gop

tedcruzdonkeyhoteySenator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has reintroduced legislation to take away federal benefits from same-sex married couples. But this troglodyte’s penedjitis is too advanced to stop at one stupid and hateful idea.

That’s right, there’s more — Ted Cruz’s Pocho Ocho Top Legislative Priorities for 2015:

8. Federal guidelines on subsidized school lunches for poor children shall encourage incorporation of nutritious roadkill meat, especially racoon. Now yer ‘coon is a touch on the greasy side, not sweet like ‘possum, but if you cook ‘em up right, mmmmmmm, racoon!

7. Women banned from buying condoms because it curtails a Man’s Right to Reproduce.

6. Solar energy outlawed because it sucks the light right out of the Sun. [Mas…]

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SENATORSCiting the burden of compliance with “big government,” Senator Thom Tills (R-North Carolina) (photo) would let restaurants “opt out” of regulations requiring employees to wash their hands before returning to work.

This isn’t the only rule Tills would eliminate, and he isn’t the only Republican with this opinion. These are the Pocho Ocho top rules the GOP thinks we should ignore:

8. I before E, except after C

7. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself

6. Mind the gap [Mas…]

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Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s State of the Union gave us a sad

by ERES NERD Y PROFESSOR EQUIS January 22, 2015 El Now
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Despite the his many significant accomplishments and chingon new proposals, we were disappointed by what President Obama didn’t say at Tuesday night’s State of the Union address. Here are the Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s SOTU gave us a sad: 8. Still no federal funding for Flying Trocas research. 7. Didn’t announce plan to make […]

[Mas…]

La Cucaracha: Is this the GOP’s plan to create jobs? (toon)

by Lalo Alcaraz January 20, 2015 Cultura
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Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union

by Especial Correspondents January 20, 2015 El Now
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Washington insiders all know tonight’s State of the Union address — like every one before — will bring a few surprises. We asked around town, and our peeps say these are the top eight to watch for: 8. First use of the Booger-Cam™ captures candid live video of bored Republicans 7. Warmup act Oprah Winfrey to Congress: “You get a drone…and you get a […]

[Mas…]

New GOP-controlled Congress’ Pocho Ocho top policy priorities

by Especial Correspondents January 7, 2015 El Now
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The GOP-controlled Senate and 114th Congress got to work Tuesday (photo, above) and the Republicans were quick to announce their plans for America. Here are their Pocho Ocho top policy priorities: 8. No tax cut left behind 7. Read my lips: No new Mexis 6. All about the race

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This Tweet just in from @MexicanMitt Romney (photo)

by Barney Asada December 30, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for This Tweet just in from @MexicanMitt Romney (photo)

BUY MY BOOK BEECHES, IT'S FINALLY PRICED FOR MEXICANS pic.twitter.com/wwf6AT0V7q — Mexican Mitt Romnee (@MexicanMitt) December 29, 2014

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This GOP Latino outreach telenovela didn’t go viral because _____

by María Purísima December 29, 2014 Cultura
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So big the plans! Such wow! Much viral with the veggies that talk, or so they thought. We just found out about this project, which The Federalist explained over the summer: Businesswoman Clara Del Villar [photo, right] wants to help the GOP. A Dominican-American, Del Villar has watched conservatives and libertarians repeatedly fail to connect with Latinos. […]

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Pocho Ocho top immigration actions Obama will reveal tonight

by Especial Correspondents November 20, 2014 El Now
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President Barack Obama will defy Republican haters tonight and reveal “executive actions” to “fix the broken immigration system.” Our sources at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue have shared a copy of the 5 PM EST speech and we can now reveal the Pocho Ocho top immigration reforms you’ll hear in the President’s address to the Nation: 8. […]

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Republicans block immigration reform. Dat ass, though! (toon)

by Lalo Alcaraz November 19, 2014 Cartoons
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[Mas…]