(PNS reporting from BOYLE HEIGHTS) Starbucks Coffee starts test-marketing their new nopal, chile and mole-flavored coffee drinks exclusively in this East Los Angeles enclave today.
Staying true to their gentrified roots, Starbucks based the new varieties on past-the-expiration-date flavors from more upscale stores – adding chemical food coloring for “eye appeal.”
Starbucks Executive Director of Ethnic Outreach Conn Prado is excited:
Starbucks is committed to complete global diversity in exploiting every race and creed, no matter how foreign and scary those people may be. Despite the bizarre and often furry things you eat, as long as your money is green, the color of the skin of the hand offering the money does not matter to us.
We just want to give Latinos (Mexicans are still Latinos right?) a reason to come into their local Starbucks and enjoy a nice culturally-appropriate drink – instead of having them sit in our patio furniture, stealing our WiFi and leaving our restrooms in a soiled toilet-paper-strewn shambles.
Cultural challenges remain. Customers still confuse the staff by ordering the “really grande” while hoping for a “venti.”
Starbucks is reportedly thinking about changing their sizes to “grande” and “not so grande” in order to avoid the confusion. The super sized “trenta” will be increased and will either be renamed the “caguama” or the “40.”
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