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When a British scientist and his hottie Latina girlfriend embark on an exotic jungle river quest to find a mysterious Amazon monster, what they discover is more astounding than they ever imagined — ¡Monstro!

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Passions run hot in the lucharrific Aztec Gold Dating Game featuring the Glorious Gabacho, Gabe “The Babe” and filmmaker Erik Bosse; all three are vying to be the valentine of a smoldering San Antonio señorita. [Aztec Gold Dating Game by me, Victor Payan.]

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The BBC sent a reporter to the Southwest to find out what it means to be a Mexican-American. The answer? It’s complicated.

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whitejobsfThe Atlantic analyzed the stats and guess what!? Some professions in the United Estates are positively teeming with white people — jobs like veterinarian, espeech sangwich pathologist and meelrye (chart excerpt, above).

Hurm, we said, perhaps we can fabricate a similar list of America’s brownest jobs.

“So let it be written, so let it be done!” said Pharoah, another white dude. And we did. Here’s our list of America’s Pocho Ocho Top Brownest Jobs:

8. Piñata Fluffer

7. Chief Cleavage Officer for Spanish Language TV Network News Division

6. Tia Guadalupe Gutierrez Santa Maria de Los Angeles y Zacatecas [Mas…]

beerchata(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Latino and African-American activists hate Beerchata’s new TV ad campaign.

The first scheduled commercial, which airs today, repurposes old video of the late Ricky Martin Luther King to sell the new alcoholic concoction.

The ad shows King, digitally inserted into classic footage of a 1963 civil rights rally at the Washington Monument, telling the crowd that he had a dream, “a dream about drinking Beerchata, the passionate horchata-flavored malt beverage from our amigos at Cervezeria Pochteca.”

“This I Have a Drink! commercial is an insult to the civil rights movement,” Ron de Cuba, told reporters Sunday.

“And it is an insult to insinuate that Latinos drink Beerchata.”

De Cuba is the author of the Amazon best-selling free audiobook The Revolution Will Be Advertised.

The author spoke at a press conference at the Watergate Hotel here organized by Not White Activists, an advocacy, diversity and solidarity community coalition of, by and for persons of color. [Mas…]

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POCHO History 101: Public Enemy, Arizona, MLK Day (video)

by Soy Capitan January 16, 2015 Cultura
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In the final decade of the 20th Century Public Enemy‘s epic By the Time I Get to Arizona spotlighted the Hate State of Arizona’s failure to implement the Martin Luther King Day holiday. #blacklivesmatter

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America pauses for Ricky Martin Luther King Jr. Day 2015

by Comic Saenz January 16, 2015 Cultura
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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) America will pause Monday to remember the life and message of Ricky Martin Luther King Jr., whose Tengo a Dream y Dance! speech changed the nation forever. Post offices and other public facilities will be closed, banks and stock exchanges are taking the day off and salsa picante and sweet potato pie […]

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Al Madrigal is a coconut on a quest for identity: ‘Half Like Me’ (video)

by Comic Saenz January 14, 2015 Cultura
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POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal’s epic quest for identity — Half Like Me — debuts on FUSION next Thursday. Coconut Madrigal (white inside, brown outside) knew turning an intensely personal journey into a docu-comedy wouldn’t be one easy trick, but he never anticipated what happened next. “I set out to dial down my pocho level from a […]

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La Cucaracha: Ridley Scott presents ‘Mexodus’ (toon)

by Lalo Alcaraz January 5, 2015 Cartoons
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This GOP Latino outreach telenovela didn’t go viral because _____

by María Purísima December 29, 2014 Cultura
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So big the plans! Such wow! Much viral with the veggies that talk, or so they thought. We just found out about this project, which The Federalist explained over the summer: Businesswoman Clara Del Villar [photo, right] wants to help the GOP. A Dominican-American, Del Villar has watched conservatives and libertarians repeatedly fail to connect with Latinos. […]

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Los Cenzontles: ‘¡Soy México Americano!’ How about you? (video)

by QUESO QUESEM December 26, 2014 Cultura
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Los Cenzontles (The Mockingbirds) are México Americano. Y ustedes tambien? [Words and music by R. Fuentes.] Mira the lyrics:

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Hollywood needs Mexicans! Put POCHO on your Christmas gift list

by José Canusí December 20, 2014 Corporate
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Hollywood needs Mexicans. Chris Rock just pointed that out to “the industry” in the Hollywood Reporter: …but forget whether Hollywood is black enough. A better question is: Is Hollywood Mexican enough? You’re in L.A, you’ve got to try not to hire Mexicans. It’s the most liberal town in the world, and there’s a part of […]

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Video Hall of Montezuma: Esteban Colberto’s Greatest Latino Hits

by Soy Capitan December 19, 2014 Cultura
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He’s gone from the Report, but Esteban Colberto will always be in our hearts, and online, as long as these video links stay alive. Check ‘em out: Save the planet, stop illegal immigration (Colbert Report video) Hispanic Heritage Month with Fox News y Esteban Colberto (video) Stephen Colbert, John Malkovich: ‘Cesar Chavez’ hates America (video) […]

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Ask A Mexican: Why do Salvadorans and Mexicans hate so much? (video)

by Comic Saenz November 20, 2014 Cultura
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Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano steps back into the video limelight to ponder the question: Why do Mexicans (and Mexican-Americans) and Salvadorans (and Salvadoran-Americans) hate each other so much? Is it because Salvadoran horchata is better than Mexican horchata? And the fact that pupusas kick gorditas’ culinary nalgas? Or are they just following an age-old […]

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Breaking: New Latino Christmas cereals from Kellogg’s

by HABLO PICASSO November 18, 2014 Cartoons
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Look for Jesu Krispis, Guada Loops and Tade0s on store shelves soon! [Click to enlarge.]

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La Cucaracha: On Veterans Day, know your Latino war heroes (toon)

by Lalo Alcaraz November 11, 2014 Cartoons
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1940s Style: Orquesta de Don Ramon ‘Chicano Boogie’ (video)

by Comic Saenz November 7, 2014 Cultura
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It’s not much of a video but it rules as a wild examplar of 1940s pachuco “boogie-woogie jitterbug” (like Lalo Guerrero’s Los Chucos Suaves.) This performance features unstoppable rhumba-flavored proto-rock-n-roll beat-me-eight-to-the-bar-boogie-woogie highlighted by shouted Spanglish insanity. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give a nice welcoming round of applause to Orquesta de Don Ramon as they perform […]

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Can’t rock harder than Lalo Guerreros’ ‘Los Chucos Suaves’ (video)

by QUESO QUESEM November 6, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Can’t rock harder than Lalo Guerreros’ ‘Los Chucos Suaves’ (video)

Lalo Guerrero is the Father of Chicano Music. His amazing musical legacy (he died in 2005) includes the classic Spanglish “boogie-woogie jitterbug” Los Chucos Suaves – the kick-ass dance-tune inspiration for Zoot Suit (the musical.) We especially like the abstract piano solo that goes off into outer pachucostan and comes back in the nick of […]

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Pocho Ocho most popular Latin@ Halloween costumes of 2014

by Victor Payan November 4, 2014 Cultura
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Halloween costumes get better and better every year, and it’s hard to pick the best one. But we’re professionals, so we made up a fake most popular list to highlight the top outfits that feathered our serpent, if you know what we mean. Here are the Pocho Ocho most popular Latin@ Halloween costumes of 2014: […]

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