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MEX A&E suspends ‘Guac Dynasty’ jefe after hate Tweet

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(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) Felipe Roberto, star of the reality show Guac Dynasty, which follows the Roberto clan of rude and crude avocado wranglers through their struggle with weeds, bugs and family dysfunction, has been suspended by the Mexican Arte y Entretenimiento TV network (MEX A&E) after his hateful Tweet about Americans went viral, PNS has learned.

Roberto told his 3,827 Twitter followers that he was flying to Los Angeles for Christmas and he hoped he “didn’t get the gays” from the “Hollywood maricons.”

Mas…MEX A&E suspends ‘Guac Dynasty’ jefe after hate Tweet

Mami, it’s cold outside (video)

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Post by DigiBunch.

That awkward moment when your boogers freeze and you miss the nice warm playa back in the DR. ¡Mami!

Advanced Mexican leaf blower powers new Pentagon/Google robot

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(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) State-of-the-art leaf blower technology developed in Mexico’s Silicon Barrio is at the heart the Pentagon’s latest robot warrior, PNS has learned.

The PopoPotencia leaf blower engine powers the WildCat, a Boston Dynamics combat robot (video) built for the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA).

Mas…Advanced Mexican leaf blower powers new Pentagon/Google robot

Area man scores 12 cases of Sriracha, hopes to Get Rich Quick (videos)

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(PNS reporting from CULVER CITY, CA) Westside entrepreneur Pico E. Sepulveda tries not to count his pollos before they hatch, but he will admit to being stoked about the profit potential of the 12 cases of Huy Fung Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce he purchased at Smart & Final Iris here Thursday morning.

“Now that the State of California has joined the City of Irwindale in cutting off the supply of America’s favorite hot sauce, the sky’s the limit on these babies,” the Mar Vista man told PNS. “When I pulled out of the store’s parking lot onto Venice Boulevard, I actually started chair dancing in my car and even broke out the maracas!” (Sepulveda’s excitement was captured by a POCHO reader who emailed us this VINE video, right)

“I got a dozen 12-count cases of the 28-ounce bottles,” Sepulveda explained, “for $35 each — for a total for $420, which I thought was good omen. This could be bigger than Bitcoins, if Bitcoins had a trailer for a video on demand download on Vimeo!”

Mas…Area man scores 12 cases of Sriracha, hopes to Get Rich Quick (videos)

Cuban Reds say Raul Castro-Obama handshake betrayed Revolution

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(PNS reporting from HAVANA) El Presidente Comrade Raul Castro’s handshake with imperialist war criminal Barack Obama at the Nelson Mandela memorial service in South Africa was a slap in the face of the workers of the world and a betrayal of Cuba’s Communist Revolution, an old school Communist Bay of Pigs veteran charged Tuesday.

“That handshake marks a Day That Will Live in Infamy,” Ernesto “Little Che” Altacaca, 76, told everyone hanging out at People’s Barbershop #245 on Calle de Los Cadres. “It is like the Hitler-Stalin nonaggression pact (photo, below) combined with a very special episode of Chico and the Man.”

“Did El Presidente demand the Yanqui perro return Guantanamo?” the long-time area resident asked. “No! Did he demand an end to the embargo that has penalized the people for half a century? Nyet! Did he insist Obama recognize the workers’ rights to self determination without capitalist exploitation and immediately send six dozen complete gasket sets for 1954 Chrysler New Yorkers? No way! And what about Pete Seeger remitting that record business royalty money for the song he stole from the poor people of Guantanamera?”

Mas…Cuban Reds say Raul Castro-Obama handshake betrayed Revolution

From Texas: ‘Give me six tacos or I’ll kill you with a sword!’

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swordguyA 28-year-old San Antonio, TX man is the can after threatening a waitress with a sword in an attempt to scare her into giving up a half dozen tacos, which Wikipedia describes as “a traditional Mexican dish composed of a corn or wheat tortilla folded or rolled around a filling.”

“Mr. [Adam] Kramer was yelling that he wanted his free tacos or somebody was going to die,” authorities said in an affadavit for his arrest, according to Raw Story. Kramer is being held in Bexar County Jail on $50,000 bail.

PREVIOUSLY ON TEXAS TACOS:

Mas…From Texas: ‘Give me six tacos or I’ll kill you with a sword!’

Visionary behind Doritos Locos Tacos dies at 41 (photos + video)

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toddtacosTodd Mills, who came up with the idea for Doritos Locos Tacos, lost his battle with cancer on Thanksgiving. The Little Rock, Arkansas father of two was 41 (photo, above.)

USA Today reports:

Mills started the Facebook page “Taco Shells from Doritos Movement” in 2009, encouraging followers to “tell Frito-Lay that we demand nacho cheesy taco shells!”

On the page, Mills posted photoshopped images of well known figures including Albert Einstein with a cheesy taco shell in a thought bubble, Steve Jobs holding a Macbook with a cheesy taco shell on the screen and Chuck Norris doing a karate kick while holding a cheesy taco shell….

Mas…Visionary behind Doritos Locos Tacos dies at 41 (photos + video)

OK City police bomb squad X-rays burrito, decides it’s safe

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bigburritosqA potentially dangerous burrito put the bomb squad of the Oklahoma City police on alert last week. NewsOK has the story:

A man brought a Thermos-type container into the Santa Fe Briefing Station, 9000 S Santa Fe Ave., on Thursday afternoon. The man said he found the container on his lawn and noticed tinfoil showing out of the lid, police Capt. Dexter Nelson said.

Officers told the man to leave the container outside and the police bomb squad X-rayed the item, Nelson said.

Authorities were cautious of the item because of how heavy the container was and the tinfoil protruding from the lid.

The suspicious thermos payload turned out to be a burrito, Nelson said.

Mas…OK City police bomb squad X-rays burrito, decides it’s safe

POCHO Estaff Reports: Mi casa? Real Thanksgiving turkeys!

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lalocucashoppigPOCHO’s Especial Correspondents spread out across America to celebrate Thanksgiving and sent in notes about their day. Some names were changed to avoid unpredictable results.  Read their stories and share your own in the comments!

  • Homeboy in East Los: My family’s so Mexican we carved the turkey with a switchblade ·IN MEMORY of SMILEY·
  • Dateline, Austin: MEChA cousin Xochiloctl is in the living room refusing to eat turkey and playing Grand Theft Auto 5 instead.
  • Nancy in Santana, the O.C.: That awkward moment when three-year-old Cousin Ricardo makes a big announcement that everybody better finish their plates because Mommy spent the whole day cooking the dog.

    Mas…POCHO Estaff Reports: Mi casa? Real Thanksgiving turkeys!

Area couple survives loud radio station promo van at grocery store

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ranchosinaloa(PNS reporting from EDINBURG, TX)  They just about went deaf, but Alcario and Isela Garza braved a radio station’s sonic assault and managed to safely enter the Rancho Sinaloa grocery store here yesterday.

The Garzas — who had just left their yoga class — entered the relatively-quiet food market after surviving 150 decibels of banda coming from a radio station’s “Chingona Van.” The painted-like-a-billboard electric blue truck was parked next to the front entrance, blasting Banda Machos’s La Culebra at top volume.

Radio La Chingona, the Rio Grande Valley’s number one station, was giving out free bumper stickers and hotdogs, and Las Chingonas — two women in radio station cheerleader outfits — were spinning a roulette wheel that awarded two tickets to the station’s upcoming Noches Ranchera festival featuring Paquita del Barrio. The FM station proudly advertises “you’ll never know what we’ll play next.”

Mas…Area couple survives loud radio station promo van at grocery store

McDonald’s to broke workers: Sell Xmas presents on Craigslist (video)

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McDonald’s employees-only website — McResources — has great tips for broke-ass employees trying to make it through the holidays with only their income from shitty minimum-wage jobs:

  • You’ll eat less if your break your food into little pieces
  • Holiday bills got you down? Sell the Christmas gifts you received on Craigslist!
  • You’ll feel less stressed if you sing!

Altnernet reports:

Mas…McDonald’s to broke workers: Sell Xmas presents on Craigslist (video)

WTF Whopper: Mexicans have it your guey – at Burger King (photo,video)

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burgerkingmexicanNeed a job? Live near Ephrata, Washington? Burger King has openings for people like you!

Huh? Whopper the fries is going on here? MSN Money reports:

Burger King has apologized after a photo of a billboard at one of its locations went viral.

The photo shows a Burger King billboard in Ephrata, Wash., that reads: “Now hiring. Must be Mexican.” Burger King said the billboard was edited by an angry employee who worked at the location last summer, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution​ reports.

Mas…WTF Whopper: Mexicans have it your guey – at Burger King (photo,video)

Rick Perry is sad new hipster glasses don’t help him make friends

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rickperryglasses(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) Gov. Rick Perry is disappointed his new hipster glasses haven’t helped him in the polls.

“Why don’t people like me? I’m more than just the guy who came after Bush, I’m cool, see?” he told reporters at a press conference at the Capitol Wednesday as he pointed to his stylin’ horn rim frames from Warby Parker.

According to insiders, Perry thought the hipster glasses would not only make him more likeable but would also make people think he’s smarter, too.

“I watch Dr. Who,” said Perry. “I’m been hanging at Waterloo Records trying to make friends with guys with beards. I’m growing some fierce sideburns.”

Mas…Rick Perry is sad new hipster glasses don’t help him make friends

Mexclusive: Hollywood has called my bluff with ‘Bordertown’ at Fox!

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bordetowntoonborderstereotypestweetFox has just announced the pickup of a new animated TV show called Bordertown, debuting in 2014. It was created by the showrunner of Family Guy, Mark Hentemann.

I was offered a gig writing and consulting on the show, and I happily accepted.

This will be the first animated prime time network TV show with a significant number of Latino characters.

Over half the cast will Mexican or Mexican-Americans or Chicanos. It will be historic.

Mas…Mexclusive: Hollywood has called my bluff with ‘Bordertown’ at Fox!

Breaking: Hillary Clinton taps Julián Castro for VP spot

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clintoncastro(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Hillary Clinton formally announced her candidacy for President Sunday night, and PNS has learned San Antonio Mayor Julián Castro will be her running mate.

“Latinos are the ‘in’ thing — and Hillary knows that — she’s never been one to ignore what’s in vogue,” a source close to the campaign told PNS.

“Plus, all those Latino votes!”

Mas…Breaking: Hillary Clinton taps Julián Castro for VP spot

For the Vets: Anti-war poem from WWI: ‘Dulce et decorum est’

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Today we observe Veterans Day, AKA Armistice Day, which marks the end of World War I.

Dulce et Decorum est is a poem written by poet Wilfred Owen in 1917, during the War, and published posthumously in 1920. Owen’s poem is known for its horrific description of chemical warfare and condemnation of war.

The Masters of War are not supposed to use poison gas any more but drone strikes aren’t much fun either.

POCHO dedicates this poem to all our veterans in gratitude for their service and sacrifice and with the hope no child will see war again.

Mas…For the Vets: Anti-war poem from WWI: ‘Dulce et decorum est’

New JLo Barbie Doll has no ass — Mattel blames high cost of plastic

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barbiebutt(PNS reporting from NEW YORK CITY) The new Jennifer Lopez Barbie Doll has a suspicious lack of derriere, hurting Mattel’s effort to pander to cater to the young Latina market.

The outcry, mostly online, prompted Mattel to a hold real live press conference here Thursday to try and do some damage control.

“The steep increase in the cost of plastic is beyond the control of Mattel, or our manufacturers,” spokeswoman Elena Guajardo told reporters in a Trump Towers conference room, while an assistant Tweeted her remarks to the Internets.

“Due to global shortages of plastic and plastic precursors, Mattel was forced to reduce the amount used to manufacture the new JLo Barbie.”

The JLo Barbie was expected to help Mattel in the Latina market.

Previously, Mattel tried shaming young Latinas by presenting them with unrealistic blonde Barbies that promoted internalized oppression, but that approach was a sales flop.

Mas…New JLo Barbie Doll has no ass — Mattel blames high cost of plastic

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