(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) The media may question the newly-elected pontiff’s ethnicity, but Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio firmly believes that Pope Francis is Latino.
“His real name is Jorge and he speaks Spanish. I’m damn sure he is a Latino; he’s probably a Mexican, ” Arpaio told the monthly breakfast meeting of the Sons of the Arizona Indian Wars Wednesday.
(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has fallen and he can’t get up. The 80-year old remains in St. Joseph’s Hospital after falling and breaking his left shoulder on the way to lunch.
Doctors say they can fix him up better than ever:
Joe Arpaio, racist cop. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world’s first bionic bigot. Joe Arpaio will be that man. More racist than he was before. Hateful, senile, old. [Mas…]
Someone estole Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s identity and used his name to purchase groceries in Chicago. The Maricopa, AZ sheriff, unlike the pochodores here in the POCHO ñewsroom, was not amused.
We have a lot of things we’d like to purchase with Sheriff Joe’s moneh, and here are the top eight:
8. Taco USA by POCHO amigo Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano
7. ¡Ban This! by POCHO Florida Burro Jefe Santino J. Rivera
6. 2013 Good Luck Cartoon Calendar by POCHO Jefe Lalo Alcaraz [Mas…]
(PNS reporting from SAN NABISCO) Thanks to the National Rifle Association, half-cocked men around the U.S. can get a leg up when it comes to gun safety AND making their dicks bigger.
The NRA’s new Glocks for Cocks program enables men with extra-small johnsons to exchange their firearms for penis enlargement surgery.
NRA president David Keene told reporters here Tuesday that he is happy to finally be honest about his gun obsession and also his extremely small penis.
“Look, this wasn’t easy, OK? I guess it’s no secret now that my penis is very small…I’m talking microscopic here. It actually tucks up insid…never mind. I am happy to report that I have given up a large portion of my armory and I am looking forward to finally having a big dick! I am hoping more small-dicked, gun-crazed NRA members follow my lead. God bless America!” Keene said. [Mas…]
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) The 10-year-old at Frank Elementary School in Guadalupe who got arrested Tuesday learned a valuable lesson about Sheriff Joe Arpaio and celebrity deputy Steven Seagal:
Don’t fuck with them.
According to the sheriff’s office, the boy had planned to beat one of his classmates at the Maricopa County school with a Wiffle Ball® bat but ended up on the wrong end of Steven Seagal’s sealskin boots instead.
Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office detectives were called to the elementary school by officials who were learned of the plot and found the student in possession of a tattered Wiffle Ball® bat. [Mas…]
(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) This just in: In observance of Varmint Day, Gov. Jan “Brewja” Brewer walked outside of her office this morning and saw her shadow, which means there will be six more months of racism in Arizona. [Mas…]