romney

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Make friends and influence people with a Chicano handshake?

That’s right, pochas y pochos, you too can reinforce your raza credibility with a puro handshake, as Subcommandanta del News Sara Inés Calderón demonstrates in her viral video. She illustrates the proper form for handshakes in Califas and Tejas plus throws in a variation that answers the musical question Why Can’t We Be Friends?

On the music front, Pocho Ñews Service Floridita Burro Jefe Santino J. Rivera takes a look at the contradiction between Rage Against the Machine’s message and some clueless fans’ love of the band. Hint: VP wannabe Paul Ryan isn’t the only doofus.

On the international business news beat, Subcommandante del Cultura Victor Payan blows the lid off the Republican effort to thwart the sale of bankrupt Hostess to Mexico’s Bimbo.  Revelations from the TwinkieLeaks website include this money quote from GOP guru Karl Rove: “They can have my DingDong when they pry it from my cold, dead hand.”

And New Jack City Burro Jefe Elise Roedenbeck illuminates the softer side of South America with the sad tale of a Peruvian girl and her llama —  a lament for lost youth, innocence and a little girl’s dreams.

These are top stories that broke the ñews on POCHO this week: [Mas…]

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(PNS reporting from GLENDALE, CA) Documents released today confirm that top GOP officials conspired to kill the sale of Hostess snack foods to Mexico’s baked goods behemoth Grupo Bimbo.  Critics are blasting the Republicans for the scheme which resulted in Hostess Brands officially closing today after 82 years.

Grupo Bimbo, which is alive and well, boasts more than $10.7 billion in annual sales and owns such brands as Entenmann’s, Sara Lee, Boboli, Orowheat, Thomas’ English Muffins and the Mexican snack food favorite giant Marinela.

The news of Hostess Brands’ demise has resulted in injuries across the nation as Black Friday shoppers, college students and stoners loot snack cake aisles for the last boxes of Twinkies, Ding Dongs, CupCakes, HoHos and other treats necessary for their existence. [Mas…]

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Pocho Ñews Insight: Mal*Mart gives back to local communities (video)

by MAYAN RAND November 22, 2012 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Pocho Ñews Insight: Mal*Mart gives back to local communities (video)

This short educational video from Mal★Mart explains how the retail chain is a good neighbor, supporting local communities and creating jobs all across America — with a smile. The case study features Latina entrepreneur Maria Muñoz of Maria’s Flan.

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To: sw6n-34kd31fa8@dcjobs.craigslist.org  Re: GOP Latino Wrangler

by Joseph Marchelewski November 21, 2012 El Now
Thumbnail image for To: sw6n-34kd31fa8@dcjobs.craigslist.org    Re: GOP Latino Wrangler

Dear Party of Lincoln: I am very interested in the Latino Wrangler opening at the Republican National Committee you advertised on CraigsList. My wife is half Mexican, my son is one-quarter Mexican and I have been to Mexico four times for cheap lobster, not that anyone’s ethnicity would be used as a qualification for this [...]

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Pocho Ocho ‘gifts’ Democrats gave Latinos to vote for Obama

by Especial Correspondents November 19, 2012 El Now
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Loser and liar Willard “Mitt” Romney finally got something correct! The overwhelming Latino margin for President Bronco Bama was entirely due to “gifts” the Democrats used as bribes. Here are the top eight: 8. Taco Tuesdays covered by Obamacare 7. Rick Bayless gets full-time gig with Food and Drug Administration (Drug Division) 6. New “path [...]

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Ñewsweek: Bronco Bama reelected, @MexicanMitt Romney concedes

by Comic Saenz November 11, 2012 El Now
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President Bronco Bama was reelected this week despite the valiant campaign mounted by Juan Percenter @MexicanMitt Romney; the Mexi-Mormon challenger released a last-minute campaign espeech and animated music video which were very popular on POCHO but apparently didn’t help in Ohio, Florida and Pennsylvania. POCHO’s ñews-breaking coverage included toons by Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz, election recaps [...]

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Obama victory means happy happy joy joy for some, others are meh

by Especial Correspondents November 8, 2012 El Now
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The reelection of President Barack Obama is news around the world, too, so POCHO Ñews Service PNS sent reporters out on the street to gather reactions from colorfully-dressed pedestrians who consented to interviews and photos without compensation. Here’s what they had to say:

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@MexicanMitt Romney’s final concession espeech [complete text]

by MEXICAN MITT ROMNEY November 7, 2012 El Now
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[EDITOR'S NOTE: @MexicanMitt Romney, the Twitter sensation, has graced us with the complete text of his concession speech upon losing to President Barack Obama. Enjoy this heart-wrenching espeech, gueyes.] AJUA! GREETINGS MY GUEYES! I HAVE CALLED BLACK REAGAN AND CONCEDED THAT HE CHEATED BETTER THAN I DID. SHOUT OUT to his wife and her sister-wives. I [...]

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