republican

tedcruzdonkeyhoteySenator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has reintroduced legislation to take away federal benefits from same-sex married couples. But this troglodyte’s penedjitis is too advanced to stop at one stupid and hateful idea.

That’s right, there’s more — Ted Cruz’s Pocho Ocho Top Legislative Priorities for 2015:

8. Federal guidelines on subsidized school lunches for poor children shall encourage incorporation of nutritious roadkill meat, especially racoon. Now yer ‘coon is a touch on the greasy side, not sweet like ‘possum, but if you cook ‘em up right, mmmmmmm, racoon!

7. Women banned from buying condoms because it curtails a Man’s Right to Reproduce.

6. Solar energy outlawed because it sucks the light right out of the Sun. [Mas…]

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SENATORSCiting the burden of compliance with “big government,” Senator Thom Tills (R-North Carolina) (photo) would let restaurants “opt out” of regulations requiring employees to wash their hands before returning to work.

This isn’t the only rule Tills would eliminate, and he isn’t the only Republican with this opinion. These are the Pocho Ocho top rules the GOP thinks we should ignore:

8. I before E, except after C

7. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself

6. Mind the gap [Mas…]

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barackonDespite the his many significant accomplishments and chingon new proposals, we were disappointed by what President Obama didn’t say at Tuesday night’s State of the Union address.

Here are the Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s SOTU gave us a sad:

8. Still no federal funding for Flying Trocas research.

7. Didn’t announce plan to make Ted Cruz first U.S. ambassador to Cuba.

6. No tax cuts for tamale entrepreneurs, thus no Pedro Herrera III in the audience to give a shout out to. [Mas…]

obamabackWashington insiders all know tonight’s State of the Union address — like every one before — will bring a few surprises.

We asked around town, and our peeps say these are the top eight to watch for:

8. First use of the Booger-Cam™ captures candid live video of bored Republicans

7. Warmup act Oprah Winfrey to Congress: “You get a drone…and you get a drone. Everybody gets a drone!”

6. Obama cruises to the Capitol in a clean 1953 Packard limousine, a gift from the people of Cuba [Mas…]

New GOP-controlled Congress’ Pocho Ocho top policy priorities

by Especial Correspondents January 7, 2015 El Now
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The GOP-controlled Senate and 114th Congress got to work Tuesday (photo, above) and the Republicans were quick to announce their plans for America. Here are their Pocho Ocho top policy priorities: 8. No tax cut left behind 7. Read my lips: No new Mexis 6. All about the race

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This GOP Latino outreach telenovela didn’t go viral because _____

by María Purísima December 29, 2014 Cultura
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So big the plans! Such wow! Much viral with the veggies that talk, or so they thought. We just found out about this project, which The Federalist explained over the summer: Businesswoman Clara Del Villar [photo, right] wants to help the GOP. A Dominican-American, Del Villar has watched conservatives and libertarians repeatedly fail to connect with Latinos. […]

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Republicans block immigration reform. Dat ass, though! (toon)

by Lalo Alcaraz November 19, 2014 Cartoons
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Jon Stewart: How Obama’s amnesty shreds the Constitution (video)

by Andalé Mono November 19, 2014 El Now
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With the midterm election over, President Obama’s plan to use his executive powers to ease immigration issues for DREAMers, Central American refugees and others has Republicans up in arms about so-called “amnesty.” Obama is “shredding the Constitution,” they claim, and even Mitt Romney, for Pete’s sake, has to remind Obama that he, Obama, is a […]

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Rosebud Sioux Nation: Keystone XL Pipeline Vote is ‘Act of War’

by Moctezuma Cortés November 17, 2014 El Now
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Last week’s vote to approve the controversial Keystone XL pipeline by the Republican-controlled United States House of Representatives constitutes an “act of war” and a “death warrant,” according to the South Dakota Rosebud Sioux (Lakota) Nation, Lakota Voice Rez News reported Friday. Tribal President Cyril L. Scott rebuked the House, according to Rez News: The […]

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Jubilant Republican spokesman trumpets GOP victory (video)

by Chale Knickerbocker November 5, 2014 El Now
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In the jungle, the Washington jungle, the donkey fears tonight.

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Letterman: Top 10 Mexican nicknames for N.J. Gov. Chris Christie

by Verdana Bold October 14, 2014 El Now
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The plus-sized Republican leader of the Garden State, Governor Chris Christie, recently visited Mexico. David Letterman compiled the Top 10 Mexican Nicknames for the New Jersey GOP presidential nominee wannabe.

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Clip & Save: La Cucaracha’s Hispanic Heritage Calendar

by Lalo Alcaraz October 13, 2014 Cartoons
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Why do Republicans hate it when Obama plays golf? (toon)

by Lalo Alcaraz August 28, 2014 Cartoons
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Been indicted and it feels so good: The Governor Rick Perry Story

by Comic Saenz August 18, 2014 El Now
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When news broke Friday that GOP presidential nominee wannabe Texas Governor Rick Perry (photo) was indicted on two counts of abuse of power, we were pissed off because we were in the middle of a conference call and didn’t that grand jury know our meeting schedule and publishing deadlines? We realized later, however, that we […]

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Alaskans praise candidate who will save us from illegals with tats

by María Purísima August 15, 2014 El Now
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(PNS reporting from ANCHORAGE, AK) Some they call him Joe, some they call him Doh! but one group of Alaska voters is 100% behind Joe Miller, the Tea Party-affiliated candidate who is seeking a United States Senate nomination. “His campaign mailer (click on photo to enlarge) convinced us that Miller will do a great job […]

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National Poetry Month: ‘Obama Shoulda Seen This’ (NSFW video, photos)

by Especial Correspondents April 22, 2014 Cultura
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National Poetry Month means — to us — poems by and for the people, like Jesús Iñiguez with his poem about immigration. Spoiler alert — Iñiguez is not exactly happy with Administration policies and questions President Obama’s legacy. [NSFW “F-bomb.”] Post by Jesús Iñiguez.   More from the Obama Legacy blog:

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Sen. Ted Cruz hates avocados (allegedly) and Pocho Ocho other things

by Comic Saenz March 21, 2014 El Now
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Tea Partier Ted Cruz, the Canadian United States Senator (R-TX), hates avocados, the fruit of a tree native to Mexico and Central America, classified in the flowering plant family Lauraceae along with cinnamon, camphor and bay laurel. We just learned from a blog post that this Canuckian “public servant” allegedly confessed his shameful prejudice in […]

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Expect these Pocho Ocho ‘surprises’ in the State of the Union

by Especial Correspondents January 28, 2014 El Now
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White House insiders indicate the President’s State of the Union address tonight will have a few surprises for the Congressional and TV audiences. Here are the top eight: 8. The NSA will intercept Republicans’ text messages to each other and display them on the JumboTron in real time 7. President Obama will be sporting snazzy […]

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All the GOP wants for Christmas is… (2009 toon)

by Lalo Alcaraz December 19, 2013 Cartoons
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Rick Perry is sad new hipster glasses don’t help him make friends

by María Purísima November 14, 2013 El Now
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(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) Gov. Rick Perry is disappointed his new hipster glasses haven’t helped him in the polls. “Why don’t people like me? I’m more than just the guy who came after Bush, I’m cool, see?” he told reporters at a press conference at the Capitol Wednesday as he pointed to his stylin’ horn […]

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