It’s News to Us!
Boricua golf great Chi-Chi Rodriguez was trying to break a pane of glass 20 yards away on a recent taping for the Golf Channel. And while he hit the target, the glass didn’t break and the golf ball bounced back straight to his cojones for an amazing Ball in One!
Mas…Golf great Chi-Chi Rodriguez hits a rare ‘ball in one’ (video)
McDonald’s employees-only website — McResources — has great tips for broke-ass employees trying to make it through the holidays with only their income from shitty minimum-wage jobs:
Mas…McDonald’s to broke workers: Sell Xmas presents on Craigslist (video)
What the heck is going on in Brazil? Two crop circles in one day?
Two crop circles have appeared near the town of Ipuaçu in the state of Santa Catarina, Brazil. Local UFO researchers are convinced they are not man-made and have put up a $20,000 reward for anyone who can prove they faked them.
Need a job? Live near Ephrata, Washington? Burger King has openings for people like you!
Huh? Whopper the fries is going on here? MSN Money reports:
Burger King has apologized after a photo of a billboard at one of its locations went viral.
The photo shows a Burger King billboard in Ephrata, Wash., that reads: “Now hiring. Must be Mexican.” Burger King said the billboard was edited by an angry employee who worked at the location last summer, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports.
Mas…WTF Whopper: Mexicans have it your guey – at Burger King (photo,video)
(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) Gov. Rick Perry is disappointed his new hipster glasses haven’t helped him in the polls.
“Why don’t people like me? I’m more than just the guy who came after Bush, I’m cool, see?” he told reporters at a press conference at the Capitol Wednesday as he pointed to his stylin’ horn rim frames from Warby Parker.
According to insiders, Perry thought the hipster glasses would not only make him more likeable but would also make people think he’s smarter, too.
“I watch Dr. Who,” said Perry. “I’m been hanging at Waterloo Records trying to make friends with guys with beards. I’m growing some fierce sideburns.”
Mas…Rick Perry is sad new hipster glasses don’t help him make friends
Fox has just announced the pickup of a new animated TV show called Bordertown, debuting in 2014. It was created by the showrunner of Family Guy, Mark Hentemann.
I was offered a gig writing and consulting on the show, and I happily accepted.
This will be the first animated prime time network TV show with a significant number of Latino characters.
Over half the cast will Mexican or Mexican-Americans or Chicanos. It will be historic.
Mas…Mexclusive: Hollywood has called my bluff with ‘Bordertown’ at Fox!
(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Hillary Clinton formally announced her candidacy for President Sunday night, and PNS has learned San Antonio Mayor Julián Castro will be her running mate.
“Latinos are the ‘in’ thing — and Hillary knows that — she’s never been one to ignore what’s in vogue,” a source close to the campaign told PNS.
“Plus, all those Latino votes!”
Mas…Breaking: Hillary Clinton taps Julián Castro for VP spot
Today we observe Veterans Day, AKA Armistice Day, which marks the end of World War I.
Dulce et Decorum est is a poem written by poet Wilfred Owen in 1917, during the War, and published posthumously in 1920. Owen’s poem is known for its horrific description of chemical warfare and condemnation of war.
The Masters of War are not supposed to use poison gas any more but drone strikes aren’t much fun either.
POCHO dedicates this poem to all our veterans in gratitude for their service and sacrifice and with the hope no child will see war again.
Mas…For the Vets: Anti-war poem from WWI: ‘Dulce et decorum est’
(PNS reporting from NEW YORK CITY) The new Jennifer Lopez Barbie Doll has a suspicious lack of derriere, hurting Mattel’s effort to pander to cater to the young Latina market.
The outcry, mostly online, prompted Mattel to a hold real live press conference here Thursday to try and do some damage control.
“The steep increase in the cost of plastic is beyond the control of Mattel, or our manufacturers,” spokeswoman Elena Guajardo told reporters in a Trump Towers conference room, while an assistant Tweeted her remarks to the Internets.
“Due to global shortages of plastic and plastic precursors, Mattel was forced to reduce the amount used to manufacture the new JLo Barbie.”
The JLo Barbie was expected to help Mattel in the Latina market.
Previously, Mattel tried shaming young Latinas by presenting them with unrealistic blonde Barbies that promoted internalized oppression, but that approach was a sales flop.
Mas…New JLo Barbie Doll has no ass — Mattel blames high cost of plastic
Mississippi? The chupacabras are strong in this one. W-LOX-TV reports.
PREVIOUSLY ON MISSISSIPPI CHUBACABRA THEATRE:
Mas…Was El Chupacabra spotted in Picayune, Mississippi? (video)
A team of explorers has found a gigantic stone pyramid (and gigantic stone hammers) in the Amazonian rain forest of Ecuador, an ancient complex which corresponds to a local legend about a City of Giants.
At the discovered site there is one extremely large pyramidal type structure of approximately 80 metres square base and 80 metres height, with steeply inclined walls. This structure is made up of irregular shaped large cut stone blocks, each currently calculated to be approximately 2 tonnes in weight; many hundreds of such blocks make up the walls of the building.
Mas…Explorers find pyramids of ‘Lost City of Giants’ in Ecuador rain forest
Riots in Rio continue as the country prepares for the World Cup next year. Self-appointed “hacktivist” group Anonymous Brasil has its own spin on events.
* An interview with the University of Oxford butt fat researcher [Updated 7:45 PM PDT Nov. 2, 2013.]
(PNS reporting from ENGLAND) Scientists at the University of Oxford have uncovered evidence that women with big butts are not only the most intelligent, but also the most resistant to chronic illnesses.
The study examined the fat accumulated in different parts of a woman’s body, and found that women with a phat ass were less likely to get diabetes, since they are more likely to produce hormones to metabolize sugar.
What’s more, women with big booties tended to have lower levels of cholesterol and fewer heart problems, according to the study.
We translated the Fafhoo Noticas report:
Women with a big butt, wide hips and a narrow waist can live longer, and even be more intelligent, since the Omega 3 fats stored in their butts support brain development.
Mas…Oxford: Big butt women are smarter, healthier *UPDATED w/ VIDEO
(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) Local “birthers” have temporarily put aside their doubts about Pres. Barack Obama’s citizenship to a focus on a question closer to home:
Is Texas State Senator Wendy Davis – a Democratic candidate for governor – a secret Latina?
They assert that Davis is the Anglo version of Juana; that Davis was born into a Mexican family in Oklahoma, and after successfully using her heritage and gender to get into Harvard Law School, she descended on the Lone Star State to reclaim Texas for Aztlán.
Davis gained national attention in June with a filibuster against a Republican bill to severely restrict abortions (while wearing sneakers.) She officially announced her candidacy on October 3.
“There’s no way a real Texan, would be on the side of Latinos in this state — haven’t you been paying attention?” asked Mary Jones, founder of the North Texas Tea Party Patriots, who is also an Obama birther.
“The truth is that we don’t know the truth. She could be a secret Aztlanist who’s been ‘passing’ all this time, we just don’t know, all we’re doing is asking the question.”
Mas…Birthers question Sen. Wendy Davis of Texas: ‘Is she really white?’
(PNS reporting from TIJUANA) While the American sports industrial complex is still debating the insensitive and racist Native American mascot of the Washington Redskins, fans and players of the Mexican Football League (MFL) openly question the sensitivity of some in U.S. sports circles.
Tijuana resident and avid MFL fan Nestor Gil de Vaca is puzzled.
“What is the problem with the gringos?” he asked PNS. “Sports team mascots are just that, mascots. It’s not like they are real people. I am a huge fan of the Monterrey Judios, the Sonora Cadaveres and of course my home team, the Tijuana Travestis. No one is offended, we just like to enjoy football.”
Mas…Mexican Football League fans: ‘WTF is the big deal about team names?’
Here are the existing logo and my redesigned version full size:
Mas…My proposed redesign for the Washington Redskins mascot (toon)
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) Effective immediately, all Hispanic Heritage Month observations have been halted due to the current Federal Government shutdown.
HHM activities have been classified as “non-essential” and Washington has issued guidelines on toning down loud festivities and colorful displays as the U.S. Treasury runs out of funding.
As of midnight, October 15, all functions relating to Hispanic Heritage Month ceased, according to Felix Zaragosa of the General Services Administration.
“More than 2,900 Federal Mariachi Administration inspectors were initially furloughed, putting an end to inspections of mariachi uniforms and instruments. The FMA asked 800 employees to return to work last week,” he said.
Mas…Government shutdown halts Hispanic Heritage Month in mid-month
(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) Sara Maestas placed a two-foot-high cruz on her only son’s lawn early this morning — a cross in remembrance of his latest failed relationship.
The 32-year-old transactional lawyer got dumped Saturday night by his novia, less than 20 minutes after he blew off a dinner date. And now his mother’s white polystyrene cross, adorned with flowers, sits front and center on Benjamin Maestas’ lawn in Montrose.
Just before a scheduled 6 PM Saturday rendezvous at Hugo’s Regional Mexican Cuisine, girlfriend Vicki Gardea got a text from Maestas saying he couldn’t meet due to “a short deadline to close on a shopping center for a multinational client.”
Mas…Mom puts cross on son’s front lawn to mark another failed relationship
(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Black coffee, menudo, In-N-Out, mota, maybe even a little hair of the dog — all common hangover remedies, right? But according to a study from Mexican culinary genius Rick Bayless, a new discovery might have them all beat: 7-Up.
“People have helplessly suffered hangovers forever and without any kind of cure. Well, I have discovered the single greatest hangover cure of all-time and can back it up with scientific evidence. No one has ever thought of this before…it’s 7-Up, my friends. You’re welcome!” Bayless told PNS.
Mas…Breaking: Chef Rick Bayless invents ultimate hangover cure
(PNS reporting from STOCKHOLM) A Latina math professor was awarded the Nobel Prize in Mathematics Wednesday for her discovery of the mathematical relationship between dress dimensions and the bulbousness of the culo.
“It’s such a surprise! I was just trying to figure out how to shop for clothes that would fit me without making me look like a puta,” said Cal State L.A. Professor Rosie Carrasco, speaking to PNS from the kitchen of her mom’s house in East L.A.
Carrasco’s discovery — the Culo Quotient — is a rigorous mathematical formula that uses the ratio of the length of a back of a a dress (typically shorter) and the length of the longer front of a dress to derive an accurate measurement of the size of the dress-wearer’s culo.
Her discovery was initially released on the Internet, before a movement sprung up to nominate her for the Nobel Prize.
She is the first Latina to win the prestigious award.
Mas…Breaking: Latina wins Nobel for discovery of Culo Quotient
(PNS reporting from SACRAMENTO) Gov. Jerry Brown vetoed legislation Monday that would have made California the first state in the nation to allow legal immigrants who are not citizens to serve on juries.
The governor has recently approved bills expanding the rights of immigrants, including legislation allowing those in the country without documents to apply for driver’s licenses and practice law. Democrat Brown said serving on a jury, however, was a civic duty that should be exclusive to citizens.
Ronaldo Santa Flojeraz (photo), 36, a client of the of Los Angeles Immigrant Rights Labor Center, welcomed Brown’s decision. “Thank you, Governor Brown, for vetoing that bill,” he told PNS. “I was not looking forward to having to avoid the jury duty summons mailers sent by the local courts. I got better things to do.”
Mas…California immigrants hail Jerry Brown’s veto of jury duty bill
Hey! I took Russki in college. Труп чупакабры в Венесуэле means “corpse of a chupacabra [found] in Venezuela.”
Poor Venezuela. Ever since Commandante Hugo Chavez died, his chosen successor Nicolas Maduro has had to cope with a series of Yanqui plots that are screwing up the economy in his socialist paradise.
First came the toilet paper shortage which Maduro blamed on imperialist sabotage, although he later tried to paint it as an example of his economic successes, claiming Venezuelan shit production had reached record levels, thereby outstripping the papel hygenico supply.
Mas…From Venuezuela: Труп чупакабры в Венесуэле (chupacabra video)
