Secret New Hampshire: They lie about origins, talk funny and hate God

by Lucida Grandé on January 10, 2012 in El Now, Pocho Ñews Service

(PNS reporting from NEW ENGLAND) New Hampshire is the small Yanqui state where Republicans vote today in a primary election. When tonight’s results come in, remember where they’re coming from – a jurisdiction where people live a lie, talk in a dialect devoid in rhoticity and don’t go to church like other Americans!

These are the secrets of the Granite State:

  • First: They’re not from Hampshire. Unlike New Mexico, where 46% of the population claims roots across the border, only 17.6% of New Hampshire residents trace their ancestry back to England, let alone the English county of Hampshire. Almost 25% of the population of the population of this “New England” enclave is unashamed of roots that snake across the Atlantic to the notorious nation of cheese-loving surrender monkeys, France.
  • Next: They talk weird. Unlike real Americans, the residents of New Hampshire speak in a dialect called Eastern New England English.
    Wikipedia:

The phrase park the car in Harvard Yard is commonly used to caricature the lack of rhoticity in eastern New England, which contrasts with the generally rhotic accents common elsewhere in North America.

This MP3 audio file will give you an idea of how they sound so you can be prepared to decipher their utterings tonight. Lack of rhoticity? What about veracity!

  • They hate God – more from Wikipedia:

    A survey suggests that people in New Hampshire and Vermont are less likely than other Americans to attend weekly services and only 54% say that they are “absolutely certain there is a God” compared to 71% in the rest of the nation…Thirty-six percent said religion is very important to them (56% nationally).

When the lame-stream media starts bleating nonsense about the importance of the N.H. primary results, don’t forget who the voters are.

Their license plates may say “Live Free or Die,” but their very existence shouts love France and lie.

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of the Pocho Corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.
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