8. Wear more slimming clothes
7. Get a new job to supplement income from five other jobs
6. Take a vacation at one of those nice FEMA camps
5. Quit drinking alcohol that doesn’t get me fucked up really fast
4. Reduce financial stress by picking up a hobby, like bank robbing, or writing a hit song
3. Start eating my 10-year supply of freeze-dried survival food
2. “Party Like It’s 2012″
And my top New Year’s Resolution for 2012:
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What are your New Year’s resolutions? Post them here!
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I hereby resolve to:
8. Learn more Spanish. Berlitz ain’t cutting it in the street.
7. Live every day like this were the last year on earth.
6. Buy a ticket to the offworld colonies just in case 7 comes true.
5. Make a two-sided protest sign to avoid arrests and being yelled at: A) OCCUPY THE RAPTURE b/w B) RAPTURE SCHMAPTURE, WHEN ARE THEY BRINGING BACK McRIB??
4. Love a little and Like a lot, except on Facebook
3. Try to work the headline “Santorum surges from behind” into every end-of-the-Mayan-calendar political-news wrapup here on POCHO.
2. Try menudo at least once without whimpering
And my number one resolution?
1. Start every bar fight by shouting “QUIEN ES MAS BORRACHO??” And then maybe throwing up. No one wants to fight you when you’re covered in barf.