National organization revokes Zimmerman’s Latino credentials

by Trey Buchet on March 30, 2012 in El Now, Pocho Ñews Service

LACHANCLA to George: No longer Latino

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) The Latino Alliance of Chicanos, Hispanics, Andeans, Nuyoricans, Central and Latin Americans (LACHANCLA) issued a statement today revoking the Latino credentials of alleged Trayvon Martin killer George Zimmerman.

“The so-called Mr. Zimmerman’s behavior is totally un-Latino, and we have no choice but to revoke his Latinidad,” said LACHANCLA spokesman Shawn Clota. “We have to put our foot down somewhere, and that somewhere is George Zimmerman.”

This is the first time anyone’s Latino credentials have been cancelled, and Clota said the group’s decision was made with the understanding that Zimmerman’s not being considered Latino would likely make him ineligible for racial profiling, being arrested for Driving While Brown and facing the same fate as copious evidence shows he is accused of dealing to Trayvon Martin.

The Night Stalker is still Latino

“We’ve considered revoking credentials from some pretty dastardly Latinos, such as the Menendez brothers, Lorena Bobbitt, Snooky, Alberto Gonzalez and Richard Ramirez the Night Stalker, but this Zimmerman is really in a no-class by himself,” said Clota. “Not even the Gusanos want this guy.”

The LACHANCLA decision indicates it would consider restoring Zimmerman’s Latinicity only if he turns himself into Florida officials and admits to the willful killing of Trayvon Martin.

“All we want is for Zimmerman to do the right thing,” said Clota. “By demonstrating he has no conscience, he cannot be considered a Latino.”

Lacking Latino credentials, Zimmerman’s prison gang affiliation would be limited to the Aryan Brotherhood or the Hillbilly Kissincousinhood, assuming either group would accept him.

In related news, LACHANCLA came close to revoking the Latino credentials for media letdown Geraldo Rivera, but instead issued an injunction requiring him to only use his pre-Affirmative Action name of Jerry Rivers.

Jerry Rivers and Cheech Marin pose in a photo Marin distributed via Twitter

Photo courtesy Cheech Marin

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo, Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.

{ 41 comments }

Mota Fuqua March 30, 2012 at 3:49 PM

Jerry Rivers! Hahahaha!

Becky April 2, 2012 at 5:03 PM

As a Cuban American, I find this decision laughable. How dare this group say who is Latino or not? My daughter was born in the USA, but she considers herself Cuban, because her mother and grandmother, are Cuban, and culturally, she enjoys being both, Cuban and American. We either feel we are Latino or we are not. However, I find it truly disgusting to even speak of Zimmerman in the same sentence as Richard Ramirez, who terrorized Los Angeles, and mercilessly, cruelly and sadistically tortured and killed innocent people. As a Cuban born, I revoke the entire Latino credentials of this pathetic group.

Estebán April 2, 2012 at 9:12 PM

Hey Becky: What’s the Cuban word for satire?

Blanca April 2, 2012 at 9:14 PM

Oh… Becky… *sigh*

Laurita April 2, 2012 at 9:16 PM

Can we revoke the latinidad of obnoxious cubanos like the one above? In a similar vein, is “obnoxious cubano” redundant?

JGB April 4, 2012 at 4:57 PM

Well…I try to be self-aware when I’m being obnoxious, personally.

Miguel April 2, 2012 at 9:21 PM

Becky, you should write a letter to LACHANCLA and let them know how you feel!! LMAO!!!

cruz ortiz zamarron April 2, 2012 at 9:31 PM

becky becky becky *sigh*

José-Ariel Cuevas April 2, 2012 at 9:44 PM

Satire: Some people get it, some people don’t.

Lencha April 2, 2012 at 9:47 PM

Better watch out or LA CHANCLA is gonna get ya!

Blanca April 2, 2012 at 9:55 PM

My mom was always getting LACHANCLA after me!

flordelnopal April 2, 2012 at 10:38 PM

Really??? Like Zimmerman didn’t hunt, terrorized and killed Trayvon Martin while walking Black in a gated White community. So Becky what makes Zimmerman different from Richard Ramirez apart from badly stylized casta paintings.

flordelnopal April 2, 2012 at 10:45 PM

I’m embarrassed to admit it but Becky is my mother. In any social event where I have to be around that woman, I will be wearing a brown paper sack over my head. Aye que verquenza!!!

Anthony Villarreal April 2, 2012 at 10:46 PM

Update: By popular demand, they are also revoking the credentials of Alberto Gonzalez, due to this very anti-Latino pro-torture activity.

Sean Clita April 2, 2012 at 10:49 PM

To LACHANCLA: Is @MexicanMitt still Latino?

ellobo April 3, 2012 at 5:37 AM

Como dice me abuela, “Que la” media palabra.

ellobo

Johanna Malaret Gracia April 3, 2012 at 8:40 AM

This was uterly deliciously hilarious! Thank you LACHANCLA, the comments just ice the bischocho as we say en la Isla Boricua! Chancla power!

Crystal April 3, 2012 at 10:23 AM

It’s ironic that his ‘Latino Credentials’ are being ‘revoked’. Intitially, the news blasted that it was a white/black crime committed by a white man who could speak Spanish.
As someone who has both ‘White’ and Latino roots who could also be cloaked behind a last name that doesn’t represent the entirety of my identity, most would assume by name alone, that I perhaps was only white. I wonder, if I committed a crime, would they try to limit their description in a single word adjective, and if so, which one would they use? What statistic would I reinforce? If I was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, would the adjective change? I myself have had my identity as a Chicana challenged from groups like Mecha, because I wasn’t ‘Latino’ enough and my identity of being white challenged because I was half latino. And how can I or any other person be summed up in one identity anyways let alone revoke it. Identities cannot be added or revoked simply for convenience or because it might bring shame to our community. Ancestry especially is unconditional. You can not change someone’s blood line when blood is shed.

Rather, he should be held responsible in his entirety, so that we can better understand what led to this horrific crime as well as the response to this crime by of criminal justice system both on the micro and macro level. It is from the deepest level of understanding, that we can then start working toward insuring that these crimes don’t continue to repeat themselves. I would argue, that if anything should be revoked, it is the badges of the officers and all involved, who let this person walk free rather than letting the judge and jury decide. This crime is much more a window into a broken system, and I can only hope that we can draw open the curtain and finally shed some light on the systematic injustices in that state and in our society as a whole.

Lita April 3, 2012 at 11:58 AM

Are Becky and Crystal related??

Crystal April 3, 2012 at 12:51 PM

I am not sure why that would matter, but there is no verguenza in what she says. If I were her daughter, I would stand tall with her and not cover my face with a paper bag like the this article suggest cuando no se combiene. The comments below hers saddened and disheartened me, let us not be divisive. The the suggesting that even her ‘latinidad’ should be revoked, that her words are equivalent to Mr. Zimmerman’s crimes, further demonstrates how ludicrous the entire prospect is.

Rolando Rodriguez April 4, 2012 at 3:31 PM

Latino is a chistoso state of mind. It’s about flor y canto y chiste.
¡Que siga el mambo!

Lita April 3, 2012 at 4:30 PM

This is all a joke. I hope there is no offense taken here. I, definitely am not divisive. This is by all means a serious matter. But sometimes, it’s just good to laugh. This publication allows us to make fun of ourselves and lighten up. “News and Satire.”

Rebecca April 3, 2012 at 4:31 PM

Becky and Crystal, you silly little fools. This is a satire site. This story is a joke. Loosen up the ol’ nalgas, eh?

Chang Klon April 3, 2012 at 11:22 PM

LACHANCLA’s spokesperson’s name is Shawn Clota… LMAO. I also liked Sean Clita’s comment.

Travie Zomo April 4, 2012 at 11:46 AM

CMC!!! Que risa. Y gracias a Becky y Crystal for making it even funnier. Mensas!

Trey Buchet April 5, 2012 at 12:12 AM

Zas!

DoubleG April 5, 2012 at 3:25 PM

WTF? The interwebz sure bring out the dumb bunnies. Not just on 4chan, but on Pocho too? What’s the world coming to people? This is a satire site. You must be the same ones who called the police when The Onion reported senators holding kids captive. LMFAO.

Greg April 7, 2012 at 9:21 AM

How dare you compare Snooky to Richard Ramirez! :p

Joe B April 18, 2012 at 2:24 AM

This is funny! You can’t disown Zimmerman. When he dies he will have Latino blood.
I am sure you blame it on the white man too!
The toughest gang on the street isn’t white or black and I am sure Zimmerman doesn’t hold a candle to them.
Look Zimmerman didn’t mean to kill that young man. He was trying to look out for his neighbors so it was a safe community.

Francisca Fontes July 12, 2013 at 7:27 PM

Zimmerman looks like the very devil, he can’t possible be a latino.

santos July 12, 2013 at 8:23 PM

the only Becky and Zimmerman’s i know live in Pebble Beach. La Rosa cleans their house. lighten up gente.

santos July 12, 2013 at 8:23 PM

the only Becky and Zimmerman’s i know live in Pebble Beach. La Rosa cleans their house. lighten up gente.

Wendy July 15, 2013 at 12:11 AM

I know this article was a joke, but as an American of Dominican heritage, I am proud to be part of the same ethnic group George Zimmerman: a Hispanic.

It is unfortunate that he did not receive any significant support from the Latino community. Perhaps if he was named Jorge Zimmerman, it might have made a difference.

He was by all accounts a well-liked man who supported and was friends with people of all races. George was railroaded into a sham trial to pacify blackmailing groups who call for a race war. The media had pronounced him guilty from the onset without learning all the facts.

This was a tragedy, but George Zimmerman had to choose between fearing for his life as his nose was broken and his head bashed into the concrete sidewalk, or saving himself. This was a clear cut case of self-defense, and he should have received much more support.

I married an American man of mostly German descent man, and our daughter has a German sounding name, but she, too, has Hispanic heritage and culture. Unfortunately, many of my fellow Latinos may dismiss her heritage as they did George’s, because of her white blood. Sad.

Todos Somos Trayvon July 15, 2013 at 12:51 PM

You are incorrect about the reasons the Hispanic community did not support Zimmerman. It was not because of his name or his ethnicity. It was because he KILLED AN UNARMED BOY in cold blood after being TOLD BY POLICE not to engage. He also told the 911 operator, “F—ing punks … These a–holes, they always get away,” so we know he wasn’t planning on letting Trayvon “get away.” We know his state of mind prior to the killing. He also has crazy eyes. And regarding your concerns about your daughter’s heritage, it is more likely that Latinos will dismiss her PENDEJA mom, and not her ethnicity. Plus, if his name was Jorge Zimmerman, the five white ladies on the jury might have found him guilty.

David July 16, 2013 at 11:31 AM

So this unarmed boy is just strolling thru this gated neighborhood, on the way back to his fathers house. He attacks g Zimmerman, but that is inconsequential, I suppose. Because like you said, he is a boy. Zimmerman was a neighborhood watch person, becuz there had been burglaries. I don’t understand Hispanics. You see everthing bad in us, and good in everyone else. No wonder we are 3rd class citizens. If it had reversed, and t martin killed Zimmerman, you would be commenting how heroic martin was. It boogles the mind, how Hispanics are so quick to throw another Hispanic under the bus.

Wendy July 16, 2013 at 1:10 PM

David, you are so right.

My mother who watches nothing but Spanish channels, didn’t even know George was Hispanic. She said “His name is George Zimmerman.” And I reminded her that all four of her grandchildren have non-Hispanic sounding names, but still share Dominican blood.

Then she said, “I thought he looked Hispanic, but the news said he was white. And wasn’t that blond woman they showed his mother?”

You see, the Spanish-speaking media hid the truth from their viewers. I watched Telemundo news as they showed Martin’s family take the stand, but when it came to George’s (very obvious) Peruvian uncle and mother testifying, they cut to a reporter. It was disgusting.

As I have seen the obfuscations, lies and outright denial of truths, I have come to the conclusion that there is no Hispanic Community in the USA. That is only a political designation created to incite racial divisiveness. I now solely consider myself an American citizen of Dominican heritage, who is fluent in three languages. That is all.

SMDH July 15, 2013 at 3:01 PM

No es posible que alguna gente sea tan pendeja!! Read people! Read!!

Wendy July 15, 2013 at 10:56 PM

No es verdad que todos somos Trayvon Martin. Mi familia y yo somos George Zimmerman.

And you call me a Pendeja? Well you are nothing more than un patetico pedazo de mierda.

You are spouting MSNBC/HLN talking points. Did you watch the trial? Did you research the case, and all the evidence that was not allowed in court? Why are you so gullible?

Martin was not an “unarmed innocent teen” who got viciously attacked by a cold-blooded racist. Here are the facts:

It took Trayvon Martin almost an hour to walk home 1 mile from the 7-11 to his father’s girlfriend’s apartment. That’s right; he was not heading “home” as his mother had kicked him out of her house for being suspended from school and getting into trouble. Why did it take this football player that long to walk home? Hmmm. (Incidentally, at school, Martin had been caught with a backpack filled with expensive women’s jewelry and a screwdriver. This jewelry was reported stolen from a house a few blocks away from Martin’s school.)
As George was driving by, he saw a figure skulking around the condos, cutting between the grass, not walking along the designated walkways, and looking into windows and glass doors. Now remember there had been 8 burglaries in that development in the past 14 months, all committed by black males who wore dark hoodies.

As captain of the neighborhood watch program, and a legal owner of a gun and concealed carry permit, George was well within his rights to get out of his car and see what Martin was up to. But what did George do? He called non-emergency dispatch–not 911–and reported the suspicious activity. The words you claim showed his hateful state of mind, “bleeping punks” and “these —holes always get away” did not express animosity, but mere frustration about this fact. (The DA’s shouted these words over and over in court to show George’s state of mind, but if you listen to the tapes, you will hear a resigned-sounding George, not an angry one).

He wasn’t ordered by police not to follow. George told the civilian dispatcher that he had lost sight of Martin and would follow if necessary, but the dispatcher told him, “We don’t need you to do that.” Dispatch is not police, and even if it was, that was not a legal order.
Nevertheless, George didn’t follow Martin. However, the dispatcher did ask for an address, so George walked to the nearest townhouse to get a look at the number so as to give an accurate address to meet up with the police. That’s right, George was waiting for the police to arrive. Does a cold blooded killer wait for the police to as he plots to murder someone? That’s absurd.

Keep in mind that by Rachel Jeantel’s own testimony, Martin was already at his father’s girlfriend’s house. Four minutes passed without George sighting Martin. If Martin was in such fear for his life, why didn’t he hide, or enter the condo or call 911? Instead, he double-backed and confronted Zimmerman, because he felt dissed that some “creepy ass cracker” (actually, a whole-wheat cracker) dared to follow him.

Who started the physical fight is immaterial, but most likely it was Martin who started it, as he was in better shape, and had a longer reach (and after all he had bragged on texts and social media about getting into fights. His MO was to go first for the nose. His only complaint was that he wanted to see his enemies to “breed” more, aka bleed).

What is indisputable is that Martin punched George over and over for at least 40 seconds, with George screaming for help. His nose was broken and bloodied and his head was bashed into the concrete sidewalk. Whether Martin saw the gun and was about to reach for it could be questioned…however George was in his full legal rights to defend himself from bodily harm. He didn’t even have to be in fear for his life. At that moment, he had a right to self-defense. That is the law in Florida.

George used his weapon–shot only once– and then the beating stopped. What would have happened if George hadn’t shot Martin? George would have been put into a coma, or killed.
When told that there was a video recording the event, George’s first words were “Thank God.” He also willingly spoke to the police on several occasions without an attorney present. Does any of that sound like the actions of a cold-blooded murderer?

As for your comment about George having crazy eyes…well that’s just bizarre. I could counter that Martin’s handle of “No-Limit-Nigga” or his cell pics of him smoking pot, sticking up his middle finger and flexing his muscles, or his online searches for making some “lean” made him seem like a thug wannabe…but that is immaterial. What matters is what happened that night. And that night Martin acted like a violent punk, and unfortunately met his demise.

And no, those women of the jury would not have found “Jorge Zimmerman” guilty of murdering Trayvon Martin, because in any event, it was an obvious case of self-defense. This was not a Stand Your Ground case, but self-defense. Do you understand what that means?

I don’t know who or what you are, but by your words you have shown yourself to be of small intellect. Look in the mirror and you will see the true pendejo. You have been bamboozled by racial hucksters. Think and reason and you will find the truth, if you are capable of doing so.

David July 16, 2013 at 11:24 AM

This only confirms what I have always believed, that Hispanics spend all their time stepping on each other. G Zimmerman is Hispanic, HELLO!!!!!. This organization should be showing support. Now I know who pulls their chain.

Todos Somos Trayvon July 16, 2013 at 4:07 PM

David: G Zimmerman is a killer, HELLO!!!!
Wendy and the “Somos George Zimmerman” Klan: I do not doubt that you and your family are like Zimmerman, crazy-eyed, creepy and stalky. Just a hunch I’m getting.

flordelnopal July 20, 2013 at 11:50 AM

I’m channeling my tatarabuelas la Adelita and la Teresita Urrea with chanclas and yerbas on their polainas y desde el mas alla they’ll throw a chancla to Wendy or at least give her a limpia.
Unfortunately no matter how much channeling, chanclazos and limpias no justice was given to Travon Martin and his family.

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