A tornado hit the town of Tangancicuaro in the Mexican state of Michoacán on March 22, damaging over 250 homes. This unedited, single-take home video features great play-by-play voiceover while the camera documents flying chonies and other debris. And enjoy the narrator’s colorful vulgar interjections! [NSFW Spanish audio.]
Especial Correspondents
Pocho Ocho weird geographic chingaderas you probably never heard of
POCHO’s Comic Saenz wasn’t 100% sure where the Crimean Peninsula was on a map until last week, when Russia grabbed it, and he had no clue about the Strait of Malacca, where that Malaysian Airlines flight may have disappeared.
He had to look this stuff up on the Internets (photo), and maybe you did too.
That’s when we realized our geographical memory banks — and yours — might need a little shot of phresh knowledge, like this list of the Pocho Ocho Weird Geographical Chingaderas You Probably Never Heard Of:
8. Lake Tiacaca. Nowhere near the Andes, this stinky mess was discovered in your Aunt Anna’s bathroom after that thing with the sewer pipes.
7. The Chicano Triangle. This tortilla-chip-shaped segment of Southern California goes from Oxnard to San Diego to Indio. Many (traditionally) black and (predominantly) white neighborhoods formerly located in this area have disappeared from demographers’ charts.
6. The Straights of Esai. These large ribbed rock formations just north of Malibu bring ALL the boys to the yard.
Mas…Pocho Ocho weird geographic chingaderas you probably never heard of
Pocho Ocho items on Jan Brewer’s bucket list
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer won’t run again, she announced Wednesday, but said her retirement as governor won’t put an end to her dreams.
“A mule is an animal with long funny ears,” she told an audience at a school in Glendale, AZ, “she kicks up at anything she hears. Her back is brawny and her brain is weak, she’s just plain stupid with a stubborn streak. So when I walk out of this school, I’ll still remain a stupid mule.”
There are Pocho Ocho items on her bucket list, Brewja said:
8. Realize her dream of starting a clothing optional retreat with Sheriff Joe Arpaio
7. Spend more time with her coven
6. Convince George Lucas to cast her as Evil Yoda in the next Star Wars movie
How to dance to Norteño wearing pointy boots, Stetson (video)
Botas picudas? Check! Cowboy hat? Check! Norteno music? Check! Let’s dance, but not too much. A minimalist dance.
PREVIOUSLY ON BOTAS PICUDAS:
Mas…How to dance to Norteño wearing pointy boots, Stetson (video)
How popcorn (hecho en Peru circa 4700 BCE) pops [video]
Popcorn — palomitas de maíz — was discovered-invented-perfected in Peru circa 4700 BCE, the very first domesticated corn product. Watch how the corn pops, up close and personal.
Forget Los Oscars: Mira Los Hectors©! POCHO’s Annual Awards
Behold, The Hectors©, bestowed for Excellence in Mockability.
The Hectors© are named for POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz’ cousin Hector (photo), who is excellent at ruining family gatherings, especially when he has downed his third 12-pack. He hasn’t seen a film since Blood In, Blood Out.
And the Hector© goes to:
Mas…Forget Los Oscars: Mira Los Hectors©! POCHO’s Annual Awards
Melania Benítez hasn’t cut her hair for 20 years (video)
Melania Benítez hasn’t cut her hair for 20 years and now it’s eight feet long!
La joven hace 20 años que no se lo corta porque dice que una vez que se lo cortó se arrepintió porque según dice no le quedaba bien y desde entonces optó por dejárselo crecer.
PREVIOUSLY ON HAIR::
Mas…Melania Benítez hasn’t cut her hair for 20 years (video)
Pocho Ocho top activist pickup lines for Valentine’s Day
Love is in the air for Valentine’s Day, along with cries for immigration reform, economic fairness and equal justice.
Is there a way for the politically active pocha or pocho to get lucky AND make the world a better place?
Yes, there is! Check out our list of the Pocho Ocho top activist pickup lines you can use this Valentine’s Day:
8. What do we want? A quiet romantic dinner for two! When do we want it? Friday night — what do you think — 8-ish?
7. What’s a nice girl like you doing in a MEChA like this?
6. Is that a GMO-free organic sustainably-raised earth-friendly heirloom local family farm non-corporate elote in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Mas…Pocho Ocho top activist pickup lines for Valentine’s Day
Lowriting: Shots, Rides & Stories from the Chicano Soul [book review]
Every once in awhile, a book comes out that inspires us to take a trip down memory lane. Such a book asks us to reflect on what was and will never be again. If we only knew then what we know now, things would be different we are fond of saying often as we look back at those past moments we now cherish forever in our hearts. These types of books bring tears of joy and even sadness as we remember both the endless hours of laughter and the heartbreaks that at one time encapsulated who were in our lives.
Even so, rare is the book that also reminds us that we do not need to look back in melancholia, but we should use the past to redefine our present and build for the future. At the same time, these occasional books help to break down accepted mainstream narratives or paradigms while urging us to reclaim both our historical space, and our cultural motifs in order to recover our collective memories of who we are as a people.
Mas…Lowriting: Shots, Rides & Stories from the Chicano Soul [book review]
Sneak Peak: Art Meza’s photos from ‘Lowriting’
Art Meza sent us three photos from Lowriting, like this shot of a Chicana who knows you can’t go lowrider cruising without the hoop earrings and ink. Click to enlarge. In case you didn’t see it, the Lowriting book review is here.
This lowered Chevy Bel-Air coupe with fender skirts is a sweet ride:
Breaking: Hundreds expected Friday at Mexico’s Xochitl Games
(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) Hundreds of competitors and an equal number of spectators are expected for the opening of the first Xochitl Games here tomorrow.
The so-called “Indigenous Olympics,” organized by the Nahuatl Athletic Council Organization (NACO), hopes to share some of the buzz from the regular Winter Olympics, in Sochi.
NACO is especially counting on people who are unsure how to spell the name of the Black Sea resort city in the Google search window, or even better, can’t spell when booking airplane and hotel reservations through Travelocity.
Mas…Breaking: Hundreds expected Friday at Mexico’s Xochitl Games
Um, excuse me…we prefer to be called ‘white folk’ (photo)
We can’t track the original of this photo to give its creator props, so we’ll just heartily thank all Internet-enabled photographers, wherever they are. And whatever they want to be called, tambien. After all, what’s in a name?
PREVIOUSLY ON WHITE PEOPLE:
Me? In London, I’m a ‘culturally-American Mexican’
Where are you from?
That is a simple question, isn’t? Well, for some of us, the answer is not so straight forward.
My experience in London in the past four months has included fascinating dialogue with people I have come across. It is one thing I have come to expect from such a global city where you are bound to meet people from so many places around the world.
Such interactions have sparked in me the need to explore my conception of identity as part of my own self-discovery process. Primarily because most of us conflate place of origin and ethnicity with identity.
If I claim to be from a certain part of the world, what does that mean about the way others expect me to look, speak, act and be? In engaging in this inquiry, the first realization I have made is that the answer to the question of “Where are you from?” is very telling not only about one’s own perception of identity but also of the one imposed by others.
Breaking: Here’s how Obama plans to ‘give America a raise’
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) President Barack Obama plans to use his executive powers to raise the minimum wage for employees of Federal contractors and he wants corporate executives and local and state officials to do the same.
“Give America a raise!” he said in his State of the Union address Tuesday night:
In the coming weeks, I will issue an Executive Order requiring federal contractors to pay their federally-funded employees a fair wage of at least $10.10 an hour – because if you cook our troops’ meals or wash their dishes, you shouldn’t have to live in poverty.
Additional Obama initiatives are aimed at the Latino community. Sources close to the President have told PNS to expect the Administration to implement these additional programs in the coming weeks:
Mas…Breaking: Here’s how Obama plans to ‘give America a raise’
Expect these Pocho Ocho ‘surprises’ in the State of the Union
White House insiders indicate the President’s State of the Union address tonight will have a few surprises for the Congressional and TV audiences.
Here are the top eight:
8. The NSA will intercept Republicans’ text messages to each other and display them on the JumboTron in real time
7. President Obama will be sporting snazzy new Uncle Sugar costume
6. Mass wedding performed according to Sharia Law
Mas…Expect these Pocho Ocho ‘surprises’ in the State of the Union
Photo shows illegal alien @ El Matate Tortilleria, Roswell, NM *UPDATED
A sexy green-skinned alien chica was photographed Wednesday with her hands in the masa at Tortilleria El Matate in America’s most popular UFO destination, Roswell, New Mexico. [Photo by and © Russ Contreras.]
*UPDATE JAN. 17 9:10PM:
Mas…Photo shows illegal alien @ El Matate Tortilleria, Roswell, NM *UPDATED
Survey says? Pocho Ocho top Chipster New Year’s Resolutions
To be a Chipster (Chicano + Hipster) is not a destination, but a journey, and seekers must never rest. These are the Pocho Ocho Chipster New Year’s Resolutions our readers shared with us:
8. Despite the Indio heritage that gives me a sparse Fu Manchu facial hair configuration, I resolve to grow a Chente-strength bigote in 2014.
7. Nopalitos every day keeps the doctor away.
6. Repeat after me: Tenochtitlan, not panocha flan.
Mas…Survey says? Pocho Ocho top Chipster New Year’s Resolutions
New tablet, mobile apps and wearable tech products star at CES 2014
(PNS reporting from LAS VEGAS) Exciting new tablet/mobile apps and wearable tech were the stars at Friday’s Cholo Electronics Show (CES) here.
Generating the most buzz was the free Chologram™ app from Firme Junior Systems of Oakland. The Instagram wannabe showed off software with patented La Vida Loca Lifestyle image effects, including the one-click application of teardrop tattoos to a facial image. The premium version ($5.99) removes teardrop tattoos from a photo. The application runs on iOS and Android systems, smartphones and tablets. No pinches Windows phones.
Mas…New tablet, mobile apps and wearable tech products star at CES 2014
American Paletero Association calls Polar Vortex ‘a hoax’
(PNS reporting from LOS ANGELES) The “so-called Polar Vortex is a hoax” according to a statement just released here by the American Paletero Association (APA.)
“It’s always paleta weather,” the statement said. “Listen to APA: It’s never too cold for ICE.”
“Also,” APA warned, “don’t eat the yellow raspa.”
POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.
Mexicans: 7-Up is good for whatever TF that thing is you have (video)
Alonzo Alcaraz (no relation to POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz) is the spokesman in this new commercial for 7-Up.
PREVIOUSLY ON 7-UP:
Mas…Mexicans: 7-Up is good for whatever TF that thing is you have (video)
Eddie Murphy (Trading Places) Video: Merry New Year!
Eddie Murphy, always fly, wishes everyone a Merry New Year! Beef jerky?
Jesus Re-Branded: ‘Capitalism is the reason for the season’ (video)
Push the Sacred Heart of this Re-Branded Jesus Action Figure and he’ll tell you the New Gospel:
You can both serve God and money — go forth and profit. The love of money is at the root of … all successful entrepreneurs. If they’re hungry, sell them something to eat!
On sale now at a mall near you.
MEX A&E suspends ‘Guac Dynasty’ jefe after hate Tweet
(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) Felipe Roberto, star of the reality show Guac Dynasty, which follows the Roberto clan of rude and crude avocado wranglers through their struggle with weeds, bugs and family dysfunction, has been suspended by the Mexican Arte y Entretenimiento TV network (MEX A&E) after his hateful Tweet about Americans went viral, PNS has learned.
Roberto told his 3,827 Twitter followers that he was flying to Los Angeles for Christmas and he hoped he “didn’t get the gays” from the “Hollywood maricons.”
Pocho Ocho worst Christmas presents
The latest Hey Vato! video prompted a little soul searching by the Pochodores.
What are Pocho Ocho worst presents you could get or give this Christmas?
8. A used shank
7. Threefried beans
6. Governor Jan Brewja Doll
Hey Vato! What we really, really want for Christmas (video)
Vatos Chuy and Smiley made up a Christmas wish list, but they’re checking it twice!
PREVIOUSLY ON NIKE CORTEZ:
Mas…Hey Vato! What we really, really want for Christmas (video)
Advanced Mexican leaf blower powers new Pentagon/Google robot
(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) State-of-the-art leaf blower technology developed in Mexico’s Silicon Barrio is at the heart the Pentagon’s latest robot warrior, PNS has learned.
The PopoPotencia leaf blower engine powers the WildCat, a Boston Dynamics combat robot (video) built for the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA).
Mas…Advanced Mexican leaf blower powers new Pentagon/Google robot
Pocho Ocho signs you grew up in a Mexican family/household
Here is a listicle partially inspired by a mas longer listicle on BuzzFeed, because they are the listicle professionals, tu sabes.
¡Mira! The Pocho Ocho signs you grew up in a Mexican household/family:
8. Virgen de Guadalupe veladoras.
7. Your first introduction to dramatic acting was a telenovela.
6. You always wondered why gringos celebrated Cinco de Mayo more than your family.
5. You can recognize the Aztec princess Iztaccihuatl AND the warrior Popocateptl (photo) on sight.
Mas…Pocho Ocho signs you grew up in a Mexican family/household
Was Brazil’s Antônio Villas Boas the first UFO abductee? (video)
Antônio Villas Boas reported that the space aliens kidnapped him from a field he was plowing, brought him aboard their UFO/OVNI, stripped him naked and then a female ET raped him. In 1957, this made him a pioneer — way before the Betty and Barney Hill were abducted in New England in 1961. NPR reports:
According to Villas Boas, he was plowing fields with his tractor when he was taken against his will by a group of ETs measuring about 5 feet tall. On their spaceship he was put in a room where he saw some kind of gas come out of the walls, making him sick. Then a very attractive female, naked, with long platinum-blonde hair, fire-red pubic hair and deep-blue cat eyes, came to him and forced him to have intercourse….
Mas…Was Brazil’s Antônio Villas Boas the first UFO abductee? (video)
POCHO Estaff Reports: Mi casa? Real Thanksgiving turkeys!
POCHO’s Especial Correspondents spread out across America to celebrate Thanksgiving and sent in notes about their day. Some names were changed to avoid unpredictable results. Read their stories and share your own in the comments!
- Homeboy in East Los: My family’s so Mexican we carved the turkey with a switchblade ·IN MEMORY of SMILEY·
- Dateline, Austin: MEChA cousin Xochiloctl is in the living room refusing to eat turkey and playing Grand Theft Auto 5 instead.
- Nancy in Santana, the O.C.: That awkward moment when three-year-old Cousin Ricardo makes a big announcement that everybody better finish their plates because Mommy spent the whole day cooking the dog.
Mas…POCHO Estaff Reports: Mi casa? Real Thanksgiving turkeys!
Tia Lencha’s Cocina: How I make turkey in Mole Poblano for mijo
Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Sorry I no give ju recetas (recipes for ju pochos) for a gwhile. I was closed like the gobernment. Mijo’s daddy no send the cheques for the mijo support. I mad.
Then he go to my house crying because the eskelton eskank he marry left him for another viejo (old man for ju pochos). The viejo had more dinero and drive a troka (thas truck for ju pochos) with plastic bolitas hanging from the bumper. Oh gwell.
In Mexico we say mijo’s daddy got put horns. Mijo’s daddy cry and cry but he no give me my mijo support cheque. I tell him my house is no LenchaCare. He need to pay. He say need money for divorce the eskank. I have to go to the offices to get him to pay.
Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: How I make turkey in Mole Poblano for mijo
The Latin Grammys: America’s biggest anti-Mexican sham
Over a decade ago, I wrote an op-ed piece for what was called Pacific News Service but is now New American Media bemoaning how pathetic the Latin Grammys were due to their lack of Mexican music. “The definers of Latin culture,” I wrote then, “have decided that the most popular Latin music genre in the United States isn’t worthy of promotion because it might lead people to believe that Latinos are poor and culturally backward, not slick and ‘with it.'”