It’s across the street from St. John’s Cathedral in Fresno, CA. Maria Ybarra thinks it manifests a Godly miracle, dripping Holy Water from Heaven. A local tree expert says it’s aphid poop. The Archdiocese has no comment.
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Pocho Ocho other smartphone alerts besides Amber Alerts
The Golden State’s smartphone users were startled late Monday night and early Tuesday morning as their phones buzzed, beeped and/or flashed an Amber Alert, the very first issued by the California Highway Patrol.
The Los Angeles Times reports:
It’s all thanks to the Wireless Emergency Alert program, a cellphone version of the Emergency Alert System that gives you the high-pitched test tone on your television.
Cellphone owners receive messages automatically, based on their proximity to the emergency, not based on their phone number.
And while accused kidnapper James Lee DiMaggio and kidnap victims Hannah Anderson, 16, and Ethan Anderson, 8, are still missing, cellphone owners have found that their iPhones, Androids and BlackBerries have the potential to issue alerts for all sorts of things.
Here are the Pocho Ocho potential alerts you probably weren’t aware of:
8. The Meta Amber Alert: Another Amber Alert is coming soon, so don’t freak the hell out
7. Like A Good Neighbor Alert: George Zimmerman just joined your Neighborhood Watch
6. Stinking Badges Alert: Sheriff Joe Arpaio is rounding up a posse
UFW vs UO: Corporate hipsters discover cool Chicano logo *UPDATED
In an incredibly outrageous and facepalming culture vulture move, the overpriced and underimaginative mall rat chain Urban Outfitters has done it again.
UO has willfully and bald-facedly swiped the iconic and pride-inducing United Farm Workers Union eagle logo and transformed it into crap denim shirt fodder for their slave-made clothing.
Wonderfully hipstery and ironic, que no, that clothing factory wage slaves in the Third World make a shirt with a logo that represents the struggle to improve migrant farmworkers’ lives in the U.S. so they are not slaving away in Third World working conditions.
Mas…UFW vs UO: Corporate hipsters discover cool Chicano logo *UPDATED
GOP alerts Congressmen on vacay to ‘looming threat of liberalism’
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) As the Republican-controlled House of Representatives left town for a five-week paid vacation, GOP leaders warned members returning to their home districts to be on high alert because of unspecified “threats of liberalism.”
“These liberals are out there with their ‘logic and facts and science,’ and all our malarkey will Ben Ghazi in our faces if we’re not careful,” Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) cautioned in a memo to his partisans Friday.
“Members are urged to stay close to their vacation retreats in gate-guarded communities, hunting lodges, country clubs and private marinas,” Boehner wrote, “and avoid potentially hazardous areas that may harbor liberals and their sympathizers. College campuses, where Republicans can easily get bamboozled by Improvised Intellectual Debates (IIDs), are particularly dangerous.”
Mas…GOP alerts Congressmen on vacay to ‘looming threat of liberalism’
As the Duck Farts: El Pato demands POCHO retract ‘sketchy salsa’ story
An attorney who claims to represent Walker Foods, U.S. distributors of El Pato (The Duck) salsa, demanded Thursday that POCHO “retract and correct” parts of our story Pocho Ocho sketchy substances in Mexican hot sauce besides lead, even though he acknowledges it is satire.
Downtown Los Angeles lawyer Robert M. Newell, Jr. also wants POCHO to “remove the contrived picture showing what purports to be a bottle of El Pato Salsa Picante bearing a skull and crossbones,” adding that the “story is puro pedo!” (The letter is below.)
Mas…As the Duck Farts: El Pato demands POCHO retract ‘sketchy salsa’ story
Sheriff Joe taps George Zimmerman for school posse (photos)
(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Now we know why child killer George Zimmerman was speeding through Texas with a gun in his vehicle — he was on his way to a new gig in Maricopa County, AZ.
Sheriff Joe Arpaio broke the news in a Tweet late Wednesday night: The sheriff has a new school patrol posse, and it includes Zimmerman, a failed cop wannabe.
Here’s a better picture of this new “sworn officer” (click to enlarge):
Mas…Sheriff Joe taps George Zimmerman for school posse (photos)
Pocho Ocho sketchy substances in Mexican hot sauce besides lead
NBC reports that El Pato Salsa Picante has been withdrawn from the American market because tests found it was contaminated with lead. El Pato is just one of several Mexican salsa brands that contain the poisonous substance, according to scientists at the University of Nevada Las Vegas.
Of course, there’s no way lead is the only nasty in these little bottles. And sure enough — buried in footnotes at the bottom of the report — are the Pocho Ocho OTHER sketchy substances in Mexican hot sauce:
8. The average Cholula bottle contains 10 micrograms per deciliter of the “Bacillus Botas Picudas”, an organic pathogen thought to be behind the craving for pointy boots.
7. Habaneros chiles may be the top ingredient in El Yucateco Salsa Picante de Chile Habanero, but lurking at the bottom of the list are 8.8 micrograms per deciliter of “Barba Habanera,” said to be a homeopathic solution of hair scraped from Comrade Fidel’s razor.
Mas…Pocho Ocho sketchy substances in Mexican hot sauce besides lead
Top Texas export, hateful white men, grows again this year
(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) The Lone Star State’s leading export — hateful white men — has reached new levels this year.
According to report released Friday by the Economic Institute of Texas, A Texas Export Snapshot, Texas consistently leads the nation in the export of hateful, misogynistic white men who also run state legislatures.
Texas exported 20% more TPCs (Texas Political Conservatives) in the first half of 2013 than than in the first two quarters of last year, with the trend continuing to accelerate. Over 11,000 TPCs have left Texas since January, they say.
Mas…Top Texas export, hateful white men, grows again this year
Woman is told ‘Cup O Noodles is not fideo,’ then gets dumped
(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Paola Lopez’ dreams were shattered and her heart was broken Friday after she prepared sopa de fideo for her boyfriend, Sunny Vargas.
“I just thought it would be nice to make him a quick snack before we went out,” the 28-year-old woman tearfully recounted to PNS. “Then all of a sudden he got all mad and left me. He broke up with me in a text that night.”
The tragedy began Tuesday when Vargas, a sales representative for a Pico Rivera power tools importer and distributor, told Lopez that one of his favorite dishes (and thus a requirement to be considered “wife material”) was sopa de fideo, like his mom Victoria makes.
The shocking conclusion came Friday evening.
Mas…Woman is told ‘Cup O Noodles is not fideo,’ then gets dumped
Attention, Zacatecas: Pocho Ocho top ways to calibrate your gaydar
Benjamin Medrano, 47, won Fresnillo’s July 7 election and will take office this September. His election — he is said to be the first openly-gay mayor in Mexico’s history — has led some observers to speculate that famously-macho Mexicans didn’t really know Medrano was gay, or didn’t believe him when he told them.
Hey, Zacatecas! Try these Pocho Ocho ways to calibrate your gaydar:
8. P.A.N. — not gay. P.R.I. — gay.
7. Maria del Barrio — not gay. Maria del Zona Rosa — gay.
6. Blue Demon — not gay. Santo Gay — gay.
Mas…Attention, Zacatecas: Pocho Ocho top ways to calibrate your gaydar
Mexican paleontologists unearth 15-foot-long dinosaur tail (video)
It’s 72 million years old and really impressive, dug into the desert just across el otro lado from Texas. From the AP:
Mexican paleontologists say they have uncovered 50 vertebrae believed to be a full dinosaur tail in the northern desert of Coahuila state. The National Institute of Anthropology and History [INAH] says the tail is about 15 feet (5 meters) long and resembles that of a hadrosaur or crested duckbill dinosaur…. Paleontologist Felisa Aguilar says they uncovered roughly half of the dinosaur, which was 36 feet (12 meters) long and lived about 72 million years ago.
Mas…Mexican paleontologists unearth 15-foot-long dinosaur tail (video)
Breaking: Royal baby boy looks a bit familiar somehow (photo)
(PNS reporting from LONDON) Normally perky Buckingham Palace Her Majesty’s Parking Valet Reymundo Hernandez Terraza was uncharacteristically quiet today after the birth of Prince William and Kate Middleton’s new baby boy, although some friends of the royal servant noticed he sported a “secret smile.”
Some Palace observers have remarked on the newborn’s apparent slight suntan, attributing the child’s skin tone to Britain’s recent heat wave, when temperatures soared into the high 60s.
Mas…Breaking: Royal baby boy looks a bit familiar somehow (photo)
Scary Naked Geraldo photo slashes ‘Walking While Black’ crime
(PNS reporting from FLORIDA) Neighborhood Watch volunteers across the nation’s gated communities are posting Twitter photos of Naked Geraldo to frighten off dangerous junk food-toting hoodie-wearing kids.
Award-winning journalist Geraldo Rivera, who proclaimed in his initial Tweet that “Seventy is the new Sexty,” snapped the nude photo of himself in the bathroom in order to fight the rampant scourge of black teen crime.
In the wake of the child-killer George Zimmerman’s acquittal in the homicide of Trayvon Martin, the support for crushing “Black On Sidewalk” crime has been boosted by law abiding citizens everywhere, and the Naked Geraldo photo has been a big help.
Mas…Scary Naked Geraldo photo slashes ‘Walking While Black’ crime
NYPD fingers, pinches ‘twisted’ Geraldo Rivera in ‘sexting’ probe
(PNS reporting from NEW YORK CITY) Cable news reporter Geraldo Rivera was named a “person of interest” Sunday and detained for questioning in a “sexting” case by police here after he posted a twisted semi-nude “selfie” on Twitter. [Editor’s Note: Ruh, roh! Looks like Mr. Rivera has deleted that Tweet! But that’s the photo from Saturday night, for reals.]
Complaining Tweeple from around the world overwhelmed the NYPD website, email and phone banks Saturday night and Sunday with reports of a twisted Geraldo floating around the Internets, calling him a “flasher” and a “pervert” and saying they felt threatened.
Offline, residents of his high-end Upper West Side cooperative apartment building called the NYFD to report the smell of sulphur coming from his penthouse.
Mas…NYPD fingers, pinches ‘twisted’ Geraldo Rivera in ‘sexting’ probe
Howard University in hoodies: ‘Am I Suspicious?’ (video)
Run! Black men in hoodies! These Howard University undergrads and grads are not the gangsters you were looking for.
Breaking: Activists say Zimmerman verdict hurts the babies
(PNS reporting from LOS ANGELES) Repercussions from the Zimmerman acquittal — which officially confirmed suspicions that nighttime walks to the store by brown and black children are risky, potentially fatal excursions — are already hurting area youngsters, according Avian-American activists.
“Trayvon Martin was just a kid walking home from the local store with Tribbles and a drink, and he ended up dead. That’s troubling,” said Southern California Birds of A Feather (BOAF) regional director The Rev. Al Pigeon (photo) in carrier email to PNS. “Now Moms are afraid to let their kids go out and my flock is having a hard time making a living.”
“Where do you think our food comes from?” he wrote. “Berries? Minnows in the Los Angeles River? Delivery from Urban Spoon? Don’t be a bird brain! Our loaves and Pepperidge Farm Goldfish are out on the street. If it wasn’t for Spittles and Flamin’ Hot Dingoes crumbs on the well-trod path between home and the 7-Eleven we’d have shit to eat. Now that’s what we call a ‘Valley of the Shadow of Death!’ And what about the children?”
East Los BOAF chapter head Popocatepetl Paloma agreed.
Mas…Breaking: Activists say Zimmerman verdict hurts the babies
Breaking: Zimmerman arrested in bizarre gun heist
(PNS reporting from SANFORD, FLA) George Zimmerman is back in jail here tonight, arrested after a bizarre attempt to pinch his pistola from the police evidence room.
Zimmerman, 29, got away with murder Saturday night in the killing of unarmed teenager Trayvon Martin. Under Florida law, he is entitled to the return of his child-killing semi-automatic, a Kel-Tec 9mm handgun.
But the law apparently wasn’t moving fast enough for Zimmerman, who took matters into his own hands (sound familiar?) and attempted to sneak into the Sanford Police Department evidence room and retrieve his roscoe (photo, below.)
The Z-man tripped a security beam and cameras spotted the semi-disguised Zimmerman (photo) before he could go on the lam with his swag. The Zimster was formally arrested at 7:30PM Monday night on suspicion of burglary.
Every mother’s worst nightmare (toon)
- What’s behind this cartoon? Lalo Alcaraz answered that pregunta for HLNTV.
Texas lawmakers focus on Latinos with poll tax, redistricting
(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) The Republican-controlled Texas legislature (photo) has wasted no time in exploiting last month’s Supreme Court ruling that gutted the Voting Rights Act:
The lawmakers have passed a draconian redistricting scheme and enacted new voter registration requirements that many liken to a poll tax.
SB17, nicknamed “The Liberty Forever Bill,” mandates a laundry list of voter registration requirements “to ensure that only Texans are allowed to vote.” It passed Saturday and awaits GOP Gov. Rick Perry’s signature.
Among the measure’s exacting requirements:
Mas…Texas lawmakers focus on Latinos with poll tax, redistricting
Breaking: Napolitano brings harsh border enforcement to UC
(PNS reporting from BERKELEY) Department of Homeland Security Secretary (and former Arizona Governor) Janet Napolitano has accepted an offer to head up the University of California system.
Napolitano promised to do the same for the UC system that she did for the border during her time at DHS:
“I kept out and quashed as many Mexicans as any DHS Secretary could during my tenure, and now that Latinos are overtaking whites in California, I promise to do the same at the UC system,” she said in a statement.
Mas…Breaking: Napolitano brings harsh border enforcement to UC
Breaking: Taco Bell unveils new Rick Bayless-inspired burritos
(PNS reporting from ALAMEDA) If the Doritos Locos Tacos from Taco Bell are not satisfying your diarrheal needs, don’t worry!
The chain is introducing a chef Rick Bayless-inspired burrito that features Flamin’ Hot Fritos corn chips as a summer-only item until early August.
The burrito, which will retail for 99 cents, has rice, warm nacho cheese, beef, sour cream, and Flamin’ Hot Fritos corn chips cultivated by Bayless himself, deep in the villages of Oaxaca.
Mas…Breaking: Taco Bell unveils new Rick Bayless-inspired burritos
Popocatépetl erupts again, threat level raised, and we’ve got videos
National Geographic reports:
Less than 40 miles outside of Mexico City, the volcano Popocatépetl is erupting, sending ash plumes roughly two miles into the atmosphere. Over the weekend, airlines took the precaution of cancelling flights out of Mexico City, even though the airport itself remained open.
Authorities have upgraded the threat status of the volcano from Yellow-Phase 2 to Yellow-Phase 3.
This news report from Canal Estrella TV (video, above) offers an aerial perspective you don’t often get to see.
Here’s the PopoCam video:
Mas…Popocatépetl erupts again, threat level raised, and we’ve got videos