The night the mothership came, it was ‘Chanclas & Aliens’ in the hood

The pinche aliens were getting closer. Ruben couldn’t feel that pull though, they had wounded them enough to where they couldn’t just suck them in from a distance, but still they kept coming. The line of purple creatures seemed endless and when they fanned out to try and block the chanclas, he could see there were hundreds of them. Smiley’s eyes widened and her face paled a bit under her heavy makeup.

“Shit, babe, the chanclas aren’t killing them. What are we going to do?” she whispered. “I don’t know mija, keep hurting them and we’ll keep trying to find something else. Maybe if we hit them hard enough and fast enough they’ll go down for good. Fuck, there’s a ton of the bastards though.”

He scratched along his jawline thinking as he paced along the front line of cholos and abuelas. Seeing a blowtorch on the ground, he picked it up and nodded to the guys who had brought the torches.

“Let’s try and hit them with fire too, eses. Maybe that will kill them.”

The group of cholos with the blow torches nodded and moved up as close as they dared then turned up the heat and blasted the aliens with a fiery wall.

Nothing happened.

They got closer and Smiley saw one trip and fall after it had been hit with both fire and chancla. She wanted to burn it. She hated it so much that she was beyond reason. The damned thing reminded her of one of those pinche potato bugs or niño’s de la tierra that used to crawl out of the dirt in her yard as a little girl.

Suddenly, she remembered she and her brother burning those bugs with hairspray and a lighter one night. Her dad had caught them playing with fire and they’d both gotten it good with the cinto. These damned aliens reminded her of that night and of those hideous bugs that gave her nightmares. She was going to burn one if it killed her. Sneaking away from the group, she grabbed the torch on the ground and crept down the hillside slowly. Smiley was good at keeping quiet. It had taken all her stealth to sneak around to see Ruben when they were secretly dating and she’d become an expert. Flattening herself against the ground, she slithered like a culebra down the hill.

The aliens were distracted with the chanclas that were still flying and getting in some good chingasos. She choked and almost vomited as she neared the alien that was down on the asphalt. Its reek was intense. Steeling herself against the smell, she crept closer and at that moment the alien turned and looked her dead in the eye with pained yellow eyes full of hatred. It began to
open its mouth and Smiley felt its horrible pull.

Without thinking she grabbed the blowtorch and turned it on, feeling the blast of heat on her face. Snatching the can of Aquanet out of her pocket with her other hand she sprayed it, causing a huge conflagration that burnt off the few
eyebrow hairs she had. She screamed and yanked herself back, dropping the blowtorch on the floor in her hurry to get away from the creature.

Aquanet in hand, she kept spraying and to her surprise saw the creature dissolve in a purple puddle. She’d killed it. Smiley wanted to scream out her victory but she kept quiet and ran as fast as she could up the hill to Ruben.

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Tagged as: abuelas, aliens, aqua net, barrio, chacnlas, chanclas, cholas, cholos, close encounter, dickies, espace, espacemen, flying saucer, gray aliens, homies, locos, mujeres, park, space, ufo, vatos, viejos