Women’s History Month is a good time to spotlight sexual harassment at work.
Congress has reauthorized the Violence Against Women Act, sure, but legal action isn’t always an option, like when you’re on a business trip with the boss, or in his office for a late-night meeting.
Here are the pocho ocho ways to fend off a boss who is all hands:
8. In your best Latina voice, scream “¡No, patron, por favor, no!”
7. He’s grabby? Grab back…and squeeeeeeeze!
6. Just go with it — you’re already asking for it with that blouse! [Mas…]
Dear Abuelita,
My question is simple: Should I dye my hair black? I am starting to get white hairs and a streak in the front. My original color is black. I’m 49 so it is not premature. It just seems everyone does it until age 60 or 70, like an old lady’s right of passage, and one old aunt even said I better do it quick before my fiance decides not to marry me!
Socorro, Socorro! Mis pelos estan cambiando plata
Dear Mix ‘n’ Match Carpet and Drapes,
It’s preguntas like this that make me want to pull the white pelos off your cabeza with my bare hands. What’s wrong with white hair? George Washington didn’t dye his hair and Martha married him anyway. Any fiance who would dump you over a few canas isn’t worth your time.
I don’t care if you’re already beyond your years as a catch. I hope you’re not planning on wearing white for your wedding. Sin verguenza! But, if you must dye your hair, just remember to dye your carpet the same color.
Adoringly, Tu Abuelita [Mas…]
8. Hydrox: Same as Oreos.
7. It makes good financial sense to invest in a rePL1<@ R0l3x if you think impressing people who are impressed by jewelry is a good idea especially if those people can’t tell the difference between fakes and the Real McCoy.
6. Wireless Internet? Wonderful. Neighbor’s WiFi? Priceless!
[Mas…]
Dear Abuelita,
How can I know if my GF has no boyfriend other than me?
Signed, To be honest
Dear To Be or Not To Be,
What kind of pregunta is this, do you think I’m a Magic 8 Ball? I may not be able to give the answer but I can give you a few tips to find out for yourself.
You can volunteer to do her laundry and then do a scratch-and-sniff with her calzones to see if you detect the aroma of another vato. If that doesn’t work then you can buy a wig and fake bigote then get a rental car and do a sancho stakeout in front of her place. [Mas…]
8. Don’t wear your sombrero to the office — unless it’s casual sombrero Friday.
7. If you are going to speak in Spanish at the office, talk shit about your non-Spanish speaking co-workers.
6. Respond with “Yes, I am an immigrant” when your co-workers ask you where you are from. You don’t want to be rude and tell them you were actually born in Chicago, now do you? [Mas…]
Keep your goals dumpy and simple-hearted as you start on a unknown pertinence program. You can without difficulty bowl over yourself if, after a lifetime of being a tete-…-tete potato, you settle on you should be masterly to get the lead out of one’s pants 10 miles at chuck-full alacrity on the treadmill.
At the beginning, keep your goals simple. Start to with well-deserved a trek for a few minutes every other day. Vocation up to longer and more frequent walks as you progress.
A famous health inside information is to dispatch pictures of yourself on online forums to get a critique of your physique. Getting a critique of your bodily structure from other people can aide you look at where your weak areas are. It’s easier exchange for a alien to look at your portion objectively. [Mas…]
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Dear Abuelita:
Why do Mexicans/pochas always wear cutoff jeans to the playa? It bothers me that we have some of the most beautiful women in our raza that they are not proud of their beauty.
Signed, El Pocho
Dear Beach Bothered Bingo,
So, according to you, Mexicans (pochas) need to walk around the beach with their nalgas pa fuera (like the sucia gabachas) in order to feel proud of her beauty. Who says they’re not proud?
Mexican (pocha) chicas in cutoff jeans and the playa go together like the homies in cholo chorts and tube socks kicking it on the sand. Are you going to ask those vatos why they don’t wear Speedos? Déjalo, leave them alone. Just worry about the sand in your own crack and go watch another rerun of Baywatch.
Love, Abuelita [Mas…]
Dear Abuelita,
The fourth race at Hollywood Park Friday night (mares and fillies, 5 1/2 furlongs, three-year-olds and up) appears very competitive to me, but analysis indicates I should look closely at #7 La Sancha, with 117-pound jockey V. Espinoza holding the reins. Some handicappers maintain that the predicted hot weather points to #5 Onyx Be Good with jockey A. Perez at 112 pounds; the hope is the lighter load will be easier in the heated air. Any thoughts?
A horse is a horse
Dear Exacta mente,
Who do you think I am? Charles Bukowski, or worse your pinche bookie? So you like mares and fillies with 5 1/2 furlongs. I thought waxing was the “in” thing these days.
Well, seeing how you’re looking at La Sancha, it’s safe to say you like the exotic wagers. Smart move, you can kill two ponies with a two-peso quinella and come out quite the stud. Speaking of stud, what say you meet me with your winnings at the Turf Club? Remember to dress “smart casual.” I’ll be in my fancy muumuu. [Mas…]
