Especial Correspondents 
Make tonight’s presidential debate extra especial with the POCHO Debate Drinking Game, sponsored by Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila.
Keep your eyes on the screen, stay alert and react swiftly! Life is chort!
Mas…Debate Drinking Game: Turn lame to LOLs with Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila
“Hispanic” Heritage Month, the officially-approved celebration of Latinx and their contributions to the United Estates of America, started Thursday.
Donald Trump’s GOP has proposed their own list of praise-worthy Hispanix for next year’s fiesta — assuming Trump wins — and POCHO has gotten a sneak peek at their nominations.
Peep this Mexclusive list of the Pocho Ocho Top GOP Picks for Latinx Heritage Month 2017:
8. The Frito Bandito
7. The Taco Bell Chihuahua
6. The Chevy No Va
Decolonizing your diet is more than a trendy Chicanx meme, it’s a book, and a chingon idea.
If you want to just say “No!” to the comida of the Conquistadors and eat what Tlaloc intended — the authentic food of your ancestors — here are the Pocho Ocho Top Ways to Decolonize Your Diet:
8. Take the milk out of chocolate and put the chile back in
7. Honor the Aztecs and eat more of Moctezuma’s gold
6. Chihuahua on a stick
By ERIC M. RUIZ
It was very interesting growing up in a Mexican household yet being educated in predominantly “white” schools.
For example, a sleepover is almost like a rite of passage for young children.
But my Mexican parents could never understand why I’d want to sleep at someone else’s house when I had a perfectly good bed at home. Needless to say, I never had many sleepovers growing up.
But the biggest difference between the two cultures I grew up in wouldn’t arise until my early 20’s.
Weddings:
When Donald Trump meets with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto today, one topic of discussion is sure to be the orange man’s proposed wall on the US-Mexico border.
There will never be a pinche border wall.
“Donald Trump is not a builder,” according to an actual engineer who studied this BS idea.
“Donald Trump could not build a doghouse. Donald Trump is a developer who pays what he would call ‘very, very smart people’ to build things on his behalf,” he notes.
“…The challenge of Trump’s border wall is not technical, but logistical. The leap in complexity between ‘building a wall’ and ‘building a 2,000-mile-long continuous border wall in the desert’ is about equal to the gap between ‘killing a guy’ and ‘waging a protracted land war’…. human beings have built a 2,000-mile-long frontier wall exactly one time. Once. And it was accomplished only through a centuries-long building campaign that necessitated the forced labor of millions of Chinese peasants.”
The engineer goes by Ali F. Rhuzkan — it’s a pen name. Sounds foreign, doesn’t it?
Ali F. even drew up some plans:
Mas…The phony foundation of Trump’s proposed border wall (photos,video)
On his way home from work, Julio Diaz was robbed at knifepoint. You won’t believe what happened next!
Latinos age slower — and live longer — than other ethnic groups in America, according to a new study from the University of California, Los Angeles. Why? Their blood ages more slowly.
Scientists refer to the phenomenon as the ‘Hispanic paradox’, since Latinos typically have higher rates of diabetes and other life-threatening diseases.
But according to researchers at UCLA, the ethnic group is unequivocally healthier, lives longer than others, and has cells that take much longer to age.
Experts claim the findings, published in the current issue of Genome Biology, could help unlock how to delay slowing for all ethnic groups.
Mas…UCLA Study: American Latinos live longer than Anglos because blood
In this moody, black and white 2 minute study : Mariachi, video creator Kimo Easterwood hangs out at Mariachi Plaza in Boyle Heights, on Los Angeles’ Eastside.
“It’s Proselyte Week here in Orange Aztlán,” POCHO’s anonymous Orange County photographic contributor emailed Wednesday. He put this sign on the front door of his Anaheim townhouse.
“Person after person is coming to ask whether we’ve found Jesus (“¿Ya se les extravió Jesús otra vez?! Qué descuidados son los cristianos con su salvador…”), to try and tell us Trump is more than just a bloviating human camote, to sell crappy chocolates for dubious fundraising efforts, etc. This sign has only been up for a few hours, but so far no one has knocked.”
Locked in the back of a van, desperate migrants must cross the Mexican border into the U.S. before one of them gives birth to an illegal alien. The Birth of an Alien (El Nacimiento de un Extranjero) is from Sumiko Braun.
When the White Man’s medicine isn’t working,it’s time to see the Slapping Medicine Man. Video by The 1491s.
PREVIOUSLY ON THE 1491s
Mas…Ask your doctor if Slapping NDN Medicine Man is right for you (video)
(PNS reporting from SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA) A “Study Abroad” student received some upsetting news last week when she realized nothing around her looked like the Lonely Planet guidebook she was carrying.
Becky Miller, a 21-year old geography major from Louisville, KY, was scheduled to spend three months in San Jose studying Spanish as a student with Veritas University. Her plans are now very much in doubt after she blew most of her savings in central California on San Jose Shark hockey games and visiting the Winchester Mystery Mansion.
Mas…‘Study Abroad’ gringa is slow to realize she’s really in Califas
African American Alex Landau recounts how he nearly lost his life after a Denver police Traffic Stop. He and his white mother Patsy say that night changed them both forever. [NSFW F-bomb.] Video by StoryCorps
Congressman Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) has deep feels about his gay brothers and sisters in space because an asteroid killed the dinosaurs and what about extra-terrestrial colonies like Matt Damon and God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. He shared his concerns on the floor of the United States House of Representatives in late May.
Mas…Batsh1t crazy TX Rep. Louie Gohmert: Beware of gays in space! (videos)
People, let me tell you — and I’m being honest here — these dog poop bags are absolutely the best dog poop bags. We used to be number one in dog poop bags. But not anymore, folks.
There has been a terrible schlonging in the poop bag market. And you know Hillary’s not going to fix it. But I’m not afraid to tell it like it is. I’m very rich and I’m very attracted to my daughter. I mean, just look at those legs.
In competitive bridge, where card players employ a “no trump” game, the real world “yes Trump” manifestation is causing players to become “subtly deranged,” researchers reported on Friday.
Or maybe not. StatNews reports:
Mas…Study: Trump “deranges” bridge players’ “no trump” games – or not
Suegra remains skeptical that he didn’t receive assistance
(PNS reporting from LIBERIA, COSTA RICA) Local man Ramón Sosa Quesada stunned his friends and family Saturday when he single-handedly cooked his own dinner after finding himself home alone with no prepared meal.
Sosa, whose wife goes to choir practice on Saturday evenings, said he felt completely lost when he could only find dry rice and raw platanos in the family’s kitchen. He then fell into complete panic when he tried to order servicio express from A’s Chicken and realized his cell phone was out of saldo and he’d spent his final colones on a 6-pack of Rock Ice Limon.
“Mae, I was really looking forward to some steamy hot A’s in my mouth,” Sosa said. “I tried eating dried pasta, coffee grains, garlic cloves, everything. When I saw an advertisement for Popeye’s Chicken on TV, I collapsed to the floor and wept.”
トランプ２０１６ Donald Trumpu for World President 2016, the J-Pop way! So kawaii!
Gaspar Yanga was stolen from West Africa to work as a slave on a Spanish plantation in colonial “Mexico.” But not for long.
You know that “Mexican Judge,” Gonzalo P. Curiel? He can’t be impartial in the Trump University fraud case because he’s a member of that militant Mexican cabal known as LA RAZA.
And he’s not the only one! After all, you can’t have a conspiracy with only one conspirator, amirite?
There might even be card-carrying members of LA RAZA in your neighborhood, at your job, talking about you in Spanish at the next table over, or ohmygod in your kids’ schools!
Be aware and be prepared, America.
Here are the Pocho Ocho Best Ways to Tell if Someone Is A Member Of LA RAZA:
8. Nopal en la frente
7. MEChA meeting
6. No era penal
Mas…Pocho Ocho best ways to tell if someone is a member of ‘LA RAZA’
Newly unsealed federal fraud lawsuit records show that unqualified instructors and abusive sales tactics weren’t the only “trade secrets” Trump University was trying to hide.
Sworn testimony and company documents — ordered released by Indiana-born “Mexican judge” Gonzalo Curiel of the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of California — also revealed these Pocho Ocho Top Shameful Secrets of Trump University:
8. Trump University cafeteria’s “taco bowls” were based on a recipe rejected by Rick Bayless.
7. Trump University sales staffers (“admission counselors”) who didn’t make assigned quotas were dressed as gorillas and dropped off in Cincinnati.
6. Course outline for URBAN REAL ESTATE REDEVELOPMENT included a seminar entitled “Evicting a three-generation family business and replacing it with a chain retailer is easy if you just remember these three letters: K, K and K.”
Mas…‘Mexican Judge’ Reveals Pocho Ocho Top Secrets of Trump University
On the new Daily Show, new Senior Latina Contributor Eliza Cossio explains to Trevor Noah how Donald Trump can change his image with Latinos.
Emilio Albert De La Garza, Jr. (June 23, 1949 – April 11, 1970) was a United States Marine who was posthumously presented the nation’s highest military honor — the Medal of Honor — for his heroism on April 11, 1970 in Vietnam.
Early years
Emilio Albert De La Garza, Jr. was born on June 23, 1949, in East Chicago, Indiana. He graduated from E.C. Washington High School in 1968. He was married to Rosemary Rejon and they have a daughter Renee (Lugo). He was employed by Inland Steel Company in East Chicago (Indiana Harbor), Indiana, before enlisting in the Marine Corps.
Marine Corps service
De La Garza enlisted in the United States Marine Corps on February 4, 1969, in Chicago, Illinois. He received recruit training with the 2nd Recruit Training Battalion, Recruit Training Regiment at the MCRD San Diego, California.
Mas…POCHO Salute: USMC Lance Corporal Emilio Albert De La Garza, Jr.
Samuel W. Bennett’s GET DATA website features charts/graphs and infographics about current events, sports, news, culture, and history. We thought this log-scale graph of the native (in red, of course) and white population in the U.S. was fascinating, sad, and maybe, just maybe, encouraging.
His description:
After disease and war decimated the Native American population from an estimated pre-Columbian 5 million to a low of a few hundred thousand in the late 1800s, the American Native American population has recently approached the pre-Columbian population. The…figure shows that the population of American Native Americans from 1492 to present.
His chart that ranks Tolerance, Racism and Xenophobia in the United States shows we’re lots more tolerant than some other countries, but still have big-ass problems with gays, immigrants and “foreign languages,” not that this is news to us.
Mas…Native American population almost back to pre-Columbian levels
All we know are these mariachi album covers which we found online.
Has anyone ever heard the music?
Mas…Online Finds: Challenger Disaster mariachi tribute LPs (photos)
[Editor's Note: When we shared our Happy Birthday Ritchie Valens story on Facebook last Friday, FB user Danna Carina commented, "Ritchie was the subject of my senior thesis and I graduated with my Bachelors yesterday ON HIS BIRTHDAY. Good omen I suppose!"
We wanted to see what she wrote, and to share it with you.
She agreed, and noted, "Writing this paper was a very intimate and intellectual experience, so it makes me very happy to share it with Pocho.com and the Chicano community."
Thank you, Danna Carina, and congratulations on your graduation from SUNY Purchase.]
Mas…My SUNY Senior Thesis: Ritchie Valens and the Creation of Chicano Rock
Deb and Maria are the same age, each has two kids, and they live just a few miles apart. Deb, however, will live, on average, 15 years longer than Maria. This public service video from The California Endowment — narrated by George Takei — explains the discrepancy:
What determines how long we live? The surprising thing to us was that adjacent communities can have a 15 year-difference in life expectancy.
Mas…To live and die in CA: Your ZIP Code determines life expectancy (video)
Look what we’re doing here — fixing your sidewalk so you can walk and you want to send us back to Mexico? Who’s going to do the work if we’re gone? Look at the white boy with his hands in his fucking pockets! [NSFW en Español.] (Original video apparently from @aque_tuuu_botellas on Instagram.)
I’m pretty sure I was the only redhead at the NYU Latino Law Students Association Gala in the spring of 1990. The food was delicious, my date looked stunning, and I was glad I had jumped on the opportunity when I received the LALSA invitation.
My journey to that moment began 25 years earlier. I was born in Santiago, Chile in 1965: a third generation Chilean on my father’s side (whose people came from Odessa), and first generation on my mother’s side, who arrived when she was 12 from Hungary.
We left Chile in 1970 after the election of socialist president Salvador Allende. For Mom, socialism was close enough to the Soviet regime she’d fled in Hungary.
I started kindergarten at P.S. 81 in the Bronx. With a curly mop of flaming red hair and speaking only Spanish, I immediately embarked on a lifelong career of not fitting in. I learned English fast, but I still felt like an outsider. I got into X-Men comics because I identified with the mutants.
In the first study of its kind, the American Jewish Committee has taken a comprehensive look at the Americans who claim both a Latino and Jewish identity – all 200,000 of them.
Religion News Service reports:
As a group, Jewish Latinos don’t get much attention — either from Jews or Latinos in the U.S.
Mexico’s fastest mouse, our hero Speedy Gonzalez, is a friend to everybody’s seester. But Speedy, unlike POCHO’s La Cucaracha, needs his “marihuana por fumar.” Speedy Gonzales (yes, that’s the name of the cartoon and our leading man) won an Academy Award in 1955.
Mas…Speedy Gonzales and ‘La Cucaracha’: Marihuana por fumar (1955 video)
By SYDNEY PRESLEY
(PNS reporting from RANCHO CUCAMONGA) The clock is ticking for Pope Franciss’ Facebook post, which is 50 AMEN comments short of its 10k goal and the promised resurrection and triumphant return of Jesus Christ.
The photo posted by the FB account using the Pontiff’s image has garnered thousands of “likes” and “shares” but was shy of the required AMENs as Easter loomed.
“I didn’t expect the post to take off like it did,” said Annette Benson, 54, a retired San Bernardino County clerk who runs the account from her home here. “I guess it just shows how much America is in need of a prayer right now. Jesus is what will make America great again. Let me hear you say AMEN!”
Mas…Good Friday particularly disappointing for ambitious Facebook post