El Now
It’s News to Us!
Confused about ‘Obamacare’? You’re not the only one (video)
Do you understand what the big deal is about Obamacare? Do you get all the details? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Eugene Mirman is confused about the Affordable Care Act, too.
Breaking: GOP blames unidentified suspect for shutdown
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) The GOP knows who to blame for today’s partial Federal government shutdown.
“An unidentified black man came along out of nowhere, drew a gun and demanded that Republicans shut down the government,” according to Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH).
La Cucaracha: Yay! Cali OKs drivers licenses for undocumented (toon)
- PREVIOUSLY ON LALO ALCACRAZ PARKING VALET: Standing While Brown: A white lady tried to get me to valet her car
Careful, ladies: Driving ‘rolls up the pelvis’ and Pocho Ocho other things
Driving is bad for your lady parts, according to Saudi Sheikh Saleh bin Saad al-Luhaydan, a “judicial and psychological consultant to the Gulf Psychological Association.”
Driving ‘could have a reverse physiological impact. Physiological science and functional medicine studied this side [and found] that it automatically affects ovaries and rolls up the pelvis. This is why we find for women who continuously drive cars their children are born with clinical disorders of varying degrees,” al-Luhaydayn told Saudi news website sabq.org.
But that’s only the beginning of the problems that are caused when women take the wheel. Here’s the sheikh’s list of the Pocho Ocho other side-effects:
Mas…Careful, ladies: Driving ‘rolls up the pelvis’ and Pocho Ocho other things
POCHO’s Lalo Alcaraz and Al Madrigal debut on Latino USA (audio)
It’s POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz and POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal — on the public radio’s Latino USA. Uh oh — they’re talking about Sen. Ted Cruz.
Sacramento reporter Sabrina Rodriguez meets friendly baboon (video)
Fox 40 (Sacramento) reporter Sabrina Rodriguez makes a friendly baboon’s day at the Lodi Grape Festival.
Could be worse — you could be Stuck In Lodi like John Fogerty:
Mas…Sacramento reporter Sabrina Rodriguez meets friendly baboon (video)
@LATISM names Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz Best Political Blogger
It’s on the Twitters so it’s all official!
Latinos In Social Media just named POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz (photo, right) as Best Political Blogger. ¡Felicidades, Jefe!
Coon-hunting man kills chupacabra in Pigtown, Mississippi (video)
WJTV News Channel 12 writes:
(Leake County, MS) A hunter in Leake County killed a mysterious animal in a repurposed chicken-coop on Wednesday morning. Some people in the area say it could be the mythical Chupacabra.
The hairless creature was killed in Pigtown – a community in Lena, Mississippi. Armed with a .22, Matthew Harrell said he was “coon hunting” when he saw the glowing red eyes in the hay.
Geraldo Rivera Tweets selfie of his ‘foot’ (photo)
Trying acupuncture to reduce pain in foot killed by botched back surgery pic.twitter.com/zfJlGU1nvS
— Geraldo Rivera (@GeraldoRivera) September 17, 2013
The award-winning TV newsman also shows a little leg.
PREVIOUSLY ON GERALDO RIVERA SELFIES:
Breaking: Area man stunned by woman’s verbal assault
(PNS reporting from MIAMI) Frequent catcaller Ruben Torres was stunned Monday evening when a woman he was ogling and taunting at an area dive bar flipped him the bird and berated him in front of his friends.
“I can’t believe she did that to me, man!” he said tearfully in an exclusive PNS interview. “Why would she be so mean?”
Clarissa Cortés told PNS she was “just not having it,” after a 10-hour day balancing the books at Ponce de Leon Wholesale Rejuvenation Supplies and then fighting the traffic on the Palmetto Expressway. She just wanted to leave Tobacco Road on South Miami Avenue and go home to Brickell. Torres’ catcall was the last straw, she said.
“Oh hell no, not after the day I had,” Cortés said. “So I turned around, flipped him the bird and told him that he was an hijo de puta!”
Breaking: Japanese actor Bad Badtz-Maru cast as Chicano
(PNS reporting from TOKYO) Japanese character actor Bad Badtz-Maru will star as a gang-banging, tagging Chicano in a new animated feature called Angry Bird O.G., PNS confirmed on Sunday.
This could be a comeback role for 20-year-old Badtz-Maru (バッドばつ丸). The spiky-haired method actor has found little work since playing the mascot at the 2006 FIBA World Championship of Basketball here.
La Cucaracha: Voting — it’s not just for white people anymore (toon)
Fifty years ago yesterday, four little girls were killed when white racists dynamited the 16th Street Baptist Church in Birmingham, AL. The African-American congregation had been active in the push for civil and voting rights in the segregated South.
But now that a misguided Supreme Court has overturned key provisions of the Voting Rights Act — a law prompted by the nation’s disgust at the Birmingham bombing and the arrests, demonstrations, riots, and murders that followed — the struggle for the right to vote continues.
Sarah Silverman explained the issue last year, when Republicans began their campaign to pass bogus “voter ID” laws:
Mas…La Cucaracha: Voting — it’s not just for white people anymore (toon)
Califas will issue driver’s licenses to the undocumented
Fox Latino, which puts “undocumented” in their headline but “illegal” in their story, reports:
California, home to the nation’s largest immigrant population, would become the 11th state to grant immigrants who are in the country illegally [sic] the right to a driver’s license under a bill that passed the Legislature late Thursday and that Gov. Jerry Brown supports.
The success of the legislation comes after years of setbacks for Democratic lawmakers and Latino activists.
The state Assembly approved the bill on a 55-19 vote late in the evening, hours after the Senate passed it on a 28-8 vote. The Democratic governor issued a statement indicating he would sign it into law.
Kickstarter: Please help the President start World War III (video)
Starting and fighting a new war is hard AND expensive, and you know Uncle Sam is not exactly flush with cash right now. Can you please join a Kickstarter campaign to help President Obama start World War III?
- PREVIOUSLY ON KICKSTARTER:
Mas…Kickstarter: Please help the President start World War III (video)
9/11 ‘worst day ever’ for Alberto Qaeda of the Bronx
(PNS reporting from EL BRONX) Almost every adult American remembers where they were on Sept. 11, 2001, but few remember more vividly than Bronx janitor Alberto Qaeda.
“That was the first time I ever got my ass kicked. And the second time. And the third,” recalls Qaeda, who used to go by the more informal name of “Al.”
Qaeda (photo), who was 17 in 2001, was a student at City College of New York studying to be a cashier when the first plane crashed into the World Trade Center.
Happy Birthday to cartoonist Sergio Aragones
It’s Sergio Aragones birthday!
He is the world’s fastest and funniest cartoonist, and a really nice guy!
I am proud to say this most macho and mustachioed Spaniard (and honorary Mexican) is a colleague and friend I first met in cartoonist circles, and of course see at San Diego ComicCon, where he is lauded as a god.
Swimmer Diana Nyad tows 400 balseros from Cuba to USA
(PNS reporting from FLORIDA) Diana Nyad walked onshore here Monday, becoming the first person to swim from Cuba towing 400 escaping balseros. The 64-year-old Nyad swam up to the beach just before 2PM EDT, about 53 hours after she began her journey in Havana.
As she approached, spectators waded into waist-high water and surrounded the Cuban refugees, and offering them water. “I have three messages. One is, we should never, ever give up. Two is, you’re never too old to chase your dream. Three is, all you Cubans better pay me the smuggling money you owe me.”
“I have to say, I’m a little bit out of it right now,” Nyad said. She gestured toward her swollen lips, and simply said “Cubans.”
Breaking: New stamp honors Hispanic Heritage Month
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) The U.S. Postal Service has released a new stamp to mark Hispanic Heritage Month 2013, which begins September 15.
The El Borracho stamp kicks off the Hispanic Male series, the brainchild of Joe Sendembach, who left the Border Patrol to join the USPS as an artist and rose to Director of Creative Services.
“It honors the way us veterans of the MIGRA-Industrial Complex feel about the Hispanic male,” according to Sendembach.
“We plan other cultural stamps along these lines, including a Drug Mule series,” Sendembach wrote in a press release distributed this morning.
POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO, INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.
Venezuela’s Maduro Tweets to Obama: ‘Don’t bomb Syria’
This is the letter, which as a human cry, I sent to Obama. Let’s mobilize public opinion and stop war!! http://t.co/RgckDZ2RgV
— Nicolás Maduro (@maduro_en) September 2, 2013
Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro knows what to do about Syria, based on careful study of the works of Jesus of Nazareth, Susan Sontag, Brother Malcolm X, the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., John Lennon, Robert Fisk, Hugo Chavez, Howard Zinn and Simon Bolivar.
The commie commandante, still BFFs with murderous Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad, publicly shared his foreign policy expertise with His Excellency Barack Obama Monday afternoon:
Breaking: Obama says U.S. will bomb Twerky
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) President Barack Obama has abruptly dismissed the possibility of launching a U.S. military action against Syria and opted for another world trouble spot.
“I am making preparations to bomb Twerky,” the President declared in a nationally-televised speech Friday afternoon. “It is clear that Syria has used banned chemical weapons against its own people, but I must be guided by what is in the best interests of the United States, and the actual clear and present danger to our nation is coming from Twerky.”
MX UFO/OVNI Report: ‘Several orbs, extreme speed, stop instantly’
From the case files of the Mutual UFO Network:
Long Description of Sighting Report: UFO incident
Date Submitted: August 24, 2013
Sierra del Cautivo section
Sierra Madre Oriental at the point of the border of the States of Tamsulipas and Nuevo Leon, approximately 30 miles north-northwest of Ciudad Victoria,Tamaulipas, Mexico
The hours between 20:50, 2 August 2013 and 03:00 3 August 2013:
At that time it is usually possible to find me on the west-facing corridor of our little adobe home in a rural area about 25 miles northwest of Ciudad Victoria, Tamaulipas. The west-facing view gives a good point of observation of the complex of the Sierra del Cautivo, which is a cordillera of the general ranges of the Sierra Madre Oriental. The elevations change sharply from our place….at about 1,000 feet….to parallel ridges of increasingly high mountains that rise to over 5,000 feet within 5 miles of our little place and then on up to nearly 13,000 feet within 30 miles as one moves further to the west. These mountains are essentially impenetrable, very rugged.
Mas…MX UFO/OVNI Report: ‘Several orbs, extreme speed, stop instantly’
MAS Whitewashing: Tucson OKs textbook list with NO Chicano authors
Let me tell you a joke. Ready? The Tucson Unified School District. Get it?
No? Allow me to me explain.
On Tuesday night the TUSD approved a textbook list for their now defunct Mexican-American Studies program, which they have dubbed “Culturally Relevant US History and US Government.” The list, which consists of 25 books, has absolutely ZERO Chicana/o authors on it.
Go ahead and read that again.
If you have been following the divine comedy in Tucson at all then you already know that they not only destroyed their wildly successful Mexican-American Studies program but that they also banned a laundry list of books by Chicana/o authors, closed barrio schools and fired MAS teachers.
Mas…MAS Whitewashing: Tucson OKs textbook list with NO Chicano authors
Arizona schools remove ‘illegal Spaniards’ from high school curriculum
(PNS reporting from TUCSON) The Tucson Independent School District’s high school history classes will drop all references to Spanish conquistadores when discussing the history of North America before English pilgrims came to the U.S.
Instead, the district’s teachers will focus on more “American” historical figures, such as Englishman John Smith, School Board Chair Kyle Brown told a meeting of the group Tuesday evening.
“Arizona is part of America, and so we don’t want to give our kids any ideas about America being Spanish, or associated with illegal Spaniards,” Brown explained.
Mas…Arizona schools remove ‘illegal Spaniards’ from high school curriculum