It’s News to Us!
In Delano, the California Central Valley agricultural community where Cesar Chavez began the work that led to the formation of the United Farm Workers (UFW), immigrants and their children are now in charge.
Public Radio International Reports:
Mas…Immigrants now leaders in town where Chavez began [PRI audio]
The tricky choose-your-own race/ethnic questions in the 2010 United States Census didn’t work out as planned.
“As many as 6.2% of census respondents selected only “some other race” in the 2010 census (photo, top), the vast majority of whom were Hispanic,” the Pew Research Center reports.
The 2010 Census form asked two questions about race and ethnicity. First, people were asked whether they are of Hispanic, Latino or Spanish origin.
Then they were asked to choose one or more of 15 options that make up five race categories — white, black, American Indian/Alaska Native, Asian, or Native Hawaiian/Other Pacific Islander.
A separate question about Hispanic origin has been asked of all households since 1980, and the census form specifically instructs respondents that Hispanic origins are not races.
To address concerns about a rising share of “some other race” selections, a combined race and ethnicity question is under consideration for 2020 (photo, bottom), in which people would be offered all the race and Hispanic options in one place.
They could check a box to identify as white, black, Hispanic/Latino/Spanish origin, American Indian/Alaska Native, Asian, Native Hawaiian/Other Pacific Islander or some other race or origin.
Tea Partier Ted Cruz, the Canadian United States Senator (R-TX), hates avocados, the fruit of a tree native to Mexico and Central America, classified in the flowering plant family Lauraceae along with cinnamon, camphor and bay laurel.
We just learned from a blog post that this Canuckian “public servant” allegedly confessed his shameful prejudice in an interview last October, but sometime since then, the original evidence mysteriously disappeared.
(Crack Malaysian detectives are investigating the disappearance.)
Of course, this Grand Old Pendejo official has many other skeletors in his closet — the Pocho Ocho Other Things Sen. Ted Cruz Hates Besides Avocados:
8. LIFE cereal.
7. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
6. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Mas…Sen. Ted Cruz hates avocados (allegedly) and Pocho Ocho other things
POCHO’s Comic Saenz wasn’t 100% sure where the Crimean Peninsula was on a map until last week, when Russia grabbed it, and he had no clue about the Strait of Malacca, where that Malaysian Airlines flight may have disappeared.
He had to look this stuff up on the Internets (photo), and maybe you did too.
That’s when we realized our geographical memory banks — and yours — might need a little shot of phresh knowledge, like this list of the Pocho Ocho Weird Geographical Chingaderas You Probably Never Heard Of:
8. Lake Tiacaca. Nowhere near the Andes, this stinky mess was discovered in your Aunt Anna’s bathroom after that thing with the sewer pipes.
7. The Chicano Triangle. This tortilla-chip-shaped segment of Southern California goes from Oxnard to San Diego to Indio. Many (traditionally) black and (predominantly) white neighborhoods formerly located in this area have disappeared from demographers’ charts.
6. The Straights of Esai. These large ribbed rock formations just north of Malibu bring ALL the boys to the yard.
Mas…Pocho Ocho weird geographic chingaderas you probably never heard of
The Argentinean Air Force Douglas DC4, TC-48, took off from Howard AFB in Panama on Nov. 3, 1965 with 68 on board — nine crewmembers and 59 cadets from the 31st class of the Military Aviation School. It was supposed to be their last training flight before graduation.
The so-called “cadet flight” was never seen again.
Will a new search expedition have better luck?
Mas…Deja vu all over again: Where in the world is Argentina’s TC-48?
Armadillo Motors has begun production and sales of the very first hecho en Mexico electric vehicle, La Hybridus, a bicicleta electrica. And it looks from the company’s Facebook page that they’ve got some local police departments on the delivery list:
Cuban-Canadian-American Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) is the best man for the next President of the United States, you Yankee hosers. With Sarah Palin as VP.
PREVIOUSLY ON TED CRUZ:
Mas…One Canadian’s Opinion: Sen. Ted Cruz for President (video)
Unless the pollution in the lakes and swamps of Mexico City isn’t drastically reversed, scientists say, there will be no more of the cute little axolotl salamanders living in the wild.
PREVIOUSLY ON AXOLOTLS:
Mas…Scientists say wild axolotls may be doomed to extinction (video)
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer won’t run again, she announced Wednesday, but said her retirement as governor won’t put an end to her dreams.
“A mule is an animal with long funny ears,” she told an audience at a school in Glendale, AZ, “she kicks up at anything she hears. Her back is brawny and her brain is weak, she’s just plain stupid with a stubborn streak. So when I walk out of this school, I’ll still remain a stupid mule.”
There are Pocho Ocho items on her bucket list, Brewja said:
8. Realize her dream of starting a clothing optional retreat with Sheriff Joe Arpaio
7. Spend more time with her coven
6. Convince George Lucas to cast her as Evil Yoda in the next Star Wars movie
(PNS reporting from the EAST LOS ANGELES) Pocholandia security officials issued a terrorist alert this morning prompted by the mysterious disappearance of Malaysia Airlines MH370 over the Gulf of Thailand or the Strait of Malacca or wherever that shit happened, yo.
“I am alerting you terrorist pendejos. Stay the hell out of East Los!“ said spokesman Gustavo “Little Lalo” Madrigal of the Minivan Crips, a volunteer neighborhood watch group.
“The AMERICAN ME ORANGE ALERT is the second highest alert classification used by the Pocholandia Security Advisory System, bitches, so watchale!” he added.
Graphics by Victor Payan via Hollywood Sign Generator and Personal Threat Level.
PREVIOUSLY ON TERRORIST THEATRE:
If the Planet Earth continues to heat up, that’s bad news for avocados, the Chipotle Mexican Grill people warn. Bottom line? Your guac might be fuacked.
The fast food chain goes through 97,000 pounds of avocados every day, and they’re concerned.
From The Smithsonian Magazine:
Mas…Chipotle warns of climate-change-caused avocado shortage
(PNS reporting from LAKEWOOD, NJ) The story was confusing for the few Ultra-Orthodox Jews who get their world news from The Lakewood Shopper, a free “penny saver” community weekly newspaper published here.
The Shopper mistakenly included a photo of actor Luis Guzman in a story about Mexico’s arrest of drug cartel kingpin Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman.
Mas…El Chapo Chronicles: Too many Guzmans confuse New Jersey Jews’ news
Claude Griffen, from Gotcha Pest Control in Houston, knows ’em when he see ’em.
The mysterious chupacabra sightings plaguing this Texas city, he says, are encounters with weird cross breed pets inspired by television.
Reliable source Disinfo.com reports:
“It was very vicious, very long, longer than a human,” said Claude Griffen from Gotcha Pest control, who was brought into check out the photos. “It was a pretty big animal, very well fed.”
Houston animal control officials said they have heard of people trying to breed dogs that look like so-called direwolves from the TV show Game of Thrones.
Mas…‘Game of Thrones’ inspires exotic pet cross breed chupacabras
(PNS reporting from McALLEN, TX) Police departments throughout the Rio Grande Valley delivered pink slips en masse this week following news that Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán had been captured by Mexican authorities in the resort town of Mazatlan.
“It’s kind of a mixed bag for us,” Hidalgo County Sheriff Lupe Treviño said. “On the one hand, illegal drugs are now utterly and completely vanquished from our streets. On the other, (Hidalgo County) Commissioners Court has already cut our budget for next year by 90 percent.”
Treviño, who was reached while fishing in the Gulf of Mexico, responded to Guzmán’s capture like many of his counterparts at all levels of law enforcement nationwide: by quietly folding his office’s entire narcotics unit and slashing the rest of the criminal investigations division from a staff of hundreds down to five full-time deputies.
Mas…Breaking: Drugs disappear from Texas after El Chapo’s arrest
The Brazilian city of Sao Goncalo dos Campos, in the Metropolitan Region of Feira de Santana, set 9 PM curfew last month. Damn werewolves.
Even the government officials are taking it seriously. Apparently, for the last two weeks there’s been a curfew in the town; no one is to be outside after 9 PM. It started when a man identified only as “Pingo” described seeing a five-foot-tall black monster, which ran at him; Pingo turned and fled, escaping (he said) only by the narrowest of margins. At first, the other villagers made fun of him — until others had similar encounters. Locals are calling it a “werewolf….”
Behold, The Hectors©, bestowed for Excellence in Mockability.
The Hectors© are named for POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz’ cousin Hector (photo), who is excellent at ruining family gatherings, especially when he has downed his third 12-pack. He hasn’t seen a film since Blood In, Blood Out.
Mas…Forget Los Oscars: Mira Los Hectors©! POCHO’s Annual Awards
(Based on a stunning World War II American government propaganda poster, Americanos Todos, by Luis Helguera. Click on the image for the full-sized hi-res version.)
Selfies are fun, but we all hate them anyway. It’s hard to understand, but we wanted to compile a list so we were all on the same page.
8. The “It’s that time of the month” selfie featuring sanitary napkins or tampons, either used or not, and/or a sad face.
7. The “I’m in the bathroom but I swear I didn’t just take a shit” selfie featuring a peace sign, your face, the bathroom mirror and the toilet you just used in the background.
6. The “Look I have friends, I swear” selfie with a group of people you never talk about or reference, but refer to as “besties,” “bros,” or “homies” every few months in the selfies you take together.
(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) During his morning coffee break, local accountant, Lawrence “Lencho” Flores, completed a survey that appeared on his Facebook timeline called, What Selena Character are You? According to sources, Flores was deeply disappointed with the result of Yolanda Saldivar as his character.
According to the quiz, Flores is Yolanda Saldivar who “when you feel slighted, watch out!”
Mas…Man disappointed with ‘What Selena Character are You?’ quiz result
The video shows the bright object hovering over Los Almedros II Park in Ciudad Caucel, in the Yucutan.
A putative UFO was recorded on video on 11 February 2014. The videographer adds that it was recorded at 22:00 hours on that day, adding: “I’m not saying it’s a spaceship, but it is an unidentified flying object.”
Mas…UFO/OVNI hovers over park in the Yucatan — what is it? (video)
Do you pochos know the Post hoc ergo propter hoc logical fallacy? It’s an argument — a false one — that asserts that if one event follows another, the first event caused the second.
Thank God it’s a fallacy. Two weeks ago POCHO’s Subcommandanta del Ñews Sara Inés Calderón was in Colombia. And then, over the weekend, Colombian hipsters were marching down the streets of Medellin in their chonies.
“After testing samples from five of Peru’s 300 elongated Paracas skulls, a geneticist has finally released the results and they are mind-blowing,” The Anomalist reports:
The mysterious skulls found … within a gigantic graveyard contain mitochondrial DNA that shows mutations not found in humans. In other words, these guys were not human. Or at the very least were human-like.
