Religious figures slam Guadalupe as ‘miraculous appearance hog’

by María Purísima on October 18, 2012 in Cultura, Pocho Ñews Service

(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) Leading Catholic personalities gathered here this week to address a simmering controversy in the official Divine Advent & Manifestation Union (DAMU): members claim that La Virgen de Guadalupe (photo, center) is a publicity hog when it comes to miraculous appearances.

“Can’t the Son of God just miraculously appear on a slice of toast without someone copying me?” asked Jesus Christ (photo, right). “Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for faith and everything, but she goes out of her way to appear on everything! Am I right, people?”

Another virgin in attendance, rarely-seen La Virgen de San Juan (photo, left), said that although she’s “totally cool” with being a lesser-known virgin, she will never be able to grow her Twitter following or sell more CDs when Guadalupe is always “hogging the spotlight.”

“The union has rules for a reason, so everyone has a chance at appearing on tortillas or an oil stain,” San Juan told PNS. “I don’t expect to be number one — I mean, c’mon, we’re talking about the Mother of God here — but I do expect my fair share.”

La Virgen de Caridad and La Virgen del Socorro were also in attendance, but not bothered by the issue.

Saint Francis of Assisi (photo, left, with dog Dylan) is happy appearing only to dogs “although some kittehs would be nice once in a while, jeez,” he said.

There was a developing consensus  that Guadalupe’s miraculous appearances were at least beginning to get annoying.

“If she’s not appearing on a piece of toast, a tortilla, a window, a tree, a puddle, a tattoo or a lowrider, she’s talking incessantly about her next move,” said La Virgen del Socorro.

For her part, Guadalupe sat bemused and quiet throughout the discussion, stepping out only briefly to appear in a bowl of menudo in Chicago.

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{ 1 comment }

Richard "Ricky" Judkins December 10, 2012 at 12:18 PM

I think this might be a good opportunity for someone to appear in pan dulce. Guadalupe hasn’t been seen in pan dulce for almost 2 years now. Isn’t time for someone other than Guadalupe to show up in carracol or maybe a bolillo but not a cochinito that would just be blasphemous.

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