Pocho Ocho absolutely worst things to do with a Taco Bell burrito

Eric Brown, 36, of Pt. Lucie, FL, is awaiting an arraignment for “assault” because he allegedly threw a Taco Bell burrito in his 16-year-old brother-in-law’s face.

Just so you don’t run afoul of the Law of Burritos, make note of the pocho ocho things you should never EVER do with a Taco Bell burrito:

8. Smoosh it in a 16-year-old’s face

7. Use it as a suppository

6. Mix with papier mache to make a piñata

5. Let your abuelita know you purchased it

4. Feed it to the dog

3. Use it as a substitute for foam in tuck-and-roll upholstery for your ranfla

2. Speak with it in Español

And the numero uno thing you should never EVER do with a Taco Bell burrito is…

Actually eat the burrito

Affidavit courtesy The Smoking Gun. ElEresNerd, S.J. Rivera and Maria Purisima contributed to this report.