BUY MY BOOK BEECHES, IT'S FINALLY PRICED FOR MEXICANS pic.twitter.com/wwf6AT0V7q
— Mexican Mitt Romnee (@MexicanMitt) December 29, 2014
Hola Gueyes! This is my Live Tweet/State of the Union response chingadera. Will someone please get me a water, that bottle I’m looking at is right out of reach. CHINGAO!
MEXIPHONE CHECK, JUAN TU, JUAN TU
HIJOLE EL TWITTER IS ESLOW, IT’S MORE CLOGGED THAN THE TOILET AT EL TORITO
HEY OBAMA, STOP TOUCHING THE CROWD, YOU ARE NOT LL COOL J
THE ESTATE OF THE UNION ESTA CHINGADA
IT IS OUR YENERATION’S TASK TO IGNITE DORNER’S CABIN
FREE ENTERPRISE ISN’T FOR FREELOADERS [Mas…]
@MexicanMitt Romney phoned public radio station KUNM in New Mexico Monday night for his first post-election interview. The Twitter Idol liberally assigned blame for his defeat by Bronco Bama, reminisced about the fireworks he planned to set off had he juan and revealed he’s still on the lookout for his missing running mate Pollo Ryan. Here’s the interview from the program RAICES.
[EDITOR’S NOTE: @MexicanMitt Romney, the Twitter sensation, has graced us with the complete text of his concession speech upon losing to President Barack Obama. Enjoy this heart-wrenching espeech, gueyes.]
GREETINGS MY GUEYES!
I HAVE CALLED BLACK REAGAN AND CONCEDED THAT HE CHEATED BETTER THAN I DID. SHOUT OUT to his wife and her sister-wives.
I WANT TO THANK my running mate POLLO RYAN FOR NADA, NALGAS, EL ZILCHO.
We didn’t win his home estate of Wisconsin. He couldn’t even get us the Munsters vote, ESMALL AS THAT IS.
IF ANYONE knows where he has been for the last three weeks, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. [Mas…]
Enjoy the ELECTION EVE WORLD PREMIERE of Mexican Mitt Romney‘s first animated music video! Share it with your friends!
Viejas and Gentlemen, voters, suppressed voters, this is my final espeech to you before I win the election tomorrow for the Presidency of the United Estates. This is the most important Presidential election of your lifetime, if you were born this year.
I know, you are RELIEVED that this long national nightmare will be finally over. I, too, am sick of the ads, the constant campaigning, having to look at my running mate what’s-his-face, but especially I am sick of Bronco Bamma.
But enough about Black Reagan. Or the country. You all want to know how this affects ME, Mexican Mitt Romney. Campaigning is hard. It’s almost like a yob, which I have not held in a long time. Despite waking up in various strange hotels with Mormon wood every day, I still miss my 14 RANCHOS. (For the language-impaired, “rancho” is Spanish for “polygamous Mormon compound.”) [Mas…]
I AM TANNED, RESTED AND READY. AND MORE TANNED.
AJUA! I have been preparing all night for my debate against BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA. Tonight there will be A LOT OF JUAN ON JUAN MASTERDEBATING. I will right ALL THE LEFT-LEANING POLLS with my victory!
I will completely dominate, not LIKE A BOSS, but LIKE A CEO. I want you to take a break from your MOOCHING and FREELOADING to watch me mop up the floor with Obama like I was one of ANN’s FEARFUL SERVANTS.
HERMAN CAIN did not work out as OBAMA DEBATE STAND-IN (all his answers were “NINE NINE NINE”) SO NOW I PRACTICE AGAINST A CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF URKEL. [Mas…]
In his freshman year at Stanford, @MexicanMitt Romney and his Kappa Lota Gelta fraternity brothers made a music video under the name Joe King Carrasco and the Crowns. In retrospect, Dinero seems prophetic, showing the future Bean Capitalist’s magic carpet knack for amassing large amounts of other people’s cash. (The future Mrs. Ann Romney is on keyboards.)
In other news, @MexicanMitt’s campaign released a new poster: [Mas…]