El Now

It’s News to Us!

Exclusive preview of Ann Romney’s Food Blog: The Electric Stove

by

(PNS reporting from BOSTON) With the election totally over, Ann Romney is free to pursue her true passion: cooking dinner every night for her large family and sharing Romney recipes.

Here’s exclusive preview of the Breakfast Club section of Ann’s upcoming food blog The Electric Stove:

White Toast

This is a very old family recipe dating back generations!

Little known fact: my Great Aunt Jebadisa was a leading pioneer in the Women’s Pre-Sliced White Bread Movement. When I think about the sacrifices she made, slicing each piece individually and toasting each slice by candle fire, I nearly break down and weep.

Mas…Exclusive preview of Ann Romney’s Food Blog: The Electric Stove

La Jolla cops on alert after dog shit bag trick at Romney beach house

by

(PNS reporting from LA JOLLA) Police in this pricey San Diego barrio are on alert after “an intruder or intruders” slipped onto the Romney family’s secluded beachfront property early this morning, left a flaming paper bag of what is believed to be dog shit on the front porch, rang the doorbell and fled into the fog.

The multi-million dollar home, located at 311 Dunemere Dr. has been the target of repeated protests.

Mas…La Jolla cops on alert after dog shit bag trick at Romney beach house

Mexican Mitt’s Last Espeech: I’m in it to guin it, by any beans necessary

by

MY FINAL ESPEECH TO THE NATION BEFORE I RULE OVER IT

AJUA!

Viejas and Gentlemen, voters, suppressed voters, this is my final espeech to you before I win the election tomorrow for the Presidency of the United Estates. This is the most important Presidential election of your lifetime, if you were born this year.

I know, you are RELIEVED that this long national nightmare will be finally over. I, too, am sick of the ads, the constant campaigning, having to look at my running mate what’s-his-face, but especially I am sick of Bronco Bamma.

But enough about Black Reagan. Or the country. You all want to know how this affects ME, Mexican Mitt Romney. Campaigning is hard. It’s almost like a yob, which I have not held in a long time. Despite waking up in various strange hotels with Mormon wood every day, I still miss my 14 RANCHOS. (For the language-impaired, “rancho” is Spanish for “polygamous Mormon compound.”)

Mas…Mexican Mitt’s Last Espeech: I’m in it to guin it, by any beans necessary

Ñewsweek: Halloween, Day of the Dead, Chavo del Ocho Style

by

Ghosts and skeletons and ghouls that go bump in the night?

It was a spooky ñewsweek at POCHO — the most popular entries on the site were not the newsiest.

Pochos liked this week’s entries about Halloween, Chavo del Ocho Gangnam Style, The Simpsons‘ Mr. Burns’ endorsement of Gov. Mitt Romney  and Lalo Alcaraz’s Sandy toon.

Los links:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Halloween, Day of the Dead, Chavo del Ocho Style

Dispatch From A Pocha: Lost in New York City

by

I put on pants today. It wasn’t nearly as horrible as I remember.

Though it’s only been three days since Hurricane Sandy ransacked the East Coast, it feels like three years.

Manhattan is a different world. The subways are flooded, people are trapped in their neighborhoods, only the Thai place is delivering.

I went to the bodega for some cans of tuna, all they had was anchovies… Never mind, another day of coconut curry…

Mas…Dispatch From A Pocha: Lost in New York City

Ñewsweek: Meet Princess Malinche, beat the Gap, Fidel’s not dead

by

Sofia the First, Disney’s new animated princess is a Latina, hooray! Wait, she’s not a Latina? Well, then who is Disney’s Latina princess? Princess Malinche, you say? Orale!

Another ñewsweek at POCHO meant princesses,  the Gap’s taste in t-shirts, Mitt’s taste in short shorts, Fidel Castro is still not dead, Donald Trump is still a jerk and more.

The links:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Meet Princess Malinche, beat the Gap, Fidel’s not dead

Cuba releases photos to show Comrade Fidel is not dead yet

by

Fidel Castro is still alive, you imperialist running dogs, and we’ve got photos to prove it. That was the message from Cuba’s official Communist Party newspaper Granma this week as rumors swirled that the ailing dictator had suffered a stroke and was incapacitated. Granma published this photo of Fidel on his prison island reading his own Mainstream Media.

But wait, there’s more! Here’s a selection of photos published by Cuban entertainment weekly Che Paso:

Mas…Cuba releases photos to show Comrade Fidel is not dead yet

+ Load More Posts