advice


Productivity in the workplace can suffer when men are confronted by women’s breasts, so here’s some Advice from HR for you gals: Check yourself before you wreck yourself! [Video by Danielle Langlois.]


Elise Roedenbeck (@Buttronica on the Twitter) reveals the one little secret to happiness that can change your outlook forever. After all, the lower your expectations, the less chance you have of being disappointed.

PREVIOUSLY ON @BUTTRONICA: [Mas…]

Bill-Clinton almadrigal400 Kanye-West

(PNS reporting from FORT WORTH, TX) Leon Ortiz (photo, center) was scrolling through his Facebook newsfeed last week when he saw a post that changed his life forever. The post, co-authored by former President Bill Clinton (photo, left) and pop star Kayne West (photo, right), celebrated the importance of following your dreams.

“You know, I think it was Fate — with a capital ‘F.’ It was 3:42 PM on a Thursday and I was feeling frustrated at my account manager job at an international insurance company. I felt a spiritual lightness I had never experienced before,” the Arlington Heights man told PNS.

“It was amazing, like all my ennui and weltschmerz was gone!” [Mas…]


POCHO’s Subcommandanta del Ñews, Sara Inés Calderón (@SaraChicaD on the Twitter), has some Halloween costume do’s and dont’s for tonight’s festivities.

PREVIOUSLY ON RACIST COSTUME VIDEOS: [Mas…]

astrovirginDear Blessed Virgin Mary:

What should I do for Halloween? Do you have any costume suggestions? I am out of ideas.

Unhappy Hyna in South Carolina

Dear Hyna:

South Carolina? Oh, Dios Mio, you have to get out of there pronto! But until you do, I think I can help you with some Halloween costume ideas. It’s one of my fave holidays — I put on my red pumps and go out and get a little crazy. Virgins just wanna have fun, tu sabes?

And I’ve worn a bunch of different costumes over the years, like this astronaut outfit in the pic. Or see if my other photos offer a look that’s right for you!

Your BV, Mary [Mas…]

Women’s History Month is a good time to spotlight sexual harassment at work.

Congress has reauthorized the Violence Against Women Act, sure, but legal action isn’t always an option, like when you’re on a business trip with the boss, or in his office for a late-night meeting.

Here are the pocho ocho ways to fend off a boss who is all hands:

8. In your best Latina voice, scream “¡No, patron, por favor, no!”

7.  He’s grabby? Grab back…and squeeeeeeeze!

6. Just go with it — you’re already asking for it with that blouse! [Mas…]

Dear Abuelita,
My question is simple: Should I dye my hair black? I am starting to get white hairs and a streak in the front. My original color is black. I’m 49 so it is not premature. It just seems everyone does it until age 60 or 70, like an old lady’s right of passage, and one old aunt even said I better do it quick before my fiance decides not to marry me!
Socorro, Socorro! Mis pelos estan cambiando plata

Dear Mix ‘n’ Match Carpet and Drapes,
It’s preguntas like this that make me want to pull the white pelos off your cabeza with my bare hands. What’s wrong with white hair? George Washington didn’t dye his hair and Martha married him anyway. Any fiance who would dump you over a few canas isn’t worth your time.

I don’t care if you’re already beyond your years as a catch. I hope you’re not planning on wearing white for your wedding. Sin verguenza! But, if you must dye your hair, just remember to dye your carpet the same color.
Adoringly, Tu Abuelita [Mas…]

8. Hydrox: Same as Oreos.

7. It makes good financial sense to invest in a rePL1<@ R0l3x if you think impressing people who are impressed by jewelry is a good idea especially if those people can’t tell the difference between fakes and the Real McCoy.

6. Wireless Internet? Wonderful. Neighbor’s WiFi? Priceless!

[Mas…]

Dear Abuelita: Is she faithful, his dirty hands, to poke or not to poke

by Dear Abuelita August 22, 2012 Cultura
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Dear Abuelita, How can I know if my GF has no boyfriend other than me? Signed, To be honest Dear To Be or Not To Be, What kind of pregunta is this, do you think I’m a Magic 8 Ball? I may not be able to give the answer but I can give you a […]

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Work in ‘The Office’? You need our Pocho Ocho Pro Tips for Latinos

by María Purísima August 17, 2012 Cultura
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8. Don’t wear your sombrero to the office — unless it’s casual sombrero Friday. 7. If you are going to speak in Spanish at the office, talk shit about your non-Spanish speaking co-workers. 6. Respond with “Yes, I am an immigrant” when your co-workers ask you where you are from. You don’t want to be rude and tell […]

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Letter to the Editor: Do not be pissed crazy from being an expert

by LONG TIME LISTENER, FIRST TIME CALLER August 17, 2012 Audio
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Keep your goals dumpy and simple-hearted as you start on a unknown pertinence program. You can without difficulty bowl over yourself if, after a lifetime of being a tete-…-tete potato, you settle on you should be masterly to get the lead out of one’s pants 10 miles at chuck-full alacrity on the treadmill. At the […]

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Dear Abuelita: Love cab for fatty, pee-pee pequeño, pochas in jorts

by Dear Abuelita August 15, 2012 Cultura
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Dear Abuelita: Why do Mexicans/pochas always wear cutoff jeans to the playa? It bothers me that we have some of the most beautiful women in our raza that they are not proud of their beauty. Signed, El Pocho Dear Beach Bothered Bingo, So, according to you, Mexicans (pochas) need to walk around the beach with […]

[Mas…]

Dear Abuelita: Sporting man, subway kind of love, these kids today

by Dear Abuelita August 8, 2012 Cultura
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Dear Abuelita, The fourth race at Hollywood Park Friday night (mares and fillies, 5 1/2 furlongs, three-year-olds and up) appears very competitive to me, but analysis indicates I should look closely at #7 La Sancha, with 117-pound jockey V. Espinoza holding the reins. Some handicappers maintain that the predicted hot weather points to #5 Onyx […]

[Mas…]

Dear Abuelita: WiFi bath salts, leave it to Beaver, going down

by Dear Abuelita August 1, 2012 Cultura
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Hey Old Lady! Oh they think they are so friggin clever but I know what they are up to listening to me through my wifi and microwave well i have nothing to hide so neener neener Mr. and Ms. Big Brother politically correct death panel. YOU WAN TO TAKE MY GUNNAWAY WELL HELL NO WE […]

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Dear Abuelita: Toad in a hole, wolf at the door, hitting the G-spot

by Dear Abuelita July 25, 2012 Cultura
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Dear Abeulita: Hi, I am sorry for this message because it may get to you as surprise but it’s because of the situation of things right now. I want use this opportunity to explain my problem. I was here in London on vacation with my family but yesterday thing changed because i was mugged at […]

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Dear Dr. Dinero: What should I do with this large cash settlement?

by DR. DANILO DINERO, MBA July 23, 2012 Cultura
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Dear Dr. Dinero: I recently received a large cash settlement (six figures) after my Geo Metro was totalled at Melrose and La Cienega by Kim Kardashian’s shoe concierge. After I pay off the remaining bills, I’ll have $100K in cash. What should I do with the money? A Man Named Jed Dear Jed: Thank you […]

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Dear Abuelita: Wife and lover, my ring-a-ding, trouble at the zoo

by Dear Abuelita July 18, 2012 Cultura
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Dear Abuelita: Is it possible to love two women at the same time? You see, I love my wive and I would do anything for her, but I also love my secret lover who inspires me in different ways that my wife does not. I make more love to my secret lover than to my […]

[Mas…]

Dear Abuelita: Busty rebozo, itchy nalgas, chilly chi-chis

by Dear Abuelita July 11, 2012 Cultura
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Dear Abuelita, I’m a 43-year old married woman, but I think I fell in love with a 20-year old guy. I know he thinks of me as his mother and I have hinted my feelings for him but was rejected flat. Am I going through menopause? Midlife crisis? I can’t stop thinking about him and […]

[Mas…]

My father, the ‘Human Piñata’ — a true story by Alex Koll (video)

by EDUARDO BURRO June 21, 2012 Cultura
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Alex Koll pulls back the curtain on his dad’s tormented history, his violent career and his tragic end: The life and death of a Piñatador.

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Dear Abuelita: Maybe I’m doing it wrong, Chican@, burning bras

by Dear Abuelita June 13, 2012 Cultura
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Dear Abuelita: I’ll give to you straight. I’m newly-married and confused. My wife won’t give me oral sex and she refuses to let me do her. She says it is sinful. We were both virgins when we were married so it didn’t come up before, but it’s making things difficult in the bedroom. She won’t […]

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Pocho Ocho tips for grads: How to make it in the ‘real world’

by Elise Roedenbeck May 24, 2012 Cultura
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Are you a newly-graduated pocho preparing to take your first baby steps out into the so-called “real world?” We’ve got tips for you! 8. Unsure about your next move? Do you need a movement or idea to get behind? Start an Occupy College movement on your campus! You may have graduated, but this will ensure […]

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Dear Abuelita: Obama or Romney? Flour or corn? Quinceaneras?

by Dear Abuelita May 23, 2012 Cultura
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Dear Abuelita, What are you drinking? Is that “Chocolate Abuelita?” It looks different. Anyway…I heard that Mitt Romney really likes Hispanics. Do you think I should vote for him or should I vote for my Negrito again? At least I know that he supports the Dream Act. Aayy! Abuelita, please ease my worries. Signed, Aye […]

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Dear Abuelita: Prisoner’s dilemma, flashback to the Summer of Love

by Dear Abuelita May 16, 2012 Cultura
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Dear Abuelita, OK so I went to this internet dating site and filled out this long questionnaire about my inner feelings and wants and desires and what are my values and what is important to me and all that and still I get no replies from the chicas I email. I will be out in […]

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Dear Abuelita: Foreskin and seven years ago, I’ve got man boobs

by Dear Abuelita May 9, 2012 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Dear Abuelita: Foreskin and seven years ago, I’ve got man boobs

Dear Abuelita, I have still my cuero (foreskin) and I was wondering if I get circumcised will I feel better when I am inside a choncho or will I be wasting my ficha. Signed, Extra Carne Dear Extra Carne Carnal, Some people dislike extra carnita on their flauta but a little foreskin can be fun […]

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