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Breaking: Hundreds expected Friday at Mexico’s Xochitl Games

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xochitlgames(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) Hundreds of competitors and an equal number of spectators are expected for the opening of the first Xochitl Games here tomorrow.

The so-called “Indigenous Olympics,” organized by the Nahuatl Athletic Council Organization (NACO), hopes to share some of the buzz from the regular Winter Olympics, in Sochi.

NACO is especially counting on people who are unsure how to spell the name of the Black Sea resort city in the Google search window, or even better, can’t spell when booking airplane and hotel reservations through Travelocity.

Mas…Breaking: Hundreds expected Friday at Mexico’s Xochitl Games

Breaking: Fake Facebook post changes Fort Worth man’s life

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Bill-Clinton almadrigal400 Kanye-West

(PNS reporting from FORT WORTH, TX) Leon Ortiz (photo, center) was scrolling through his Facebook newsfeed last week when he saw a post that changed his life forever. The post, co-authored by former President Bill Clinton (photo, left) and pop star Kayne West (photo, right), celebrated the importance of following your dreams.

“You know, I think it was Fate — with a capital ‘F.’ It was 3:42 PM on a Thursday and I was feeling frustrated at my account manager job at an international insurance company. I felt a spiritual lightness I had never experienced before,” the Arlington Heights man told PNS.

“It was amazing, like all my ennui and weltschmerz was gone!”

Mas…Breaking: Fake Facebook post changes Fort Worth man’s life

Mexican biologists wonder: Where have all the axolotls gone?

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axolotlYou know those uber-cute salamander-like axolotls who are native to the lake system in and around Mexico City? They’re gone.

The Guardian reports:

Growing up to a foot long (30 cm) and known as the “water monster” or the “Mexican walking fish”, its only natural habitat is the Xochimilco network of lakes and canals, which are suffering from pollution and urban sprawl.

Biologist Armando Tovar Garza, of Mexico’s National Autonomous University, described an attempt last year by researchers to try to net axolotls in the shallow, muddy waters of Xochimilco as “four months of sampling zero axolotls”.

Mas…Mexican biologists wonder: Where have all the axolotls gone?

New study: Beans (frijoles) are indeed ‘the magical fruit’

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juanfrijoles(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) Researchers at Guanajuato University of Technology (GUT) have confirmed that beans (frijoles) are not only one of the oldest and best sources for protein in the Americas, but that they are indeed “a magical fruit.”

“Beans are one of the gifts from the New World to the rest of us,”  lead researcher Dr. Germán Gutiérrez told a press conference here Tuesday. “They supply magical sounds, as well as protein and lots of fiber.”

Mas…New study: Beans (frijoles) are indeed ‘the magical fruit’

Breaking: Here’s how Obama plans to ‘give America a raise’

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sotuanimated(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) President Barack Obama plans to use his executive powers to raise the minimum wage for employees of Federal contractors and he wants corporate executives and local and state officials to do the same.

“Give America a raise!” he said in his State of the Union address Tuesday night:

In the coming weeks, I will issue an Executive Order requiring federal contractors to pay their federally-funded employees a fair wage of at least $10.10 an hour – because if you cook our troops’ meals or wash their dishes, you shouldn’t have to live in poverty.

Additional Obama initiatives are aimed at the Latino community. Sources close to the President have told PNS to expect the Administration to implement these additional programs in the coming weeks:

Mas…Breaking: Here’s how Obama plans to ‘give America a raise’

Expect these Pocho Ocho ‘surprises’ in the State of the Union

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obamabackWhite House insiders indicate the President’s State of the Union address tonight will have a few surprises for the Congressional and TV audiences.

Here are the top eight:

8. The NSA will intercept Republicans’ text messages to each other and display them on the JumboTron in real time

7. President Obama will be sporting snazzy new Uncle Sugar costume

6. Mass wedding performed according to Sharia Law

Mas…Expect these Pocho Ocho ‘surprises’ in the State of the Union

Penis size lie sends suitor outside to shiver in the cold

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brooklyn(PNS reporting from BROOKLYN) Bank loan officer Leticia Martinez dumped her almost boyfriend Uriel Loya and kicked him out of the house after their first full-on sexual encounter Sunday night.

“He was saying he was gonna give it to me, and that I ain’t never seen nothing like this, and all that bullshit. Ugh! So lame!” Martinez, 25, lamented to PNS.

“Why do guys always have to lie about how big their pipis are?!”

Loya, 28, an architect, was quiet after leaving Martinez’s rent-controlled apartment, shivering, pacing on the sidewalk, looking up at her window, hoping she would give him a chance to explain.

Mas…Penis size lie sends suitor outside to shiver in the cold

Obama’s List: Pocho Ocho things more dangerous than alchohol

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obamaweedFormer stoner Barack Obama doesn’t think marijuana “is more dangerous than alcohol,” according to The New Yorker:

“As has been well documented, I smoked pot as a kid, and I view it as a bad habit and a vice, not very different from the cigarettes that I smoked as a young person up through a big chunk of my adult life. I don’t think it is more dangerous than alcohol,” the president said.

But if mota is not more dangerous than alcohol, what is? Here are the top eight contenders:

Mas…Obama’s List: Pocho Ocho things more dangerous than alchohol

OVNI al sur de la ciudad de México/UFO south of Mexico City (videos)

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Jesus Correa was fast with his camera two weeks ago when he spotted an unidentified flying object south of Mexico City, capturing the OVNI in three separate videos in one day.

OpenMinds.TV reports:

…Correa posted the videos on January 12, 2014. He says he caught them earlier in the day. The first two videos show an object floating around the sky during the day. The object appears to be shiny and elliptical. It moves slowly, but unsteadily, as if it may be floating in the wind.

Mas…OVNI al sur de la ciudad de México/UFO south of Mexico City (videos)

America to pause Monday for Ricky Martin Luther King Jr. Day 2014

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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) America will pause Monday to remember the life and message of Ricky Martin Luther King Jr., whose Tengo a Dream y Dance! speech changed the nation forever.

Post offices and other public facilities will be closed, banks and stock exchanges take the day off and salsa picante and sweet potato pie – his favorite snack combo – are on sale all across America. Today would have been RMLK’s 34th birthday.

Despite his tragic death in 2007 (he was shot and killed by the president of his fan club before an appearance in Dallas) King’s promotion of “love, equality, justice, innocence, malice, refuge, oppression, freedom” has continued to resonate among confused Latinos and Anglos alike.

Mas…America to pause Monday for Ricky Martin Luther King Jr. Day 2014

U.S. Supreme Court votes 5-4 to change that thing, irregardless

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scotus(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) The United States Supreme Court has voted 5-4 to change that appeal thing some lower courts were dealing with earlier (you know, back and forth and shit?) no matter que chingados the people think.

POCHO will share more details as the situation develops here in Our Nation’s Capital.

Mas…U.S. Supreme Court votes 5-4 to change that thing, irregardless

New tablet, mobile apps and wearable tech products star at CES 2014

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cholabutttattoo(PNS reporting from LAS VEGAS) Exciting new tablet/mobile apps and wearable tech were the stars at Friday’s Cholo Electronics Show (CES) here.

Generating the most buzz was the free Chologram™ app from Firme Junior Systems of Oakland. The Instagram wannabe showed off software with patented La Vida Loca Lifestyle image effects, including the one-click application of teardrop tattoos to a facial image. The premium version ($5.99) removes teardrop tattoos from a photo. The application runs on iOS and Android systems, smartphones and tablets. No pinches Windows phones.

Mas…New tablet, mobile apps and wearable tech products star at CES 2014

American Paletero Association calls Polar Vortex ‘a hoax’

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paletero01(PNS reporting from LOS ANGELES) The “so-called Polar Vortex is a hoax” according to a statement just released here by the American Paletero Association (APA.)

“It’s always paleta weather,” the statement said. “Listen to APA: It’s never too cold for ICE.”

“Also,” APA warned, “don’t eat the yellow raspa.”

Paletero by Ramiro Gomez.

POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT.  DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.

Forget that ‘Duck’ guy, Steve Yamamoto is a Free Speech Hero (video)

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You can exercise your First Amendment rights as a homophobic racist fool on A&E or as an anti-corporate viral video dude on the Internets. You be the judge.

A Chicago employee of the Safeway/Dominick’s supermarket chain (which is closing 72 stores eliminating 6000 jobs) was suspended after he posted this YouTube video — Thanks, Safeway — portraying the store closings as a vicious attack by space aliens.

Steve Yamamoto was suspended Saturday, when he showed up for his last day at work.

NBC Chicago reports:

Mas…Forget that ‘Duck’ guy, Steve Yamamoto is a Free Speech Hero (video)

New Year Ñews: Local man says Obama stole his American Dream

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passedoutbig(PNS reporting from EL PASO) Jason Morales finally figured out why his “get up and go” got up and went, he told friends at Hoopy Frood’s on New Year’s Eve, and all clues point to President Barack Obama.

“President Afrika Hussein Bambata is the worst president in this country’s history,” he announced to the teeming North Mesa Street establishment after his fourth Blue Moon with an orange wedge, “and he has robbed me of my chance at the American dream.”

Mas…New Year Ñews: Local man says Obama stole his American Dream

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