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justbrewerbigArizona Governor Jan Brewer won’t run again, she announced Wednesday, but said her retirement as governor won’t put an end to her dreams.

“A mule is an animal with long funny ears,” she told an audience at a school in Glendale, AZ,  “she kicks up at anything she hears. Her back is brawny and her brain is weak, she’s just plain stupid with a stubborn streak. So when I walk out of this school, I’ll still remain a stupid mule.”

There are Pocho Ocho items on her bucket list, Brewja said:

8. Realize her dream of starting a clothing optional retreat with Sheriff Joe Arpaio

7. Spend more time with her coven

6. Convince George Lucas to cast her as Evil Yoda in the next Star Wars movie [Mas…]

Behold, The Hectors©, bestowed for Excellence in Mockability.

The Hectors© are named for POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz’ cousin Hector (photo), who is excellent at ruining family gatherings, especially when he has downed his third 12-pack. He hasn’t seen a film since Blood In, Blood Out.

And the Hector© goes to:

[Mas…]


Twenty-one years ago Public Enemy‘s epic By the Time I Get to Arizona spotlighted the Hate State of Arizona’s failure to implement the Martin Luther King Day holiday.

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POCHO amigo Gustavo Arellano (he's the ¡Ask A Mexican! guy and editor of the O.C. Weekly) delivered this keynote speech at Arizona State University's biannual Hispanic Convocation Wednesday. The photo (below) shows him at his day job.

Gracias, Arizona State, for asking me to be this year’s Hispanic Convocation keynote. I’m sure it’s a mercy offering to UCLA, after your Sun Devils demolished my Bruins this year in football. No hard feelings–hey, at least we both kicked the nalgas of USC this season, right?

When I announced that I was giving a speech here today, congratulations came from across the country. But also invading my inbox were the inevitable insults–not toward me, but toward the state of Arizona. “Don’t forget to take your papers!” was the most obvious dig. “Watch out for Sheriff Arpaio!” was another one–that one I took to heart, because he did have my former bosses at the New Times arrested a couple of years back. But the slams that I found especially egregious were those that insisted I shouldn’t bother coming to this so-called evil estado in the first place. [Mas…]

arizonawebtoonIt’s Octember! Or is it Septober? It’s the time of the year when the weather starts getting cooler, politic shenanigans get ignored and eyes begin to glaze over from lethal injections of sports, beer and chicken wings.

‘Merica.

Septober is also the pseudo-month that we deal in tragedies of two kinds: “Hispanic Heritage” and banned books. Interestingly enough, both tragedies cross paths in Tucson, AZ, ground zero for censorship in the 21st century.

The ballad of Tucson is a long and sad corrido. It will make you laugh and it will also make you cry. If all the world is a stage then Tucson definitely has its players; many of them clowns but most of them sad, voiceless puppets manipulated by a system hell-bent on pushing an agenda of whitewashed ambivalence. [Mas…]

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MAS Whitewashing: Tucson OKs textbook list with NO Chicano authors

by Santino J. Rivera August 28, 2013 Cultura
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Let me tell you a joke. Ready? The Tucson Unified School District. Get it? No? Allow me to me explain. On Tuesday night the TUSD approved a textbook list for their now defunct Mexican-American Studies program, which they have dubbed “Culturally Relevant US History and US Government.” The list, which consists of 25 books, has absolutely […]

[Mas…]

Arizona schools remove ‘illegal Spaniards’ from high school curriculum

by María Purísima August 28, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from TUCSON) The Tucson Independent School District’s high school history classes will drop all references to Spanish conquistadores when discussing the history of North America before English pilgrims came to the U.S. Instead, the district’s teachers will focus on more “American” historical figures, such as Englishman John Smith, School Board Chair Kyle Brown […]

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Sheriff Joe taps George Zimmerman for school posse (photos)

by Santino J. Rivera August 1, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Now we know why child killer George Zimmerman was speeding through Texas with a gun in his vehicle — he was on his way to a new gig in Maricopa County, AZ. Sheriff Joe Arpaio broke the news in a Tweet late Wednesday night: The sheriff has a new school patrol […]

[Mas…]

The map is not the territory — or is it? (toons)

by Barney Asada July 23, 2013 Cartoons
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We’ve already run maps seeking to explain such mysteries as Texas and Florida. But now for something completely different via our friends at Wired.com. Well semi-different. Actually not that different from the Texas map but instructive, nevertheless. It’s a map [click to enlarge] of Los United Estates, from Yanko Tsvetkov’s Atlas of Prejudice. Look right […]

[Mas…]

Controversial magazine cover photos? Ask Oprah! (photo)

by Comic Saenz July 18, 2013 Cartoons
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Of course we are sensitive to the complaints from Beantown (they’re beaners after all) about Rolling Stone’s decision to make controversial Caucasian-American Dzhokhar Tsarnaev their glamorous cover boy. But as recovering ñewspeeps ourselves, we have to point out that the accused terrorist isn’t the first villain to make it to the cover of a slick zine: […]

[Mas…]

Breaking: Napolitano brings harsh border enforcement to UC

by María Purísima July 12, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from BERKELEY) Department of Homeland Security Secretary (and former Arizona Governor) Janet Napolitano has accepted an offer to head up the University of California system. Napolitano promised to do the same for the UC system that she did for the border during her time at DHS: “I kept out and quashed as many […]

[Mas…]

Too late! You didn’t win the eBay auction for Sheriff Joe’s sex sling

by Santino J. Rivera June 24, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) It’s all over, folks. A lucky person — maybe you — has won the eBay auction for Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s sex sling. The winning bid was $2,600. Arpaio will miss the sex toy, which he touted as “very used” and full of “memories.” “We will have an announcement on my sling auction […]

[Mas…]

Sheriff Joe is racist, says Federal judge, and Pocho Ocho other things

by Especial Correspondents May 28, 2013 El Now
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The news broke out of Phoenix late Friday, but to tell you the truth, we weren’t surprised. Judge G. Murray Snow of the United States District Court for Arizona officially declared the policing policies of Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio unconstitutionally “racist.” The New York Times summed up the decision this way: … the sheriff […]

[Mas…]

Immigrant-loving John McCain sings: ‘You’re Our Guest!’ (music video)

by Lucida Grandé May 23, 2013 El Now
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The Republican Senator from the Hate State of Arizona, John McCain, is one of the “Gang of Eight” senators behind the new immigration reform bill. Today his office released this love song to the “new voters” he wants to legalize.

[Mas…]

Breaking: Jan Brewer signs bill banning Chechen Studies

by Lalo Alcaraz April 23, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) Gov. Jan Brewer has signed into law a bill banning the state’s schools from teaching Chechen Studies classes, defined as history, anthropology and literature courses designed to teach the stories, histories, struggles and triumphs of the Chechen people through their own unique perspectives. The bill (HB2013) passed by the Legislature states […]

[Mas…]

PNS*Hot*Flash: Sheriff Joe ‘damn sure’ Pope Francis is Latino

by EresNerd March 28, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) The media may question the newly-elected pontiff’s ethnicity, but Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio firmly believes that Pope Francis is Latino. “His real name is Jorge and he speaks Spanish. I’m damn sure he is a Latino; he’s probably a Mexican, ” Arpaio told the monthly breakfast meeting of the Sons of the Arizona […]

[Mas…]

PNS*Hot*Flash: Sheriff Joe has fallen and he can’t get up

by Santino J. Rivera February 28, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has fallen and he can’t get up. The 80-year old remains in St. Joseph’s Hospital after falling and breaking his left shoulder on the way to lunch. Doctors say they can fix him up better than ever: Joe Arpaio, racist cop. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild […]

[Mas…]