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presidential
With complaints about debate moderator Jim Lehrer’s stupid questions and complete lack of huevos filling the mediascape, we came up with a list of the Pocho Ocho moderators we’d like to see at the next debate:
8. Machete
7. The Wu-Tang Clan
6. Paul Mooney
5. Andrew Dice Clay [Mas…]
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(PNS reporting from LOS ANGELES) Thousands of Americans were rushed to hospitals across the country last night as the result of a “presidential debate drinking games” gone horribly wrong, according to news reports.
The games, promoted by the @DebateBlitz Twitter account, asked people to drink a shot of alcohol any time a percentage was mentioned, or the words “jobs” or “taxes” were used by either candidate.
Ted Keilah, a sophomore at San Diego State University, was the first reported casualty of the game, when friends called 911 at 6:20 PM PDT, during Gov. Mitt Romney’s opening remarks.
“Ted was one of the lucky ones,” said dorm mate Ron de Cuba. “By the final handshake, people were passed out all over the floor, and the bathroom was a bigger mess than the Romney campaign.” [Mas…]
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I AM TANNED, RESTED AND READY. AND MORE TANNED.
AJUA! I have been preparing all night for my debate against BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA. Tonight there will be A LOT OF JUAN ON JUAN MASTERDEBATING. I will right ALL THE LEFT-LEANING POLLS with my victory!
I will completely dominate, not LIKE A BOSS, but LIKE A CEO. I want you to take a break from your MOOCHING and FREELOADING to watch me mop up the floor with Obama like I was one of ANN’s FEARFUL SERVANTS.
HERMAN CAIN did not work out as OBAMA DEBATE STAND-IN (all his answers were “NINE NINE NINE”) SO NOW I PRACTICE AGAINST A CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF URKEL. [Mas…]
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(PNS reporting from ESALT LAKE CIUDAD) The Romney-Ryan campaign has wasted no time in positioning its dynamic duo as caped crusaders fighting for the interests of millionaires everywhere and PNS has obtained this advance copy of their latest ad (image, above.) GOP insiders tell PNS the campaign discarded the original slogan Romney Ryan: A Package for America after determining the message was perhaps a little too…ambiguous.
POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO, INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.
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(PNS reporting from CYBER ESPACE) Like virtual huitlacoche growing on a diseased ear of GOP political corn, an avatar of candidate Mitt Romney emerged on Twitter Wednesday, a digital fungus thriving on the stinking mess of Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary.
Using the handle @MexicanMitt, the campaign’s online Hispanic personality exalts Romney as a canny opportunist, occasionally-job-killing corporate turnaround guru and proud-to-be-loaded capitalist examplar. MexicanMitt now has 1,100 followers.
Pocho Ñews Service interviewed @MexicanMitt via email:
PNS: You seem to love enforcing immigration policies. How many of your own Mexican family members have you deported?
MexicanMitt: I keep deporting them back after they finish working for me selling oranges. So I don’t think of it as deporting them, more like firing them [Mas…]
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Former Sen. Rick Santorum's election campaign rubbed up behind Romney's muscular Iowa presence
(PNS reporting from IOWA) Hatred for the poor won in Iowa yesterday, squeaking by second-place entry homophobia and runners-up racism and tax evasion in the hotly-contested GOP caucuses.
In a stunning, almost come-from-behind finish, current homophobe and former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum ended the caucus vote in a number two position, rubbing up right behind human simulation Mitt Romney. [Mas…]
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