of the scandalous Spanish-language Craig Romney commercial, in which the flamboyant lad clearly states, “Hola. Soy Craig Romney. Quiero decirles que homo es mi padre, Mitt Romney, ” which translates as “I want to tell you how homo is my father, Mitt Romney.”
Inadvertently, the strapping young Romney also confirmed long-held suspicions about his own sexuality by merely appearing on camera.
Combined with the romantic revelations about former Arizona Romney Campaign Co-Chair Sheriff Paul Babeu’s undocumented male lover, this raises the 2012 Romney Gaydar Threat Level from Luscious Lavender to Flaming Red Hot!
While conservatives are confused at how such a homophobic campaign can also be the most homoerotic, many gay Republicans are saying “Go, Gurl!” to all the Team Romney members who are bravely outing themselves.
“This is a great day for gay Republicans,” says Log Rancho Republican president Kay Chulo. “We can finally come out of the Conservative Closet rather than just into it.”
“Craig Romney is really hot,” Chulo added. “He can join my Teabag Party any time.”
The news of the family-friendly Romney campaign also falls on the high heels of new allegations that Mitt Romney not only impersonated a police officer in college, but also dressed up to impersonate a construction worker and an Indian chief.
“All the boys in college knew Romney was gay,” says classmate Chad Dangler. “The only question was whether he was a pitcher or a catcher. But seriously, how do you think he got the nickname ‘Mitt’?”
* Not that that’s a bad thing.
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