(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) America’s observance of Cinco de Mayo on Sunday was the “most dangerous ever” according to a report released here today by the National Institute of Holidays (NIH.)
A record 1378 emergency room visits by gringos failing the “chile challenge” were reported by the group as well as 287 “chancla accidents.” [Mas…]
(PNS reporting from SAN NABISCO) Thanks to the National Rifle Association, half-cocked men around the U.S. can get a leg up when it comes to gun safety AND making their dicks bigger.
The NRA’s new Glocks for Cocks program enables men with extra-small johnsons to exchange their firearms for penis enlargement surgery.
NRA president David Keene told reporters here Tuesday that he is happy to finally be honest about his gun obsession and also his extremely small penis.
“Look, this wasn’t easy, OK? I guess it’s no secret now that my penis is very small…I’m talking microscopic here. It actually tucks up insid…never mind. I am happy to report that I have given up a large portion of my armory and I am looking forward to finally having a big dick! I am hoping more small-dicked, gun-crazed NRA members follow my lead. God bless America!” Keene said. [Mas…]
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) It took a lot of burning sage, cedar, sweetgrass and tobacco, but Tymangoua, the first Native American murdered by a gun in what is now the United States, delivered a message from the spirit world to Washington: Getting shot and killed sucks! Indigenous Peoples Against Gun Violence (IPAG) introduced Tymangoua [...]
Big Brother has detected a pistol — the Last Hand Gun on Earth — in a security bunker in Pasadena, and it’s up to daring Commander Adenoid and his spaceship crew to locate, remove and retrieve the deadly weapon before it’s too late. Will their strap-on Gucci jetpacks function in the alien San Gabriel Valley [...]
This short video exposes uppity Obama’s selfish assault on the God-given rights of real Americans — a truthy look at guns TOO REAL for the lamestream media because chemtrails. NRA: Straight out of Downton.
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) Last week, Arizona Attorney General Tom Horne proposed putting a gun in the hands of at least one kindergartner in every school and Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio is running with the idea. “America’s toughest sheriff” wants a grenade launcher for every student. According to Sheriff Joe, after he puts armed posse members near schools, he [...]