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Texas Senator Ted Cruz’ Pocho Ocho top legislative proposals

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tedcruzdonkeyhoteySenator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has reintroduced legislation to take away federal benefits from same-sex married couples. But this troglodyte’s penedjitis is too advanced to stop at one stupid and hateful idea.

That’s right, there’s more — Ted Cruz’s Pocho Ocho Top Legislative Priorities for 2015:

8. Federal guidelines on subsidized school lunches for poor children shall encourage incorporation of nutritious roadkill meat, especially racoon. Now yer ‘coon is a touch on the greasy side, not sweet like ‘possum, but if you cook ’em up right, mmmmmmm, racoon!

7. Women banned from buying condoms because it curtails a Man’s Right to Reproduce.

6. Solar energy outlawed because it sucks the light right out of the Sun.

Mas…Texas Senator Ted Cruz’ Pocho Ocho top legislative proposals

Pocho Ocho top rules Republicans think you should be able to ignore

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SENATORSCiting the burden of compliance with “big government,” Senator Thom Tills (R-North Carolina) (photo) would let restaurants “opt out” of regulations requiring employees to wash their hands before returning to work.

This isn’t the only rule Tills would eliminate, and he isn’t the only Republican with this opinion. These are the Pocho Ocho top rules the GOP thinks we should ignore:

8. I before E, except after C

7. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself

6. Mind the gap

Mas…Pocho Ocho top rules Republicans think you should be able to ignore

WTF is it? A horse-shaped UFO/OVNI hovers over Colima volcano (video)

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Either a giant horse or a UFO/OVNI shaped like a giant horse appeared suddenly over Mexico’s Colima volcano last week.

“WTF is going on?” asked Britain’s Daily Mail:

  • Collecting samples for your home planet?
  • Dark UFO resembling a flying horse is caught on film hovering by erupting Mexican volcano
  • Object was spotted close to volcano Colima located in western Mexico
  • Appeared to have two legs and came into view out of nowhere
  • Witness said it looked like a ‘horse’ with a ‘very large body’
  • Authorities said it is most likely a drone – they are currently investigating

PREVIOUSLY ON COLIMA VOLCANO:

Mas…WTF is it? A horse-shaped UFO/OVNI hovers over Colima volcano (video)

Pocho Ocho top things people blame on El Chupacabra (videos)

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Johnny Depp couldn’t just cop to being a day late to the Japanese press conference. No, this wannabe Tonto had to blame his tardy-ass rudeness on an attack by a cruel and vicious Mexican — El Chupacabra (video, above). And the interpreter and the reporters are all like jajaja WTF but in Japanese. Johnny Depp ≠ Bill Murray in Japan, apparently.

But El Deppo wasn’t the first to blame his own bads on this famous Mexican monster. Here are the Pocho Ocho top things people blame on El Chupacabra:

8. The chupacabra ate my homework … AND MY DOG!

7. Sorry for the mess. A chupacabra went through my dirty clothes hamper and left all my chonies in piles on the floor.

6. But Your Honor! I was just estanding on the corner minding my own business when El Chupacabra ran by and handed me that iPhone 6!

Mas…Pocho Ocho top things people blame on El Chupacabra (videos)

Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s State of the Union gave us a sad

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barackonDespite the his many significant accomplishments and chingon new proposals, we were disappointed by what President Obama didn’t say at Tuesday night’s State of the Union address.

Here are the Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s SOTU gave us a sad:

8. Still no federal funding for Flying Trocas research.

7. Didn’t announce plan to make Ted Cruz first U.S. ambassador to Cuba.

6. No tax cuts for tamale entrepreneurs, thus no Pedro Herrera III in the audience to give a shout out to.

Mas…Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s State of the Union gave us a sad

Heavy Rain to Hit Houston, Texas, Thursday, January 22, 2015 (video)

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frankieHere’s Thursday’s weather forecast for Houston, Texas, via Nova Scotia, Canadia, provided by Internetz Weather Expert FRANKIE:

Heavy Rain is on its way for Houston Texas on Thursday January 22, 2015 and it will bring 30+ mm of rain and the Heaviest Rain will be in Southeastern Texas Including Houston and Galveston and the Center of the Low Pressure System is Heading into the Gulf of Mexico that will cause a lot of Rain in Houston Texas and the Surrounding Areas and it will be a lot of Rain in Southeastern Texas Including Houston and it will bring Windy Conditions and the Thursday will not be a good day to Head to the Beach in Galveston Texas and it will bring Windy Conditions in Houston Texas and the Surrounding Areas and People in Houston Texas Be Prepared have your Rubber Boots, Rain Coats and Rain Suits Ready and when you are walking Wear your Rain Gear, Rubber Boots and Rain Coats to keep you Dry and have your Umbrella Ready and Don’t Walk Through the Puddles and Avoid the Puddles when you are going for a walk and it will be Very Wet Conditions in Southeastern Texas Including Houston on Thursday January 22, 2015 and it will Not be a Good Day to Head down to the Beach to Go Swimming in Galveston Texas and Order your Pizzas and Chinese Food and Buy cases of Pepsi and Coke and have your iPads, iPods, Cell Phones, Laptops and Tablets Charged and have your 3G and 4G Internet Ready since it will be Very Wet and Rainy down in Houston Texas on Thursday and if you have anybody living in Houston Texas Be Prepared for the Heavy Rain on Thursday January 22, 2015 Take Care and Stay Safe and Don’t Get Caught in the Heavy Rain Stay Dry and Be Safe.

Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union

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obamabackWashington insiders all know tonight’s State of the Union address — like every one before — will bring a few surprises.

We asked around town, and our peeps say these are the top eight to watch for:

8. First use of the Booger-Cam™ captures candid live video of bored Republicans

7. Warmup act Oprah Winfrey to Congress: “You get a drone…and you get a drone. Everybody gets a drone!”

6. Obama cruises to the Capitol in a clean 1953 Packard limousine, a gift from the people of Cuba

Mas…Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union

America pauses for Ricky Martin Luther King Jr. Day 2015

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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) America will pause Monday to remember the life and message of Ricky Martin Luther King Jr., whose Tengo a Dream y Dance! speech changed the nation forever.

Post offices and other public facilities will be closed, banks and stock exchanges are taking the day off and salsa picante and sweet potato pie – his favorite snack combo – will go on sale all across America. Monday’s holiday honors RMLK’s 39th birthday.

Despite his tragic death in 2007 (he was shot and killed by the president of his fan club before an appearance in Dallas) King’s promotion of “love, equality, justice, innocence, malice, refuge, oppression, freedom” has continued to resonate for confused African-Americans, Latinos, Afro-Latinos, Chicanx and Anglx alike.

Mas…America pauses for Ricky Martin Luther King Jr. Day 2015

Pocho Ocho worst Twitter #JeSuisCharlie hashtag fails

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hashtagheatmapSome Twitter users are just unclear on the concept, especially when it comes to the appropriate use of the #JeSuisCharlie hashtag, the most popular ever (“heat map,” above). The viral slogan — coined after the massacre at Paris satire magazine Charlie Hebdo — affirms support of free expression.

French-deficient? “Je suis Charlie” means “I am Charlie.”

The Pochodores combed the Internets for these Pocho Ocho top Twitter #JeSuisCharlie hashtag fails:

8.
vadertweet

Mas…Pocho Ocho worst Twitter #JeSuisCharlie hashtag fails

Video Link: Topless women protest PAN land grab in Mexico City

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toplessprotestWe can’t publish this video because NSFW but we can link to it. Hundreds of members of the 400 Pueblos movement protested Monday in front of the National Action Party (PAN) headquarters in Mexico City, many of them topless. Semi-nude protests — by men and women — have been a tactic of the group for over a decade.

Documentary photographer Mark Manley explains:

Mas…Video Link: Topless women protest PAN land grab in Mexico City

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