Especial Correspondents 
Today is Three Kings Day, Dia de Los Reyes Magos, AKA Epiphany, the day when Los Tres Reyes dropped by the manger to gift up the original Anchor Baby, El Baby Jesus.
Check out the Pocho Ocho Craziest Things we found in the Rosca de Reyes here at the POCHO world headquarters:
8. Rosca’s Chicken and Waffles
7. One long black hair
6. Hot new Kanye West musical discovery “Paul McCarthy”
Mas…The Pocho Ocho craziest cosas we found in the Rosca de Reyes
Looking for that special gift for your successful Muppy friend who already has everything in the Brookstone catalog?
POCHO scoured the interwebs for the Pocho Ocho best Christmas presents for Mexican yuppies. Check our list:
Mas…Pocho Ocho best Christmas presents for Mexican yuppies (Muppies)
(PNS reporting from RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA) Factional fighting among Spanglish speakers, academics, and Raza activists doomed the first Spanglish grammar conference, held here Sunday.
“The idea was to create some foundational principles and ground rules for our people’s language,” co-organizer Lourdes Cervantes-Borges of the Professional Organization of Chican@s Oppressed by Society (POCHOS) told PNS. “We wished merely to memorialize those rules in a book of proper Spanglish Style, a Estronque y Blanco if you will, but then these know-nada nacos had to get involved.”
“No manches, son puras pendejadas! I ain’t down with all of that academic bullshit,” countered East Los delegate-at-large Oscar “Mocoso” Chavez. “Nuestra lengua is from the streets, and I ain’t talking ’bout that chingon taco troka on the corner of Beverly Boulevard.”
Mas…Accusations, controversy doom first Spanglish grammar conference
In the Plaza Mexico shopping center in the working class Los Angeles suburb of Lynwood, a specialty store advertises “Vestimos y Reparamos Niños Dioses.” The dresser and doctor, Cuban-American Concepcion “Connie” Rivero, told her story to KPCC’s Adolfo Guzman-Lopez:
Mas…Has your Baby Jesus lost his head? The doctor is in! (audio)
(PNS reporting from FERGUSON, MO) St. Louis County Prosecutor Robert P. McCulloch credits the ghost of notorious 19th Century Mexican dictator Porfirio Diaz with the legal theory that there was insufficient evidence to prosecute killer cop Darren Wilson.
In an interview with PNS Sunday, McCulloch said the ghost of Diaz visited him in a dream and provided legal advice on handling the Wilson grand jury, the official body investigating the shooting death of unarmed college student Michael Brown.
Mas…Prosecutor says ‘spirit of Porfirio Diaz’ guided Ferguson grand jury
It’s brutal out there, pochos — it’s cut or be cut to save $20 on an iPhone 6 — and that’s why we’ve compiled the Pocho Ocho best ways to survive Black Friday:
8. In the event store security confiscates your Mace®, pick up some Aqua Net™ on Aisle 3.
7. Shoppers who carry their own rolls of yellow “crime scene” warning tape can easily discourage other shoppers from entering the Home Entertainment Department.
6. Successful shoppers are well-equipped shoppers. Must-have items include snacks, a gas mask, body armor where available and a small knife (plus a newspaper to hide the knife.) Experienced shoppers only: Weaponized chanclas.
(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) Families here are thanking President Barack Obama as they sit down to their Thanksgiving meals today.
Undocumented immigrant Mario Garza, who plans to pay his fines and “get in the back of the line,” is overjoyed with the White House plans to help fix “our broken immigration system.”
“No pues está a toda madre lo que hizo el presidente Obama, y que poca madre tienen los pinches republicanos que no tienen ni corazon ni huevos para cumplir con la raza trabajadora,” he told PNS. (Translation: Garza backs presidential action but has doubts about the Republican Party’s appeal to future Latino voters.)
Mas…On Thanksgiving, Texans thank Obama for immigration action
See this painting that is supposed to depict the first Thanksgiving? It’s wrong wrong wrong. What really went on at that epic feast so long ago? We’ve got eight little-known factoids right here:
8. The frozen string beans in the casserole were past their sell-by date
7. Pilgrim Zephaniah Winslow = silent but deadly
6. Squanto’s succotash was really delivery from Uber Eats
Mas…Pocho Ocho little-known factoids about the first Thanksgiving
President Barack Obama will defy Republican haters tonight and reveal “executive actions” to “fix the broken immigration system.”
Our sources at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue have shared a copy of the 5 PM EST speech and we can now reveal the Pocho Ocho top immigration reforms you’ll hear in the President’s address to the Nation:
8. If Central American child refugees can pat their heads and rub their tummies at the same time, they can cut in line.
7. Families of DREAMers are OK to stay if they mow the lawn.
6. Badges, stinking or otherwise, no longer needed.
Mas…Pocho Ocho top immigration actions Obama will reveal tonight
The Twitterverse exploded with charges of racism yesterday following pork-pushing restauranteurs Dave & Buster’s #TacoTuesday Tweet fail. (Photo of Tweet, since deleted from the company’s timeline.)
Even pimp-my-product professional journal AdWeek was pained by the chain’s gigantic boner:
And your massive brand Twitter fail of the day goes to … Dave & Buster’s!
Mas…Pocho Ocho top Tweets Dave & Buster’s planned to send next
Hey you Latinos – do you know your place in cyberspace?
Forget .COM, .ORG, and .NET and move on up to the new .SOY Top Level Domain, “the place for Latinos online,” brought to you by domain registrar Google, Inc. (screencap above).
What? The Goog explains:
.SOY is the domain name for Latino identity and expression on the web. .SOY can be anything you want it to be. It’s your place on the web for your voice, your business, or your bold new idea. Claim your name and join the .SOY community today.
You didn’t sign up yet? You better hurry because cool names in this Internet ghetto are going fast. We think these are the Pocho Ocho Coolest .SOY internet domains, but they already could be claimed, so click and learn:
8. KIKKOMAN.SOY
7. YODA.SOY
6. BOY.SOY
Mas…Pocho Ocho coolest addresses at new ‘.SOY’ Top Level Domain
(GUANAJUATO, MEXICO) iJuanCo, creator of iJuan, the first smartphone app to directly match day laborers and potential bosses, has secured a $3.5 million dollar investment from venture capital fund XS Dinero, iJuanCo company president Grito Del Toro announced here today.
Day laborers using the app will be able to register their schedules, skill set and service areas via iJuan, saving potential employers the hassle of cruising to Home Depot to hire workers while lessening the need for trabajeros to chase patrons’ trokas around the parking lot.
Mas…iJuan, smartphone app for day labor, scores $3,500,000 investment
It started long before sportsball team names and mascots. America’s been hatin’ on NDNs ever since they were “discovered” in 1492.
Indian Country Today Media Network’s Christina Rose reports:
Mas…Not just team mascots! America’s hated on NDNs for years (toons)
When he flew away from his British owner in Torrance, CA four years ago, Nigel talked with an English accent. When he returned last week, the talented African gray parrot spoke Spanish.
Here are the Pocho Ocho top phrases Nigel the Parrot picked up on his Raza Vacation:
8. No más “Nigel.” Mi nombre es “Miguel” ahora.
7. El pueblo unido jamás será vencido!
6. Polly quiere un Takis.
Mas…Pocho Ocho top new Spanish phrases learned by Nigel the Parrot
There’s lots to see in Placitas, a small New Mexico community north of Albuquerque between the Sandia and Santa Ana Pueblos. If you take a stroll through the foothills, chances are you’ll spot ancient petroglyphs amid the hoof prints of wild horses.
And that’s what I found on a jog Sunday near my home.
On top of a hill I spotted petroglyphs of animals, insects, and other images lost to history. They were most likely created by the indigenous people of the region hundreds of years ago. Hopi journalist Patty Talahongva says they are headlines from the past.
Next to them, unfortunately, were a few scratches (defacing) likely made by area residents in recent years.
Mas…New Mexico petroglyphs: Headlines from the past (photos)
At the Trenton Crossing Shopping Center in McAllen, TX, they espeak Spanglish.
Not only is getting the work really fracking hard – you have to hang outside Home Depot and chase contractors’ trucks – but lots of times day laborers work all day and then get ripped off for their pay.
This cumbia music video from Los Jornaleros del Norte (The Day Laborers of the North) and the National Day Laborer Organizing Network highlights the fight against wage theft.
“Ese gúey no paga,” they sing. “That dude doesn’t pay!”
Mas…Day laborers sing ‘Ese Gúey No Paga’ (That dude doesn’t pay)
This second Latino Field Study anthropology video examines a culturally-distinctive mannerism many Anglos find confusing – what the researchers refer to as Emotional Loudness.
PREVIOUSLY ON LATINO FIELD STUDIES:
Mas…Latino Field Studies: Understanding ‘Emotional Loudness’ (video)
There’s no name attached to Case Number 60066 in the Mutual UFO Network database. It’s an anonymous report submitted about an strange incident two weeks ago — Monday night, September 22 — and it follows two other unusual occurrences in San Bernardino County, east of Los Angeles:
Mas…San Berdoo man chants, sees blue UFO fly into a doorway in the sky
Americans are worried about the chances of a future Ebola epidemic.
But is there really anything to be scared about? After all, there are Pocho Ocho diseases that are way more dangerous than Ebola:
8. Nobolas
7. Tres bolas
6. Cebolla
Mas…Pocho Ocho diseases that are way more dangerous than Ebola
Dear Straight Dudes:
Why, hello there, I’m a Latina vagina and I have a message for heterosexual guys. Now I know what you’re going to ask me: “How well-groomed am I?”
No seas cochino! That’s none of your business, that’s personal. But I am here to, uh, talk business because I’m tired of all of these assumptions people make about me!
Mas…Letter to straight guys from a Latina vagina: I’m too sexy for my chonies
“Instant karma’s gonna get you,” John Lennon sang. This is true in both Brazil and San Bernardino County.
The Mexican Curling Team that will be going for gold at the Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang 2018 is training hard. Your modest cash contribution can help these brave young vatos as they go to SWEEP THE GOLD!
How did they get started with this less-than-mainstream sport? Consuela, of course:
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) Racist Sheriff Joe Arpaio claims the Federal Government’s decision to reclaim “surplus” military gear (like tanks [photo] and M16 rifles) transferred to his department is no big deal since he has already procured new weapons to replace the full-auto rifles Uncle Sam wants back.
“Hell no! We don’t need tanks and M16s for these illegals,” the Maricopa County, Arizona lawman told reporters Wednesday. “We’re getting ethnically-appropriate personnel compliance effectuators from local manufacturers. I am told these things give Mexicans the FEAR!”
Mas…Feds make Sheriff Joe return military gear; he has Plan B
¡Feliz Hispanic Heritage Month! — Alcalde Eric Garcetti
I stare at my third tumbler full of tequila,
looking at it like I did the other two,
with reverence at this golden,
earth-bound ambrosia,
aged a year or more in old whiskey barrels…
(PNS reporting from MASSACHUSETTS) A burrito is not a sandwich, you idiots, according to a court decision announced here last week.
Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Locke made the ruling as he threw out a lawsuit brought by a Panera restaurant seeking to stop White City Shopping Center in Shrewbsury from leasing space to a franchisee of the Qdoba Mexican Grill chain.
Panera’s lease prevents the center from renting space to a (competing) sandwich shop.
[The judge] cited Webster’s Dictionary as well as testimony from a chef and a former high-ranking federal agriculture official in ruling that Qdoba’s burritos and other offerings are not sandwiches.
Apparently more white people believe in ghosts than in racial discrimination. Boo, mothafuckas! http://t.co/lpgODpUzHh
— Roberta Valderrama (@RoValderrama) August 28, 2014
Since POCHO is in Southern California we have a responsibility to mock Frisco aka “The City” as much as possible. Here’s a classic video that lets typical “Baghdad by the Bay” citizens do it themselves. And believe you me, it’s no day at the beach! 😉 [NSFW adult language.]
Your California Department of Motor Vehicles has standards, you know, and not every request for a personalized/vanity license plate can be accommodated, even though they still hope you’ll like them on Facebook. It’s not personal, dude, no hard feelings. K?
“Welcome to the Department of Motor Vehicles’ office of vanity plates,” SFGate.com esplains, “where three full-time state employees review some 90,000 applications for personalized license plates each year and, citing poor taste, turn down thousands.”
Here’s our list of the Pocho Ocho rudest vanity plate requests declined by the DMV:
Mas…Pocho Ocho rudest vanity license plates refused by the DMV
AN ILLEGAL POEM
By Illegal Immigrants
I cross river,
Poor and broke,
Take bus,
See employment folk.
Nice man
Treat me good in there,
Say I need
Go see Welfare.