Cultura

It’s Not News to Us

S. J. Rivera: My Guantanamo Bay self-deportation book tour

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Self-interview AND self-photograph!

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Ace Pocho Ñews Service contributor, author and hardcore poet (Demon in the Mirror and Amerikkkan Stories) S. J. Rivera sat down to talk to himself about his Self-Deportation Book Tour and what it’s like to have a book signing at Guantanamo Bay.

PNS: Your new book is AmeriKKKan Stories (Hardcore Poetry) – is it a Klan book or…?

S. J. Rivera: Yes and no. Actually there’s a very true story in there about the time I ran a guy over with my car. His name was Donny and I hit him on purpose because he may or may not have been in the klan(Hi, Donny!)  There’s stuff in there about redneck zen, badmouthing the government, pochismo, fat Elvis, EMS horror stories, McDonald’s Nazis – you name it, it’s in there.

Mas…S. J. Rivera: My Guantanamo Bay self-deportation book tour

Amerikkkan Stories hardcore poetry excerpt: ‘Soy Ilegal’

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Since the beginning we, la raza odiada
the hated race
have been caught in the middle
just as we are now
between the fall of Tenochtitlan
and the migrant farms that feed a nation
in this modern day version of divide and conquer
1492
1942
2010
what’s the fucking difference?
we are all just a bunch of savages
pachucos y wetbacks
soy ilegal

Mas…Amerikkkan Stories hardcore poetry excerpt: ‘Soy Ilegal’

Write the best church sign message and win something cool! *

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We had lots of fun last night with the “church sign generator” at Says-it.com and came up with this little image which we thought would make for a good contest.

In the comments below, write your suggested language for the sign.

Funniest entry wins.

Contest ends at midnight and we’ll send the winner something cool!

And the winner is Nora Guadalajara! Click on [Mas…] or scroll down to see her winning entry.

Mas…Write the best church sign message and win something cool! *

Pocho Ocho 90s things I wish were back that aren’t Pete Wilson

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Pete Wilson (official portrait)

It looks like the 1990s are back now that former Gov. Pete Wilson (R-CA) is in the political spotlight as the new chairman of Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign.

I liked the 90s, but why doesn’t good stuff come back? You know, stuff like crushed velvet and bell sleeves, Beverly Hills 90210 fashion and NAFTA. Here are the top eight things they should bring back!

8. The promise of flying cars, where are the flying cars?!

7. TV shows filled with healthy white kids with nice teeth, a la, 90210 and  Saved by the Bell.

6. Headbands, butterfly patterns, crushed velvet and choker (necklaces) — fashion!

Mas…Pocho Ocho 90s things I wish were back that aren’t Pete Wilson

DYAC! Smartphone Spanglish spellcheck fails

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Amor gone amok

I’m a pocha, loud and proud, and I communicate in Spanglish.

Everywhere. In letters, in conversation, in emails, in cards and, most recently, in text messages. But, my BlackBerry hates my Spanglish and is constantly trying to correct it. In fact, it often changes my Spanish words to random English words when I try to send my messages, rendering them practically intelligible. Damn you, auto correct!

A few choice examples: “gracias” into “grass,” “mañana” into “banana,” “mucho” into “macho,” “chingado” into “changed,” “oyes” into “ones” and “amor” into “amok.”

–Sara Inés

Mas…DYAC! Smartphone Spanglish spellcheck fails

FLOTUS on healthy food for Chicano kids: Eat like Puerto Ricans

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First Lady at Goya photo-op (screen capture abcactionnews.com)

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Joining First Lady Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! initiative, Goya Foods, the largest Hispanic-owned U.S. food company, will help promote MiPlato, the USDA program designed to encourage children to make healthier eating choices.

“Today’s announcement is about eliminating diabetes in the Mexican-American community by helping them make better choices, and, with the help of Goya, forcing them to eat like Cubans and Puerto Ricans,” Obama said Friday.

“Everything that Goya is doing,” she said, “centers around a simple idea: this country’s Mexican children need to be told what to eat by a corporate conglomerate that mass-produces Caribbean food.”

Obama joined Goya president Bob Unanue and leading Latino organizations at a Tampa supermarket to promote healthy eating nationwide with a special focus on the incorrectly-nourished Mexican-American community.

Mas…FLOTUS on healthy food for Chicano kids: Eat like Puerto Ricans

Sabado Pochonte Video: ‘Leo Limon – Portrait of an Artist’

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Leo Limon: Portrait of an Artist celebrates one of the most popular and visible artists in the Chicano art movement. We see the L. A. artist’s life in the context of the broader history of cultural centers like Self-Help Graphics & Art and Limon’s proactive and collaborative approaches to alleviate gang violence and other social problems.

The video also explores his work in the preservation and restoration of the Los Angeles River as an ecological and recreational zone for the Los Angeles community.

Documentary video by USCB courtesy the Internet Archive.

Remembering Ritchie Valens, superstar pocho pride of Pacoima

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Not a sailor

Today marks the sad anniversary of “the day the music died,” the 1959 airplane crash that took the lives of rock stars Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens.

Valens, from the L.A. suburb of Pacoima, was born Richard Steven Valenzuela and some consider him the father of Chicano rock. Pocho Valens didn’t espeak Espanish, so he sang the lyrics to La Bamba from a phonetic cheat sheet.

Click for music videos of Chantilly Lace from the Bopper, Peggy Sue by Holly and the actual Valens La Bamba recording sessions, plus a Don McLean performance of The Day the Music Died.

Mas…Remembering Ritchie Valens, superstar pocho pride of Pacoima

The astounding ‘installation art’ of Ramiro Gomez, Jr.

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Artist Ramiro Gomez, Jr. makes the invisible visible as he inserts paper images of hardworking Latinos into the landscape of Los Angeles — a gardener with a leaf blower, a housekeeper with a mop. There are many more images on his Happy Hills blog where he describes himself this way:

I live and work as a male nanny in West Hollywood, Beverly Hills and the Laurel Canyon area of the Hollywood Hills. Happy Hills is my body of work documenting the predominantly hispanic workforce, who work tirelessly behind the scenes to present the beautiful images of the ideal Hollywood Hills homes.

Mas…The astounding ‘installation art’ of Ramiro Gomez, Jr.

‘Demolición’: Pioneer surf punk from Los Saicos (Peru, 1965)

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Wikipedia: Los Saicos were a Peruvian garage rock band that has come to be considered one of the most original and influential Latin American bands of the 1960s. The Psychos released six singles (but no album) between 1965 and 1966, all songs being originals by band members Erwin Flores and Rolando Carpio. This single, Demolición, was one of their biggest hits. Tat-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta ya-ya-ya-ya!

Latino nerds = other nerds, but different

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Latino nerds are into both American and Latino popular culture. Latinos are part of United States of America.  This standard is not based upon documented status or the ability to speak English.  It not based upon the ability to bleach one’s hair a lighter shade of blonde.  No, Latinos are part of the nation because we have produced something more profound — Latino nerds.

Mas…Latino nerds = other nerds, but different

Politics of chonies: What I learned when I sent my laundry out

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lavanderiaI might be renting out a room this summer to a friend. She made a phone appointment with me and asked a list of questions about living in my place in Brooklyn. How far is it from Manhattan? What trains do you take? Do you have Internet? Can I use the kitchen? Then she asked about laundry.

“I heard you take your laundry on the bus!” she said like it was some sort of urban myth. I took one of those prolonged intakes of breath.

Laundry is complicated.

Mas…Politics of chonies: What I learned when I sent my laundry out

Sabado Pochonte: DTLA, Olvera St., 1937 (Vericolor, Cliché-o-Vision)

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A Street of Memory (1937): You’ll meet “soft-speaking olive-skinned guides, languid in business” the narrator intones as he guides tourists in a walk through Los Angeles’ quasi-historic Olvera Street.
Brain-exploding old school stereotypes spice up this documentary by William M. Pizor – a “Vericolor production offering touristic views of  Olvera Street and the old Mexican quarter in Los Angeles, California” according to the Internet Archive.

Do you see anyone you know? Recognize any landmarks?

Girls – no matter how you dress, guys will scope you out

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Stop staring at my ears!

Have you ever noticed, ladies, that no matter how you dress or how you act, men are going to check you out?

Bosses, co-workers, friends, stranger, acquaintances or just plain cochinos, they are going to scope you out as much or as little as your clothing allows? Ugh.

I grew up in the Catholic/Mexican tradition that kind of espoused the idea that, if you’re an object of sexual desire, it’s shameful and it’s your fault and you should feel guilty because you’re sinful. So, guess what started happening when I began to “develop” into a woman?

Mas…Girls – no matter how you dress, guys will scope you out

Sabado Pochonte Video: Fred MacMurray, Claire Trevor, Raymond Burr and Nacho Galindo star in ‘Borderline’ (1950)

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This 1950 crime melodrama with humorous undertones involves the investigation of dope smugglers on the Mexican border. Americans Fred MacMurray and Claire Trevor enter the scene and find themselves embroiled in the illicit activities. Both are government agents, but each one thinks the other is a crook. The real bad guy is Raymond Burr, head of the smuggling ring. At one point, MacMurray and Trevor must pretend to be husband and wife, which weakens their mutual mistrust. Eventually, MacMurray and Trevor sort out the heroes from the villains, and the dope ring is scuttled…at least for the time being.  (from the YouTube page.)

Nacho Galindo? There’s a Google for that!

Pocho Ocho words we should banish in 2012

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8. Anchor baby (noun) – Wait- this is an anti-Latino slur? FAIL. Seriously, this just makes us picture an infant so cute and fat we could use it for a boat anchor. Just chuck it in – kerPLOP! – you can drift and chug Coronas all afternoon. Do better, wingnuts.

7.  Arpaio (proper noun) – Actually, we’d just like to banish this one from the government payroll, strip it down to its pink underwear and let it play where’s-the-soap for 99 to life.

Mas…Pocho Ocho words we should banish in 2012

Meet ‘Pocho’ the novel, its author, and their times

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The interview is three decades old but still amazing. Listen to the man that started “pochismo!”

As the University of Texas presents the Mexican American Experience writes:

Jose Antonio Villarreal discusses his 1959 novel, Pocho, and the ways in which his own life and politics influenced his writing. Villarreal first discusses his experiences growing up in the pre-World War II era in California. He traces some of the similarities between his own life and that of his character, Richard Rubio, but he stresses that his novel is not a biography. Villarreal says he wrote Pocho because he wanted to introduce the rest of the U.S. to a group of Americans they knew nothing about.

Click to listen

WAR ‘(All My Friends Know the) Low Rider’ plus ‘Cisco Kid’

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TGIF Music Video Double Play: Groove on out the office with WAR’s Low Rider and Cisco Kid. How a band made up of six African-Americans and a Jew from Denmark turned into one of Latinos’ favorite groups is a long story, but the songs WAR wrote at 7417 Sunset Blvd. were definitely happenin’ in the hood. All but one of WAR’s surviving original members now perform as the Lowrider Band.

Mas…WAR ‘(All My Friends Know the) Low Rider’ plus ‘Cisco Kid’

Am I a racist because I want to date Latino guys?

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During my seemingly eternal quest for love, I’ve been accused  more than once of being “racist” for mostly dating Latinos.

Part of this is totally my fault and the result of my whining and chiflazón. There’s  a misunderstanding about what motivates me and other people like me, who are interested primarily in dating other Latinos.

First and foremost, let me say that I have dated mostly pochos like me, but I’ve also dated Cubans, white men, and Asian men, finally coming to the conclusion that all men on this planet are idiots when they are in their 20s. Some of my complaints, which other Latinas share,  include:  They want to get married too soon, or they’re divorced with kids young, they’re too short, as you become more educated there are less Latinos around you, they’re scared of educated/professional women. The list goes on.

Mas…Am I a racist because I want to date Latino guys?

Dear undocumented immigrants: You suck at freeloading

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Damn you immigrants and your lecherous burritos!

I  hate undocumented immigrants. I spent most of the holidays on my roof, throwing used cell phones and rusty nine-volt batteries at my undocumented family members as they arrived for festive gatherings. (Tía Lupe should be out of the hospital any day now, and you better believe that ICE will be waiting to cart her away from her children.)

My hatred for the undocumented is normally on a controlled boil. However, after viewing the Racist White Ladies video, my hatred steamed up.

These classy and thoughtful young ladies made me realize that there is much more to hate about undocumented immigrants, especially the fact that they’re always walking around carrying burritos lecherously. Zing! You really nailed them on that one ladies.

How stupid are undocumented immigrants? Well, they can’t even freeload properly!

Mas…Dear undocumented immigrants: You suck at freeloading

Commie Mayan Queen of Hearts: The caption contest!*

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The back story is that when Soviet linguist Yuri Knorozov deciphered the classic Mayan glyphs in 1952, a mini Mayan craze swept Red artistic circles. Propaganda subtext? Your code is not safe, comrade. A deck of playing cards was the result. Meet the Queen of Hearts, a lovely Д is for “dama” (dame or Дама) indeed. And her little chihuahua.

Write the funniest caption, win the funniest prize!

Mas…Commie Mayan Queen of Hearts: The caption contest!*

Home from my Mexican holiday, I feel like ‘a bad Mexican’

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Not my abuelita

I spent my two-week New Year’s vacation with family in Mexico. When I got back to L.A. I felt like I had crossed a finish line and, thankfully, made it back safe and sound.

My trip was not really over, though. Everyone at work and in my life was curious. “How was it?” people asked, waiting for me to tell them about my “homeland.”

Which version did they want, the sugar-coated one or the uncensored version? Normally, I would say “It was good. I got to spend quality time with my family and relatives and ate a lot of delicious cheap food!” But that hardly touches the surface.

I know that I am supposed to feel a deep connection, a feeling of being with my people, a sense of being “at home.” But when I am there, I count the days until I come back to the States. I feel like a bad Mexican.

Mas…Home from my Mexican holiday, I feel like ‘a bad Mexican’

Mexican Mitt Romney is live on Twitter: I am in it to guin it!

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(PNS reporting from CYBER ESPACE) Like virtual huitlacoche  growing on a diseased ear of GOP political corn, an avatar of candidate Mitt Romney emerged on Twitter Wednesday, a digital fungus thriving on the stinking mess of Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary.

Using the handle @MexicanMitt,  the campaign’s online Hispanic personality exalts Romney as a canny opportunist, occasionally-job-killing corporate turnaround guru and proud-to-be-loaded capitalist examplar. MexicanMitt now has 1,100 followers.

Pocho Ñews Service  interviewed @MexicanMitt via email:  

PNS: You seem to love enforcing immigration policies. How many of your own Mexican family members have you deported?

MexicanMitt: I keep deporting them back after they finish working for me selling oranges. So I don’t think of it as deporting them, more like firing them

Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney is live on Twitter: I am in it to guin it!

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