When he makes his presidential run in 2020, Kanye West is not gonna alienate potential Latino voters like Trump, oh no he won’t.
Especial Correspondents
Donald Trump is the best clown, but it’s time for a new circus
Donald Trump, you are winning the PR game. You are a modern-day P.T. Barnum, proving his tenet:
There’s a sucker born every minute.
But America’s problems won’t be solved by you or any other candidate alone, because it is our government that is broken. So, before we hire a new clown, we have the fix the circus.
Mas…Donald Trump is the best clown, but it’s time for a new circus
Scientology enlists Bart Simpson to help Mexico ‘go clear’ (video)
Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart on The Simpsons, wants to see you at the big Scientology fiesta a week from Sunday in Mexico DF. Don’t let your reactive mind keep you away! Doh! Also, you snarky anti-Scientology periodistas: BEHAVE!
Mas…Scientology enlists Bart Simpson to help Mexico ‘go clear’ (video)
Bienvenidos a Minneapolis, Minnesota, Aztlan (photos)
During the National Association of Black Journalists Convention in Minneapolis last weekend I decided to take a break and visit East Lake Street.
That’s the heart of the city’s Mexican and Somali immigrant communities. I had tacos at Taqueria Los Ocampo then strolled down East Lake and discovered scenes one might find in East Los Angeles, Houston’s Northside or Albuquerque’s South Valley.
The murals were a reflection of a people who came north…way north.
I like these photos especially:
Pocho Ocho best ways to bait a Chipster (Chicano + hipster) Trap
In New Jack City, proactive pranksters have set Hipster Traps to snare unwary hipsters. The NYC traps are baited with Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, American Spirit cigarettes, a bike chain and neon-pink Wayfarer sunglasses.
When trapping chipsters (Chicano hipsters), our experts recommend these Pocho Ocho Best Ways to Bait Your Chipster Trap:
8. Suavecito® Pomade and Beard Wax
7. Venti horchata latte, half skim, half leche de cabra, with agave sweetener
6. $60 huaraches from Urban Outfitters
Mas…Pocho Ocho best ways to bait a Chipster (Chicano + hipster) Trap
This is why MR. POCHO’s next truck will be a Ford F-Juan-50
MR. POCHO salutes Ford Motor Company for super chingon customer service and a sensible approach to NAFTA. ¡SALUDOS!
Mas…This is why MR. POCHO’s next truck will be a Ford F-Juan-50
Pocho Ocho top reasons Child of the 60s The Donald is so Donald
After POCHO’s Dennis Wilen AKA Comic Saenz finally came clean about his history with UPenn classmate Donald Trump, we’ve learned more about the events that turned a Child of the 60s into the bitter meng he is today.
Here are the Pocho Ocho Top Reasons Child of the 60s The Donald is so Donald:
8. Still heartbroken and resentful after the end of a passionate love affair with UPenn boyfriend, Afro-Mexican exchange student Mumia Abu-Fuentes.
7. Childhood backyard “fort” overrun by kids playing “Viet Cong.”
6. Kicked out of Wharton School MEChA for attempted “firing” of Cesar Chavez.
Mas…Pocho Ocho top reasons Child of the 60s The Donald is so Donald
Pocho Ocho most amazing facts behind El Chapo’s daring escape
The daring prison escape of Mexican drug lord El Chapo Guzman Saturday has raised many questions. Why Saturday? Who dug the tunnel? How did they do it? How did they hide?
Here are Pocho Ocho Most Amazing Facts Behind El Chapo’s Escape we’ve unearthed so far:
8. Shoutout to Uber de Mexico for the fast pickup!
7. Strategic rest areas every 200 meters stocked with Red Bull and Takis
6. Extra guys at Home Depot got lucky that day
Mas…Pocho Ocho most amazing facts behind El Chapo’s daring escape
Gentrification Notes from Technotopia, SF: On the Cruelty of Indifference
By GUILLERMO GÓMEZ-PEÑA
Dear Ex-local artist, writer, activist, bohemian, street eccentric, and/or protector of difference…
Imagine a city, your city and your former “hip” neighborhood, being handed over by greedy politicians and re/developers to the crème de la crème of the tech industry. This includes the 7 most powerful tech companies in the world. I don’t need to list them: their names have become verbs in lingua franca; their sandbox is the city you used to call your own.
Mas…Gentrification Notes from Technotopia, SF: On the Cruelty of Indifference
Pocho Ocho things Donald Trump wants you to know about Mexicans
Because he wants to make America great again, GOP presidential nominee wannabe Donald Trump shared some nasty knowledge about Mexican immigrants when he announced his candidacy Tuesday (video).
They’re rapists, he said, and bring crime and drugs.
But that’s not all! Here are are Pocho Ocho top things Donald Trump also wants you to know about Mexicans:
8. If you rub a Mexican’s tummy just the right way, they’ll wiggle they brown little arms and legs and say “Squee squee squee” but in Mexican of course.
7. Mexican show business is infested with thesbians.
6. Mexicans are so crazy lazy they will take your job.
Mas…Pocho Ocho things Donald Trump wants you to know about Mexicans
Pocho Ocho top premiums for donors to $heriff Joe’s KickStarter
Maricopa County Arizona $heriff Joe Arpaio is in big legal trouble and is asking supporters to help.
Arpaio said he doesn’t have the money for attorneys, adding that he feels “targeted” by the immigration rights groups that have sued him to stop what they say are racist policies targeting Latinos, according to the Los Angeles Times.
Mas…Pocho Ocho top premiums for donors to $heriff Joe’s KickStarter
Pocho Ocho changes to expect after Indios + Chinos > Mexicanos
China and India now top Mexico as leading sources of new immigrants to the United Estates, new data reveals.
What are the Pocho Ocho top changes we can expect from these evolving patterns in immigration?
8. Indian actors will replace Puerto Ricans playing Mexicans on TV
7. San Jose, California will be known as Sanjay, California
6. White people will be considered “the model minority”
Mas…Pocho Ocho changes to expect after Indios + Chinos > Mexicanos
Pocho Ocho Important Facts for Mexicans about El Ocho de Mayo
Our Mexican friends have many misconceptions about today’s American celebration of El Ocho de Mayo. It is NOT the day the British burned the White House, for example, and it is NOT the day Gerry Rivers became Geraldo Rivera.
Help a hermano out with the Pocho Ocho Top Facts Mexicans Should Know about El Ocho de Mayo:
8. Best (Hellman’s in the East) Mayonnaise — El Jefe de Mayo — first introduced on this day in 1915.
7. Mayo West did not invent the life vest but she did flash her chichis to the sailors of the aircraft carrier USS Hooter on this day in 1942.
6. The Mayo Clinic — originally established to seek cures for La Cruda — opened its doors on this day in 1955.
Mas…Pocho Ocho Important Facts for Mexicans about El Ocho de Mayo
Hey you! Put down that phone! aka 低头人生 [video]
《低头人生》
Posted by 李金雄 on Sunday, April 19, 2015
The video is from China — the message is universal.
Mexclusive: Beware the New World Order Deadly Space Termites
LiveLeak’s Jeffrey Barber has some serious warnings for you guys so listen up, K?
The pulsating you can see on this desk are YOYO NIOPION. These are extraterrestrial termites. They voraciously consumer not only wood, but everything. I mean EVERYTHING! but stone. They eat glass, steel, aluminum, plastic, wood, but most of all, they like, lithium. They thrive on lithium.
The two places that lithium is big in our reality are batteries, and in our brains. The YOYO NIOPION eat both of these things.
Scary, right? You don’t know the half of it!
Mas…Mexclusive: Beware the New World Order Deadly Space Termites
God, Guns and The Man: The Bill of Rights in One Syllable Words
I
No law can say you can’t pray the way you want to, or make you pray if you don’t want to, or take your tax and give it to a guy who’ll use it to pray or preach on God, and no law can say you can’t say what you want to say, or print what you want to print, if you have a press; and no law can say that you can’t hang with your friends, or who you want to hang with, so long as you’re cool, and you can
ask The Man to give back your stuff if he took it, or fix what he broke, and that’s cool too.
II
Mas…God, Guns and The Man: The Bill of Rights in One Syllable Words
The Easter Story: Why advertising to Hispanics sucks balls* [Updated]
By BERNADETTE RIVERO
Technically, the word I should have used above, in the headline, is “Manipulates.” As in, “Safely Manipulate Your Balls When You Celebrate!”
That’s what the Federal Drug Administration advises this season, anyway. (Screen capture, above.)
But I’m a writer who has spent a lifetime in both advertising and journalism, and I know the value of good clickbait when I have it in my hands.
Er… Line of sight. Sorry, I’m distracted by the FDA advising me to fondle one’s nether regions for Easter.
Mas…The Easter Story: Why advertising to Hispanics sucks balls* [Updated]
GOP presidential wannabe Saint Ted Cruz is on fire (photo)
Hail, Senator, full of crap. Special art thou among pendejos.
Yo, New Yorkers! Don’t buy any gun, buy a ‘Gun With History’ (video)
There’s a new gun shop open in Manhattan where you don’t have to just settle for a newbie, inexperienced lethal weapon. The guns on sale here have a history!
Mas…Yo, New Yorkers! Don’t buy any gun, buy a ‘Gun With History’ (video)
Diamondbacks’ Pocho Ocho top dessert concepts before the Churro Dog
Yes, they actually went there. Look for a new dessert this season at Chase Field in Phoenix as the National League Arizona Diamondbacks present the “Churro Dog.” Thankfully, no dogs were harmed in the making of this gut-busting, grand-standing heart-stopping dessert.
WTF is a Churro Dog, exactly? ESPN has the story:
The Churro Dog is a warm cinnamon churro sitting inside a Long John chocolate-glazed donut, which is then topped with frozen yogurt, caramel and chocolate sauces. Its estimated calorie count is 1,117.
But the Churro Dog concept wasn’t a random bark in the dark of night, no sir. Many ideas were thrown around the marketing infield, barking up the wrong tree, before the Churro Dog got the front office excited enough to get to third base. And you know what? Here they are — the Diamondback’s Pocho Ocho Top Rejected Dessert Concepts before the Churro Dog:
8. Willie Relleno
7. Negrito Refrito
6. Pink Cotton Candy Taco
Mas…Diamondbacks’ Pocho Ocho top dessert concepts before the Churro Dog
Disneyland preps new WE ❤️ MEASLES marketing push
(PNS reporting from ANAHEIM) Disneyland’s new WE ❤️ MEASLES marketing campaign intends to “pro-actively go where the customers are” by turning “lemons into lemonade,” PNS has learned.
Pocho Ocho top reasons not to watch the Oscars
Lot of pochos we know are insisting they won’t watch Sunday’s telecast of the Academy Awards. The big reason, of course, is Hollywood’s apparent inability to find roles for Latin@s other than maid or gangster (see infographic below).
But that’s not all! Here are the Pocho Ocho Top reasons they’re boycotting the Oscars:
8. Reading chingon first edition of The Iliad instead.
7. Machete don’t sext.
6. Six-hour MEChA meeting starts at the same time.
Texas Senator Ted Cruz’ Pocho Ocho top legislative proposals
Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has reintroduced legislation to take away federal benefits from same-sex married couples. But this troglodyte’s penedjitis is too advanced to stop at one stupid and hateful idea.
That’s right, there’s more — Ted Cruz’s Pocho Ocho Top Legislative Priorities for 2015:
8. Federal guidelines on subsidized school lunches for poor children shall encourage incorporation of nutritious roadkill meat, especially racoon. Now yer ‘coon is a touch on the greasy side, not sweet like ‘possum, but if you cook ’em up right, mmmmmmm, racoon!
7. Women banned from buying condoms because it curtails a Man’s Right to Reproduce.
6. Solar energy outlawed because it sucks the light right out of the Sun.
Mas…Texas Senator Ted Cruz’ Pocho Ocho top legislative proposals
A Day in the Life: Santa Apolonia taco truck, New Haven, CT (video)
La Vida Del Taco starts as the Santa Apolonia truck pulls up to its usual spot in New Haven, Connecticut and the work day begins.
You can get tacos de lengua and cabeza here, not just pollo and carnitas. Watch as the truck is turned from a vehicle into an assembly line as the cooks chop cilantro and piñas (!) and pickle chiles and cebollas. And what else? What is the deal with the pineapple? Where did the radishes come from?
Here comes a customer! Wow two nice thick tortillas per taco and whoa that is a lot of pollo! Next dude is hard core and goes for the lengua. Oh man, it looks like every order comes with fries.
God Bless America.
What are America’s Pocho Ocho Top Brownest Jobs?
The Atlantic analyzed the stats and guess what!? Some professions in the United Estates are positively teeming with white people — jobs like veterinarian, espeech sangwich pathologist and meelrye (chart excerpt, above).
Hurm, we said, perhaps we can fabricate a similar list of America’s brownest jobs.
“So let it be written, so let it be done!” said Pharoah, another white dude. And we did. Here’s our list of America’s Pocho Ocho Top Brownest Jobs:
8. Piñata Fluffer
7. Chief Cleavage Officer for Spanish Language TV Network News Division
6. Tia Guadalupe Gutierrez Santa Maria de Los Angeles y Zacatecas
Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union
Washington insiders all know tonight’s State of the Union address — like every one before — will bring a few surprises.
We asked around town, and our peeps say these are the top eight to watch for:
8. First use of the Booger-Cam™ captures candid live video of bored Republicans
7. Warmup act Oprah Winfrey to Congress: “You get a drone…and you get a drone. Everybody gets a drone!”
6. Obama cruises to the Capitol in a clean 1953 Packard limousine, a gift from the people of Cuba
Mas…Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union
Pocho Ocho worst Twitter #JeSuisCharlie hashtag fails
Some Twitter users are just unclear on the concept, especially when it comes to the appropriate use of the #JeSuisCharlie hashtag, the most popular ever (“heat map,” above). The viral slogan — coined after the massacre at Paris satire magazine Charlie Hebdo — affirms support of free expression.
French-deficient? “Je suis Charlie” means “I am Charlie.”
The Pochodores combed the Internets for these Pocho Ocho top Twitter #JeSuisCharlie hashtag fails:
8. 
Photos: Los Angeles No Pants Subway Ride 2015
Photographer Dan “The Steel Shark” Cooke braved the chilly 60° L.A. weather Sunday to take his pants off and ride the subway. He brought some friends.
Pocho Ocho top questions asked before joining a Mexican cartel
Kids these days know they have options and they want to make smart choices — and not only kids in the United Estates.
These are the Pocho Ocho top questions wannabe gangsters ask before joining a Mexican cartel:
8. Will beheading be on the final exam?
7. Soy vegetariano — is heart-eating mandatory?
6. Do I need to supply my own botas picudas?
Mas…Pocho Ocho top questions asked before joining a Mexican cartel
New GOP-controlled Congress’ Pocho Ocho top policy priorities
The GOP-controlled Senate and 114th Congress got to work Tuesday (photo, above) and the Republicans were quick to announce their plans for America.
Here are their Pocho Ocho top policy priorities:
8. No tax cut left behind
7. Read my lips: No new Mexis
6. All about the race
Mas…New GOP-controlled Congress’ Pocho Ocho top policy priorities