(PNS reporting from ALTA CALIFORNIA) The original militant self-deportationist Daniel D. Portado is back and proud as punch that his ex-boss Pete Wilson has endorsed GOP wannabe Mitt Rammane. Romney has already advocated self-deportation, as Portado told Rachel Maddow, and that means Romney endorses Portado! “Attention mojados,” he warns in this video. “It’s time to self-deport!”
COMIC SAENZ
Music Video: Shake it don’t break it! Matorralman’s ‘GoGo Girl’ (NSFW?)
Vintage footage of strip clubs and exotic GoGo dancers heats up this 2009 release from Mexican retro-rockers Matorralman. Beauties, cuties and nudies! ¡Que rocko!
(Semi-nude breasts with pasties and/or kinky tassels. No nipples. May be NSFW or unavailable in your area; ask your doctor before beginning any GoGo dancing regimen.)
Al Madrigal tells Jon Stewart all about the ‘Latino Vote’
POCHO Migrant Editor and Daily Show Senior Latino Correspondent Al Madrigal explains the nuances of the Latino electorate to host Jon Stewart.
The secret? Arroz by any other name …
Look y LOL: Lin-sanity caption chingazos for white athletes
ESPN editor Anthony Federico penned a controversial Lin-spired headline (screencapture, right) that used the word “chink,” as in “Chink In The Armor” and got fired for writing a dopey racist headline and/or for being lazy and publishing the first crappy thing that popped into his mind.
POCHO contributor Edward Rueda has created this series of Caption Chingazos featuring an array of Caucasian athletes, with the modest proposal:
What if white athletes had to deal with Lin-sensitive media headlines?
Mas…Look y LOL: Lin-sanity caption chingazos for white athletes
Dear Gorton’s: Thanks for the apology but …
Dear Gorton’s Seafood and Rinck Advertising:
I am thrilled to the gills that you took the time to respond. I am a fan of your products, and hope that they reach many more households than mine.
However, your response reveals exactly why you floundered in the first place. You mention that you “used a Spanish translation service,” and that “Spanish-speaking staff members were involved throughout the project.”
You didn’t say that you translated it yourself in-house, or that Spanish-speaking and/or Latino executives (emphasis on executives) oversaw the project.
Instead, it seems like someone internally had the idea to reach out to Latina moms but fish-farmed out the work because you didn’t have the capabilities or experience to do it on your own.
Video: The ‘Sheriff Babeu for @MexicanMitt’ TV spot
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) It’s the commercial the Mexican Mitt Romney campaign didn’t want you to see — an explosive TV endorsement by anti-immigrant Sheriff Paul Babeu calling for the erection of a GAYDAR border fence.
The six-figure TV buy on local stations was cancelled over the weekend after Babeu faced hard questions about how exactly he meant to “get to the bottom” of the Mexican immigrant situation.
Ñewsweek: Lalo the valet, the gay GOP sheriff, fishsticks and boobs
There’s a fine line between truth and satire, a twisty maze of passageways, all alike. POCHO was doing that line dance all week with these stories:
- POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz finished speaking at a DigitalLA Latino panel in Beverly Hills and was racially profiled as a parking valet when he, Lalo, went outside to get his own car from the valet. Hilarity ensued.
- Mitt Romney’s anti-immigrant Arizona campaign co-chair Paul Babeau quit the political organization amid charges he threatened his Mexican immigrant lover with deportation. Twitter celebrity @MexicanMitt shared his Opinión.
Mas…Ñewsweek: Lalo the valet, the gay GOP sheriff, fishsticks and boobs
Sabado Pochonte Video: Welcome to 2040 on ‘The Other Side’
Exterior, day: Destitute desert town in the year 2040. Audio: Spanish newsradio tells the story — unemployment is 86%, gangs are everywhere and food and water are getting scarce.
There’s only one thing a father can do — smuggle his family across the border to the prosperous country on The Other Side.
Mayan Doomsday experts can’t agree on how long is left
(PNS reporting from the YUCATAN) The emergency Leap Year meeting of the Eschatological Chronology Society ended in disarray here Thursday as doomsday gurus couldn’t agree on whether the Mayan Apocalypse should be calculated in Colored People’s Time, Chicano Time or Jewish Standard Time.
Scientists at the conference were hoping to resolve the question before Leap Day on Feb. 29 and go home with a solid fix on how many days are left before the Lunar-Based Aliens from Mars that NASA is hiding do their Lunatic thing and immanentize the eschaton.
Now the tick-tock boffins will have to reconvene and deduce the time warp again.
Pocho Ocho reasons I hate ‘Hispanic’ magazines
8. They are published by carpetbaggers, coconuts, and Tio Tacos.
7. They pander to corporate interests, while pimping community issues.
6. They are written for the sole reason of selling institutional ads.
5. Print is dead. The only people who don’t know that are the people who fund magazines.
New from Gorton’s: Deliciosos Tits and Fishsticks! (updated)
So, what if I could find tits and fish sticks all in one place? A one-stop shop for all my breast and seafood needs?
This is what’s on my mind today after Gorton’s fun website snafu. They launched a web page for Spanish-speaking Latina moms this week, and left one teeny tiny accent off a fairly important word. They turned mothers and seafood into, well, something a whole lot raunchier than what they probably intended.
Mas…New from Gorton’s: Deliciosos Tits and Fishsticks! (updated)
Obama aide’s ‘Chimichanga’ Tweet – racist or not?
In what’s been termed “the tweet heard ’round the world,” Pres. Barack Obama’s campaign manager Jim Messina tweeted today that a line from a Washington Post editorial— “The chimichanga? It may be the only thing Republicans have left to offer Latinos” — was the “line of the day.”
Consequently, and in short order, Republicans began attacking Messina (not Latino) and lefties in general for being racist, insensitive, not offering Latinos much in the way of policies anyway, and much more. Repercussions of the tweet, however, reach much further than the Twitterverse.
Around Our Town: Ñews from your neighbors
WEDDING: Mr. and Mrs. Julio Santiago of Pocho Estates are pleased to announce the marriage of their daughter Suzanne to Samson Lei of Monterey Park, son of Mrs. Chin Louie of San Francisco and Mr. Stagger Lei of New Orleans. After a honeymoon in Hawaii, the couple will be moving far away from both sets of parents to live their own damn lives free of drama, race-baiting, and a legacy of never-ending bullshit from control freaks.
60-Second Video: ‘Why I only date white chicks’ (NSFW)
Comedian Mike Robles only dates white chicas — and here’s why! (NSFW language.) OK, then, but what’s the deal with his shirt? 2006.
@DanielDPortado: Up close and personal (video)
Conservative Republican Hispanic activist Daniel D. Portado, the original self-deportationist, explains the origin of the self-deportation movement in his own words. Portado’s rallying cry is now backed by GOP wannabe Mitt Romney. Portado is on Twitter, too.
Video by Giovanni Solis and Eduardo M Zamora.
Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day salsa
I’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha. Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day.
M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his daddy are divorce because his daddy like to stick his weene ebrywhere.
M’ijo usually checks my espelling but oh gwell. Since I have a little gwhile, I give you the recipe for Aphrodisiac Salsa.
Ñewsweek: Chente, Los Grammys and @MexicanMitt
Vicente Fernandez, Los Grammys and the continuing adventures of presidential hopeful @MexicanMitt were the big stories this week on POCHO:
- The Grammys were faced with a boycott led by Latino artists calling themselves Los 60%.
- Mexican singing superstar Vicente Fernandez announced both his upcoming retirement and plans to open a Las Vegas casino called Guadalajara, Guadalajara.
- GOP wannabe @MexicanMitt released his first TV commercial and claimed the title of The Most Mexican Man in the World.
- An angry Arizona legislator called for a Caucasian Appreciation Day to highlight the achievements of the patriotic white citizens that are routinely ignored in America’s foremost Hate State.
- A Mississippi legislator offered a bill to rename the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America. Unlike the Arizona hater, he was joking.
- New contributor Tia Lencha offered a nopalitos recipe for gringos y pochos.
- A helpful video offered advice on How to Be A Cholo and Supreme Court Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor showed up on Sesame Street for a cafecito.
- POCHO Jefe-in-Chief shared a cartoon tribute to Whitney Houston.
Sabado Pochonte Video: Puro Party – Celebrating A Genocide
You’ll laugh, you’ll cry and you’ll yell at this video. Just don’t shoot the screen, like Elvis. Puro Party — Celebrating A Genocide: Every year, San Antonio, TX, stages Fiesta, a 10-day celebration to honor Texas’ defeat of Mexico in the battle of San Jacinto — the Alamo, remember? This 1992 video takes Fiesta as a metaphor for the colonization of this predominantly Chicano city as an opportunity to explore Aztlan/Chicano identities. This public-domain video has been uploaded to YouTube by POCHO to make it viewable for the first time on iOS devices like iPads and iPhones.
‘My Latina grandmother’ — from Elise Roedenbeck (NSFW)
Peruvian-born Elise Roedenbeck is a professional geek by day and a stand-up comedian at night. The slut thing didn’t work out for her.
Music: Ozomatli ‘City of Angels’ (video)
Eclectic homies Ozomatli love Los Angeles. Two bandmembers say this about their hometown:
@MexicanMitt TV ad: ‘The Most Mexican Man In The World’
(PNS reporting from an undisclosed Goat Ranch in Chihuahua) Mexican Mitt Romney’s headquarters here today released their first television commercial, a tribute to the “most Mexican man in the world.” This ad shows why @MexicanMitt is the leader of the Juan Percent. He doesn’t always make TV commercials, but when he does, they’re pinche funny. Stay wealthy, my friends.
Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Nopales for gringos y pochos
Gwell, I am writing this blogue porque my son said that we went on the google because he was doing a reporte for school.
Y you know what happened when he typed “Mexican Chef”? He said a white guy from Oklahoma popped up first, like he was the most important chef in Mexico or something. So, he tole me I can make better tamales than this gringo with a white mustache and I tole him, yeah, I can.
My pobre son is a little pocho, so him and other pochitos out there have to learn how to make the real food from our homeland. None of that nouveau Latin cuisine shit. My comadre tole me I’m too Mexican for the Food Network. I tole her I don’t want to be on camera anygway cuz I hate my arms.
My blogue is not gonna be call “Spicy It Up” or “Super Delicioso” or nothing like that. There is no going to be no salsa music (whish is Cuban by the gway) playing in the background. Is just me, Tia Lencha, in my cocina with my apron and my son typing on his computer.
Write the best church sign message and win something cool! *
We had lots of fun last night with the “church sign generator” at Says-it.com and came up with this little image which we thought would make for a good contest.
In the comments below, write your suggested language for the sign.
Funniest entry wins.
Contest ends at midnight and we’ll send the winner something cool!
And the winner is Nora Guadalajara! Click on [Mas…] or scroll down to see her winning entry.
Mas…Write the best church sign message and win something cool! *
Justice Sotomayor: Tea, justice and Spanglish on Sesame Street
New Sesame Street video features Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor serving up Spanglish, tea, and justice in the case of Goldilocks v. Bear. Actually, it’s cafecito, but ‘tea’ makes the headline fit.
New GOP plan: Blame Obama for ‘over-working’ America
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) GOP strategists — concerned the declining jobless rate hurts their chances of winning the White House — are now attacking the Obama Administration for causing rampant over-employment.
“Obama’s policies are creating more and more jobs. Haven’t Americans suffered enough these last three years? Jobs are the last things they want,” Republican pollster Charlie “Chuck” Charles told a morning meeting of the Contradict Reality and Progress Political Action Committee (CRaP PAC.)
Pochismo 101 Edu-Video: ‘How to be a cholo’ (NSFW)
Would you like to swing on a star? Carry moonbeams home in a jar? And be better off than you are? Or would you rather be a cholo? Watch this video to find out how! NSFW (language.)
Franklin says ‘swarthy’ immigrants hurt our rep on Mars
(PNS reporting from PHILADELPHIA) Local publisher Benjamin “Sparky” Franklin (Poor Richard’s Almanac) is shocked by all the non-English-speaking dark-skinned foreigners in the City of Brotherly Love and worries about how our planet appears to residents of Venus and Mars.
The “swarthy” German newcomers are too stupid to learn English, the Society Hill resident charged in a recent newsletter:
Ñewsy Week: Daniel D Portado returns, AL ♥ CA y much more
A busy ñewsweek brought the return to glory of the original self-deportationist, Daniel D. Portado, who, it turns out, is a fictional character created by POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz; an Alabama plan to import Canadians to replace the immigrant labor that used to keep the state running; and militant MEChA murmurings about the Lack of Visible Latinos in the hit BBC/PBS series Downton Abbey.
Other top stories included First Lady Michelle Obama’s partnership with Caribbean food conglomerate Goya and the astounding “installation art” of Ramiro Gomez, Jr. Here’s our big list:
Mas…Ñewsy Week: Daniel D Portado returns, AL ♥ CA y much more
Sabado Pochonte Video: ‘Leo Limon – Portrait of an Artist’
Leo Limon: Portrait of an Artist celebrates one of the most popular and visible artists in the Chicano art movement. We see the L. A. artist’s life in the context of the broader history of cultural centers like Self-Help Graphics & Art and Limon’s proactive and collaborative approaches to alleviate gang violence and other social problems.
The video also explores his work in the preservation and restoration of the Los Angeles River as an ecological and recreational zone for the Los Angeles community.
Chevy wants you to get a Silverado for Mayan Doomsday 2012
You’ll be in big trouble when Mayan Apocalapyse Doomsday 2012 comes if you’re driving a crappy truck from Ford! That’s the message from Chevrolet in a commercial set to air during Sunday’s Super Bowl telecast. On the other hand, you can live long and prosper with a stylish, strong and Doomsday-defying Silverado pickup, says the ad from this Uncle Sam GM bailout success story that Mitt Romney wouldn’t have supported.
Attention Chevy: Ping us for great ground-floor advertising opportunities! The folks at RentALatino got a great deal and you can too!
And check out our handy Doomsday Countdown clock over here —————>
Remembering Ritchie Valens, superstar pocho pride of Pacoima
Today marks the sad anniversary of “the day the music died,” the 1959 airplane crash that took the lives of rock stars Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens.
Valens, from the L.A. suburb of Pacoima, was born Richard Steven Valenzuela and some consider him the father of Chicano rock. Pocho Valens didn’t espeak Espanish, so he sang the lyrics to La Bamba from a phonetic cheat sheet.
Click for music videos of Chantilly Lace from the Bopper, Peggy Sue by Holly and the actual Valens La Bamba recording sessions, plus a Don McLean performance of The Day the Music Died.
Mas…Remembering Ritchie Valens, superstar pocho pride of Pacoima